He may not look at his relationship with you as one that should lead to romance.
If you have been talking to this guy for a year and a half and you are still not together, it could be because he looks at your relationship with him in a totally different way from the way you have been looking at it.
Perhaps he has said a lot of sweet things to you in the last year and a half that has made you feel that he cares about you in a romantic way.
Perhaps he has even flirted with you on occasion or quite frequently.
Perhaps you have both been intimate multiple times.
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Perhaps he has introduced you to his family and friends.
True, it is easy to look at all of these acts and assume that your relationship with him is moving towards romance.
However, it is important to understand that there are some guys who can do all of this and still not want to actually be in a romantic relationship.
It is a lot easier for them to do all these things knowing that they don’t have to commit to you than to do it knowing that they do.
For them, they feel like they can exercise their freedom when they don’t commit. However, they also know that they can act like a boyfriend would and do all these nice things for you.
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They get to have the best of both worlds.
They can do the kind of things that a boyfriend would do but they also know that they can easily retreat without having to deal with fulfilling your emotional needs if the time came for that.
One of the reasons why some guys act this way is because they may have had past relationship experiences that left them very hurt or fearful.
They may be worried that if they were to fully commit to a girl, they would be allowing themselves to become vulnerable to hurt once again.
If he was in a previous relationship with someone that he really cared about who didn’t return his affection, he may have questioned his value and his self-worth.
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This may have taken a big toll on him over time.
More of a toll than he has ever acknowledged.
When he meets you, he tries to hide the fact that he is terrified of commitment.
Perhaps he tells himself that he isn’t.
Perhaps he tries to convince himself that what is in the past is in the past and he has moved on.
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Hence, he begins to interact with you.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t take long before he realizes that he is actually not healed.
He is still emotionally scarred from that previous relationship experience.
His realization of this terrifies him but he doesn’t tell you about it.
He just goes on.
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He may continue trying to convince himself that he will change but unfortunately he doesn’t.
Hence, you have a guy who won’t be with you after a year and a half because he is still dealing with the negative effects of a past relationship.
He can’t get over his past.
He just believes that he will fail once again and thereby, he tries to play it safe by not committing.
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The guy that I have been involved with for about 4 years now has actually mentioned a past girlfriend who scarred him. He never went into great detail about it, but I can tell that it really bothered him. If I am promising him that I will be good to him, why does he still keep contacting me and inviting me out when he’s told me that he does not a relationship? Now he tells me that he just doesn’t feel that strongly….when he’s been pursuing me to the point of following me around and obviously trying to get close to me in public? I feel like I am hitting a wall. He’s not getting anything out of me so why does he still bother?
Hi Piricarmen,
He may still keep contacting you and inviting you out when he has told you that he does not want a relationship because there may be a part of him that wonders if you will be better than his past girlfriend was to him. Hence, he feels the need to keep the connection open but is hesitant to invest himself completely into a relationship.
He may have told you that he just doesn’t feel that strongly and yet is still pursuing you because he may be trying to avoid past hurt thanks to his past girlfriend but at the same time he may feel that you may be different and thereby doesn’t want to let you go.
Even if he may not be getting anything out of you, he still bothers because a part of him wants to fall in love again like he did with his past girlfriend. He may feel that there is potential for this with you, even though he continues to worry about being scarred again, and hence he continues to try.