We human beings wonder about fate.
Is it something real or merely something we hope is real?
This sentiment is that much more present when we meet someone who causes feelings within us that we have never experienced.
As powerful as physical attraction is, these feelings go much further.
Physical attraction for someone is something you have experienced before.
It’s nothing new. Yet, with this particular person, everything just feels different.
Unable to explain or understand why you are feeling this way about this person, you seek the opinions of people close to you.
It’s a mishmash of opinions, somewhat chaotic in their nature and barely shedding a light on what you are trying to understand, until you hear that word.
All of a sudden, these unfamiliar feelings appear to have an explanation.
Surely, it must be fate. When these unfamiliar feelings become so prevalent, there must be something else at work.
Could this be the person you are meant to be with, you ponder?
Without realizing it, you begin to create a story in your head.
A fantastical life with this person is formulating in your mind and the more each piece connects to the next, the more euphoria you experience.
More and more, the idea that this is the person you are meant to be with is solidified in your mind.
Observations become more prevalent whenever you are around or with this person.
Awkward similarities you supposedly share with this person that you have never shared with any previous love interest further convinces you that this must be the person you are meant to be with.
In reality, there is no specific person you are meant to be with.
Yes, I know, that bursts your bubble.
This doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone who matches you as perfectly as is possible when it comes to romance.
So take heart in that.
It’s just that the concept of there being someone who is meant to be for you is actually a very dangerous concept and one you shouldn’t espouse.
Remember the part about a fantastical life you begin to create in your mind about this person who is making you feel in a way you have never felt?
Well, that is a big part of where the danger lies.
You get so caught up in this person, your mind creates a fantasy life with them that is perfection.
Once you have repeatedly done this, you are no longer seeing that person for who they truly are.
You haven’t even given that a chance.
The person you see is the one you have created in your mind.
This means that no matter what they do from that point forward that contradicts the fantasy you have created in your mind, you are blind to it.
It’s your mind and body not wanting to let go of the euphoria you feel whenever you are around or with this person.
Unwisely, you don’t pick up on the person’s flaws, allowing yourself to get sucked into the fantasy you have created about them in your mind.
Years with this person go by, with you stuck in that fantasy, unwilling to accept that either this person has become a shell of who they once were or you have put too much undue pressure on the relationship, trying to mold it into what your fantasies conjured.
Inevitably, the relationship with this person you were supposedly meant to be with ends in bitterness and a sense of massive disappointment.
Your mind is often your worst enemy when you start believing that fate has something to do with love.
Besides the danger of creating a fantasy about this person that doesn’t exist, there are times when people give into the idea of someone being meant for them out of pure relief.
When you have a history of dating people who end up disappointing you and not meeting your emotional needs, it’s easy to become discouraged by it all and settle into a humdrum state of mind where you believe that every one you meet is going to be this way.
You convince yourself of this until that “fateful” day when you meet someone different.
Their appearance is about the same as what you are used to from previous love interests, but you feel a certain way about them that you have never felt.
Understand, at this point in time, what you are experiencing is akin to wandering a desert desperately thirsty and finding an oasis that quenches your thirst.
What your mind now does is blow this up to much more than it really is in reality.
Water has never tasted better than when it is consumed by a person overwhelmed with thirst.
Yes, he gets your personality in a manner other love interests never have.
Yes, he understands it when you describe an opinion or viewpoint that has normally left your previous love interests with raised eyebrows.
Yes, he knows how to touch you in a manner that makes you become blissfully disoriented.
Yes, there is an uncanny sense of safety you feel with him that allows you to unapologetically be who you are without fear.
These are all great, but it doesn’t mean that he is the person you are meant to be with.
He is more like an oasis that is quenching your thirst.
At this stage in your life, he is the oasis you need.
But life is constantly on the move.
At another stage in your life, he isn’t necessarily going to be the oasis you need.
This is how some people who have been married for decades still end up getting a divorce.
Certainly, at the start, they too thought that they were with a partner that was meant for them.
Alas, emotions and desires change over time.
The relationships that truly last forever are the ones where both parties make a concerted attempt to grow and develop in unison.
One partner doesn’t leave the other behind.
Adjustments are made as life happens and desires evolve.
Where you are now in terms of what works for you in a partner, isn’t where you are going to be a number of years from now.
Instead of getting caught up on the idea of fate, which misleads you into thinking that this is the person meant for you, while ignoring the reality of how time itself changes emotional needs and desires, work on always being in unison with what both you and your partner wants.
The couple that grows together, stay together.
Get the very best of DatingLogic straight to your inbox!