Most relationships either have the one or both.
It isn’t normal that you have neither.
Your boyfriend may have personal issues with showing affection.
This is a major problem when the other person in the relationship wants and craves affection.
Has it always been like this?
Was there a time you used to hold hands and kiss?
If there was a time that you used to do one if not both, something has happened in your relationship that has led to this.
There may have been an argument that you had that was never resolved.
There may be a need that your boyfriend has that is not being met.
He may not have told you about this argument and how it affected him.
If it is a need, he may not be telling you about this need and how much he wants it.
He may not know how to communicate and express himself to you in a way that would be understandable and wouldn’t make him appear weak or whiny.
Hence, he starts closing himself off emotionally.
Once he starts doing this, he is not paying attention to your needs that much.
He doesn’t care much for affection.
He just starts going through the motions in your relationship like he is some kind of robot.
The longer the issue he has with you remains unresolved, the less likely he feels inclined to be affectionate.
He stops holding hands or kissing the way he used to.
That is showing too much affection and he can’t bring himself to do it when he is so troubled.
This could be a reason why he doesn’t hold your hand or kiss you.
It would be wise to talk to him about this and find out if there is something that is bothering him that he has never told you about.
As I mentioned earlier, it may have been an argument that was had in the past or a need that isn’t being met.
On the flip side, if he has never really held hands with you or very rarely kissed you from the very beginning of this relationship, he may have trust and intimacy issues.
He may be so afraid of letting his guard down and allowing himself to show love.
The trust issue may be due to a bad past relationship or experience.
He may have been truly hurt in the past by someone that he showed this kind of affection to.
This person may have ultimately betrayed him or even broken up with him in a very disturbing fashion.
As a result, he chooses to avoid holding hands or kissing because he doesn’t want to put himself in that position again.
He doesn’t want to let his guard down and open up to someone like you too soon, if ever.
He remembers what it felt like to be hurt and he can’t bring himself to go through it again.
He just doesn’t trust you or even himself enough to risk it.
These trust and intimacy issues may go very deep.
It may take you a really long time to break through it, if at all.
You may have to ask yourself if trying to do this with no real guarantee of success is really worth your time.
Subscribe to our newsletter for the very best in dating and relationship advice delivered daily right in your inbox. To confirm your subscription, be sure to check your spam or junk mail and mark our email address as nonspam.