The danger is in when you assume all of the guilt and wrongdoing.
When you want him to open up to you so badly and see you as trustworthy, you may start trying to take the blame for some or all of what has caused him hurt in the past.
You may not even be aware that you are doing this.
You may act as though you understand his feelings and want him to see that you care and can be trusted but not realize that you may be excusing his behavior.
In other words, you tell him that you understand where he is coming from when he is vitriolic, even though all you were trying to do was get him to do an activity with you or see you as trustworthy.
You forgive his callousness when he is unaffectionate or disrespectful to you because you tell yourself that this is all because of how he has been hurt so badly in the past.
You forgive his selfishness when he refuses to acknowledge that you have your own distinct needs because you believe that he is doing this because he has been hurt so badly in the past.
You have to understand where all of this can lead before you start trying to open him up or make him see that you are trustworthy.
It can be very tempting to start giving him excuses for bad behavior simply because he has been hurt so badly in the past.
You won’t be able to help your situation if you use this tactic of forgiveness or turning a blind eye to what he is doing.
Your task is best resolved when you acknowledge your own worth to yourself.
Avoid falling into the trap of believing that your worth has to be dictated by whether he finds you trustworthy or not.
You should determine and acknowledge your own worth independently.
Once you determine it and are sure in it, you can proceed.
Firstly, you can’t give him excuses.
If he misbehaves, you should call him out on it.
Now, this doesn’t mean that you can’t be sympathetic.
You can acknowledge the hurt he has experienced in the past but you also have to show him the path that leads forward.
You should get him involved in life.
In your life.
There should be an air of adventure and growth in your relationship.
You don’t sit around the house moping at each other as he complains about something.
You go out.
You are proactive.
You get him to engage in activities with you that rely on the both of you working together.
It could be paddling a boat or learning a new dance. It could be any kind of activity that requires teamwork.
The more you do this, the more you will both learn to trust each other.
He will see that you are a team player and hence would be more prone to opening up to you.
Being active is where you solve this problem.
Be team players and take action.
Never allow him to start dwelling on his past hurt.
Be sure to call him out on it when he does.
Keep your relationship moving in a positive direction as you work as a team.
This is what will ultimately open him up and build trust.
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