You have been getting too far ahead of him emotionally.
This is alarming him, making him feel like taking it slow is warranted.
Brand new relationships are susceptible to this.
Two people get into a relationship, but one of them is so far ahead of the other emotionally, the relationship goes into overdrive.
At the receiving end of this, he gets nervous and suggests that you two take it slow.
You aren’t aware that you have been doing this, as you have permitted your emotions to get the best of you, being that you are now in a relationship with him.
Imposing on your partner to take up more of his time becomes too much too soon.
As your feelings deepened for him, your desire to be a part of everything he is involved in skyrocketed.
He is stifled by your constant phone calls and texts.
As more of his time is usurped by your desire for his attention, his hobbies fall off and his time with friends suffer.
You think that you are being a loving partner in this, but he feels pressured and overwhelmed with this volume of attention.
The stifling behavior gets worse when you are constantly watching your partner’s social media activity and pestering him about the people he is following or talking to online.
Suggesting that you two take it slow is his single remedy, given that you are getting out of hand.
To him, you have dipped your hand into too many pots.
You are being too nosy and overbearing, as you interfere in his daily life.
He has gone from being your boyfriend to your property, as you keep tabs on him like a nosy mother.
A relationship needs to breathe.
Exhibiting this stifling behavior in a relationships calls for you to take a step back and give your boyfriend some breathing room.
Have you been the overbearing girlfriend?
Then, your boyfriend is concerned with something he has experienced recently in your personality that has alarmed him about the relationship.
It’s a habit, ideology, quirk, etc., that you have, and he wasn’t aware of it before he entered the relationship with you.
Telling you he wants to take it slow is his attempt to thread with caution in the relationship, as opposed to going in headfirst.
He needs to see how this unfolds to assess whether it’s something he can live with or not.
Were the issue to persist, he is going to keep holding back.
This is why having open communication in your relationship matters.
Make it painless for him to talk to you about issues.
As long as he feels like the relationship is this open, should the issue persist, he is going to let you know about it.
At which point, you two come up with resolutions and keep moving forward positively.
2 thoughts on “Just Got Into A Relationship But Now He Wants To Take It Slow? What Does That Mean?”
Hi I don’t know really how to say this but here it goes. I’m 25 yrs old and met this guy through an online mmo game. He is 24. We both knew each other for maybe 2 months in the game before we actually started talking which was about 3 weeks ago. Hey started messaging me every night, first thing when I logged on was him saying “hey” or “hi :)” We connected very well. Talked about everything. I have situation right now in my life with my relationship to my child’s father, which this guy knows and he’s also told me his bad break up experience with his girlfriend, which he said was a year ago. With getting those things out, I was surprised when he asked to find a way to talk outside of the game, which I agreed to. Everything seemed to e going fairly well. We were building a connection and sending pics to each other both good and private ones. We were both very open about sexual talk right from the start as well and we both made a point to say no pressure in it if either of us wasnt ready. He is very sweet and so nice and talk to me like I believe a women should be talked to. He even asked to met me and pay for my plane ticket if I ever was ready to try it. He lives on the west coast and I live on the east coast of the US. Okay, here’s the issue, 3 days ago when I got in game he didnt write me at first like I was used to, I waited a while of course but then I made the initial contact of “hey” he replied back saying he was busy, meaning he was doing things in the game with his friends, which of course is why ppl play those games. I wasn’t upset but I was really wanted to talk to him. I waited about 3 hrs and he still didnt say anything, so I asked him if everything was okay. Turns out he just had a really bad day and when he gets them, he doesn’t really like to talk much. I told him I completely understood and just asked him next time to let me know and I won’t bug him. The next day everything was just as it always was before. So now were getting into the day before yesterday. He was quite when I came in game, I was the first to say hi again but this time he didnt say anything. So I waited and said it again but still no reply. Then about an hour later I asked if he was upset with me about something? He finally replied 20 mins later saying he was eating dinner. I told I’m I apologize and we left it at that. And really that was it, he didnt say anything to me the last 3 hours I stayed on. I was really bummed and confused. I told him I had to go and if he wanted to talk to me, he can message/text/Skype me this time. I also said goodnight and hopefully talk to you tmrw. I didn’t want to push him, just let him have his space and plus I was having a fairly big real life issue going in at that time. So today when I got in game I waited a whole hour before saying hi. He replied really quick which I was surprised about. We talked a few minutes about our day. He then said there was something he needed to talk to me about. I have to admit, I was really really nervous. Basically he told me that the reason he was quiet was bc he was giving it a day to see how I reacted when we didnt get to hang out or talk for a day if one of us was really busy. He said in his past relationships the girls would be too clingy and always played the guilt trip card which he said really makes him off and shuts him down. Which I’m sure was a main reason his late relationship when south really bad. He then gave me a chance to explain myself, which I did and apologized for I am not a clingy person myself. He said I was starting to give off the impression of “smothering” which I then replied with that’s what I was trying to avoid. The topic then came up where this relationship would go and if wanted to try making “us” a slow building relationship and getting to know each other. He went silent for a few minutes. Then told me how much he really likes me and loves that we have so much In common and how feels very comfortable around me even though we haven’t meet face to face. I told him I felt the same which he already knew from our previous convos. He didnt bring up anything relationship wise when I awnsered the question, he responded with he would love to take things slow and get to know me better. Which I can agree on seeing as though I have a child and he’s a single man. That takes lots more devotion and time to thing about. But we said a few more things and he told me that he just really wants to be to cautious with his emotions right now obviously another sign of his past relationship. I agreed agian. We talked a bit more about it but the messages after that, his responses were short and he seemed like either he went stone cold or was still nervous and confused about what we discussed. I didn’t push it, just responded back with short anwsers as well but put a smiley face or something so he knew it was like a no big deal thing. My question is what am I suppose to do now?? He hasn’t messaged me all day (keep in mind this convo took place last night at like 1am) which to me seems like okay maybe he was trying to let me down nice, but why would someone go through all that work of trying to get to know you and your daily routine on when to text and stuff if he was just going to push me away? Or am I reading too much into this? What I am suppose to talk about with him in game from now on so I don’t push him away completely and make him feel like I’m interested at the same time?? I don’t want to lose this man. He is truly a dimond in the ruff, but what does it all mean? I just have no clue how to act on this or what to say in texts, that’s if he even continues talking to me at all! Ugh thanks for reading and I’m sorry it’s so long, but I really have no clue who to ask about this.
You will have to let him figure out what he wants now.
If you were to keep trying to initiate contact each day or most days, you will ultimately push him away completely.
He went through all that work of trying to get to know you and your daily routine on when to text and stuff because he felt that he had a lot in common with you at the time and that you had a really nice personality.
His ultimate goal was not to push you away.
He tested you when he chose not to instantly communicate with you when you got online to play the game and he felt that you failed that test.
He told you about how the girls in his past have been too clingy and always played the guilt trip card. He told you about how this tends to shut him off.
He now feels like you are like those girls.
When you are both playing, just talk to him about the game.
He is going to have to be the one to take the conversation further than that if he feels comfortable doing it.
If you were to force it just so that he still knows that you are interested, you will most likely turn him off.
What this all means is that he has panicked.
He may have been considering having a relationship with you but when he got the sense that you were clingy or “smothering” he was turned off and decided not to move this thing towards a romantic relationship.
Just keep it simple for now.
Keep the text conversations short and talk about things that you both have in common but avoid talking about romance or relationships.
Again, he will have to be the one to bring this up.
At that point, he may know exactly where he wants to take this relationship.
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