Why Do People Date For Years, But When They Move In Together, It Doesn’t Work Out?

Why Do People Date For Years, But When They Move In Together, It Doesn't Work Out?

Moving in together is different from dating while living in separate abodes.

Moving in together means that the pair are in each other’s space, round the clock.

You are sleeping in the same room, using the same toilet, eating at the same dining table, cooking in the same kitchen, sharing the same driveway or garage, etc.

This has taken the relationship to a totally new level.

It is not the same as dating for years while living in separate domiciles.

While living in separate domiciles, you don’t have to share everything and be in each other’s space constantly.

There is room to breathe from each other.

You have autonomy.

People are misled into thinking that years of dating successfully equates to a smooth transition as roommates.

Not so.

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Those relationships that end up not working out upon moving in together are those who took it for granted that they would get along under the same roof.

They were too presumptuous in thinking that they could transition into living together without a hitch.

They weren’t prepared.

After a few months of bliss, the chinks showed up, leading to a partner getting annoyed with their counterpart.

Someone isn’t putting the toilet seat down, is leaving dirty dishes in the kitchen sink overnight, and isn’t walking the dog or taking out the trash.

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Someone isn’t picking up after themselves.

All of these issues leads to a resentful partner.

A partner who has to pick up after their counterpart.

She is picking up her counterpart’s clothes that were left strewn about.

Washing the dishes left in the kitchen sink.

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Putting the toilet seat down.

Walking the dog.

Taking out the trash.

Basically, she is his maid or nanny.

This builds resentment.

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The partner who is picking up after their counterpart isn’t happy.

When time comes to have sex or do something fun, she isn’t game to do it.

In the back of her mind, her counterpart didn’t clean out the cat’s litter that day, leaving her having to do it, which left her angry.

Now, the same partner wants to have sex with her or get her to watch a movie with him, and she can’t bring herself to do it.

If she forces herself to do it, she isn’t fully into it and her partner recognizes it.

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He asks her about what is wrong.

She tells him.

He gets better at doing his tasks about the house.

For a short while.

Soon, he is back to not picking up after himself or doing his tasks.

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Her misery reignites.

It doesn’t take long before the relationship completely falls apart and they break up.

These were a pair who seemed like a match made in heaven.

They dated for years without a hitch and it looked like they would spend the rest of their lives together.

Upon moving in together, it all fell apart within a few months.

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Just like that, they break up after years of dating.

Breakups like this occur when people aren’t realistic about the connotations of moving in together, wrongly assuming that their years of dating each other is enough to make living together work out.

It isn’t.

When a couple want to move in together, they must set the rules for what is expected of each other and hold each other consistently accountable to have any hope of making it work out.

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