Your sons are protective over you.
Wanting to have a say on who you date or sleep with is how they show they care.
No doubt, it gets annoying after a while.
Every guy you are considering as a potential romantic partner or hookup falls under their judgmental eyes.
They scrutinize him, intent on finding out everything there is to know about him.
The thing is, they saw what happened between you and their biological dad.
They saw the tension.
Being your sons and living under the same roof as you, they experienced this firsthand.
As much as they wanted you and their father to work out, the constant bickering between you and him left them at a loss.
On the one hand, they wanted the two of you to resolve your issues so that life could go back to how it was in the old days, when it was a happy family.
On the other hand, they didn’t want to see the bickering anymore, fearing an inevitable escalation that causes irrevocable psychological and physical damage.
With these two contradicting perspectives, they watched as your relationship with their father mercifully deteriorated, leading to a divorce or dissolution of the relationship.
Now that you are single, they have made it their mission to never go through that family ordeal ever again.
They want you to be happy, but they want to have a say on who you date or sleep with because they know that whoever you choose has a parallel effect on the family.
Even if it is a guy you are only sleeping with, they know that the potential for you to develop feelings for the guy isn’t out of the question.
Once this happens, they are stuck with whoever you have chosen to be sleeping with.
A guy with the wrong intentions is someone that causes problems within the family and they don’t want to see you unhappy again.
Whatever happens to you in your romantic life, affects them, whether you want to admit that or not.
In your mind, you believe that you are the adult and their mom, the one who knows better.
To have your sons constantly scrutinizing and influencing who you decide to date or sleep with makes you feel like you are the child in the family and not the mother.
This is understandable.
But as aforementioned, your sons are coming from a viewpoint of never again wanting to go through what they did while you were still with their father.
So yes, they don’t trust that you are entirely capable of picking the right men to date or sleep with.
It isn’t a bad thing to have your sons involved.
Eventually, you will want to settle with someone, and your sons, being that they are your family, would be a part of that equation.
Although you have an issue with how intrusive your sons are, it wouldn’t be wise to shut them out entirely.
Believe or not, having them looking in from the outside, provides a different perspective that you would have never considered, giving you further insight into the viability of your relationships.
It’s alright to set boundaries though.
For example, tell them that you have a three date rule.
You won’t let them in on who you are dating or sleeping with until you have been on three dates with that person.
This way, you aren’t shutting them out completely, which in turn, makes them willing to respectfully take a step back until you have reached that third date.
And for you, you get some breathing room.
The first three dates are free of their watchful eyes.
This reclaims your autonomy as an adult, knowing full well that if you don’t reach three dates with any of these men, you are off the hook.
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