All you want to do is be supportive of your boyfriend while he is grieving over a loss.
Whenever you call or text, he barely answers, or sends one word responses.
This is agitating to say the least.
You want to be a shoulder for him to cry on while he grieves, but he keeps rebuffing or ignoring your efforts.
Guys and girls grieve differently.
Girls are expressive when they grieve, and guys grieve internally.
He isn’t capable of expressing his thoughts and emotions while grieving at this moment in time.
He is internalizing his thoughts and emotions.
Essentially, he is going down memory lane as he thinks about the times he shared with who he lost.
He is stuck in those moments from the past and is incapable of formulating his thoughts into words.
The truth is, he wants to dwell on the happier moments that he had with who he lost.
He is struggling to accept that the loss has occurred, and that this is someone he is never to see again.
This is far too much for him to comprehend and adjust to, especially when a loss is so fresh.
Whenever you call or text him, he thinks that you are about to force him to contend with what he has lost.
You are putting him in an uncomfortable position where he is reminded about who he lost and the reality that there is nothing he can do about it.
He is a guy who takes pride in having control over his present and future.
He is so used to having full control over his destiny, and everything happening according to what he has planned out, this loss has him reeling.
It’s not that he isn’t aware that death exists.
It’s more so that he has led himself to believe that he is in control.
When a loss like this occurs in his life, it throws his perfectly planned out and constructed world into chaos.
There is a glitch.
A glitch that has him disheveled and incapable of processing what has happened.
In barely speaking to you, he gets to avoid the constant reminder that he is actually not in as much control as he thought he was.
Someone who was a part of his life is now gone forever, and he has been hit with a potent dose of reality.
As much as you want to be supportive of your boyfriend, you are better off leaving him alone at this time.
It’s commendable that you want to be there for him at his time of grief, and every fiber of your being is itching to be a supportive girlfriend.
Nevertheless, guys grieve differently than women do.
There are people in his life right now that he feels much more comfortable being around as he grieves.
Some of these people are in his family or friend circle.
He doesn’t want to grieve in front of you.
A guy who is used to having a strong amount of control over what he does in life, and where he is headed, doesn’t want his girlfriend to see him rocked or unsettled.
You don’t care about any of that.
You don’t care about him showing a softer side to him.
If anything, you want him to cry on your shoulder and be vulnerable.
Not him.
Right now, he wants to recalibrate his thoughts and come to an understanding of what just happened with this loss.
When he has reached a semblance of this, he will contact you.
Until then, leave him alone and let him grieve in his own way.
There may come a time where he is more comfortable with grieving in your presence, or with you as his emotional support.
That time isn’t now.