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Q&A has moved to a new page here.
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Hi,
I’m 17 and broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago because of LDR. He is in nursing school and his parents doesnt want him to be distracted with a girlfriend. We were fine hiding the relationship when he still lived closeby but when he moved away (2 hours drive) it just became very difficult. He couldn’t see me anymore and hardly had time to text or call. He just had to prioritize his school. I was starting to get hurt and miserable knowing that I am no longer his priority so I ended it. After the break up we didnt talk. On Christmas and New Year, he reached out to my mom. He told her that he still cared about me. He even said to give me a hug and kiss me on the forehead for him but dont tell me that he is reaching out. He didnt want me to know that he was talking to my mom. Two weeks ago we bumped into each other. He was with my family and I was with mine. Everyone was friendly. He tried to talk to me but i really could not carry a conversation as my heart was pounding so hard and my knees were shaking I really could not figure out what he was saying. It was all a blur. It was a combination of shock, pain rushing back, anger, joy, etc. He hugged me goodbye. Since then he has been in contact with my mom. Texting and chatting on facebook. He would ask how I am doing but no more than that. Most of the time he would talk to my mom about school and what he has been up to. He has not mentioned dating anyone new, my mom doesnt ask about it either. Last weekend my mom invited him for dinner and he came. It was a bit awkward but you can tell he is trying his best to carry a conversation with me. Topics were light, he tried to avoid talking about us. After dinner i was supposed to bring him home but he didnt want to go home yet, he wanted us to go to starbucks and walk around. So we went to starbucks, he got me a coffee then walked around. It was just like old times, we laughed most of the time, talked about school, our friends but avoided talking about what happened to us. As the night ended, i brought him home. He told me to take care of myself, asked me to stay out of trouble, he said that his parents plan on inviting me to dinner and he wanted to make sure that i go. he would be back in school then so it will just be me and his parents. i said yes i will go. he hugged me in the car. then he got out and i got out and once again he hugged me. it was a really tight hug. i wasnt sure but it felt like he kissed my head. He is much taller than i am, he is 5’11 and i am 5’… as i drove off i could see from my rearview mirror that he was still standing there looking at me and waving goodbye.. my mom said that when i left he texted her to make sure that my mom tell him once i got home safe. I still love this boy and i want to believe that he still loves me but i really dont want to keep my hopes up. He is still not reaching out to me even after that dinner. He wont text me. He just reaches out to my mom when he has the time. He would usually check in every 3 days or once a week just to see how we all are. I dont understand why he still wont talk to me? but keeps in contact with my mom. I want to move on but this behavior is really confusing me. Please help.
Jersey
Thank you Luke! I think you are spot on. I did try the conversation thing but he just avoids it. I get the feeling that he is holding back and that talking about us will just make him remember all his feelings for me. I guess I will just have to forget about how he feels and why he is holding back. He is a very responsible and sensible guy and I know the reason why he is doing it. I will just have to understand and let him go. I think what you said about not holding on to someone who will not allow himself to love me back makes perfect sense. Thank you! Your website and youtube videos are really helpful. Please keep doing what you do! 🙂
Hi Jersey,
He may be in a difficult spot in his life right now.
A part of him may want to be with you but the other part may also want to make his parents happy by not allowing himself to have distractions while he is in nursing school.
However, he does still care about you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t keep asking your mom about how you are doing.
You should try having a real in-depth conversation with him about feelings. Let him know how you feel. Give him the opportunity to tell you how he feels.
Allow this to be an open conversation and try your best not to allow your emotions to get the better of you.
Simply hear each other out.
If he tells you that he simply doesn’t want to get into a relationship, let him be.
The last thing you should want is to keep holding on to someone who won’t allow himself to love you back and treat you accordingly. That is waste of your time and emotion.
Hi Luke!
Firstly, thanks for all your great advice!
I was hoping you could shed some light on my situation and give direction as to what I should do exactly.
So I started seeing and dating this great guy in August of this year, everything was great.
He eventually told me that he really really liked me and that he hadn’t felt this way in a while. Additionally he mentioned that he only wanted to satisfy his needs with me and how like he said when he first met me, he wasn’t just looking for sex. He wanted something serious as he had hid fun & wanted to have that special connection with one person and he felt really comfortable with me.
During this time, my grandfather was in the hospital and ended up passing away at the end of September. During this difficult time, he was always there for me and always assured me that if I needed anything to just let him know and wanted me to know that I was not alone (he had a similar experience a few months prior with his grandmother, so I guess he felt we were connected in this way).
Within our months together, he did mention plans of the future (traveling together & me staying at his place a bit once he moves in) that included me. I also met his brother & wife and he met my brother. Both sides said nothing but positive things.
In early December, it was his birthday and he initially asked me to come over for cake (& to inevitably meet his parents) he spoke with me and said that he wasn’t even sure if he was having anything because of everyone’s work schedule and he wasn’t sure if bringing me home was the right time. I agreed with him and said that whenever he feels comfortable, I’d met his parents then (he mentioned a few times that he had reservations of bringing a girl home to meet his family because of his past). He and I still went out anyway to celebrate his birthday. The following week, he was supposed to come over to my house for coffee&cake for my brothers bday.
Throughout the week, he kept mentioning things of how he felt like he was imposing (even though I was the one who invited him) and how he felt like it might be too soon and he felt pressured to make an impression with my parents. I tried to reassure him and told him that it was not a big deal. I almost felt like telling him now to come so I reached out to a friend who told me it was normal and that he’s probably just nervous as all guys are.
Now looking at it, I should’ve listened to my own instinct and what he was trying to communicate to me.
Am I right in thinking that he wanted to pull away because of all this? Because in regards to coming over my house, during our “break up talk” he said “well you seemed very persuasive” It bothers me that I came off this way as I was just trying to be reassuring that everything would be fine & it was not a big deal.
He didn’t end up coming and he straight up told me that he wasn’t comfortable coming over,felt like it was too soon and he was overly nervous. I did not get mad at him however I’m sure he could hear it in my voice that I was disappointed. After all, he kept insisting to meet my parents and I wanted to show them what a great guy he was. I told him it was ok and stayed calm because I didn’t understand why he felt so pressured as my parents are such fun & relaxed people.
What I don’t understand is that for a few days after this, he still kept up our usually routine. He still called me as usual (on his way to work, after work and before and after he went to the gym)
Then about 3-4 days later, I started noticing him pulling away. At this point, we went about 2 weeks without seeing each other.
Coming closer to the weekend, I noticed he wasn’t answering my texts in the morning but still answered when I called. Then, he started taking longer than usual to respond to my text and not even communicating at all. Inevitably I asked what was going on?
Of course I had an idea what was coming and I got the answer of “I’m sorry for being distant, I think i just need space” and how he’s not ready (or mentally ready) for a serious commitment. I didn’t understand where this was coming from as it contracts everything he told me a few months ago. It’s like he got too excited and rushed thing. He knew it as well since he admittedly told me “I know I rushed you and this is all my fault…”
This happened right before Christmas (December 21st) and I have to say, I was extremely hurt.
I asked what triggered it and he said it was my “freak out” wondering where he was made him realize how serious it got and meeting my parents was the cherry on the cake as he felt pressured to make an impression like he had to propose marriage to me or something.
I get it, he was scared because he started getting the same feelings he had in the past and look what it did to him, he ended up hurt by another women. To avoid it happening again, he backs away. As hard as it is for me because I want to talk with him and show I understand, I feel giving him space right now may be best.
He ended with saying “I definitely still want to talk to you and be friends. I just don’t think its fair to you if I’m not ready”. All I said was “ok” (even though I know we can’t be friends) and we stopped talking.
Two day later (Christmas eve) he texted me asking how xmas eve was going and if I was at my aunts (he knew as we had previously spoken about it ) I responded about 2 hours later saying I had just left work and was going later. I asked “what about you? and he didn’t respond.
The next day we wished each other a Merry Christmas and he asked what I got as gifts. He even joked about how I was spoiled. Throughout each of these texts, I was the one with the final word.
5 days later on December 30th ( I did not once initiate any contact) and he said “hey how you’ve been? Adam told me he see you often” (Adam is his brother that works at the same company as me, just in a different department. Every time I saw his brother, I made it seem as though I was fine, joking around with him and not mentioning a word of my ex to him to show that I’m doing ok and I had a feeling it would get told to my ex).
Again, I responded about 3 hours later saying ” Hey, I’ve been doing alright, just tired as usual” followed by ” Ya i have lol “and he never replied back. Now here’s where I made a mistake and let my emotions overrule. Later that night I texted him “are you home?” because I wanted to call him and see how he was doing. You can guess that he obviously did not respond.
Seeing as the next day at midnight was New years, I wished him a happy near year and no response from him again.
A week and two days passed without either of us communicating. While going out with my friends for dinner, I had heard a commercial on the radio that was in reference to his work. I figured I’d text him that I had heard it and how it was awesome! 🙂 ( I tried to send a text that was a spur of the moment & something light and casual) Again he did not respond.
Our last communication was about 3 weeks ago and my birthday is coming up next week. I have to say that i’m emotionally & mentally doing a lot better than I was a few weeks ago.
I just want to start communicating again and I know to not talk about the break up/ relationship (at least not right now)
I hope you can lead me in the right direction, I had such an amazing time and connection with him and he did nothing wrong. Yes I can agree that we may have moved too fast but why does that mean it all has to end? Maybe space is best right now, I’m not sure.
Thanks again!
Hi Amanda,
Your instincts are correct. Space is what is best right now. You need to allow him the time to understand his emotions.
He may come around and realize that he wants to have a relationship with you or he may not.
Either way, you should try allowing him the time to come to terms with what he truly wants. As you have noticed, texting him has had no guarantee of getting a response from him.
In all honesty, the more you text him, the more you may be pushing him away.
I know that you really want this to work out but understand that this kind of emotion can compel you to do things that would only push him further and further away.
Awesome! Thanks for replying, I really appreciate it. I’ve been in this situation once before so I know constantly contacting an ex will only push them away further.
I just have one other quick question. After he told me the “reason” for the break up, he said “I don’t expect you to chase me”. Why would he say this if he wanted space? I think I might just be y over analyzing it but I’d love to hear what you think!
I know it’s hard to determine if he’ll come back or not but next week will be a month without contact & as you mentioned,texting him has had no guarantee of getting a response. Should I reach out or just not even bother & move on? (I should point out that I’m doing much better than I was when this first happened & feel like I have moved passed the emotions I felt initially. I do put a lot of my focus at the gym (5x a week) and my friends & family)
Again, thanks for you time & help!
Hi Amanda,
He may have said “I don’t expect you to chase me” because he was confused at the time of what he really wanted.
There may have been a part of him that wanted you to chase him and another that didn’t.
Hence, he may have mentioned it just to put the onus on you in terms of what action you intended to take based on his statement.
You shouldn’t reach out. You already have, multiple times.
It has been a month and you have to try to stop counting the days. If you keep counting them, you will not allow yourself to live the life you deserve.
Yes, just don’t bother contacting him.
If he truly cares about you and wants you, he will contact you.
Keep doing what you are doing as far as focusing on the gym, family and friends. This will help to keep your mind away from thoughts of him.
When a guy who you thinks likes you asks you ,” so what’s on your mind or even better your heart”…..is he trying to see if I like him? Is trying to get me to say something about the way I feel about him? I do like him. We have been conversating for the past 2 months on a daily basis. I just want to hear your thoughts on this matter. Thank you in advance. Be blessed.
Hi Detra,
By asking you, “so what’s on your mind or even better your heart,” he may be trying to get to know you better.
He may not be quite sure about how he feels about you and as a result he may be fishing to see if there is a character trait in you that can get him interested.
Hi Luke;
I need your help. There is this older man that I like. He isn’t that much older than me. He doesn’t have any children, never married and doesn’t have a girlfriend. I love the fact that he does a lot for his community, he loves his family and he loves fitness. He has a smile that will make any woman’s heart drop. There really aren’t any men that are dedicated to their community or family or have a loving career where I live. All the men in the small city I live in are only interested in smoking, clubbing and video games. Yes men, even in their thirties.
The only problem is that I only know this man through through Twitter. He has over 6000 followers and women go crazy for him. It’s a tough situation because I don’t know what to do. I shot him an email because I wanted to interview him for a project I’m doing for my senior year of college. I hasn’t replied back to me yet. I don’t know if it’s because he gets a lot of emails or he’s just not interested.
Everyone emails him for buisness. I have tweeted him a couple of times but he didn’t reply- he just retweeted him.
I feel as if he isn’t paying attention to me. I don’t want to be like the other women and chase him, I just want to be different.
It’s hard to get a guy that’s liked by a lot of women to like you through Twitter. I have a bad crush on this man, what should I do?
Oh and in the past 4 months he’s groomed himself much better to look like a preppy student and he cut his hair twice so it went from messy medium stoner look to clean cut military short style but if he’s had a drug problem you can’t go to being an engineering student over night so I’m not sure how to handle this guy and his confidence has gone down to almost none. Before when he had his job car and apt he’d waive me down yelling from his car. but now he doesn’t even try to talk and he paces and ive watched him smoke cigarettes while pacing and then come back to where i was sitting stare and pace again, so I guess im scarred to talk to him but im going to try because he used to work as a semiconductor processor which is a good job. I also know hes had a drug and gambling problem in the past a world I have nothing to do with.
Hi Paigey,
If this man lives in your town, you should try getting involved in his community so that he starts getting a sense of the kind of person you are. In other words, you should show, not tell.
This may make him feel more of a visceral connection with you.
If he doesn’t live in your town, try to find out other ways he may interact with others.
He may be active on a forum, he may be active on certain Facebook or social media communities where he may post comments or photos, he may be part of a fitness community that he often interacts with both online and off, he may frequent a particular physical place to socialize, he may be a member of a non-profit organization that he interacts with on a regular basis.
There are other ways that he makes himself available besides Twitter.
If you discover that he tends to comment or post photos on certain social media accounts, you can take an interest in these and start leaving insightful comments. He may notice you and want to get to know this person who has such great comments.
If you are into fitness, you could join his fitness community.
If you find out that he is part of a non-profit organization that you have a genuine interest in, you could join that organization and see if you could do some volunteer work for them that would either take you to his town or at least showcase what you are doing on their website.
He may notice this and pay particular attention to you because of a sense of commonality.
The point here is to try to find ways other than Twitter to get him to notice you and possibly communicate.
Show genuine interest in his interests, not just through words but in your actions and you may be able to find a way to connect with him and set yourself apart from the other women that chase him.
Hi Anonymous,
Yes, trying to talk to him would be a good start. It seems like there may be some interest here but he is either very shy or may have a lot going on in his life right now. Open up a conversation with him and see where it leads.
Hey Luke!
I have a big problem. I haven’t spoken to my bf in a couple of weeks. On my birthday my boyfriend planned a great night for me with my mom and his family. He bought me gifts and a beautiful cake. The only issue is that I have a problem with his brother in law. His brother in law says negative things towards me all the time. A awhile ago my bf & I were with child but two months later my bfs sister is pregnant. They did that on purpose because I know they are very jealous of our relationship. I had a miscarriage but I didn’t get a my condolences from them at all. They keep putting their baby in my face and saying how Im not a mom.
Those things hurt me badly. So on my bday I finally spoke up to his brother in law & told him that I felt disrespected and I should leave. I left, because it was his home. Mom bf is mad at me because I left. He was making an excuse that I don’t have a sense of humor. But he was being truly disrespectful towards me.
I haven’t heard from my bf since the argument. My bf send me a text saying that I should write them an apology letter or call and say sorry. I’m sick of his brother in law and sister wanting attention. I dont understand why they need so much attention. I miss my bf, because I love him but I feel as if I don’t need to send them an apology letter or apologize in general.
This is just ridiculous. I haven’t heard from him since that text message, what should I do?
Hi Princess,
You should all have a real and honest talk together. Get in a room together and just do it.
If you love your boyfriend and figure that you want to be with him, you are going to have to deal with his brother in law and sister. They are part of his family. The sooner you all get together and have a talk about your feelings and why you feel them, the sooner you can resolve the problem.
They may not like something about you that they are totally misinformed about. This talk would be your opportunity to find out what it is and maybe come to an understanding.
You also have to come to terms with your own emotions.
You will not always have your boyfriend’s undivided attention. He does have other people in his life that he loves as well and are important to him.
Hence, you may also have to correct or adjust some of your behavior and expectations as well.
Hi Luke,
Last week, I told you about a man that I had a crush on over Twitter. Recently, I followed him on Instagram. He surprisingly followed me back, right after I followed him. Five minutes later, he unfollowed. I don’t understand, why would he follow me back on Twitter, than unfollow me. Do you think, he isn’t interested? Was he letting me know he wasn’t interested. He also hasn’t answered the email I sent him. I don’t talk to him because I only have his Twitter, Instagram and email address. I’m afraid he’s not interested. Why would he do that? What do you think is going on?
Paige, did you read my response to your last question? I will post it again here :-
“If this man lives in your town, you should try getting involved in his community so that he starts getting a sense of the kind of person you are. In other words, you should show, not tell.
This may make him feel more of a visceral connection with you.
If he doesn’t live in your town, try to find out other ways he may interact with others.
He may be active on a forum, he may be active on certain Facebook or social media communities where he may post comments or photos, he may be part of a fitness community that he often interacts with both online and off, he may frequent a particular physical place to socialize, he may be a member of a non-profit organization that he interacts with on a regular basis.
There are other ways that he makes himself available besides Twitter.
If you discover that he tends to comment or post photos on certain social media accounts, you can take an interest in these and start leaving insightful comments. He may notice you and want to get to know this person who has such great comments.
If you are into fitness, you could join his fitness community.
If you find out that he is part of a non-profit organization that you have a genuine interest in, you could join that organization and see if you could do some volunteer work for them that would either take you to his town or at least showcase what you are doing on their website.
He may notice this and pay particular attention to you because of a sense of commonality.
The point here is to try to find ways other than Twitter to get him to notice you and possibly communicate.
Show genuine interest in his interests, not just through words but in your actions and you may be able to find a way to connect with him and set yourself apart from the other women that chase him.”
Hi Luke
I am in a bit of a naught I am 15 and never had a relationship, and now I kinda want a relationship, I’ll just start from the beginning of this story. I was a new student at my school as soon as I walked into class I locked eyes with this guy, then he sat next to me in french class and he seemed a bit nervous around me he was trying to Crack jokes with me and honestly I was so damn nervous because I’m REALLY SHY and I was scared to make a fool out of myself. When he got up he acted like he tripped then look to see if I laughed made you I didn’t though, then this year in the beginning of the school year he look at me then he like doubled look and we locked eyes we did this ALOT , but didn’t talk he kept on passing by my locker and he once fix his hair lol it was kinda cute, when he saw me with a guy I was laughing at a joke this guy made. he always looks mad when I talk to a guy. Then one day I passed by him I was alone and he was with his friend he always seems to show his masculinity off whenever I pass by even one day I passed by alone and one of his friend said here’s your chance to ask her out but he didn’t, we talked online just about school and sports he said he had to go for a sec I waited then he was back online I said hey but he didn’t answer, I’m to shy to talk to him in person I wanna tell him I have a crush on him but I don’t know if I should tell him online or in person, but I think I’m giving off the wrong impression because whenever he passes by I act like I’m texting somebody, I really don’t want to seem like I’m a stuck up bitch but I’m scared to make a fool out of my self I just wanna know if HE LIKE’S ME AND IF I SHOULD TELL HIM I LIKE HIM AND IF I SHOULD TELL HIM IN PERSON OR ONLINE but I also have a other problem I am a little over weight and when I was small I always got made fun of and so I am not very confident that’s why I get so nervous when he is around .
Thank you for your time.
Hi Cal, try smiling at him the next time he looks at you. I know you are shy but this shouldn’t be difficult to do. He may respond to that smile by approaching you and starting a conversation.
Thanks for your advice administration I’ll try my best!
If a co worker jokes about asking you to marry him what does it mean?
Stefanie, he may be a flirt. He may have said that just to see how you would react. He was not necessarily being serious.
yeah he’s very flirty and loud. Did he want to see my reaction because he’s interested?
Stefanie, it is possible that he was trying to see what your reaction would be. It may be due to interest. Then again, as I mentioned earlier, he may just be a flirt.
Hey Luke;
Can you help me out with this one? Why can’t I find a good man?
I don’t understand what is it about me that stops me from getting a good man. I’m attractive, although I’m not conceited- I’m not materialistic. I don’t date men because of money. I’m a supportive woman that will always be there for my man, Im faithful, loyal, cook, clean, I have a college education and I’m finacially stable. I don’t have a lot of adittude but I’m not a doormat. I don’t put my sexuality on blast and I dont dress half naked. My male cousin told me I would be the perfect girlfriend or wife. He said I was beautiful, smart, humble and sweet.
But still, men only want sex from me or only end up trying to play me. And it’s the women that Put themselves out there sexually that are less attractive & crazy that get the good men. I just don’t understand.
Luke;
I have a question. I like a man that is 20yrs older than me. I know you’re probably going to say he’s too old for a 25 yr old girl but he looks really young for his age. He’s fit and has beautiful skin. He caught my eye more so than any 25yr old man could. He does very good for himself and he has a nice smile. He was never married and has no children. Could it be possible that an older man would take an interest in a girl like me. I’m mature for my age and have a good career. Is it possible that he won’t view me as a little girl and view me as a good partner. Do older men like younger women. How do I get him to see me as a woman and not a little girl?
Hey Shelly,
The men may honestly get the feeling that you want something that they aren’t able to give you. They may get the sense that you are seeking a man who has a high professional and socioeconomic status.
To some men, if you don’t put yourself out there sexually, they may feel like you are unapproachable or snobby. I know, it’s dumb. However, it is just how some men think.
The fact that you are college educated and financially stable is a very good thing. You have a lot to offer.
However, there are some men who may honestly be intimidated by this and believe that you have a lot of expectations of what you would want in a man.
Hence, they may simply want sex from you because they know that they may not be able to meet any other requirements.
There are men who will not think in this way. However, you may be constantly putting yourself around the wrong men that do.
Start meeting men in new places. Get out of your comfort zone. Be approachable when you are around men. Make eye contact and smile. This will open you up to more possibilities and potential mates.
Hi Bria,
Yes, it is possible that an older man would take an interest in a girl like you. Yes, it is possible that he won’t view you as a little girl and view you as a good partner.
Many older men like younger women. In fact, most older men that get a divorce in their 40’s tend to remarry younger women.
If he has never been married nor have children, he may be available.
To get him to see you as a woman and not a little girl, you would need to open up a conversation with him so that you can start building some rapport with him over time.
The more intelligent the conversation, the more he will look at you as a mature 25 year old who has a good head on her shoulders.
Luke;
I’m convinced my crush doesn’t like me. I followed him on Instagram, he followed me back than unfollowed me. That makes me think he’s not interested. What does that mean when a guy does that?
Hi Tamara,
He may want you to engage in conversation with him as opposed to just following him on Instagram. Try actually starting a conversation with him and see where it leads.
Hey Luke!
I saw your videos on YouTube and thought I’d give asking you for some advice a try. I was in a long distance relationship. We are both young. I am 24 & he is 27. Awhile ago, I was pregnant but had a miscarriage. During my pregnancy- I found out that he was flirting with older woman on Facebook. He would say things on her post like “I guess you’re gonna have to be my ride or die chick” or “I’m sorry I missed your birthday but when we meet I’ll make it up to you”. This made me feel bad because it made me feel like he didn’t appreciate me.
I asked him about her and he said he never met her and never talked to her. I forgave him but I started to notice things. Every time my bf and I got into an argument she would post negative status’. I remember my bf and I got into an argument & I we went a month without intimacy and she posted a status that said “Never let your man leave the house horny”. Whenever we have an arguement- she’s always talking that way.
This woman is on her way to being forty, has two sons that are close to our age. No offense, I’m am not cocky, I know looks don’t matter but she’s less attractive than me. She post videos of herself on social media sticking her tongue out sexually. She seems immature for her age.
I just don’t see why my bf would have the need to cheat on me with this type of woman. I was a good girlfriend- even my LD boyfriend said I was a good girlfriend. I told my LDB that we should just be friends. But I’m worried that he was having an affair with her throughout our whole relationship. I just don’t understand.
Hi Dawn,
You are assuming that he cheated on you with this older woman. This typically means that you have a lack of trust in this relationship. It is impossible to build a strong relationship without trust.
If you feel like he can’t be trusted, you may need to accept it and just move on with your life.
This shouldn’t be a competition between you and this older woman. If you are worried that he had an affair with this older woman throughout your relationship, there isn’t much you can do about that. Don’t dwell on the past.
If you feel that this is a guy you just can’t trust, don’t get involved with him any further. Trying to understand would only cause more stress in your life.
Hi Luke,
Got here through your Youtube videos, and I like what I’ve watched so far!
I (25) recently started seeing this wonderful girl (23)and I like her very much. My scenario is as follows:
I am a person who gets emotionally attached very quickly, and becomes sort of this needy guy who keeps checking their phone to see if he got a message from his girl, see if she replied yet, get bothered if she’s initiating a conversations with other people and I constantly feel the need to give attention to her.
I totally understand that this is a complete turn off for women and I am trying to tone it down. My question to you is: How much do I tone it down?
When we first started dating, she told me that she has a very hard time getting “emotional” and having feelings for someone. I totally understand why she is the way she is, and I also understand that I have to be patient with her; which I’m completely fine with. But this is making me want to be there for her more often and spend more of my free time with her..
I am trying to reduce my initiations with her (reduce calling, texting, making the first move, etc..) with her but at the same time I do not want to over do it in a way that I’d lose her.
I really like this woman and I think it can go somewhere, we have a lot in common and I genuinely feel that we both enjoy each other’s company very well. So mentally we are doing well (physically too I must add), it’s just that this emotional aspect of this new relationship is difficult to get hold off – which i totally understand will require more time, trust, etc…
Back to my question: How much do tone down this neediness of mine? Do I get completely detached from her and initiate(phone calls, messages, inviting her out…) with her once a week? once every 2 days? what if she doesn’t initiate herself, do I still keep after her?
Once again, I know for sure that she is into me.. but I want to her to fully open up to me and have this emotional connection with her. This might take a decent amount of time to happen, and I don’t want to behave in a needy way so I wouldn’t mess things up with her.
Appreciate the advice Luke!
Thanks
Jimmy
Hi Jimmy,
You could tone down the neediness by allowing her to start initiating contact with you.
When you initiate a phone call with her this week, just let her know that you would like to hear from her next time. Tell her that you want her to call you and tell you about her day.
Leave it at that.
Once she starts taking more initiative to contact you, it eases your burden. She would be helping in toning down your neediness by creating a back and forth.
In time, it will become more even as she becomes more comfortable with contacting you first.
If she doesn’t initiate after you have told her to call you and tell you about how her day went, avoid the temptation to keep contacting her.
She will think about you and wonder why she hasn’t heard from you. She will remember what you told her last about contacting you and telling you about how her day went.
She will have a decision to make at that point. If she truly likes you, she will contact you.
You just have to plant the seed in her mind first and be disciplined enough to follow through with it.
Dear Luke,
I have listened to your youtube videos and have found them extremely helpful. Luke I need your help. My boyfriend is an amazing guy. He is very sweet, kind and caring person. He also has a lot of personal problems and because of that can be stressed out or depressed. Sometimes he pushes me away and it hurts me because it makes me feel like he does not want me. Despite that I am always loving and recognize that he acts out of pain. A few times however I have reacted out of the pain that his behaviour causes me (rarely).
A few days ago I was upset by something that he did and I I acted out of pain. I told me in my pain that he was ashamed of me and did not want me to meet his family. I recognize that the words that I spoke were spoken in pain. I however hurt him greatly because I did it at a time when he was going through a very difficult time. I have apologised to him in person and he said it was “ok.” I still feel badly for what I did and tried to reach out to him the next day but he has not really been speaking to me. I feel that he hates me because I was not sensitive enough. I also want to be there for him but I don’t know how can I reach out to him.
What can I do? Please help.
Hi Faith,
Your boyfriend may have personal issues that he really needs to deal with. When he gets depressed and stressed out, he has got to find ways to deal with it.
You have to stay out of his way.
You would only exacerbate the problem further by trying to help him.
He doesn’t hate you over what you did. He is just dealing with issues that he may not know how to solve. He may not even be willing to solve them.
The best thing you can do is let him figure his way out of this. Try not to bring up his personal issues as a topic of discussion. It would only upset him more.
If he hasn’t figured things out for himself in some time, you may be better off leaving him.
Hi Luke!
Sorry for my english , I’m french))
At first I wanted to say thanks to all your help..
I have some questions..
I’m 14 years old and I changed the school about 5 months ago..Everything is good..I have a lot of Friends and a Crush too.
He is from India and he is in my class.The first time he was very nice..He always asked me how I am, which music I prefer, where I’m from(I’m from Russia but I lived my hole Life in France), Which movies I like etc..
But after he changed..He doesn’t speak with me anymore just sometimes..But he always stares at me..He always looks at me with a blank space..He already knows that I like him..Because we have a same Friend..And I told to this friend that I like this boy..And once after Sport lesson..We had to go with our class back to the school..And I was going with my friend behind my crush and his friend..His friend suddenly turned to me and asked me if I would like to go out with my crush..I looked to my crush who was still goin’ but I noticed that he listened..I was a bit shocked that his friend asked me and I said ”What”..I don’t know what’s his problem..Maybe I did something wrong..Maybe he hates me ..Please I would be really happy if you could help me ..THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
Hi Diana,
Being that he is still staring at you, he may actually like you.
Though he doesn’t smile and has a blank face, he is still showing that there may be some interest or at least some intrigue.
He may be doing what he is doing right now in order to take control of this situation and dictate how it is going to go. He has probably done this in the past with girls and it has worked.
Your best bet is to talk to him directly and ask him if he would like to hang out. If he doesn’t give you a response, let him be.
There are some guys who can take this kind of hot and cold behavior too far. These kind of guys may be more into the game than into the girl.
Read this article about why a guy would stare at you without smiling for more tips – https://datinglogic.net/2015/02/28/what-does-it-mean-when-a-guy-stares-but-doesnt-smile/
Thank you very much for your help!
Dear Luke,
My boyfriend would always act suspiciously and not allow me to see his phone as well as take calls away from me. He had some really bizarre behaviours. My friends and family thought that he was hiding something from him. He never really introduced me to his family or friends but always denied not being into me when I brought this up. His behaviours led me to think that he had other women on the side and he always denied that. Finally after probing the issue he admitted to me that he was talking to other girls but said that I was the one that he was closest to. I told him that I wanted to be in a monogamous relationship and the I wanted to be with a man that saw a future with me. I was very upset and he tried to reassure me telling me that I was not wasting my time with him. I decided to trust him. However a few days ago he started acting very strange. He always wanted sexual intercourse but I told him from the beginning of our relationship that I believed in celibacy. He still continued to want to get physically close to me. I did notice however that throughout our relationship he would push me away many times when I would try to hug him and so on. It was like he was the only one that was allowed to touch me. When I got fed and asked him nicely why he did that his response was that he wanted to be close to me and at the same time did not. He also kept saying that he did not want to hurt me. On Sunday he came over to visit me and he started talking about some things that made me uncomfortable. After probing he told me that he had another girlfriend. He told me that he was seeing her at the same time that he was seeing me. Yet he never mentioned this to me except when I put the pressure on him. I then decided to check his Facebook page and found a picture of him and the girl with the post —- hanging out with my love. I am confused because right after that posting he came over and spent a lot of time with me. He even was worried when I indicated that I would leave him (which I finally did).
I am confused because I gave him everything (except the sex…. he kept saying he was okay with that and would go nowhere). I showed him so much love and did pretty much everything for him. I asked him several times to leave me alone because his behaviour did not add up and when I told him I was hurt, his response was indifferent, “… You were stressing me out (yet a few days before he was telling me how amazing I was and that I was not a B***) I can date anyone I want … we are not married…” and he was upset saying that “I don’t love him.”
I am so confused. Was he playing me all along? Or did I do something to drive him to the arms of this other woman?
Need some help and advice.
Hi Faith,
Your boyfriend is playing a game. He loves the fact that he has these two options in his life.
However, he has declared to the world that the other girl is his girlfriend. He has put her up on his Facebook page. You are only the second and most likely not his priority.
He has also shown you a lot of hot and cold behavior. This kind of behavior normally indicates that you are dealing with someone who is either not intent on pursuing a serious relationship or is more into the sense of power they get by being able to play with a person’s mind.
As you have said, he was alright with the fact that you wanted celibacy. You also mentioned that you have given him a lot of love. Evidently, his words don’t seem to be correlating with his actions.
You will have to decide if this guy is worth your time.
Why would you want to be with someone who already has a girlfriend and was dishonest to you about that from the start?
Even if he were to eventually come around and start dating you instead, do you honestly believe that he is a boyfriend that you can trust, given his track record?
You may want to honestly consider letting this guy go and moving on to someone who respects you and appreciates what you do for him.
Hey!
A while ago I told you about the guy that I liked (The older man) Well, I finally met him. I gave him a hug and everything, he came to a town near me. So I tweeted him and told him “It was great meeting you, Nice guy!” and then he shared my tweet , over he wrote “Not hammer, nice 🙂 I am so confused, I have no idea what he was talking about. So I asked him and he just gave me the definition of his name.
What do you think this means? Is that some type of man talk?
Hi Paige,
He may have been unsure of how to respond to your tweet. He may not quite know how he feels about you.
As a result, he gives you an ambiguous or unclear response because he doesn’t want to give off the wrong impression.
He may either not be ready for romance or may simply not see you in that way.
Hey Luke,
My bf broke up with me three weeks ago and it had to do with him not investing in me, making me a priority, and ultimately that he “lost feelings” for me. He just didn’t want to make time for me. I’ve done a lot of reflection since then and have not contacted him. I didn’t want the relationship to end because I think the reason we got to this point is that we both had so much going on that we neglected our relationship. I believe we truly had something great and if we both invested in each other it will so rewarding. The last conversation I had with him was basically that he knew how I felt and where to find me. I haven’t heard from him at all. However, a mutual friend told me he still has some feelings for me and has concern over me and would like to be friends in the future. Luke, How am I supposed to handle this? I know he’ll call but what do I even say? We’re both adults with good jobs and his best friend from college just moved into town and all they do is drink and I think that’s his prerogative right now. So when he calls I know it will be out of loneliness and regret. Half of me wants to point out that he let me down and I can’t trust him with my love again even if it is just “as friends” and make him really prove or chase me. The other half of me wants to be there for him, patient and understanding and let him realize that he wants to be more than friends on his own. I’ve looked and asked everywhere for advice and there are so many views that I’m confused. Tell me, what is a 27 yr old man thinking when they end things like this and will he ever be ready for this relationship again? I realized that I don’t have a problem living my own life and I know I’m a fantastic woman, I just want to share it with him because he brought out the best in me and right now I think he’s dealing with some stuff he needs to do it alone. I just want to know what the best course of action is when he’s ready…if he ever will be.
I definitely understand. The reason why I asked was because I was a little confused. He stroked the back of my hair twice after I gave him a hug. And I was so nervous that I didn’t continue a convo with him. I talked to his colleague. Than he walked away and sat down. I think I blew it.
Hi Priscilla,
He has to come to terms with what he truly wants and how he feels. This is not your job.
You shouldn’t sit around waiting on him to make the right moves. Doing this could result in you wasting so much of your precious time.
Try to understand that you can’t make him feel something he may or may not feel, no matter how much you desire it.
Your best option is to move forward with your life. Get busy doing new activities and open yourself up to the possibility of meeting new people.
Luke, why does my life feel empty unless I have a girlfriend? I’m 21 right now and never had a girlfriend, and for the past two years I’ve felt like I’ve needed to have a girlfriend because by my age most people have had relationships and I feel like I’m being left out. I also feel like I’m somewhat of a “failure” for not having had a girlfriend already. I stay awake at night thinking about this over and over again. I’m stressed out, tired, and depressed. Nevertheless, why does my ego feel like it needs to have a girlfriend in order to be happy? And what can I do to fill up that empty hole?
Thank you.
Hello Luke,
My bf and I broke up few months ago because he was going to work in another country. Well, the problem is that there is this girl who is his friend ( they knew each other here), went to the same country as he works in recently.
Before leaving for work, my bf asked me to wait for him till he comes back and he promised to have a better life with me when he is back, I kept the promise and I have waited since then. This girl he knew, they went out for a few times (with many friends too), and so I feel a little insecure about it. I did not question him but I do ask him like “did you have fun hanging out with friends today?” or something like that. Im not sure if he feels lonely or what therefore he hangs out with her. I know they have each other phone numbers too.
I don’t want to make things hard for him, I try to understand him and I think that going out with friends is totally normal. He can have his life there. But recently I saw him liking the girl’s photo now and then…noone else but her. I started to get worried, but I am afraid to ask because it might annoy him, letting him to feel that I’m too clingy or too sensitive. So i asked him just to reassure our relationship and he answered in a very sincere tone saying that he will work hard for our relationship and wants to have a long lasting life with me. I was relieved after listening to that. I told myself there is nothing to worry about.
However, the ‘likes’ continues… I am not sure what does that mean..is it really nothing or …? Im worried because Im not by his side …
Hi Luke
I’ve met this guy Sean at a party many years ago and we were talking online for a short time. And now we’re going to the same school but i don’t have class with him. He’s always staring at me when he sees me but we’ve never talked in person. I know a couple of his guy friends but they don’t know about me and him. Recently one of his guy friend and him we’re sitting in the hall and his guy friend said hi to me with a big grin on his face. The day after i was in the hall and i had a conversation with some friends of mine when Sean’s guy friend came and asked me if i’ve seen Sean. I know that Sean and his guy friend has been talking about me but i dont know what Sean told him. And why would he talk about me with his friend when he doesn’t know me that well? Me and him were only talking online. We’ve never been together.
Hi April,
Sean may have told his guy friend about you because he does think about you. Since he thinks about you, he would naturally tell his friends about you.
His friend who said “hi” to you with a big grin on his face may have done that because he knows that Sean likes you.
Hi W,
You shouldn’t keep worrying. If all you do is worry about your boyfriend everyday and what he is doing, you will become what you fear, clingy.
The “likes” may be continuing because they are simply friends. If he had something to hide, as in, he is interested in her, he would probably try to hide that. It would be unlikely that he would keep “liking” her photos because he wouldn’t want you to suspect anything.
Now, could he be interested in her romantically? Sure. That is a possibility. However, you can’t assume that he does and start freaking out.
This will only make you more insecure and clingy. This could chase him away.
You should occupy your time by doing activities that you love. This way, you are not constantly thinking about him and what he is up to.
You did mention that the both of you broke up before he left the country. Perhaps, you should open yourself up to meeting new people in the meantime so that you are not laying all of your eggs in one basket.
Hi Kevin,
Your ego may feel like it needs to have a girlfriend in order to be happy because this is what you have been shown and taught ever since you were a child.
In order to fill that empty hole, you have to start doing things that make you happy and challenge you. Your value doesn’t depend on who you date. Your value depends on the impact you have on your life and on the lives of others.
Make yourself useful and take up challenges.
It could be in a new activity, finding ways to help others or in learning some new skill. Become a more fulfilled individual. Grow. Have a positive impact in your own life and in those of others.
You will eventually realize your value.
Once you realize your value as a person, you will feel and act accordingly. That alone can actually start attracting women to you.
However, your goal should be to grow as a person and have an impact. The rest will take care of itself as long as you keep yourself open and be social.
Hi Luke
I came across your website via your youtube channel. Well there is some problem i have been facing hoping you can help me out.
So my bf has broken up with me 2 months ago. We have been together for 1yr6mths. It may not be long but for the first 6mths it was our honeymoon period. Everything started to changed after he left the same company he was with me and he went back to sch. We have lesser time and so i left my weekends with him. So most of the time he will spend his weekend with me and gradually i will stay over at his place over the weekend. I ask if he is ok with it and he says yes. So when time past i have already get used to this routine of ours then suddenly he seems a little off we have been quarreling abt my insecurity and other stuff before and the most frequent that we argue abt was him spending most of the time with me and not having sometime alone and for me i actually could not accept it at first and i tried to so he says he will give me time but after awhile he would argue with me again and one day he just couldn’t take the pressure of us quarreling everyday and he left me and say he can never turn back anymore. Both of us felt lost and devastated. And i wanted him back but what i got was rejections. We did went out after the break up the first 2 there were still affections then the last one was i tried to restrict my self and just head out normally as a friend. I have a blog i updated almost everyday saying about how much i miss him and wanting him back and i believed he reads my blog everyday even up till today. I asked him after the last meet up if he could give us a second chance he replied me the same thing when we just broken up other up till now he still talks about wat went wrong and what mistakes i did even when after i apologize and promise that it wont happen and he kept saying he has already given me the chances when we were still tgt in rs i was angry i texted him how disappointed that after some time he would still rake up abt the past and yet he still say he did try to accept me again but he cant.
We continue texted normally and slowly we took longer to reply. Then he slowly seems like he doesn’t wanna talk to me as when theres no conversation to continue he will stop then i will text him again he will reply. But 5 days ago, i decided to stop texting him after there is no reply frm my last msg to him and as i see that this hasn’t gone anywhere. I wanted to just distance myself frm him and see if he would realize something. After i stop texting him i have nvr blog anythg about missing him but just abit of my life. Right now i still very much wants him back but i donknw what is he thking. Seeing his social media, he seems happy thou. I tried to move on with life without him but i always misses him alot. We had so much together and many bondings with his family. Our photos is still on both mine and his fb hasn’t taken down. Even though how much i wanted to blog abt missing him i ended up taking them down because i donwan him to know. This is really hard. I donknow what to do up till now i have not receive a single msg frm him. Do you think he will come back? What should i do?
Im sorry that this is abt too long to read but i really need help!
Hi Luke!
Firstly….sorry for my English.
The things are like this….i have crushed a girl and ask for her number 1 month ago (she rejected me) and then i ask 3 days ago….this girl was have a boyfriend(or is still have) but she likes to make him jealous….so i’m sure that she stopped to text with him (and she want to make everything for making someone feel jealous [she maked another friend of mine 2 years ago when they was chating on messenger and she got what the boy wanted…..after that…now 3 weeks she proposed the same guy to start a relationship]
So i asked for this her number and was a vice-verse…she put my number in her phone….we discuss with messages that day and then she call me making a thin voice and with a slutty behavior (she says that i’m a plumber….swearing her friend and her cat and others things like this)….the next day she was calling making the same thing (saying that her eye is hurt…..)…i was like a serious attitute and asking to stop making this thin voice and speaking normally….after this she asked me what i do…i say good and ask her too…and finish the messages because i cannot chat then…..after this i send her a message…she didnt respond….the next day i sended 1 message and 1 call….note: i didn;t want to make her think that i am a desperate.
Now others info….this girl live in a village and she was very shy until 2-3 years ago[i know this for sure from a friend that live in same village]…then she got some gumption (at phone and want this in hes behavior….in face in face she is still pretty shy )…and she looks like a serious person….she learn pretty good almost the best on her class (mechanical learning) and got the best grade at a simulation (which is not a really good grade but still is the best)
Other info…after i ask for her number at school she didn’t look at me when was happening to walk near her(or she turn her head to speak with other girls)…1 time she was wanted to laught but she stopped….and 1 time she was at a bus stationand seeing me coming from a good distance…she distantiate from her friends and staring at me…after i got closed she turned her eyes speaking with her friends.
Can you describe her behavior?….i’m sure that she is not interested in that guy even if she had a relationship of 8 moths (their relationship is at some distance [via facebook] and they looks like to speaking-tear apart-speaking again-tear again–and now a totall break) [he didn’t look good either].
Thank you if you read my commentary…i think that the best thing is to ignore her and not play her game.
Hi Luke,
I met a guy in church a few years ago and I knew he liked me because he gave me compliments about my hair, try to have conversations with me and then when I caught him staring at me, he smiled and I smiled back. I liked him too and was hoping he’d ask me out but he never did until I left the church and then I found out later that he left as well briefly and then went back. About a year and a half after I left, I was driving one day when I noticed the driver in front of me was stalling deliberately and when I got to a multi lane, I pulled up next to him and realised it was him again but he did not turn to acknowledge me, instead he just exited to a side road. It took another three years before I saw him again when I was invited to an occasion in the church. I said hello to him and he responded but still did not make any effort to chat, so I kind of thought he must have finally settled down or something but then I met and made friends with a couple who also happened to be friends with him and they started telling me about him and that he was still single and not dating. About two weeks after that I was taken by surprise when the wife of the couple, who I’d only met briefly earlier, called me up and invited me to another accasion in the church. I chose to as I knew he’d be there and I think he would have spoken to me but unfortunately there was another guy who was also attracted to me and made it a point to be around me most of the time and soI think that kind of scared him away. I ran into him again a few months ago, after about another year and a half while working with a colleague and when I caught him looking at me he just turned away and still did not approach me. To be honest, I kind of enjoyed the attention and perhaps didn’t do enough to make him feel comfortable enough to approach me. Is he just trying to prove to himself that he can win my affection or is he genuingly interested in me? Thanks in advance for your response. I appreciate it!
Aye Luke!
My name is Michelle. I am a 23yr old black woman. I have a lil problem with dating. I am a kind, smart, confident and strong person. But I can’t seem to get a bf at all. It’s a big puzzle in my head. Men never ask me out. Some say that I’m too picky but I cannot be picky if I am never approached. The only type of men that approach me are creeps. ( that speak sexual) I never understood this, because I don’t put myself out there like that- I don’t dress trashy.
I am too afraid to ask the men that I like out because they make fun of you and call you a “groupie”. The only women who seem to get approached by a decent guy are the women that are more trashy like. The ones with addittude, loud, Party girls. I’m not a cocky woman & neither do I judge but even women that are less attractive that pocess an addittude seem to get more decent men. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. I’m approachable, and I don’t look mean. Maybe I should start being like those other girls to get one guy to speak to me. Can you help me out here, am I doing something wrong. My standards don’t even consist of looks, but I still only get approached by creeps. What am I doing wrong?
Hi Luke,
I met this girl a few months ago at my work and she started flirting with me. I started having feelings for her and we talked a bit on messenger. During this time i asked her out but we were always too busy so the date got postponed for a few weeks. Recently i moved out of home because of uni studies but i still keep thinking about her. She kept sending me mixed messages so i ended up dropping contact. I havnt messaged her in 2 weeks but still wonder what could have been. Should i keep waiting for her or just move on with my life. Btw she is in her 2nd last year of school and i just started uni. Any ideas or words of wisdom?
Luke I shyed away from a man that I have a extreme crush on. How do men think? I just completely feel like I blew it. I walked away from him because I couldn’t take how attractive he was. Sometimes I am really shy with the men that I like. If a woman were to walk away from you, would you know shes shy or would you think she’s rude?
Hi Luke,
I’ve been talking to someone I met online for almost three months. He has a newborn with his ex. They were together for 3 years. When we started talking he told me that he had been single for 5 months. We have never met because he is “too busy” and we have only spoken on the phone once.Throughout the time we were talking he would tell me that she wants to try to make things work, but he would say that he did not want to be with her. The day he told me that I broke it off with him, but a week later I started talking to him again. Recently everything has been fine, but I had noticed that I would text his phone and he would respond to my texts with a snapchat message. The night before yesterday he sent me a snap saying “thinking of you.” Yesterday we were talking for most of the day and he had sent me a cute snap saying “wish you were here,” which I replied to. I then texted him on his cell 30 mins later and 10 mins after I received a message from him saying “Please don’t text me anymore.” I did not know if it was meant for me so I messaged him on snapchat and asked, but the message did not go through. It said that he could not receive my chat which means that he blocked me. I then sent him a text to his cell saying “ok can I know why?,” but I did not get a response. I am beyond confused everything was fine and this was so out of the blue. I just find this odd because he always explains himself to me and he did not give a reason he just said that randomly and blocked me after. I don’t understand. My friends think that it’s the mother of his child. I think it could be that or he just did not want to speak to me anymore. However, it is just odd because he was acting differently an hour prior. Can you try to make sense of this please? What do you think? Thank you!
Hi Lea,
He may be trying to work things out with his ex and feels guilty that he has been talking to you. He does have a newborn with her and this may also be the reason why he feels that he has to try to work things out with her.
You should try not to get too caught up in this.
You should want to be with a guy who truly wants you and isn’t trying to use you to fill his time or as some kind of buffer between him and what he may truly want.
Hi Tavia,
If a woman were to walk away from a guy, he may take it a few ways depending on the kind of guy he is.
If he is a very confident guy, he may see that as a challenge to try even harder with her especially if he has gotten the vibe that she is actually interested in him through her body language.
If it is a shy guy, he would most likely interpret her walking away from him as a sign that she is either not interested or she already has a boyfriend. It’s unlikely that he would be thinking of you as simply a shy girl.
Hi Christopher,
You should just move on with your life.
You had already asked her out before and the “too busy” excuse was used and the date got postponed for a few weeks and ultimately never happened.
When a girl is truly interested in you, it doesn’t matter how busy she is, she will find the time to go out on a date with you.
Move on Christopher.
There are lots of girls in uni who would love to go out on a date with you as long as you are fun.
Hi Michelle,
You mentioned that you only get approached by “creeps.”
Where do you tend to meet these men? Where do you tend to meet men in general?
You may need to start changing where you tend to meet men or socialize. Sometimes, a change of environment is all you need to implement a positive change in your dating life.
Try not to focus on those women who have the attitude, are loud or tend to party a lot. It would be a mistake to start trying to be like them in order to get a boyfriend because you would be living a lie.
That isn’t who you are.
So, be you.
Focus on changing where you tend to meet men and socialize.
You could even start making new friends and get out of your regular social circle. These new friends may become instrumental in introducing you to a whole new segment of men that you never tend to meet in your regular social life.
Always be true to who you are.
This is what you have to offer a potential boyfriend. Being someone you aren’t or allowing your current dating woes to affect you in a negative way would only make it that more difficult to find the right boyfriend for you.
Hi Annette,
It’s unlikely that he is trying to prove to himself that he can win your affection.
There is a good chance that he is actually a shy guy. Hence, he may not really know how to express himself to you.
You should try to start a conversation with him the next time you see him and observe his response.
Hi Trilu,
You answered your own question in your very last sentence. She is clearly playing games with you and would be a waste of your time and emotion.
Move on to other girls that are truly interested in you and don’t play these kind of games.
Hi Jessica,
It seems like there is a part of him that still cares for you but when he thinks about the reality of being in a relationship with you, he becomes disinterested.
I know you miss him but as you mentioned in your post, your insecurity was a big part of your arguments in the past. You have to start building your self-esteem and understand that you are a dynamic person.
Guys tend to come back often. However, if he does, it may not be in the capacity that you would want.
He may want someone to keep him company for a short while because he has just broken up with his most recent girlfriend.
He may want temporary intimacy.
He may want someone he can use as a figure in which to boost his own sense of self-esteem and self-worth if he happens to be in a really rough time in his life.
These are all ways he could use you in the future and come back. However, these are not the ways you should want.
There is no real love or intention for romance here. This would simply be about him and making himself feel better until he is ready to move on to the next chapter in his life which would probably not include you.
The point I am trying to make is, you shouldn’t sit around waiting on him to come back. You should live your life and move forward.
Start challenging yourself to be better and learn. Get involved in activities you have been putting aside. Build your sense of self-esteem and self-worth.
He may not be the right guy for you.
When you build yourself up, you may come to realize this and be relieved that you have moved on.
Hey Luke,
There has been this girl I haven been texting for two weeks and the first day we started texting it took off. We were both enjoying taking to each other and in the first couple of text she asked me to go to her theater event so I said I would go and she was really excited that I was going. She was giving me hints she liked me then after the play were texting a lot telling jokes giving each other compliments then once we got to the week things kinda changed. I would talk to her after class and walk her to class then we would still text. Then I asked to hangout her with me tomorrow at lunch with me and she said yes. The day asked her she was pretty sick so the next day she came to school but asked to reschedule next week since she just kinda wanted to take it easy. When she said she wanted to reschedule she says it’s not that I don’t want to hangout with you I’m just feeling more sick than yesterday. Before I went to class I saw her and I asked her friend if she was interested in anyone, her friend said she has her eye on someone, next I asked has she mention if she was interested in me ahe said I don’t think so. Then today after class before our four day weekend I was straight up with her about my feelings saying, I’m really interested in you and your friend told me you are interested in someone else kinda. Then she told I’m really interested in you but this new guy that came out of nowhere things started to progress quickly then she said we semi serious but kinda. Next she said I really like to talk to you, I still want to keep talking to you because your fun to talk to and I’m still interested in you then I asked her where we stand, she said friends. The last thing she told me though, maybe in the near future we can be together. From what she told me I’m even more determined to get this girl since this guy and her are not exclusive. So I’m asking do you think I still have a good chance with this girl as long as I step it up a notch!?
Hi David,
This girl isn’t truly interested in you. She is talking to another guy. She gave you an excuse and didn’t follow-through on the last date that you had set up with her. She merely asked to reschedule but nothing actually came of it.
Now you discover that she has been talking to another guy that she has told you that she is semi serious with.
The moment she cancelled that date and never gave you a solid day to reschedule, she was already non-verbally telling you that she wasn’t truly interested in you.
You have to understand that when a girl truly likes a guy, she will do everything in her power to make herself available for dates.
She may have told you that she wants to keep talking to you because you are fun to talk to but that is really all there is.
She mentioned that she sees you as a “friend.”
That’s it.
She has put you in the “friend” category. This means that your chances of romance with her now or anytime in the future are next to nil.
Let this one go and move on.
Hi Luke,
So my ex and I have recently started talking again, it’s mainly been just friendly and sometimes a little flirty but nothing too harmful but on his part he can be very flirty and bring up things from the past in subtle ways
We always have really good in depth conversations, that’s never been a problem which is why I decided I’d try to remain friends as well as our circle of friends, feelings aside
In the short time we’ve been speaking, I found out he’s been seeing someone which he has not mentioned at all and yet I see him on social media commenting on other girls photos and such so my main question is, what is going through an ex’s mind when they’re talking to their ex and also trying to get attention from other girls. Why does he flirt with me and other chicks when he’s supposedly seeing someone? I know he wants attention from females but why do guys feel the need to have multiple women fancying them?
Hey Luke
So there is this guy that I’ve liked for a few months now. We go to the same school but we’re not in the same class or the same year. He is a very subtle guy who rarely talks to any girls and he doesn’t use the social medias very often. He seems like a good guy and I do know some of his friends but it is difficult to get in contact with him. People have a tendency to call him arrogant since he never shows interest in girls. We are friends on Facebook and we know who each other is, but only on the surface. Should I approach him or is he simply not interested in starting a relationship with anybody?
Hey, Luke.
I am a very shy guy and it has been very hard for me to talk to people. I have social anxiety and so I don’t typically talk to people at school, and they don’t talk to me. One day, I saw a very pretty girl in one of my classes and was discouraged that I would never be able to talk to her. I could see that she was very nice, much different than the usual girl. So I made a really stupid decision and decided to message her. She doesn’t text, she uses Kik, which in case you somehow don’t know, is a messaging application. I saw that as an advantage and overheard her username. When I did text her, she was still very nice about it. She respected that I was shy and was very responsive. We kept talking and she opened up a lot. Class was awkward because we don’t talk face to face. She always looks at me, but I never look at her. I can see her out of the corner of my eye. She has told me very personal things and I seem to have gained her trust. She has complimented me by saying “You are observative, you pay attention to things people normally wouldn’t and I think that’s hard to find in someone.”
We talk about serious things and I have told her how hard it is for me to be shy and how sad it can make me feel. She said that she wants to help me. She said she understands that it is hard for me and that she is here for me if I need her. She seems to believe that I think that I am worthless. She said she wants me to become aware of my worth.
However, she has a boyfriend. This is why I am having trouble interpreting her. I am very scared that she doesn’t like me in the way that I had hoped and that she is just being nice. Her relationship doesn’t seem too serious. They have been dating for maybe a little bit over a month. I want to keep talking to her. She is pretty much the only person I can talk to. I talk to nobody else. It was a miracle that she didn’t see me as creepy. She isn’t judgmental towards me and I really love that. I can be myself around her. I have contemplated telling her how I feel about her. She has said that if I am uncomfortable talking to her, I don’t have to continue. So I have been thinking about saying that I am comfortable talking to her, but that it is painful because I like her a lot, etc.
You said that that isn’t good. That telling her you like her is bad because you would accomplish nothing. But I am not trying to become her boyfriend, what I hope to accomplish is to lessen my pain. I really don’t want to stop talking to her. She is all I have. I literally don’t have anyone else that I can call a friend. If I were to tell her I would make my motive very clear. I am 100% ready for rejection if that is what has to happen. I just need your input.
How should I interpret her feelings towards me?
Should I express my feelings?
Should I keep talking to her without expressing them until she is single?
The pain is kind of unbearable and I feel that she would not respond negatively if I told her. I feel that she would understand.
Thanks for taking the time to read this long story. Any advice you provide will be appreciated.
Hi luke!
I met this girl awhile back when I started high school. I’m going to be a sophmore. At Christmas I decided to give her a card which I thought was dumb. But after a couple weeks of getting to know her I felt like we were hitting things off. But after awhile I realized I was rushing things and that was pretty stupid. I never had any classes but advisory with her. She’s taller than me and she’s really beautiful and nice. I gave her candy grams for valentines day which she liked and it made me feel good. Sometimes the boys in my class will tease me about her which makes me mad, But I try to ignore it. A couple months later i felt like I friendship didn’t feel like a friendship anymore. I feel like she doesn’t like me anymore. I’ve been struggling to express my feelinga toward her. I want to be friends with her again and hopefully in the future ask her out. Is there anything you can do to help me out?
Hi luke
I apologize if you didn’t get my comment the other night but just take a look at it and tell me what you think.
Hi John,
This girl may honestly have run out of patience. You gave her a card on Christmas and then you gave her candy grams for Valentine’s day.
Well, she may have been alright with that but she may have also wanted you to make a move and ask her out.
She would only be willing to wait so long for that. If you allowed your friendship with her to stretch out for too long, she may have now lost patience with you.
You should ask her out and see how she responds.
Either way, take this as a lesson. Don’t delay when you like a girl.
If you only give her gifts and don’t take any action she may lose interest in you and move on mentally.
Hi Anonymous,
In terms of her feelings for you, she more than likely only sees you as a friend. There are tell-tale signs that this is the case.
For one, she has a boyfriend.
She has also given you compliments on how observant you are but has never taken it any further than that.
Normally, when a girl has romantic feelings for a guy, her compliments to him eventually transition into flirting.
She may touch you more from time to time, laugh hysterically at your jokes whether they are funny or not, play with her hair when she is interacting with you, smile at you often and maintain sustained eye contact etc.
So far, she hasn’t done any of that. Her compliments have been strictly platonic.
You shouldn’t express your feelings to her. She has a boyfriend. By doing so, you would be hoping for something that isn’t there.
You mentioned that you aren’t trying to become her boyfriend. However, the truth is, you care. You want her to have feelings for you. You want her to take this further than friendship.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t appear that she sees you as anything more than a friend or acquaintance.
If you want to keep talking to her, that is your prerogative. However, you will only continue hoping that things change. You will spend every day in the hopes that she has now become single.
This would become your singular focus. This trajectory doesn’t bode well for you.
Instead, you should try to start making friends and also start engaging wholeheartedly in activities that you love.
I know that you stated that you have social anxiety and you don’t talk to anyone at school. However, perhaps you could find a group of people that have a common interest with you.
It doesn’t have to be people from school.
It could be a group of people or someone that you find outside of school that may have the same passion you have for something. This is a start and is a lot safer for you because you would already have something in common.
This is how you can start building relationships with people.
You have to move forward with your life.
If you stay hooked on this girl because she is “very pretty” and “very nice,” you would be literally putting all of your eggs in one basket.
You would be dependent on the hope that one day she will break up with her boyfriend or that one day she will develop feelings for you.
This isn’t worth it.
Hi Cecilia,
Yes, you should approach him.
One of the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to love and romance is making assumptions. They assume something about someone else and allow their behavior to be predicated by that assumption.
Never do that Cecilia.
Just because he rarely talks to girls doesn’t necessarily mean that he is arrogant or he isn’t interested in starting a relationship with anybody.
Approach him and start a conversation.
If it goes well, there may be something more to come. If it doesn’t, no harm, you move on to someone else.
Hi Anon,
Typically, when an ex is still talking to an ex, this person is either still in love with that ex or is unwilling to let that relationship go.
It is part of being human to remain attached to something that we have had an emotional connection to in the past. This is why it is so hard to get rid of an old habit even when it is not good for us.
An ex who is trying to get attention from other girls is typically doing that in order to keep his options open.
He is an ex.
He is not necessarily tied to anyone just now.
Hence, he will try to get the attention so that he ensures that if things don’t work out with one, it may work out with another.
He flirts with you and other chicks because this person that you think he is supposedly seeing isn’t really a solid girlfriend.
There is a chance that their relationship is either quite casual or it hasn’t reached the level that would warrant his full attention.
Many guys feel the need to have multiple women fancying them because it boosts their ego and increases their social status/importance.
The more women fancy him, the more other women in turn will start fancying him as well and the more his peers will revere him.
Hence, it literally compounds itself, leading to more ego boosts, social importance and romantic options.
The more romantic options a guy has, the more choice.
Hence, he doesn’t have to rely on any one relationship working out or not because he will always have more options.
Hi Luke,
My ex and I have started talking again recently for the past couple of weeks and the other night we went out to dinner and for a drive. During this night he made advances towards me, all of which i rejected, but he kept bringing up our past and how we used to be (intimately). He continued to bring up how compatible we were sexually but once i rejected him he started to apologise. Is he just using me?
Thanks for your help
Thank you so much for your answer!
So I’ve been in contact with him but it’s still just casual. I’ve just seen your video on Youtube “Is He Playing Hard To Get” and you mentioned that he could be playing hard to get if he sometimes has a conversation with you and other times he’s almost like nonexistent. Occasionally he initiates a conversation and it’s fine but other times he doesn’t reply. What should I do?
Hi Cecilia,
Try to talk about topics that you know he enjoys. It may be something that he is passionate about.
Learn more about it.
The more he feels like you are into or at least interested in stuff that he is passionate about, the more he may be willing to not only reply but also initiate conversations.
Hi Deena,
If he keeps on bringing up topics about intimacy or how compatible you both were sexually, there is a good chance that this is what he cares most about.
When an ex truly wants back into a person’s life, they will try to get to know them again and have meaningful experiences together.
However, when an ex is only concerned about intimacy, that may honestly be all they want.
The dinner and drive were simply ploys used to get to what they ultimately wanted.
If you want a more substantial relationship with your ex that isn’t just about intimacy, you may have to accept the likelihood that this ex is not looking for the same and stay away.
Hey Luke!
I really don’t know what to do right now. My ex and I after 6 months started to talk again. Our relationship was pretty destructive and he dumped me in a horrible way but I still tried to remain civil for the sake of friendships. I had a moment of weakness after these 6 months and I messaged him, prior to that there had been small messages but nothing substantial at all. Ever since that message I sent, we have spoken nearly everyday for the past month and I’m not quite sure what that means. He’s brings up the past now and then and brings up old memories but at the same time I know he’s not dedicated nor committed to being with me so why does he do this? We haven’t spoken about our breakup at all. I know I’m not the only girl he’s flirting with nor the pants he’s trying to get into. He’s still ‘playing the field’ and being a single lad so am I just a comfort zone? Is he just talking to me and flirting with me until he finds something better? How can I know the difference between an ex that wants me back compared to an ex that just wants me as a backup plan.
Thank you luke, your help is really appreciated
I have no clue what to do and I need your help!
I had been seeing this guy for over just a little bit over a month and everything was going great. He showed interest in what my hobbies were and what I wanted to do in the future. I’m 22 and he is 23. Before we started to talk he did tell me he had a child and I was totally cool with that. I accepted everything about him and where he came from. We would talk every day and he would call me at least three times a week and we would see each other at least twice a week. He is very involved with his son so there were times were he couldn’t come see me because his son wanted to go over to his house. When that happened he would always make it to me. If he thought he made me upset or said something in the wrong way he would automatically call me to explain himself. He would always vent to me, tell me how his day went and always tell me how lucky he was to have me in his life.
But about a week ago, he just disappeared on me. I was freaking out because I thought something serious happened because he had never done this before. Then a day went by and I started to think it was me. I sent him a text asking him if he was okay and no response. I waited one more day and I just said whatever and sent him a text saying I was kind of hurt at the fact that he just up and left with out saying anything because I was frank with him in the beginning. I just told him if you have a change of heart just let me know and we would go our separate ways and I would be fine with that.
He read that message and he didn’t respond. I was totally taken back and extremely hurt by it. I prayed on it for a while and I found the reason why he just disappeared. I found out that he just had another son with the mother of his first son the day he disappeared and he was with her like two weeks before he met me.
He wasn’t playing me and I Know I was the only girl in his life because he would prove it to me by being affectionate to me in public and he would take me places where he would always go. He wanted to meet my family and he wanted me to meet his. I was more than good to him and he saw that and always told me how much he appreciated that.
Sorry for ranting but it’s been over a week and I still haven’t heard from him and I don’t know what to do. I do have this nagging feeling he will come back around and apologize to me but I don’t know. It’s not like we ended on a bad note but I really got close to this guy in a short period of time and I know he got close to me to and I know he cared about me.
I guess my question is, do you think he’ll come back or at least try to get in touch with me? I won’t stop my life waiting for him because I’ve never been one of those girls but I have my moments where I get bummed out about the situation. I just need some guidance and some advice.
Hi Ana,
I don’t think he’s coming back.
I do believe however that at some point in the future when his life settles down with this new son, he may get in touch with you.
This wouldn’t necessarily mean that he wants to get back with you.
Guys typically reestablish contact, especially in moments where they may be reminiscing or simply frustrated about something.
However, just like you said, you are not the kind of girl who will stop your life waiting for a guy.
You should hold true to this and move forward with your life.
Hi Anonymous,
He brings up the past now and then because guys like to reminisce about the past. If the memory is good, he will be more likely to bring it up.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants a dedicated or committed relationship with you. He simply likes how good he feels when he remembers the “good parts” of your past relationship.
He is trying to avoid thinking about the bad.
If you haven’t spoken about your breakup at all, there is a good chance that he simply doesn’t want to go there.
He doesn’t bring it up because he doesn’t want you to get the idea that he wants something more substantial and meaningful from this reconnect.
At least, not at this time.
He figures that if he brings it up, he may get your expectations up and that could put undue pressure on him.
As you stated, you know that you are not the only girl that he is flirting with or “the pants he’s trying to get into.”
He is clearly keeping his options open.
He may be talking to you because he wants to see if you can reignite that old flame that he had with you in the past. Hence, he keeps you in the loop but continues to avoid talking about your breakup.
So yes, he may be hoping to find someone better but then again, he may be keeping his mind open to the possibility that you may get him romantically interested again.
One of the best ways to know the difference between an ex that wants you back compared to an ex that just wants you as a backup plan is by observing how much he is trying to get to know you once more.
How much of an interest is he truly taking in your life?
Is he truly inquisitive and curious about what you have been doing with your life since the breakup?
How much of his time is he giving up in order to talk to you and hang with you?
When I say “hang,” I mean without the hope of gaining sexual rewards in the process. He is just “hanging” with you, enjoying your company.
How much does he remember about your conversations? Does he follow up with more questions that relate to past discussions?
How often does he ask you how your day went and truly care? He is not just asking because it is the polite thing to do but he is asking because he wants to hear what you have to say about it and he truly listens.
All of these parts can help give you clues as to just how much he may want you as opposed to simply keeping you around as a backup plan.
Hi Luke,
I’d really like your opinion. Recently I’ve gotten really close to my friend’s cousin. He’s known for having one night stands with girls a lot but he’s only had one serious relationship. According to his family, he tries to hide his emotions and pick at/be kind of harsh to people that he actually cares about. Well, lately he’s been acting weirder and weirder around me. For example, one time he didn’t pay for my friend (his cousin)’s food but he paid for mine. He does a lot of things for me that he doesn’t do for her, and isn’t mean to me like he is her. He also has the reputation of never hugging anyone unless he is forced to, but he has hugged me bye several times. Also, one time when he got pretty drunk he put his arm around my waist while we were walking.
The weirdest thing though was something that happened a few nights ago. All three of us were watching a movie on the couch. He had had a little bit to drink but not much. First he gave me his necklace that he wears all the time and told me to wear it. Then later, he draped his legs over mine and pulled me against him where my arm was pressed against his shirtless chest, then he put his head on my shoulder for the entire movie. He started licking my arm which was weird and I told him to stop, so he kissed it several times. He also pulled my arm across his chest and started feeling of my pulse on my wrist and then put it back. At one point he laid his hand out palm up like he wanted to hold my hand or something. When I didn’t do anything, he put his hand behind his head. When I put my hand near his, he grabbed it and started rubbing his thumb over my hand. This only lasted a few seconds though. He also grabbed my hand and ran it over his face and he kept playing with my armpits which was really strange. He also seemed to want to hide all of this behavior from his cousin who was sitting next to us.
So yeah, all of this behavior is just really confusing me and I’d like some answers. Is he interested in me or is this behavior just because he has alcohol in him? Does he like me or is he just flirting or trying to play me?
Thanks so much,
Megan
Hi Luke
This guy Adam and I are school mates and have known eachother for more than two years. When i first met him we weren’t communicating very often. One of his guy friend Brian and I had class together and i think that Brian liked me. We all became a part of the same group and used to sit together in the hall with one of my girl friends. I really liked Adam as a person and felt liked we were being close. He was always happy, smiling, joking and teasing. I really liked his company and liked talking to him. But lately he began to avoid me at school and i dont know why. He acts like i dont exist when i meet him and avoids looking at me. I dont understand it and i am kinda hurt.
We haven’t seen each other in a long time and at first I thought that could be the reason. But why would he avoid me? He can at least smile or say hi.
I remember our last talk where we were in school and i were talking with another guy. Adam came and asked me “do you know where Brian is?” I said no and told him to call his number. Adam began talking to this other guy about work. They knew each other from there. When the other guy left Adam were asking me private questions like if i have a boyfriend or dating someone. I thought that he was asking for his friend Brian. I said i dont want to talk about my private life and i guess he were offended. But after our little talk he wanted me to follow him to class. He didn’t wanted to go alone and he was late. But he didn’t made it because he wanted to stay and talk with me.
I am really confused. Do you think that Adam might like me as more than a friend or do you think he might be avoiding me because of something i said? Or what could be the reason?
I dont think he likes me as more than a friend because he do talk about other girls in front of me and tell they look good. And i dont know what could offend him? Please help.
Hey Luke,
Before I go on with my question I just wanted to say Thank you for all the posts here and on YouTube, I always look forward to watching/reading all of them.
So I’ve had a crush on a guy that works with me at the gym in a different department from mine so I hardly bump into him, and when I do see him it’s at a gym setting. I’ve felt the attraction between us from the beginning, I’m naturally very observant by-the-way. He’s always done the starring thing (by chance I saw him at a bar and stared at me all night but never approached my group) tease me a little about what I teach (claims he is scared of putting him through a workout), the showing off just a bit. I have identify that he plays games because he can say hi one day and the other not, to be fair I have my own pride and don’t go say hi either. My friends claim he seems to have my same personality. I want to add that he is a veteran and has a small child, which I found out through others. I go back and forth but the truth is he hasn’t made a move. I would hate to know that I’m over analyzing everything but would like to hear your perspective please.
Thanks
Hi Luke,
Thanks so much for putting up your youtube videos. I need to ask you something. I’ve been reconnecting with my ex casually for about 1.5 years (after a 5 year break) and things have been going well- he’s been opening up more through good conversation, he’s been emailing and texting, the deep emotional connection we’ve always carried seems to be getting stronger. He finds ways to get physically close (long hugs) and kisses me on the side of the mouth and my forehead. Just recently, he told me had a girlfriend (apparently he has been with her for the duration of when we first started to catch up). Why did he tell me now? We don’t live in the same state though he says he still wants to see me. Do you think I’ve been used as an option this whole time? Would love to know what you think. Thank you in advance.
Hi Anonymous,
He told you now because he may be feeling guilty for either leading you on or for somewhat emotionally cheating on his girlfriend.
He may have been using you as an option, true.
However, he may also be at a crossroads.
It may be a crossroads where he believes he is falling for his current girlfriend but at the same time he is afraid to let go of you.
You are familiar to him and he knows what to expect with you.
He may not know what to expect with his current girlfriend.
Hence, you may be dealing with an ex who is not sure of whether he should move forward with his love life and become fully dedicated to his current girlfriend or stick to what is safe and familiar which is you.
Hi Anonymous,
First of all, thank you for reading the posts and watching the videos.
This guy at the gym is a flirt.
The teasing about how scared he would be if you put him through a workout is a dead giveaway.
However, he may honestly not be looking for romance at this time.
You did mention that he is a veteran and has a small child. He may be focused on giving his child his full attention.
If you notice that he rarely hangs out with other girls and will only flirt with them on occasion, this may be the reason.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that he wouldn’t be open to a relationship at some point in the future.
However, he may be the type that needs a slow build up.
He may need to learn about and really get to know someone before he allows himself to take time away from his child or whatever else he may be involved in at the moment that takes up a good chunk of his time.
If you want things to go further with this guy, you may have to be the one that steps up and makes a move.
Hi April,
Adam may have been avoiding looking at you and was acting like you don’t exist in order to see how you react.
It’s a tactic that is used often to gauge just how much someone likes someone else.
There is a chance that he likes you more than a friend but wants to keep his options open.
You did mention that he talks about other girls in front of you.
Again, this could be a tactic that he is using to gauge your level of interest in him by observing how you react.
Unfortunately, you may be dealing with a guy who is more into the game than the actual girl.
He will keep you guessing and that may be what he actually prefers.
You may be better off looking elsewhere.
Guys that play games tend to do it out of habit and it can be very difficult to break them out of it.
Hi Megan,
He seems to be attracted to you.
Having alcohol in him is only going to enhance what he already feels thereby making him even less inhibited.
Hence, all that touching and closeness he demonstrated while you were watching a movie is a very strong sign of attraction.
However, all of that kind of behavior doesn’t necessarily mean that he is interested in pursuing anything further with you than simple flirting.
He has a reputation for having one night stands with girls and has only had one serious relationship.
Human beings are creatures of habit.
There is a very good chance that he is just flirting with you and nothing more.
Anonymous.
Hello,
I need your help, I am so confused!
So I’m a college student and this is my second year in college and since last year I noticed this guy that would stare at me whenever he saw me, I used to feel so uncomfortable and shy at first I thought that he just wanted to make me feel like that because he never approached me and I think I was really mean to him because I would never look at him for more than 2 seconds. But recently about two months ago I started to have feelings for him. It all started when I was walking to my class that was right next to him and it is a long hallway, he would always stare at me but that day he turned his whole chair in my direction and when I looked at him he had such a cute and lovely look, I just cant explain how I felt. So the next day I was on a couch when I saw him coming up the stairs and I hold my glaze and stare at him the whole time and he seemed so uncomfortable, in fact it seemed that he hated it, I think he acted just like me when he stared at me, and I’m not gonna lie I love it, I was so happy to see him like that because I never thought I could make him uncomfortable he looks so serious and in control of how he feels, anyways, next day I was going to class we stared at each other for so long and I could help but smile (again the way he looked at me was so lovely) and he smiled back but he looked so surprised because for the first time in 1 year I smiled at him, and the next day he was the one that smiled first. But the next week I couldn’t wait to see him, I wanted to say hi but he ignored me and he looked so uncomfortable I felt that he started to hate me because I was starting to like him but when he went to class he would keep looking at me, he just wouldn’t stop (there are big glass windows). But when I walked by he didn’t look up like he used to before maybe because I was talking to a guy friend before that. Then I tried to say hi another day and he just said “hey how are you” and kept walking, I felt so dumb and stupid I totally regret it, maybe he liked me better when I used to ignore him. So the next day I was going down the stairs and he was coming up and I acted like he was invisible and he stared a me the whole time, I felt like he wanted me to say hi but I don’t wanna risk it again and felt like I felt before, but the way he looked at me was so sincere and lovely and he really looked like he feels something, if not why would he stare at me one whole year and then ignore me and act so arrogant when close to me but wont stop looking at me?
Please help me I am so confused, I feel that he has feelings for me and now I really like him but at the same time I’m scared.
Ps; your videos on YouTube are awesome, good job on that It really helps a lot of people like me.
Hi Luke,
I would like to describe myself and my very new crush and the scenario I find myself in in hopes to get your helpful advice on how I might proceed.
I am an attractive, curvy 29 year old woman and my new crush is a very attractive tall, athletic 27 year old man, but he has a thin 30 year old girlfriend who lives two hours away completing her medical degree. He and i are new medical doctors and will be working pretty closely for the next 4 years and have only know each other for 2 weeks. I knew from the beginning he had a girlfriend and wouldn’t have thought of him romantically. However, I kept getting the impression he was interested in me and I began liking him too
Here’s a list of things over the two weeks of knowing him that led me to this belief:
He keeps track of my weekend whereabouts and personal things I have told him
he joins all our group activities.
wants to join our female group of two other women (one is married, and one is not attractive) – paint nites etc
catches my gaze frequently -( I questioned why he was doing this but I do have pretty hypnotizing eyes, so ive been told, but I am overweight – something I am working hard on at the moment )
touched/rubbed me on the shoulder several times
awkward around me initially, walked into a door, and then awkwardly touched my behind on accident – aka a seemingly nervous clutz… but he is less awkward now…
He offers to do things for me – brings me food, mints, and offers me car rides when it is inconvenient for him
knows where I live even though I never directly told him
has noticed my large bust.. and made inadvertent, I believe an accidental comment about it
we went on a camping trip together and when everyone went to bed around 1 am, he and I sat around the fire past 4 am talking about life and future. It felt like he was genuinely interested in knowing me
As a person in general, he is polite to everyone, and is exceptionally nice comparatively. But I feel he treats me differently than the other girls.
At the moment, he doesn’t strike me as a player… he strikes me as a genuinely nice guy that discovered he liked me when I revealed a little about my life story. I’m down to earth , motherly, and hard working. From what a mutual friend told me, his girlfriend is pretentious, bragging, and high maintenance. None of our colleagues know of the interest that I think is brewing,,, unless they have made their own conculsions, but I would like to keep it on the DL.
I met his girlfriend at the welcome picnic and she seemed controlling and wanted to scope out a potential threat. I still don’t know if they have a rock solid relationship or he is not sure if she is someone he wants to marry. I will certainly know more in time because he seems to always be around and available for chatting and hanging out
This man could potentially be my future husband. I have this feeling about him, but I will continue to keep it light with him, lightheartedly flirt with the other male doctors in his presence, try to date others, and keep a safe distance with him while he has a girlfriend. The problem is that he may be content with his girlfriend and if I don’t play the cards right, he may take the path of least resistance.
I have my eye on the target and I want to continue that until I have a reason not to… but how EXACTLY I do that is tricky given our colleague status and his relationship with his girlfriend.
I thank you for your time Jersey,
Kind regards,
The Head over heels doctor
Hey Luke,
I need some advice. I met this girl about 3 months ago as we were studying the same degree. We get along well and are “friends” (by no means close). I don’t text her often but we get along well in person. She invited me to her house to study about a month and a half ago and I went and we talked and got along well. Then I got really sick and she got sick and had a rough personal life so we stopped talking for about a month.
We reconnected just before exams and began talking again. During our week off for exam study she messaged me asking if she could ring me and get my help so she rung me about the exams and almost every day that week we talked on the phone about our exams and personal life. She said she thinks I’m really smart and wanted my help. She also randomly offered to drive me to our first exam which I let her do. We really connected during our alone time this day and she asked me questions about my family and my life (such as what do my parents do etc) and asked me to link her the music I listen to through Facebook (which I did). She also said we make a great team and that that I should meet her friends and we should hang out after exams and I should come to her party in the break if she has one.
I text her a few days into the break and she said we should hang out but she doesn’t know when she was going to be free. I messaged her on Facebook a week later about her sister who is going away for a month as she made a post about how she will miss her and she replied with a nice thank you but I missed this as I went to bed so I replied the next day and she deliberately ignored it and still hasn’t “seen” it despite a couple of days passing and her liking pages on Facebook since then. I text her the next day and she ignored my text but still used her phone for Snapchat and Instagram so I realized she is deliberately ignoring me. I have made no attempt at contact since . Is this some kind of “mind game/test” she is doing as to me it seems obvious she is doing it deliberately or should I give up on her and move on?
i was wondering if i could get your opinion about why the guy i’ve been talking with. he will not text me first. in the entire time we’ve been talking he’s only texted me first one time. he is very shy and he always gets really into the conversation when we text. however, he has initiated conversations outside of texting. is there a reason for this?
Hi Luke! Thank you for all the help you’ve continuously given!!
So my ex has been seriously flirting with me and anyone who read our messages can see it, he constantly brings up old memories and it started to confuse me as this has been going on for two months whilst he’s been going on dates with other girls. So I asked him about it, and what he wants from me and he pretty much said he only considered me as a friend. Why did he flirt like that and mislead me only to friendzone me?
Hi Anonymous,
You ex may have been flirting with you for the last two months only to eventually tell you that he considers you as a friend because he doesn’t have you as a priority as far as the person he would want to date.
He may enjoy the fact that he can flirt with you and have you respond in kind but that may be all he truly wants.
It is a lot easier to flirt with someone while having the freedom to date other girls than to dedicate yourself to that particular person in a serious relationship.
Hi Anonymous,
This guy may not me texting you first because he is very shy.
However, at some point, even for a shy guy, he will get more comfortable with you enough to start initiating texts.
If his current behavior has persisted for more than a month or two, there is a chance that this may not be shyness but rather a lack of interest.
The one good thing here though is that you mentioned that he does initiate conversations outside of texting.
This may mean that he prefers this method of communication over texting.
You may be better off focusing on engaging with him in conversations outside of texting so that he can get more and more comfortable with you.
This may lead him to eventually start texting more.
Hi James,
The moment she told you during the break that she doesn’t know when she was going to be free after having told you earlier that you should both hang out, she was showing a lack of interest.
There is no excuse not to be able to find time to be free when she is actually on break.
She seems dishonest to this effect and hence not worth your time.
Yes, you should move on.
Hi Jamie,
It is always a very precarious slippery slope to try to get involved with someone who is already taken. Hence, I would not espouse nor encourage it.
However, if you want to go this route, you may be better off getting to know him better as a person. Start building a rapport with him so that he can get really secure and comfortable around you while still maintaining a certain level of mystery and aloofness.
This may whet his appetite for you and get him to act.
However, as I mentioned earlier, this is a very tricky and uncertain path to go about getting a mate or future husband.
Do tread with caution.
Hi Mariline,
Thanks you for watching the videos and I am glad that they help you.
Your best bet in the current situation you are in with this guy may be to start a real conversation with him.
So far, over the course of the last year, you two have been flirting with gazes and wasting time with mind games.
Someone is going to have to step up and start a conversation.
This is the best way for you to answer the question of whether he has feelings for you once and for all.
There is this girl at my college I am interested in. We are friends and we hang occasionly. We rarely text but she always comes to me for questions about college such as what homework we have when she could ask others. She also messaged me about one of our papers saying can I ring you about a question I have, you are AMAZING at this class! She rung and I helped her. Why does she always ask me questions? She also offered to give me a ride to college one day which I accepted so I could hang with her 1 on 1. Why is she doing this if we don’t really text or anything. It seems she uses college as an excuse to talk to me. Thanks in advance
Hi Anonymous,
She may ask you questions because she truly believes that you are good in the class and you would be a good source for information about the topic at hand.
She may have offered to give you a ride to college one day because she is fond of you and may have also wanted to show her gratitude to you for all the help you have been giving her academically.
So far, there isn’t any solid indication that she is romantically interested in you.
Hi Luke, thanks for the response,
I forgot to mention she has been asking me lots of personal questions when we are together such as what my parents do and what I want to do etc. She also said that we make a good team and tells me stuff about her and her friends even though I would not consider us close and I have never met her friends as they don’t go to college. She also said to our college group of friends that she wishes she had a boyfriend she could study with when I was near enough to hear. She also has been asking what my plans are lately as she suggested we hang out but with of us both constantly working while we have our mid semester break we have not been able to find a time to “hang out” as we are both working on each others free days. When she is with me in person especially 1 on 1 I feel she is very engaged and focused on me.
Hi Anonymous,
She may have said that you are both a good team and may even be asking you personal questions but unless you both take this to the next level by going out on a date, it doesn’t really mean much.
I know that you mentioned that you both work schedules that makes it difficult to hang out but have you actually asked her out to do something with you?
You are going to have to make this move in order to see if she is for real or all talk.
Schedules notwithstanding, if true interest is there, you can both find a way to meet.
Luke, i regularly dont seek advice from anyone. Im usually the one to give rather recieve. Could you help me out. If you ve seen the movie, 500 days of Summer (movie which i recently saw..) . Im basically in a similar situation however. Whenever i try to confront her about being something serious she basically tells me that she has to be in love to be in a relationship. I let her know that was illogical how can you fall inlove first, you actually get to know someone deeper when you are in a relationship.
So anyways the background story is, her name is K lets call her that, we met on april 7th of last year, I am 20 she is 23, we met through a known person (Isnt really a friend). weve been talking nonstop ever since hours and hours on end on the phone, and via texts.
Basically to lay it to you, we talk around 5 to 10 hours average on the day, except recently i decided to give her a little space because she got into some extra curricular activity (Acting) and needed more than a few hours of sleep. We still leave each other 20 to 40 messages. In short, we are intense. Weve been intense every day since weve met. Theres always something to talk about.
I just fell for this girl, we regulary kiss when we go out, get each other gifts etc.. everything a couple does except the tag. It never bothered me until i saw that movie. However , im not afraid of losing her like that because shes very loyal. You could say “well how do you know that?”. Trust me im a IT, and i do pentesting, it doesnt mean that i hack her phone etc, i just know when something is feeling wrong and i never let my guard down with anyone (Trust me not as creepy as i make it sound)…
So either way, she had gave me a huge bible response last time i asked if we were something serious, which most of my friends failed to comprehend. But in soft after reading it over and over, she was basically trying to say that it had to be given natural and when she falls inlove it will happen..
I would normally just ditch and leave someone after this, but i cant with her, its been a year.. we have so much together,and its not just the memories, she actually does care, i care. Im not sure what to do….
I really dont want to lose this person, even if you say you cant lose something you never had. We have some sort of bond together and just makes her so attractive in personality, but now when i try to confront her about it she goes on to a different topic or tries to dodge it, its like shes afraid for me to leave her aswell and giving her a ultimatum…sounds risky.
Do you think i should keep trying with this person? Its like she wants to be inlove with me but she isnt… so.. im not sure what to do.
I do know for sure and im she knows that as soon as she sounds flirty or tries to step in with someone im def out, and theres no communication between us after that. We have talked about it, and she tells me shes not into anyone but me and shes not interested in a relationship because shes focusing on herself right now.. Sounds like shes bringing me up for her ride to actually become what she wants and then ditch or am i wrong?
So many questions… hope you can help me out.
in short, she made it clear she doesnt want me dating anyone, but she wont date me? She doesnt want me to leave… im not able to get over her to leave her. I already tried getting to extra curricular acts, i dont want to but i feel i must if we arent going to move forward… there has to be a way to win win for both, im not sure what to actually tell her to knock some sense into what she really does want. i feel like she is confused and needs a opening of eyes.
Hi John,
No, I don’t think you should keep trying with her.
You are essentially operating on the hope that one day she will fall in love with you and be in a relationship with you.
That is too risky.
When someone truly cares for another, they know.
They know it enough to get into a relationship with them because they know that the person is who they want to be with.
You stated that she made it clear that she doesn’t want you to date anyone and yet she won’t date you.
This is unfair, selfish and disingenuous of her.
I know that it is hard for you to get over her and leave her but you will have to strongly consider it.
Otherwise, you may be waiting indefinitely only to realize that she has fallen for someone else and gotten into a relationship with that person instead of you.
Hi Luke,
I recently became interested with a girl I met at my work. I work in a supermarket where I work in the bakery and she works checkout. I believed she was interested in me as she always tries to get my attention. She goes out of her way to talk to me, oftej walking over to me as I go past or calling out to me when I go past her. She flirts with me all the time and is touchy Feely with me, bumping into me and giving me hugs. Naturally I assumed she was single and asked her to hang out with me and she said yes and we set a date of next Friday to hang out. She then gave me her number so we could plan this out. I thought this was going good until I mentioned doing a job with my Co worker Michael. She replied ooooohhhh Michael and I said are you jealous and she turned around and said no that’s my boyfriends name. This was the first mention of him. I am really confused as I feel she is significantly interested in me. What should I do now as I am very Confused.
Hi Jared,
Ask her if she has a boyfriend.
If she says “yes,” you may want to avoid this one and move on.
Hi Luke,
I’m going through a very painful time right now. The breakup took place a few days ago, where my boyfriend that I was dating for 6 months broke up with me saying he didn’t want to be in a relationship. He didn’t give me any other reason. Two weeks prior to the breakup, he had asked for space because he said he a lot of things to focus on and didn’t think he can give me the attention I deserved. I thought it was odd but knew he was going through a rough patch so I will give him the space he ask for. I waited two weeks and I still didn’t hear from him. So, I called him and left him a message. He didn’t answer of course. The next day, I received a text message from him saying he didn’t think we should see other anymore. I was horribly shocked! I asked him if he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me or in general. His response was with me or with anyone. I was completely heartbroken and devastated. I didn’t see it coming at all. I felt completely blindsighted! This is the man I had envisioned to be the ONE and that will be walking down the aisle with me suddenly decide to pull the plug on the relationship. His response was callous and cold. He broke up with me via a text message. I tried calling and asked him if we can at least see each other in person one last time and he kept saying no. Maybe, it was hard for him to face me as I know men dread emotional confrontation.
We always had a beautiful and happy relationship. We never had any fights or problems. I was very content being with him and I thought he felt the same way too. How could I’ve been so wrong and not see any red flags? We always had a strong connection so I would be able to pick up on something. I know recently his life situation has changed. He was going through through a transitional period in his life. He is working 7 days a week now which probably doesn’t mean much time to commit to a relationship. I don’t know any other reasons since he didn’t give me much of an explanation on why he wanted to end the relationship. I can’t believed he would be able to walk away from everything that we have build and share together. I’ve met his entire family and I was invited to all the family functions and private dinners. I know 6 months isn’t a long time but it was enough time that I did hopelessly fall in love with him. I told him that I think he’s making a mistake but I respect his decision that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. It’s very sad and heartbreaking that he broke my heart in the way that he did.
I’m doing better today but lots of tears and blaming myself on what I could’ve done to save the relationship. Again, if he wasn’t happy with me he never shown it and he never talked about any issues that he is going through. I felt like he just threw me away like yesterday’s garbage.
I don’t think I will try to contact him again. It’s clearly he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I think he was just giving me a bogus explanation when he said he didn’t want to be in a relationship. I don’t think I will know the real reason but it’s been so confusing that he could’ve easily walked out on me just like that. What do you think happened and should I just move on?
Thanks for reading,
Nadia
Hello Luke,
I just have a quick question about a situation that has been bothering for a while.
First, let me just start off by saying that there is a boy that I’ve had my eyes on for quite some time and over the years my friends have made it very obvious that I like him.
Well, ever since a particular incident that made it very obvious I noticed that he started to stare at me more and try to talk to me. We’ve never talked but we’re familiar with each other and we know that we have a little bit in common.
The thing is when he stares he makes it very obvious and often doesn’t look away and I always catch him doing this in the corner of my eye. One time he even invited me to an after school meeting but I kindly declined.
I didn’t want to convince myself that he may like me only because I have such a strong interest in him, however, there have been so many little actions that has caused me to believe that what Im seeing is not made up.
My problem is that Im extremely shy so after I noticed him giving me this attention I started avoiding him and would never make eye contact.
Just recently the school year ended and before it did he said hello but I never had the courage to say anything back. I know, Im a mess haha
Well, I know this is going to bother me all summer and Im pretty sure we’ll be sharing 2 classes with each other next year so I have to make up my mind about this.
Do you think he was giving me this attention because he was feeling guilty about my obvious attraction towards him or do you believe these could be mutual signs of interest?
Hi Luke,
So back in December I started talking to this guy, we became official in about March but I broke up with him in May. Two weeks or so before I broke up him, we both said we loved each other (I really did and still do). The reasons I broke up with him is because I felt like I wasn’t treating him right and I wasn’t, I wasn’t treating him right because I wasn’t fully there in our relationship and I needed time to figure out if I wanted to be this serious. I am 20 and he is 23.
But recently about a week ago I told him I wanted to work things out and he said he’s willing to try again just as long as he sees improvement in the way I treat him. He said he dated someone else in the two months we were broken up and she showed him how he really deserves to be treated. He also says he wants to take things slow. We’ve hung out twice already since we agreed to try again and the way he acts and treats me is like we’re back together.. Joking around, kissing, cuddling, just doing what couples do.
I’m just confused on what my boundaries are as far as taking things slow like he says he wants to do .. But then when we’re in person, he acts like we are together..
[FYI: I am 16 and 6ft tall]
On July 1st one of my friends and I went to the mall and we decided to stop by Teavana for the samples. This really cute and tall guy who works there came up to us and told me that the one I had just tried and loved was one that he created. We talked for a good 10min about how they make it and how it works cause I had never actually stepped in Teavana before. I told him I’d be back when I get paid. So on July 8th o went back to Teavana wth another friend and he came all the way from the register to the entrance of the store because he saw me. My friend was facing him and I was on his side kind of so my friend told me the guy was smiling at me and blushing a lot. He doesn’t seem like the type of guy that would just want sex, he’s like a teddy bear and he’s super nice and sweet! I had just gotten Starbucks and he told me he’d make my drink better next time if I come here instead of Starbucks. So I came back on Saturday because my bestfriend and I were at the mall and I went straight to him because he was doing samples at the entrance. He brewed my drink and when he set it on the counter I slipped a note by the register that said Laura: (my number) Call me! <3
He didn't see me put it there but he got it because later on my friend asked him if he got a note from a girl and he said which girl? So she described me and he said oh that girl! Yes I did
He hasn't called me or texted me yet and I regret slipping the note the way I did. I don't know if I should give it time or go back alone on Wednesday and tell him I regret doing that.
He's a bit older, I can tell, but I feel like a connection and I don't know what to do!:(
I'm not getting my hopes up just yet, please advise me!
Thank you so much,
Laura (who watches your videos pretty much all the time)
Hi Luke,
i’ll hope you understand this, english isn’t my first language, sorry :S
I’m 15, and last year and fell in love for the first and only time in my life with a girl from my school, she is in my class; at first I thought she was interested and i told her my feelings and she rejected me, since then, we are “close friends”.
To this date, i still deeply in love with her, and this situation has affected me a lot, at first she was nice with me, and i regularly talk with her about my feelings, she with time got tired, with a lot of reason, and started act cold and indifferent with me.
I almost die when that happen, and i asked for help to my friends and parents, but none of them could help me, and my parents hate her and they think i don’t have respect for myself for this, they are right with that, but it doesn’t help me.
I currently have moments when i’m again very close friend with this girl, which is when i’m happy; and moments when we don’t talk with each other, with no explaniation, she says that it’s beacuase she knows when my intentions are others; but i do that subconsciously. Also, she has kinda replaced me as her best friend with one of my closest friends and that makes me very envious and it feels like double treason.
I’m desperate to get over her, but i don’t know how, it’s difficult to me to ignore her, specially when this friend it’s with her; and the worst part is that i probably would have to see her two more years.
Thanks for reading, and again I apologize for my bad English
Hi Henry,
First Loves tend to be difficult to get over, especially when it is unrequited.
However, you are 15 and still have a lot of time and opportunity to meet new girls that will like you as you do them.
This girl that you are in love with may not like the fact that you are in love with her and may feel like every time she is with you, you are expecting her to change her mind and fall for you.
This may be one of the reasons why she acts cold and indifferent to you at times.
You will have to start learning and accepting the value in you.
Understand that you have qualities that other girls can find attractive.
Start talking to other girls and making friends with them.
This will give you an opportunity to move past this one girl and open yourself up to other possibilities.
Hi Laura,
Firstly, thanks for watching my videos and I hope that they have been helpful.
Yes, you shouldn’t get your hopes up and no, you shouldn’t go back on Wednesday to tell him that you regretted slipping him a note with your number on it.
You never want to come off as though you are second-guessing yourself because that makes you seem unsure of yourself and unsure of what you want.
By dropping him the note, you have essentially shown him that you are interested.
The ball is in his court now.
Go on living your life and be active.
If he is truly interested, he will contact you. If he isn’t, he won’t.
However, the last thing you should start trying to do now is be all in his face or be constantly asking nervous questions about him.
Again, that would make you appear less confident and to some extent desperate.
These are two qualities that can be the death of any promise for romance from a person of interest.
Hi Haylee,
If he is acting like you are both together when you both hang out, I understand that it can be very confusing as to what you two really are at this stage.
This is one of those situations where you may have to tell him to stop with all the cuddling and kissing because it is confusing and distracting.
You may have to tell him that the focus should be on rebuilding the relationship through conversation and activities before getting into the physical aspects of things.
This makes things are lot more clearer for the both of you and sets boundaries.
He may agree to this suggestion.
On the flip side, this conversation may actually be the catalyst he needs in order to figure out what he truly wants at this stage in your relationship with him.
Either way, you will get more clarity and won’t be as confused.
Hi Anonymous,
These could be mutual signs of interest.
However, you do have to start establishing eye contact with him and stop avoiding him.
When you get back to school after the summer, make it a point to say hello to him and ask him how his summer went.
He needs to know that you are responding to his possible advances so that he can feel encouraged to keep going.
Hi Nadia,
He may have gotten bored in the relationship. He may have found someone more exciting. He may have felt stifled in the relationship.
The six month mark in a relationship is a very significant point.
This is usually where people start seriously thinking about the future prospects of the relationship.
They have gotten this far, so this isn’t a fling.
Hence, where do they go from here?
They start thinking that if they go beyond this six month point they may be entering a route that has no return.
So they get nervous.
Unfortunately, some decide that six months is enough and they have to end the relationship and move on.
Hence, he may have come to this point of reason at this six month mark either consciously or unconsciously.
Yes, you should move on.
The sooner you do, the sooner you will recover.
Thank you for responding.
This is anonymous that had the question about the boy Id like to start talking to next school year.
It’s been a little embarrassing having him know of my obvious interest because he seems like a very serious person.
At first I took his eye contact as a sign of shyness but he has tons of female friends and he’s president of some clubs so maybe he’s not so shy. I guess I’ll just have to see
Hi Anonymous,
You are welcome.
It does seem as though he is indeed outgoing if he has that many female friends and is the president of some clubs.
This may actually make it a little easier for you to start getting to know him this coming school year.
Also, don’t feel embarrassed.
The moment you allow yourself to start feeling embarrassed is the moment you begin to doubt yourself.
You should talk to him this next school year and see how things go.
So I started talking to the two people at the same time and we met on a dating site. I went to meet person A first and we hit it off and things between us moves very quickly, but then I was also talking to person B and explained that I wanted to be nothing more than friends at least at the moment. I finally hung out with B and had a fun time at the fair and later in the day B was distant and upset and I wanted to know why and finally B told me that they liked me. Now I don’t know what to do both A and B are amazing and I don’t really feel like hurting either one.
Hi Victor,
You are better off being honest than leading both of them on.
If you are looking for a long-term relationship, figure out which one you truly see yourself with in the long run.
Yes, A and B are amazing but you can surely find flaws and fault with both.
Which one do you identify with the most?
If you are afraid of hurting either one, you should also understand that keeping them both in the dark is a lot worse than actually being honest with them by choosing the one you truly prefer.
Hi Luke,
Thanks for your response and I really enjoy watching your Youtube videos! I found a lot of great insight and advice on dating! I strongly feel your unique perspective will help me with the next relationship.
I don’t think he’s the type of guy who deals with stress and pressure very well. So, I choose to believe him when he said he just couldn’t focus on being in a relationship when his whole life is falling apart. He would be a really good actor if he was just pretending to be happy with me. He might have been thinking about ending the relationship when his life was going awry. That was the only explanation I got from him when he asked for space.
I wish he could’ve executed the breakup in a more courteous way but he chose the cowardly route. I wish he would sat down and have an open and honest discussion with me. The way he ended it just left a rancid and bitter taste. I really felt we had something special. All I have left now are happy memories and I will have to move on. I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to me with me anyways!
Hi Nadia,
Thank you for watching the videos and I am glad that they have helped in providing you with a lot of great insight on dating.
True, it would have been better if he had broken up with you in a more courteous way but unfortunately, this is how some people choose to handle breakups.
You have made the right decision in moving on and I wish you nothing but success and happiness in your dating future.
Hi Luke, Thank you a lot for your response, i’ll do what you say, i’ll try meet new girls, and give me my space. One last question, should i be friend of hers?, i meen i have to see her all days; i find difficult to no go with her every time that i can, so if can give me and advice on how no think about her or don’t be affected when she is with others.
Thanks again!
Hi Henry,
The tricky thing about being friends with her is that you may fall into the trap of hoping that one day she will start looking at you as a romantic interest.
This is how a lot of people fall into the friend zone and never get out.
You have to be honest with yourself about whether you truly believe you can handle just being friends with her.
If you can’t, you may be better off letting your relationship with her go.
A good way not to think about her is to start getting involved in new activities in your life.
Start pursuing activities that you love and become involved in those communities.
As you busy yourself by having an activity-filled life and getting to know new people in the process, you will think about her less and less.
This will also allow you to be unaffected when she is with others because you will be a lot more involved in what’s going on in your life as opposed to what’s going on in hers.
Hi Luke.
I’m a woman with social anxiety and I’m quite bad at reading social cues and body language, so maybe you can help me figure this out. I went to a small music performance last year with some friends and I saw a band play. The vocalist of the group had me mesmerized by his performance. I wanted to talk to him after the show and see if he was interested in hanging out. It took a lot for me to go up to him as I’m normally too afraid to go up to strangers. I think I startled him when I appeared next to him, he looked at me for half a second and then turned his head to the right. One foot facing me and the other pointed at his two guy friends. He seemed to be fidgeting a lot, as in he was shifting his body around a lot. I asked him questions and it seemed to take him a while to answer simple yes or no questions. It felt like he was thinking about how to reply. The answers were short and snappy. He barely made eye contact, every once in a while he would shoot quick half second glances at me from the corner of his eyes (with his head turned to the right). But he would redirect his eyes whenever he saw me looking at him. His eyes darting back and forth between me, his friends who were off to the side having their own conversation, a parked car, and a streetlight pole. I started to feel like he didn’t really want to talk to me and wanted me to go away. Though I pressed further by asking him what his plans were after the show (my voice started stuttering at this point). I noticed that he started to turn his head to face me more and said that he and his friends were going to a bar (this question he didn’t delay in answering). Finally, I asked him if my friends and I could join him at the bar, and he turned his head to the right again and there was an awkward pause again and he didn’t answer. Not even a “no”. I felt pretty defeated and figured that he didn’t know a polite way of saying no and that’s why he ignored my question. He turned his head back to me again (still no direct eye contact) and repeated my “What are your plans after the show?” question at me. I clammed up and couldn’t talk because my anxiety was overwhelming me by how badly this was going. I’m convinced I had a look of sadness on my face. Instead of answering I just stuttered out “Thank you for the great show” and I was about to leave until he finally looked straight into my eyes and reached out his hand to shake mine. I remember he had this surprised expression on his face where his eyes were open wide and his eyebrows were slightly raised, and he smiled slightly. I shook his hand and returned the smile. I don’t understand why he would avoid looking at me and then at the very end of the conversation make eye contact. Was he was just doing it out of politeness?
8 months later I decide to go to another one of their shows. This one happened to have a bigger audience. Unfortunately I had food poisoning that night and arrived late to the show. I missed half the band’s set, but it was great nonetheless. After the show there were about 10 women surrounding him and showering him with praise and compliments. I was standing far off to the side of the venue building smoking a cigarette. Too anxious and afraid to go up to him after how badly things went the first time. He appeared uninterested and passive towards these women touching him, flirting and literally throwing themselves at him. He told them he had to leave now and they hugged him. He started to walk up the sidewalk to go around back to where their tour van is. As he came around the side corner of the building, he noticed me standing there smoking and he turned his head 60-100 degrees to stare into my eyes while he walked across my line of vision. This look was sustained for about 5 seconds until he walked so far ahead he couldn’t keep his head turned around any longer and kept walking. He didn’t blink or look off the side or anything this time. He didn’t say anything either and didn’t smile. It was the most intense eye contact I’ve ever experienced in my life. I debated starting a conversation with him, but he said goodbye to those women and I didn’t want to keep him from leaving. Was he waiting for me to smile? I just don’t understand why he would look at me like that though. Especially after how badly our conversation went last time. Do you think he was just looking to recall who I was? Do men usually stare at women they have no interest in?
I hope this wasn’t too long of a read, haha. 🙂
Hi Zarine,
When he was avoiding looking at you on your first meeting with him and then looked at you as you were about to leave, he may have done so because he didn’t want to be rude.
The fact that you were about to leave may have prompted him to respond out of a sense of courtesy.
8 months later, when he was looking at you as he was headed to his tour van, it is unlikely that he was waiting for you to smile.
He had just been surrounded by several doting women prior to this.
This means that this is a normal occurrence for him.
If you had been part of that earlier group, it is unlikely that he would have stared at you as you would have been simply one of the bunch.
However, in this instance, you were on your own.
It made it easier for him to take a moment to observe and notice you due to the fact that there weren’t any other distractions.
In that moment, he may have had a slight sense of recognition and was trying to place you as he walked by.
So yes, there is a good chance that he was trying to recall if you were someone he knew or had interacted with in the past.
Yes, men will stare at women they have no interest in.
They will normally do this when that woman either reminds them of someone or when they are mentally comparing her to someone that they may already be seeing or pursuing.
Hey Luke,
I am kind of stuck in a complicated situation. I work at a hotel front desk and this girl went to our vending machine and walked past me. As she was coming back, I said as I always say to customers have a nice day which led to us talking for a few minutes. She left and than came back five minutes later back to the desk to ask “about more coffee cups”. This led to us talking again and I found were the same age (first year college). She asked if she will see me again the next time her family stays at the hotel. Her family comes every month for a few days, but she lives four hours away. The next morning she walked in and was all smiles and she stood around in the lobby for a few minutes with her family, and walked back and forth past the desk a lot. I talked to her AGAIN and she asked again if she will see me working at the desk next month and I said I will be here. She seemed a little nervous and I could see she was blushing a little bit even through the cover up she had. She than came back and purchased snacks from our little snack shelf by the desk and I met her little brother. She lives four hours away so I am trying to comprehend why she was so into me and the signals she was giving seemed like she was waiting for me to make a move? I didn’t ask for her number since it seemed unprofessional to ask a customer for her number while on the clock. How should I even approach this?
Hi Luke,
I recently found your YouTube channel and appreciate all the advice that you give people. I was hoping you could answer a question that’s been on my mind for a while. My question is whether or not you think this girl is really interested in dating? I met her in college and I’ve known this girl for almost a year now, and we have become pretty good friends. In the last few months we have texted each other quite often, and I’ve gotten the feeling that she may be interested. She will text me “Hey” first many times, and we also sometimes will send each other funny videos or pictures that we find on the internet. She even started to texting me while we were in the middle of class even though we were sitting right next to each other. One day she said that she wasn’t having a very good day and that she was in a bad mood, but whenever I was around her she didn’t seem to be in a bad mood, and we just kept joking around with each other. Later that day while we were in class she texted me saying “I’ve been in a bad mood all day. You handle me very well. I need someone with your patience”. Does this mean she sees me as a friend or is she trying to hint that she is interested and wants me to make a move? I seem to think that she may like me because she has already expressed interest in going with me to the beach one day this summer.
I want to ask her out on a date this week, but I would like to know if you really do think that she is interested. If she is indeed interested then what do I do to show her that what I want to do is a date and not just a couple of friends hanging out. What exactly should I say to her to let her know the feelings that I have for her and to see if she really is interested in me. I’m just trying to figure out how to approach this because this is the first time that I have been interested in dating someone who is a good friend.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Hi Josh,
It does seem as though she was waiting on you to make a move.
If you are trying to comprehend why she was so into you, it may be because she so happened to find you attractive.
A good way to approach this is to see if you can find a way to get in contact with her.
If her family stays at the hotel every month, there must be names and some contact info on them.
If you have that kind of access and authority at your job, getting a hold of this information may be helpful.
You can use this information to find a way to contact her on social media.
Social media is a little bit more palatable and less invasive than suddenly calling her on her phone out of the blue.
Being a young girl of first year college age, there is a good chance that she has some kind of social media presence.
Whether it be on Facebook or some other social media platform, try to see if you can locate her.
The goal is to be proactive in finding a way to contact her so that you can begin the process of rapport building.
If you just wait until her family returns a month from now, she may be in a totally different frame of mind that may be contrary to what you just experienced with her.
Hi Dylan,
She may like you but isn’t entirely sure whether she wants this to go any further than what you have now.
Hence, she drops the subtle hints about going to the beach this summer but stops short of taking it any further than that.
She may or may not be interested.
It could go either way.
However, one thing that seems very likely is that she wants someone that can handle her.
She may believe that person is you.
However, when she told you those words she may have been trying to gauge how you would respond.
If you had made a move at the moment she may have actually welcomed it.
Yes, you should ask her out on a date this week.
I know that you are worried about whether her feelings for you are the same as your feelings for her.
However, you can’t wallow in doubt and over-analysis.
This is where a lot of guys go wrong.
They over-analyze to the point where they simply end up either turning off the girl or talking themselves out of asking the girl out.
In order to show her that you want a real date and not just a couple of friends hanging out, you have to tell her that it is a real date.
It is that simple.
She will know what you are talking about.
No need to start telling her a whole bunch of words about your feelings.
Simply ask her out on the date and if she agrees, let the date enable the both of you to begin the process of opening up to each other.
** I accidentally posted this question in the ‘About’ section.**
I hope it’s fine that I post it here instead, and then it can be deleted in the other ‘About’ section?
Good morning Luke 🙂
My name is Eva. I am a huge fan of your videos. I have been watching them a lot on youtube….
At one point, I played the ‘Staring’ videos series while driving to work yesterday…
This is why I think you would be able to give me very good advice about a specific situation related to staring:
Could I please send you an inquiry? It is about a man that I work with.
I work in tv and film on the production side. The hours are very long… Something like 12-15 hours per day. :/
We usually start work around 7:45am. Each morning whenever I come into work and begin having a conversation with a colleague in the department I work in, there is an older gentleman in another department adjacent to ours who always comes out of his office and stares at me while talking on the cell phone about a work-related purpose.
He is about 20 years older than me. He is the head of his department. I am in a junior position. Since I am in my early 30s, I think this age difference is ok. He is more heavily associated with production, and so he is often on the road or on set… Whereas I am associated with the art side of production.
A couple of times I’ve noticed whenever the older guy would see me, he would start to adjust his hair, and kind of tuck it behind his ears. Initially I did not take notice of him, but now I am interested in him because of all the staring. lol
Sometimes when I am cutting things at the cutting table, he will be on the cell, and come out of his office and stare at me while he talks on the phone. His office is near our department.
When I look up at him, he will continue making eye contact with me. We lock eyes a lot. Whenever he is on-set, and I arrive to the set, he always makes his way towards me so that he is standing near me… It has become slightly obvious to me now.
Yesterday when I was cutting, I decided to be brave, and try to make eye contact with him… So during the time he was staring at me, I looked up and held eye contact with him. I kept taking it away though, because it felt very intense. Then he would walk to another part of the office where he could still see me from, and keep looking at me from there! It was nuts. Like, he just kept looking. So I met him in the eye contact, and then he finally went to another part of the office to continue to conversation.
I finally caved and asked one of my bosses what his deal is. She said he is divorced with an adopted daughter who is in high school. The thing is, she is close friends with one of his colleague who shares an office with him…. So maybe she told his colleague and he could even know by now! But I had to take a chance and ask her, because I wanted to find out of he was single or in a relationship.
This staring been going on for 3 months. I am a friendly person, and he can see/ hear this. Once I tried to say hi to him, but he was talking to himself and doing numbers (a large part of his job is accounting) while getting coffee in our large industrial kitchen.
For a while every time I walked past his office to go to the kitchen, and he saw me return to my department… He would walk past my desk. Once he walked past my desk, and just did a loop back to his office.
Why doesn’t he try to talk to me. He seems to be fine talking to other people. He recently hired someone, and even they talk to me! It’s driving me crazy.
Please Luke, I would love your help! 🙁
The production is ending in 1 month, and I am starting to feel sad I won’t see him unless we work on another show together.
THANK YOU!
In much gratitude,
Eva 🙂
*** Things I forgot to add*
1. There is a girl who works in my department and actually sits quite close to me . She getting married next Sunday! She has even noticed the head of the other department staring at me, and now for the past few weeks she’s trying to get his attention by staring at him. It’s actually crazy that the girl is doing this, since she is engaged. She has also started walking past his office and staring inside WHILE he is sitting in there… She is actually kind of mean to me in general, so maybe she can tell I like him.
2. He has also been staring at me through this reflective window in my art department. I never knew he could see me through the reflection while he is photocopying or printing at the large printer… It was only when a coworker in another department called out to me while I was sitting in my cubicle and tried to get my attention through the reflection. That’s when I realized all those times he would stand at the printer, and I would watch him looking into the reflective window, we were actually making eye contact!
Okay sorry, I am going to leave it at that now.
Thank you,
Anxious Eva
Hello,
I really like your youtube channel and have watched most of the videos. I would like to ask you a question which I hope you answer, I would really appreciate it.
Anyway, I’m in a relationship with my boyfriend for 10 months now. He is a very good guy he used to texts me and call me all the time. Now he doesnt as much. I’m not a clingy girlfriend at all I try to let him chase me.
The thing is that I feel like he is bored with me. Like he stopped putting effort into the relationship, into me. We don’t go on dates anymore we sort of hang out doing nothing romantic. He doesnt try to impress me anymore. Whenever we go out he seems bored and tired like he doesnt want to be there. More than often he even tells me that he wants to go home during the ‘date’ because he is tired. I’ve tried to dissappear for a day or too just to make him chase me again. Well he did text me and stuff but the next time we met he seemed bored again. This makes me so angry for some reason. I told him that I’m not happy and asked him if we should break up and he said that he wanted me in his life no matter what. He didnt want to break up in any way, even though he said he is not as excited with me as he was at the start.
I’m not happy that way. I can’t be with someone who is not excited to see me. The problem is that I love him and it scares me living with out him. But I feel like he wants me in his life so much because he has no other friends and he is antisocial. He says that he loves me so much but for some reason I do not believe him. Yes he is always there for me but I feel like he is not in love with me, like he just wants me in his life so that he knows that he has someone that cares about him.
Whats your opinion on this? What should I do? Thank you for your time.
Amalia
Hi Amalia,
Thank you for liking my Youtube channel and watching the videos.
I hope they have helped you.
Your boyfriend may be bored because the both of you often do the same things when you go out.
Try to change things up.
Do and go somewhere completely different.
Also, when you have conversations, talk about new and different topics.
Talk about stuff that you normally don’t talk about.
This may help to spark some conversational spirit into the relationship and enter new territory of thought.
These are a couple of things you can do to try to inject some energy and life into your relationship.
However, here is the thing.
If you try all of this and he is still making very little effort or is just bored, you may have to let him go.
He has said that he loves you so much.
Well, if he truly does, he will recognize your effort and try to play along with all of his intention.
If he doesn’t put out the effort, he has settled into a monotonous relationship that is all about the convenience rather than the passion.
You shouldn’t spend so much time being unhappy.
That goes against so much of what makes relationships worthwhile.
Hence, try to make this final push.
If he doesn’t play along, you may have to let him go.
Hi Eva,
Thank you for being a fan of my videos.
I hope the ‘Staring’ videos helped you in some capacity.
I would say that this guy is interested in you.
There is just too much staring for this to be merely coincidence.
However, he is a divorced guy who may still be emotionally distraught from his previous marriage.
He may also be worried about the fact that he is in a higher position than you are and what the ramifications of him talking to you could be as far as how he is perceived by others.
In situations like this, getting him out of the work environment is one of your best bets.
This may help to get him to open up to you and stop being so aloof.
If you can find a way to hang out with him outside of work, do it.
One of the ways you can go about doing this is by getting to know the people who work in his department.
Build some rapport with them through conversation so that they can begin to trust you.
This may eventually give you the opportunity to be introduced to him through one of them.
From here, you can find out if they tend to go out on lunches or events as a group and if so, you can try to tag along.
Once you are around him outside the work environment, he may be a lot more willing to talk to you.
This is especially true when he knows that you are friends with or acquainted with certain members of his department.
Hey Luke 🙂
Thank you for taking the time to give me this feedback! For a while, I have been thinking I am simply eye candy to him, because we keep locking eyes with eachother. More often then not, I am the one to look away.
When we are looking at eachother, for me it feels really intense and I feel like I am going to start breathing through my mouth because my heart rate increases. Is this only related to attraction? Or maybe lust? I have never felt this way before.
I thought if someone is interested in you, they might be more shy about it. And not stare… He isn’t as talkative as some people in our office, and as a result it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. He doesn’t have much of a dress sense and is a bit shabby lol. I am the exact opposite. Not judging him or anything, but I am looking past all of that because I really like what I have observed of his personality. He is very laid back, and relaxed. He is someone who is quite pleasant.
Thank you!
Hi Eva,
The intensity, breathing through the mouth and heart rate increase is typically due to intense attraction.
It is sometimes misinterpreted as lust but lust tends to be short-lived.
You can only go on for so long lusting after someone before it is lost due to the fact that the lust hasn’t been satisfied.
Hence, you simply move on to someone else to lust after.
In your case, this intense feeling persists.
When you look at each other, it is there.
This tends to be attraction.
Some people show their interest in different ways.
Some are shy and others are more aggressive.
It just depends on the kind of guy that you are dealing with.
Best of luck.
Thank you so much for your very introspective answer! God bless you Luke 🙂
x Eva
Hi Luke,
I unfortunately fell into the trap of having ex sex and a week later he said we shouldnt be friends anymore and i found out hes been chatting up another girl and im not sure what to do. We were talking everyday for months and the minute we finally gave in, the communication stopped. I know the best thing to do is to move on but i cant stop thinking about it and i feel so down about it.
Hi Anon,
By telling you that he didn’t want to be friends anymore a week after having sex with you, he has clearly shown that he has no interest in being with you in a romantic sense.
The part of you that loves him will hold on to hope.
However, you already know what you have to do. You have already said it.
Yes, you have to move on.
If you can’t stop thinking about it, start getting busy participating in different activities. In other words, start occupying your time with stuff to do.
It could be learning something new or getting immersed in an activity that you already love but have been neglecting.
The more often you do this, the less you will think about him and eventually you will move on.
The other alternative is to keep on hoping and unfortunately that will only end in despair.
Hi,
I really like your youtube channel. I would like to know your opinion on this problem I have.
So my boyfriend of a year is in love with his dog. He talks about him all the time. Whenever I go to his place all we do is play with the dog, feed the dog and walk the dog. Its like I am not evem there he does nothing to show affection to me. Why does he even invite me to his place? I do my best to appear excited with the dog because If show how bored I am he will get offended.
I get that it’s important to him but is this proper behaviour? He totally ignores me. We don’t ever go on dates anymore because of the dog. My boyfriend says that he doesnt want to go on dinners or cafes because he doesnt like it. All he wants to do is chill at his house playing with the dog. One time I told him that i would like to go on dates and do things as a proper couple but he told me that it doesnt matter what you do. All that matters is that we are together. Isnt that really selfish? He tells me that he wants to see me but whenever i tell him to go on dates alone without the dog he declines it. He tells me he loves me but im so fed up. He makes me feel like going on dates is something superficial and stupid which is not. What should I do?
Thank you
Stella
Hi Stella,
He may be inviting you to his place in the first place because he wants to be around two living beings he cares about.
His dog and you.
In that order.
If he had this dog before you two started dating, he was already attached to it.
Hence, he is used to fawning on his dog and giving it the lion’s share of his attention.
Typically, this kind of behavior slowly dissipates with time as the both of you grow in your relationship.
However, it has been a year and he is still giving the majority of his attention to the dog.
You are most likely dealing with someone who is relatively anti-social by nature. I would deduce that he may not have too much of a social life outside of you either.
This is a behavior trait that is uniquely his and has nothing to do with you.
You could be his dream girl and he would still be showering the majority of his attention on his dog.
It’s proper behavior to him because it is what makes him comfortable, safe and loved.
When you told him that you wanted to go on dates and do things like a proper couple and he told you that it doesn’t matter what you do as long as you are both together, he was not really thinking that he was being selfish.
In his mind, he was being magnanimous and caring.
His approach to this relationship is totally different from what you see it as.
He may not think that anything is wrong.
Again, he is not big on the social aspects of things. He would rather stay where it is safe. That place is with his dog and consequently you in the mix.
He is clearly of a totally different mindset than you are.
It has been a year and yet he continues to decline dates that don’t include his dog.
Again, this is a behavioral trait that has nothing to do with you.
He has shown over the course of the last year that this behavior is unlikely to change.
If you want to go out on dates and feel like you are truly in a relationship with someone who loves and cherishes you, you are better off letting him go and moving on.
Hi Luke,
I was hoping you could provide your opinion on something
This girl and I have known each other for quite a while now and I’ve recently started to develop feelings for her. She’s down to earth, outgoing, funny, and I always have a good time when I’m around her. She recently came over to my house for the first time for a party that my family and I were throwing. She got to meet my family and my other friends and we all had a good time. When the party was over I walked her out to say goodbye and she said she had a good time. I thanks for coming and asked if she wanted to come over and swim at my house sometime. She was the first one to bring this up earlier in the party, and she said that sounds like fun and for me to text her whenever I’m free.
I’ve gotten the feeling that she may like before, and definitely think it would be a lot of fun she could come over. The only problem is that I still live with my parents while I’m going to college, so it seems kind of weird to have her over to go swimming while they are around. Should I wait until a time where they are not home, or do you think it would be fine to invite her over when they are around. How would I then go about making that situation less awkward while she is here? Should I invite other friends over at the same time or just go down to the beach instead where it would definitely be just us?
Thanks
Hi, again!
I’ve been talking to this one guy and we’ve skyped and he was going to come up in my town when the fair starts but then one of my friends told me I needed to ask him what he wants out of “this” because I couldn’t really tell what he was in for.
So I texted him and asked him and he said he just wanted to mess around and that he wasn’t really looking for a relationship. He’s a great guy and we get along very well but I don’t know what to do!!! Do I cut it off because he doesn’t really want a relationship? Or what do I do??
Please help me, I’m so confused, all my life I’ve found guys that just wanted sex from me and I never even initiate it like this is not even something I want to do for fun you know? And I’ve never found a guy that cares about me or how I’m feeling and I’m scared it’s never going to happen 🙁
Hi Joel,
She was the first one to bring up the idea of swimming at your place.
This means that the fact that your parents may be there doesn’t bother her.
Don’t wait until a time that your parents aren’t home. Just invite her over regardless.
She may actually like to be around your family and observe your interaction with them outside of a party environment.
This could actually make her like you more.
The situation doesn’t have to be awkward while she is there.
Just act like she is any other friend that you have invited over for a swim and there should be little to no awkwardness.
Perhaps you may have a few nerves in the beginning but as the day wears on, you will relax.
You shouldn’t invite other friends over.
This may make it seem like you lack the confidence to handle her alone.
Just be yourself and let the conversation and interaction determine whether there is chemistry.
Hi Laura,
If you want a relationship and he clearly doesn’t, yes, you should cut it off.
You shouldn’t want to put yourself in the position that some others do.
They get involved with someone who is only seeking to “mess around” in the hopes that the person eventually changes their mind and starts dating them on a serious level.
Unfortunately, most of the time, this doesn’t happen and precious time and feelings have been wasted.
If you have always found guys who just want sex from you, you may want to start being cognizant of the kind of places you hang out and the people you associate yourself with within your social circle.
If you stay in your comfort zone and refuse to start opening yourself up to new avenues by which you can meet new guys, you may remain in this predicament.
Hi Luke,
Thank you for your response. I will try the things you have mentioned, and hopefully all goes well.
Thanks
Hi Joel,
You are welcome and I wish you the best of luck.
So i just found out the ex who broke my heart and spread rumors about me said to his friend (who is also my friend) not to sleep with me.
My ex has a girlfriend now and has done for 10+ months and has had a baby with her, so i honestly don’t understand why he would be telling his friends not to sleep with me if he doesn’t care anymore. could my ex still care deep down and be in denial?
or is he just being completely childish about the breakup
please help thanks
Hi Jem,
Given the fact that you have both been broken up for at least 10 months or more and yet he is still talking about you to his friends, albeit in a negative light, typically means that the likelihood of him still caring about you to some degree is strong.
thank you for your response i really appreciate it, you are not the only person who has said that either, my boss said guys have a tendency to miss something they once had and most the time deny it.
My ex has spread rumors about me, and he was the one that cut contact he didn’t even break up with me. i was there for him throughout a lot of stuff that was heartbreaking and also stuff that was out of this world amaizing and yet he said i did nothing for him. he made me out to be this horrible person and now he’s saying to his friend not to sleep with me when me and this friend met up. it is a big headf*** as you can understand because it was him that pushed me away. He has built up so much negative anger or resentment towards me anyone would think i cheated on him or something the way he is going about it. we haven’t spoken or even seen each other since he pretended he couldn’t contact me. about a month later he got with a girl and was having a kid with her. it’s all just a big mess.. so despite even if he does like me i doubt he would ever do anything about it because it’s like anger out of nowhere completely blinds his judgment when it comes to me.
so to be honest i am not going to do anything about it, there is nothing really i can do, to be honest the ball is in his court.
thanks so much for your answer xxx
You have seen a guy stare at you some of the times when you around him, And this time when you are in the hallway, he stares at you and you hold the eye contact for some time, then break it up, The next time he doesn`t stare at you, may be he thinks, this time she saw me stalking at her , i dont no, but something like that. What does it mean??
And also sometimes when you are inside school, you see him lots, like his around the places you usually be and stuff, his trying to be so close to you when you are in a hallway , he tires to walk at the same pace with you, all over a certain you become uncomfortable and hurry up?
And his this kind of random guy who you are not friends with, you have never talked and his face just looks familiar around the school ?
In my own opinion I think that I have a little bit of feelings for him, but not so sure. But he has never made any move.
His he attracted to you or his he trying to establish communication or something?
Can you please help me figure out this thnxs!!
Hi Jem,
You are welcome.
You are making the right decision in moving forward with your life.
Hi Tendo,
When he stares at you in the hallway sometimes and other times he doesn’t, he may be indicating that he is shy.
When he tries to get close to you in the hallway and walks at the same pace, he may be trying to get you to notice him.
He may not be confident in his approach and hence he resorts to these kind of non-verbal tactics in order to get your attention.
Yes, totally random guys at school can stare at someone that they find appealing or compelling.
It happens quite often.
There is a decent chance that he is both attracted to you and trying to establish some form of communication as well.
As I mentioned earlier, he may be a relatively shy guy who lacks confidence in his approach to women. This may be the reason why he hasn’t started a conversation with you as of yet.
Since you are beginning to experience feelings for him, you should try to smile at him the next time he stares at you and keep the smile sustained for a few seconds.
This may be what he needs in order to feel emboldened enough to make a move on you.
Hi Luke,
My best friend just recently introduced me to your videos and I really enjoy them. I have a situation and I could really use your advice. I tried to find the answer in your videos but haven’t found one to cover my situation.
I met the perfect man about 2 years ago. Everything was perfect. We loved each other completely, went to church together, my friends and family loved him, and he always spent time with me. However in the middle of our great love affair his father died and something in him changed. He stopped going to church, stop spending as much time with me and just basically pushed me away. He stated he needed some space and I gave him plenty of it. After sometime he came back and apologized for the space and stated he just needed to clear his mind. But things were never the same. He would make plans with me and not show up, he stayed away more , stop calling, and stopped returning my phone calls and text. I then just left him alone completely…well one day 6 months later he text me for my birthday. I replied back a day later and thank him and asked how he was doing. He replied and we just had small talk about the changes in his life. After we ended the conversation I did not contact him again; however, he started contacting me once a month just small talk. I invited him to my daughter play during one of our talks and he stated he would come but did not. He claimed he had to work and I believed him because he is a police officer and he works a lot and he is on call a lot. When we first met he was new to the force and had more free time now he has become a workaholic. One his days off he works other security jobs for extra income for school because he is in school full time.
Anyway that invite happened 5 months ago so I stopped inviting him to things but he continued to contact me at least once a month. Fast forward to July 2015, his contact has increased to every two weeks and sometimes once a week. Recently he told me he is still in love with me and to be honest I still love him. We haven’t had a chance to go out like we use to due to his schedule but he has started making time for me. He started meeting me for coffee in between his shifts dressed in his uniform and all. He also started talking more and he now replies to all my text messages to him. However, I’m afraid if another tragedy hits he will go ghost on me. I’m afraid to trust him with my heart completely.
Can a man say they love you and their actions not line up? Does this man seem as if he is trying to build something back up with me? Or should I just move on? All I get from him is messages stating he love and misses me but no action. He tells me he will have more time once he finish school next month, but should I wait and see what truly happens or just move on? I think if he truly loved me he would purposely make more time for me now and at least call me twice a week instead of once every other week. I don’t know what to do,do you have any suggestions?
Thank you for reading and I eagerly await your advice.
Hi Sara,
I am glad that you enjoy the videos and I hope that they have helped you.
Yes, a man can say that he loves you and have his actions not line up.
It typically happens because there is a part of him that fears that by not telling you that he loves you, he may lose you completely.
Though he may not be willing to take the actions required to show that he truly loves you, he is still fearful of losing you.
This man doesn’t necessarily seem like he is trying to build something back up with you. He comes in and out of your life. That is far from building.
What seems to be happening is that he tends to miss you every few months and hence will get in contact with you.
He has now increased the frequency of contact to every two weeks and sometimes once a week.
Though you may feel that this is promising, it really isn’t. He is still not communicating consistently.
This usually shows that he is not fully invested mentally.
He may feel like he is becoming more and more fond of you and hence he has increased the frequency of communication but he is still not entirely devoted to making this work.
He is in essence keeping you close enough for some comfort to himself but far enough to keep him from having to make commitments where you are concerned.
Yes, you should just move on.
A guy like this is rarely going to give you the kind of attention that is required to make a stable and sustained relationship work.
You will be constantly left to guess what he is thinking and how he is feeling.
You have already stated that you are afraid that if “another tragedy hits, he will go ghost on you.”
Your fear is warranted because up until now, all he has shown you is a lack of full-fledged enthusiasm.
He may tell you that he will have more time once he finishes school but that is normally an excuse.
It’s unlikely things will change when he finishes school next month.
By telling you this, you may feel the need to wait for him. This is probably what he wants.
Unfortunately, he would be doing this for his own sense of security and not yours.
As you stated, “if he truly loved me he would purposely make more time for me,” and this is absolutely true.
No matter how many times he tells you that he loves you, actions speak a lot louder than words.
Unfortunately, he is not taking action.
You should move on from him.
If you keep allowing him to get away with constantly delaying when he is going to get serious with you, you may not only be waiting indefinitely but you may lose out on other genuine opportunities for romance that come your way.
Hi Luke,
I think I have came across some of your videos a few months ago not sure. Your advice are good even when at the time I didn’t expect me to have my situation get to a certain point. For my situation I came across where I met my first love in my last year of high school. Now it’s a bit of long distance thing because I live in another state. And I don’t often visit his state because of school & money issues. We still talk and we had our little up and downs. We still have feelings for each other. At first we were both single while we were in different states. And I thought that was cool until he started to have gf first but I can not blame him. People do get lonely. And I then got a bf to get over it/him but apparently it doesn’t work for me. I really like him alot and I don’t know what to do. He and I can’t say or do anything about it. Way before he started dating he use to express how he felt and now I think he scared to. I don’t like it but I have to accept it.
In a few weeks I will visit out there to see my sister and I might see him but I am scared I would cry and I don’t want to. I want to act like I don’t care. How can I tell if a guy likes me even though he has a girlfriend? Do you think he feels how I feel? We still talk and he has told me he wish he could see me and he admitted he still likes me too but what does that really mean? Do you think in the future I would get a chance to be with him, if I wait patiently? Can you also tell me how to stop getting jealous and learn how to put a limit telling him how I feel. Please help I am so confused and always emotional. I’m just so tired of crying and I want to be myself again like I use to be. I never felt like this before
Hi Tiffany,
A good way to tell if a guy likes you even though he has a girlfriend is by how much attention he is giving you.
If he is making a lot of eye contact and is constantly trying to be closer to you in physical proximity, there is a good chance that he is at least attracted to you.
It is unlikely that he feels the way you feel. After all, he does have a girlfriend and he hasn’t made any real attempts to be with you.
Yes, you may still talk but it doesn’t mean that it will go any further than that.
Talking is one thing, action is another.
If he admitted that he still likes you, he may be trying to keep you closer to him as a way to feel assured that if his relationship with his girlfriend doesn’t work out, he may have someone else to keep him company.
This doesn’t mean that he would necessarily want to be with you. Only that you would be able to keep him company until someone else he really wants to be with comes along.
I don’t think that in the future you would get a chance to be with him if you waited patiently.
Again, you have to look at his actions as your guide.
A guy who really likes you would end his relationship with his girlfriend and make a real effort to begin to court you, distance notwithstanding.
To stop being jealous, you will have to realize your worth as a person. You will have to start living a life of independence.
If you are constantly thinking about him every moment of the day, you won’t be able to put a limit to how much you tell him about your feelings towards him.
Your life has to become full with other priorities.
What is it that you want to learn how to do? What are your passions in life?
Start undertaking those ventures and you will stop thinking about him so much. This will allow you to be clearer of mind and less likely to give in to your desire for him every time he contacts you.
Hi there
I am 23 years and my boyfriend is 29 years. We have dating for about 3years now. He is a single child and was brought up by his mother alone as his father passed away when he was little. From that time his mother is everything for him and he loves and respects her a lot. In between these 3 years he was abroad for 2 years. In the start it was all good. He called me every night, we spoke for hours and hours though it costed him a lot. He came back after a year and that time things were fine between us. He went back and things were as usual talking in the night and msgng constantly. Later his mo went to meet him and while she was there he did not call me as usually did. Once she came back things were fine again. This happened every time she went there or he came here. Slowly the calls reduced to alternate dates then only on the weekends. Now he has come back because I could not deal with the,one distance and requested him to come back.
I started making plans to go out thinking that things will work fine again as he is back. Now it’s been almost a month that he is back but we hardly met 2-3 times as he has started with his job. I do a night shift and get an off on weekdays, he teaches in a college so he does a day job and gets off on the weekends. His mom has a problem if we meet after my work and I cannot meet after his work as I am working at that time. The day she has an off his mom expects him to go out with him and spend time with his family. She does not let us talk on the phone and gives a reason that he needs to rest.
His problem is that he does not want to hurt his mom and me and at the same time he is not able to manage things me and his mom
My relationship is at a stake please help!!!!
Hi Divya,
You will have to let him know that you would like to spend more time with him.
Try to get him to partake in activities with you that you know he enjoys.
Make sure that you let him know that you want to have these experiences with him.
If he continues to ignore you and spend the majority of his free time with his mom, you will have to tell him that you want to be a special part of his life and you won’t be able to go on in the relationship if he doesn’t start treating you as such.
Hence, you will have to be strong and say what you need to say. You will also have to be willing to back up what you say if it comes to it.
It may take you showing him that you have other things going on in your life without him in it to eventually make him realize that he needs to spend quality time with you.
Hi Luke,
I’m an 18 year old girl, and the guy I like is 24. I’ve known him for about a month or two now and the way we met is that he was my teacher in a photography summer class. The class lasted for a week and during that time I think I may have noticed some signs that he may like me but i’m not sure?
1. Whenever he taught lessons at the front of the room, his eyes would be locked onto mine for the entire time.
2. If he did or said something funny in class or at lunch, he would always look to me for my reaction first.
3. When, as a class, we were walking to or from lunch, he would always walk nearest me even if we weren’t talking. If we were all standing around talking, he would stand nearest me.
4. When we were taking pictures outside, it was common place for him to walk around and check on us but I noticed that he seemed to linger around me longer and make random conversation. At one point during that time, I moved a bit away to get a better angle on my picture, and he also moved with me, it seemed subconsciously, then when he thought about it he seemed to move back to where he was.
5. Also, sometimes when we were walking side by side, he would sometimes casually start to fall behind me a bit?
6. One time I asked him to show me how to do something on the computer in class so he sat down next to me and our legs touched. But he didn’t move away and he sat there like that for 15 minutes helping me. During that time he was talking really soft to me and I was joking/teasing him because he couldn’t figure out how to do something so he then laughed and ran his fingers through his hair.
7. And finally, since the class is over I have been emailing him because he’s agreed to still help me learn anyway. In his emails to me, he sends lots of exclamation marks and emoticons (mostly smileys).
Are these signs that he could like me or is he being just friendly? Am I reading too much into this?
Thank you in advance for helping me try to figure this out!
I like this guy who has a girlfriend and I feel bad for liking him idk how he feels about me but what if we start talking and both like eachother? Advice?
Hi Brianne,
If he already has a girlfriend, it is best to stay away.
If you started talking to one another and you began to develop feelings for him, you would more than likely be the one who would end up hurt and empty-handed.
Unfortunately, that is how it normally turns out in scenarios like this.
You end up hurt and he still has his girlfriend.
This is not a place that you should ever want to be.
Hi Alexandra,
Yes, you may be reading too much into this.
So far, these signs appear to indicate that he is just being friendly.
There is really nothing here that would indicate that he has a true romantic interest in you.
Try to observe or recall his general demeanor around people.
You may notice that he is just as nice to them as he is to you.
Yes, I know that you mentioned how his eyes would lock to yours the entire time while he taught class.
However, he couldn’t possibly have been staring at you without moving his attention away for the entire duration of the class.
There were moments that he looked elsewhere.
Did he lock eyes with someone else when he did this? Maybe, maybe not.
However, you wouldn’t know because you were so invested in waiting for him to lock eyes with you.
When he walks nearest you when you are going to or from lunch, he may be doing so because you are someone he is familiar with and somewhat fond of.
However, this doesn’t mean that he likes you. He may just see you as one of his favorites. Many teachers have favorites.
Also, since the class ended, you seem to be the main initiator of emails to him.
In other words, he is not taking the initiative to email you first. He will reply to your emails but hasn’t really bothered to send them without first receiving an email from you.
It doesn’t matter that he has exclamation marks and emoticons when he responds to your emails. It doesn’t change the fact that he barely initiates them.
This is typically a sign of someone who isn’t interested.
Hey Luke,
I am in a relationship of 11 months with a very good guy. We are really good friends we support each other and talk everyday. The thing is that we are not good lovers. The passion is completely gone. When we hang out he doesn’t kiss me once, he rarely hugs me or say anything romantic. Whenever we talk on the phone he is constantly talking about the shows he’s watching or other boring stuff. Still I try to dress up cute for him or try to do other things rather than chilling at his house watching netflix. That’s all he wants to do. It’s like he wants to avoid any intimate romantic moments with me. When we do go out he seems bored like he wants to go home watch netflix again. I feel so unloved.
I talked to him about this and his reaction was anger. He told me that I was selfish, that I ask for too much, that I don’t see the things he does for me. I told him that I appreciate the fact that he is tha shoulder I can lean on and that I respect that. However that’s not enough for a relationship to be considered great. I told him that I need to feel loved and he told me again that I ask for too much and that I am ungrateful. He even told me that If he doesn’t make me happy I should go with someone else and he would be ok. He tells me that he loves me and stuff but his actions confouse me.
What is your opinion on this? What should I do? How can I make him treat me the way I want? Is it worth trying or should I give up?
Thank you,
Alice
Hi Alice,
This sounds more like a friendship than romance.
If he is not kissing you, hugging you or saying anything romantic, he is not being affectionate nor is he showing how much he cares for you.
You seem to be someone that he just wants to keep him company and make him not feel so alone.
He rarely goes out on dates with you and when he does, he acts bored and seems to prefer heading back home to watch some more Netflix.
On the contrary, he is being the selfish one here, not you.
It is not asking for too much when you want to be kissed, hugged or shown affection as his girlfriend. This is part of what being in a relationship is all about.
Unfortunately, he knows that you care about him and he is using this to his advantage by constantly trying to put you on the defensive when you tell him about how you feel.
I would say leave this relationship and move on now.
However, I know that this can be hard to do, especially if you love him.
With that in mind, you can give this thing one more shot.
Tell him that you are willing to compromise and hang out with him when he watches Netflix. However, there must be an equal return.
For every Netflix session that you have with him, he will have to match that by going on a proper date with you and must be willing to put in real effort during the date and not act bored.
If he is willing to make this concession, you can move forward with this arrangement and see how things turn out.
Perhaps, this can reignite the passion in your relationship.
However, if he is not willing to go along with this plan, you should give up on this and move on.
Theres this guy I go to school with and i’m having trouble figuring out what his deal is. I can’t tell if he likes me, wants to be friends with me or just wants my approval.
He’s always staring at me from a distance with his mouth hanging open; he kind of looks surprised to see me whenever i’m around town, like he wants to say hi or something.
I’m a little confused because he also does this thing where he’s mean then nice. I was selling cupcakes for a bake sale and I asked if he and his friends would like to buy some and he turns around and in a real nasty tone he goes “um, no!” I just flipped him off and walked away. After that one of my friends asked me what I thought of him while he was in the other room. I told her about the bake sale thing and told her I thought it was rude and unnessecary. When I walked into the other room he tried to be friendly and strike up a conversation. He asked me if I was taking AP art next year to which I replied yes, he said that it would be really good for me and it would help me to improve in my artwork. I just said “um, thanks.” and walked away.
He’s always trying to connect with me through art or poetry since we’re both heavily invested in it. I dont show off my art work like other people at my school, so he always kind of tries to peek at my work whenever i’m walking down the hall with it, or if he see’s me sketching he’ll lean over and go “thats really cool”. I’m not really sure how to react to him, so I keep a relatively cool demeanor. I’m also naturally a bit shy and I don’t say much. What do you make of this?
Hi Mariah,
He may be giving you this hot and cold behavior because he is not quite sure if you have any kind of romantic interest in him.
As a result, he will be mean so as to not appear too taken with you.
Other times, he will start a conversation, just to ensure that you are still willing to talk to him.
There is a decent chance that he does like you.
However, if you continue saying things like, “um, thanks,” after he starts trying to have a conversation with you about AP art, he may start getting the vibe that you have no interest in him or you are playing games.
This may lead him to stop his efforts entirely and just focus on being mean to you whenever you are both in the same vicinity or ignore you completely.
It seems like you do have some interest in this guy.
You should start opening up to him when he tries to make conversation with you. Try asking him questions about him as well.
There is a good chance that after you start doing this, at some point, you will be able to gauge just how interested in you he is, if at all.
I have liked this guy for a while, he will always say ‘hi’, ‘bye’ to me with a smile and wave sometimes.
Once when I was in class he just tapped my shoulder when he was leaving and when I turned he was waving to me and smiling just before he left.
He stopped this for a while but then started again 4 months later and when he did, he called me a lovely young lady. When I was saying that I can’t do it he will say, yes you can and then clapped for when I did it.
I drew a picture of one of the bands he listened to and was thinking of giving it to him but I had doubt in my mind till one of his friends which was my friend also, told me that I should, so I did. He was quite surprised at first but smiled and said thank you.
It seems though that he stopped saying hi to me now and sometimes eye contact which is really confusing me, sometimes I see him looking at me when I talk to his friend and when I was stuck behind him and someone he was talking to. He saw me behind him and jumped slightly then walked really fast to his class.
Please help me, I don’t know what to do. Why does he keep doing this to me and just when I was thinking to tell him my feelings about him.
Hi Lilly,
You are better off telling him how you feel about him and letting him give you his answer. Otherwise, you will just keep guessing and wondering why sometimes he will say hi and other times he will walk away really fast to his class.
There may be a part of him that likes you but isn’t quite sure how he should go about telling you or showing you.
If you were to be honest with him about how you feel about him and he were to tell you that he is not interested, you can move on without having to deal with these questions anymore.
If he were to tell you that he is interested, you can move things to the next level by going out on a date and seeing if there is true chemistry.
Hey Luke,
So I followed your advice and I talked to my boyfriend. He said that he missed the feeling of chasing me even though I am not clingy at all. We had a very emotinal conversation from which I realised how much we love each other. We accepted the problems in the relationship which were the lack of passion and excitment.
I told him I wanted to take a break. He was negative because he said that I would easily forget him and move on with other guys whereas he would be alone in his miserable life. I told him that this would not be the case and in case things dont work out after the break of two weeks ends he should move on with his life and be happy again. He told me that he doesnt want to go out with other people except me. In the end we agreed on taking a break for two weeks.
However the next morning he called me crying telling me to forget the idea of a break and be together again. His main issue was that I would forget him and move on with other guys. He has no other friends and doesnt want any. In the end he calmed down and agreed to be on a break again.
My problem is that I am afraid that after those two weeks he might have changed. The truth is that I really love him, he was always there whenever I had a problem, he would always make me feel better. He knows me better than anyone and so do I. So even though the break is the best choice I am afraid that I will never find someone like him. Our connection is so special however for some reason it didn’t work out.
How can I overcome this fear? I know it is really selfish of me thinking like that but what If the two weeks pass and I need him and he is not there? He might hate him for leaving him alone for this long. What is your opinion Luke?
Thank you,
Alice
Hi Alice,
Well, you are right in that things can change in two weeks.
However, the best way to overcome this fear is to stop focusing on the fear of loss. Instead, focus on allowing yourself to enjoy these two weeks.
Get busy engaging in new and different activities. Hang out with your friends and family.
If you truly want to follow through with the break, resist the urge to message him or contact him.
This is a period where you may have to let each other breathe so that you can come to terms with where the relationship may be going.
Being that he did call you the next morning crying about not wanting a break, you at least know that he genuinely cares.
Perhaps these two weeks will be the wake up call he needs to start acting right and giving you the attention that you deserve in the relationship as an equal partner.
So far, you have been the one who has been conceding to what he wants by watching Netflix with him and letting him get away with lackluster dating habits.
Trust in the belief that however which way this goes, this kind of break can be what you both need in order to ascertain where things go from there.
If you are worried that he might hate you for leaving him alone for this long, you will have to let that go.
You can’t control his emotions and how he responds to this. Only he can control that.
Focus on doing what is within your power to do and that is to use these two weeks to reconnect with others and live a robust life.
When the two weeks are up, you will know the final verdict.
However, you have to understand that the relationship couldn’t keep going the way it was. Something had to be done.
Now, you have made this decision to take a two week break.
Let that stand.
Hi Luke. Thanks for your time if you answer this.
I’ve never been in a true relationship. I’ve always gotten to have a “thing” with girls, the going on dates stages. And I always mess up for some reason. I’m beginning college (Go Hoos!) and this summer I started talking to a girl who I’ve known for almost all of grade school. She’s really quiet and so much like me. We got to the point where we texted everyday, and started a summer fling. We hung out twice, had an amazing time both times.. Then she had to go to a camp for a few weeks.
I don’t know what happened at camp, but when she came back last Friday, she said she didn’t want to continue our fling because “it would cause too much anxiety before we leave to college.” Weird excuse, but I guess she just wanted to spend more time with other people. It also discourages me to see a lot of pictures on Facebook with her and a guy friend at camp. It’s a bummer because honestly she’s the “one that got away”, if you will.
I guess my question is.. How do I stop feeling like I did anything wrong, and move on? I keep thinking about it and her, because I’m an overthinker.
Thanks so much.
George
Hi George,
A good way to stop feeling like you did anything wrong and move on is to realize that you actually didn’t. You have to tell yourself that and use the fact that it is a true statement to support you.
To move on, you will have to open yourself up to trying new things in your life and experiencing the world that is at your disposable.
You will have to really start engaging in newer activities, projects or hobbies in order to start focusing your attention on something else.
The more engaged you are, the less likely you will think about her. This will help you to stop overthinking and ultimately move on.
Hey Luke,
So i dumped my boyfriend of a year a week ago very politely because I wasn’t in love with him anymore but I really care about him. He wouldnt accept the break up and he would call me everyday begging me to give him a chance to make me happy ( I have given him a ton of chances in the past but he wouldnt do anything of what he would promise).
He got really angry and called me a b#tch, So I told him me to never contact me again and I hanged up the phone. He would keep calling me telling me he’s sorry for what he said and that it was on the heat of the moment. Still I would not pick it up.
The next day he came under my house. He came all the way from his house which is an hour away with his bike at 8 in the morning. So I couldnt let him standing so I agreed to talk. I would be polite to him and he would do anything to take me back. He was crying etc. In the end he told my that he will never stop trying and he left after giving me a letter telling me how much he loves me.
Later that day I go on his facebook profile and I see that he added a girl he had made out with before me but she had dumped him. I am so furious. He used to say that he hated this girl because she was shallow, a b#tch and that she wanted just sex. And after crying his eyes out in the morning begging me to come back, he goes adding her on facebook? What’s that all about? I know that I’m not in love with him but I still care about him and now that I see that he wants to replace me that quickly with a girl he is suppossed to hate makes me feel betrayed.
What is your opinion on this Luke? I would really appreciate your reply.
Elena
Hi Elena,
He may have added this girl because he is trying to find something from his past to hold on to as he might feel like he is losing you more and more each day.
It is when we are most emotionally distraught that we tend to be the weakest.
Hence, he may have added this girl to his Facebook for that reason.
It doesn’t necessarily meant that he is looking to replace you. Remember, as far as he is concerned, the impression that you have been giving him is that you don’t want to take him back.
He may have no idea that deep inside you may still care for him.
On the other hand, if you notice that he is spending a lot of time with this girl and seems to be trying to hide that from you, he may be trying to have it both ways.
In other words, he may be hoping to get you back while keeping her as his insurance policy just in case you don’t get back with him.
However, if there is rarely any interaction between them, it is likely that he just added her as a reaction to his relatively low emotional state right now.
When people feel like they are in a desperate situation that has no certain outcome, they do desperate things.
Elena, you have to figure out what you truly want.
If you still care about him, then you will have to figure out if trying this again is worth a try or if you would rather have him as a friend or cut him off completely.
If you are saying that you feel betrayed that he has replaced you with this girl so quickly, you may still want to have a relationship with him.
You can’t have it both ways.
If you keep him in the loop, constantly allowing him back into your life to beg for you to come back, you will be in a constant state of instability.
Make a decision on where you want to go with this guy and stick to it.
Hi Luke,
I am college student who has never been in a relationship before. The most I have ever done is flirt with a few girls over the years, but I never wanted to get into anything serious because my goal has always been to try and put school first.
I recently met this girl at my university, and I’ve gotten to know her pretty well over this past year. It’s to a point where I’ve really grown to like her, and she stands out from the other girls that I’ve talked to in the past. I want to let her know how I feel about her, but do not know exactly what I should say. I have no problem with asking her out on a date, as I have already called her to see if she would be interested in going bowling whenever she is free. What exactly do I say to her when telling her that I like her, especially because since she is a good friend? I have been in one previous situation very similar to this one in the past where I have really liked another friend, but never did anything to let her know because I felt like it could ruin our friendship if she did not feel the same way. I don’t want it to turn out the same way this time where I am stuck wondering what could have been.
Where would be a good place to tell her this and what exactly do I say to her to tell her I like her? Any kind of advice would be appreciated.
Thanks
Hi Andrew,
A good place to tell her would be in an area where there are no major distractions.
If you know that there is a spot she likes to go to in order to enjoy a hobby or pastime by herself from time to time and you have shared some of these moments with her in this environment, meeting and telling her there would be a good idea.
The best way to tell her you like her is to first invite her to do something with you on an official date. To ensure that she is certain that it is a romantic date and not a friendship hang-out date, tell her that it is an actual date.
This may prompt her to ask you why that is or be silent for a few moments as it sinks in.
This is when you would have the opportunity to tell her about how you feel about her.
However, do keep it short. Don’t overpraise her or throw too many compliments at her. Just keep it simple and short.
Tell her that you find her attractive. Then tell her about one quality that she has that you really like about her. Then leave it at that. At this point, remind her about the date by asking her if she is up for it.
If she says yes, she is interested in you romantically.
We met online 1 month ago, since then he used to text me daily and call me often. He told me he liked me etc.
We wanted to meet that week but couldn’t because of conflicting schedules. He said he didn’t want a relationship just casual sex, I agreed with him, but in the back of my mind I still wanted a relationship and was hurt as to why he didn’t want one with me. Im a virgin, and he isn’t. He said that we wouldn’t date or have a relationship just casual. I still agreed because I liked him I guess. But he got flakey and would sometimes not pick my calls or reply to my messages he wasn’t interested in going on any actual dates, so I got nervous thinking imagine if I slept with him, he would probably go MIA afterwards.
So i straight up sent him a text thanking him for being straight up with me and real and said we should leave things be, and not contact each other again.
He didn’t reply but read it. And since hasn’t attempted to contact me for 7 weeks.
One of my friends said my text seemed like rejection? I dont think so. We dont see each other cause we have different groups of friends.
He disappeared 7 weeks ago.
So he texts “heya, how ya doin?” when I reply he reads it and doesn’t reply.
Is he playing mind games, it doesnt make sense to start a conversation and ignore. I didnt take long to reply 10 minutes.
It wouldnt seem logical for him to see if Im interested because I wont sleep with him and I’m sure he has many other girls that he is sleeping with. Am I on the backburner? The thing is we never got to know each other on a emotional level,Does he want attention from me?
Was it to see if I’m still interested and willing to text?
Hi Shayson.usa,
He may have happened to just think about you and sent you a text as a result. That may have been all there was to it.
He happened to think about you for a brief moment and decided to send you a text on a whim.
Trying to make sense of it all may drive you crazy.
To him, it may have been perfectly normal to text, “heya, how ya doin?” and ignore your reply, especially when he has all these other girls that may be taking up his time.
You are not necessarily on the back burner. You may be someone that he will think about from time to time before he moves on to other thoughts relatively quickly.
It’s like that child that loves his toy truck. That’s his favorite toy. His mom may buy him a new toy that he will get excited over for a while. He will play with that new toy and forget about his toy truck for some time.
However, he will soon come back to his toy truck and the new toy will just sit there forgotten, only to be played with from time to time.
So yes, you will probably hear from him sporadically from time to time like the child who has remembered his new toy.
However, he hadn’t attempted to contact you for 7 weeks prior to this text that he sent you. That is a very strong indicator that he doesn’t think about you on a regular basis and isn’t willing to pursue a romantic relationship with you.
He may not really want attention from you.
With his lack of communication to you, he may be showing that he is getting all the attention he needs from other girls.
Try not to think too hard over the text. You may be trying to give it more meaning than it really has.
He didn’t necessarily do it in order to see if you are still interested and willing to text. Given his past and continuous behavior, he may have done it because you just so happened to cross his mind at the time and nothing more.
Hi 🙂
thank you for responding to me.
Given the circumstances in which we last spoke prior to the most recent text, I ” thanked him for being straight up with me and real and said we should leave things be, and not contact each other again”. I thought it would be odd to even text me.
He wanted only physical with me is what I gathered but I declined because I want a real relationship. He knows I won’t sleep with him, because I want to be in a relationship first. So, He is not playing mind games?
He just wanted to see how I am?
Hi Shayson.usa,
Yes, it is unlikely that he is playing mind games.
If he was intentionally trying to play mind games with you, he would have contacted you a lot sooner than 7 weeks after.
A guy that thrives on playing mind games normally wouldn’t take that long to start playing with your mind.
He may not have necessarily wanted to see how you were doing either.
He may have simply texted you because you crossed his mind or he happened to see your number as he was looking through phone numbers on his phone.
The fact that he has displayed so little interest in pursuing a relationship with you throughout the duration of your interaction with him and his silence over the course of the last 7 weeks would normally indicate that you rarely cross his mind on a daily basis.
Follow up!!!!
So I had asked a few weeks ago about the staring guy at work…
Well the production we are working on is wrapping in days (Literally). And I sent him a ‘It’s been great working with you’ sort of email because I had actually called him an hour earlier and he did not answer. He was working on set.
So an hour later I sent him an email with that title, ‘it’s been great working with you’ because I was under the assumption his last day is tomorrow…. Included things like ‘it’s been great working together, im on the hunt for a job etc.”
I also managed to sneak in ‘i wanted to know if you wanted to get together for coffee sometime?”
so he replied pretty promptly… within 10 minutes. and replied to everything I wrote. He also indicated he would be working till the end of the week as well….
However he did NOT address my invitation to coffee…..
In fact he did not reply to that question at all.
Is it now finally safe to assume he is definitely not interested in me? Because why ignore my invite to coffee? He did not say yes. Or even address it.
Hi Eva,
Yes, it is safe to assume that he is not interested in you.
He clearly saw that you asked him to get together for coffee sometime because he replied to everything else that you wrote except that.
He ignored it for a reason.
He replied to your message to be polite but he doesn’t want to take things any further than a professional relationship.
Hey Luke,
So I am in a relationship with a very sweet guy for almost a year now. The problem is that he is rally flaky.
Last night I had a major fight with my mother so I was really sad and upset and called him to ask him whether we could meet so that I could forget about the fight. On the phone he was very sweet and told me that of course he would meet me because he wants to make me feel good and he doesnt like listening to me like that. I wasnt being clingy on the phone I just asked him and he said that he would do anything to see me smile etc. However an hour after the date he calls me and tells me that he is really sick and that he can’t make it. I know he was not sick. He just didn’t want to meet me. He does this all the time.
He is constantly complaining that am never the one who make plans but whenever I do he flakes on me last minute. I was really mad because he claims that he will do anything for me but he doesn’t. We had a fight over the phone and he was telling he is sorry but I just can’t handle this anymore. On the phone he is really sweet and talks to me like no other but whenever I ask him to meet him he flakes. Bare in mind that we have been together for a year now.
What should I do? I can’t stand his behaviour anymore. Plus he says he’ll call me but doesn’t. I don’t want to break up with him but I need to do something.
What’s your opinion?
Thank you
Maria
Hi 🙂
A guy that I only went out with once drunk texted me the other night after 11pm asking me If I had sex with anyone else as yet.
We never had sex, but the topic of virginity came up and I told him that I was. I last saw him 4 months ago, it kinda fizzled out because he didnt view dating like I did. This is the 2nd time he drunk contacted me the last was 4 months ago when we were still talking. Im quite surprised he even kept my number. Over the last 2 weeks hes contacted me a few times him initiating always, we would exchange like 3 or 4 texts at a time nothing major. Im sure he has tons of girls willing to sleep with him.
I’m not sure as to what he wants. I never replied to the text. He knows that I dont do hook ups/sleep around.
Hi Lily,
He has only contacted you twice in the last 4 months and drunk texted you both times.
The last time he drunk texted you, he wasn’t asking about how you were or whether everything was alright with you. He was asking whether you had sex with anyone else yet.
Clearly, he doesn’t care to pursue any kind of substantive relationship with you.
He probably kept your number because you are another girl that he can keep as an option just in case he hits a dry spell with the other girls he is more interested in.
Hi Maria,
He may not be as into you as you are into him.
That may explain his flakiness.
It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. It’s just that he may have taken your relationship with him over the course of the last year for granted.
Something you can start doing is start leading a very exciting life by making new friends or getting busy with new hobbies.
Don’t be so quick to jump whenever he asks you on a date.
Let him know that you have something else planned from time to time.
As he notices this, he may begin to realize that you aren’t sitting around waiting on him to follow through on a date. You are actually proactively having your own social life and living it to the fullest.
This may make him start feeling the need to keep your attention and show you that he is worth spending your time with.
This is you changing the power structure of the relationship by making it more balanced.
If you don’t start shifting that power structure to make it more balanced, he may just keep being flaky knowing full well that he is in the driver’s seat and has the controls.
Hello Luke,
I want to start off by saying that I am in my early 20’s and have never had a girlfriend all through high school and college. I have never been nervous talking to girls, or even flirting with them once in a while. The only issue that I seem to have and get nervous about is finally telling a girl that I like them, especially one who I have gotten to know pretty well and consider a good friend.
There is this girl I have known for a while now, and we text and hangout pretty frequently. I really like her and want to tell her how I feel, but I’m nervous about letting her know and I’m not quite sure how to overcome this and go about telling her. I’ve seen your previous videos on youtube talking about developing a different mindset about seeing girls as a normal person just like myself in order to avoid being nervous around them. However, this technique doesn’t really work for me because I am never nervous when I am around this girl and have no trouble being myself when I am around her. The only thing I get nervous about is eventually telling her how I feel and that I would like to take her out on a date sometime. I feel like the one of the main reasons I feel nervous is more of the fact that she is a good friend and do not know how she would react. I would really like to tell her that I like her, but do not know how to finally do this. How do I get rid of this feeling and tell her? Even if she doesn’t feel the same I would still like to be friends because I enjoy hanging out with her.
Any response would be helpful.
Thanks
Hi Scott,
A way in which you can go about getting rid of this feeling is to stop worrying about what she will say or how she will react.
You really have no real control over that. All you have control over is you and how you present your message.
Are you worried that she will get angry? Are you worried that you will lose her as a friend? Are you worried that you wouldn’t know how to handle her telling you no?
Whatever it is that is making you nervous, you have to realize that there is no gain without risk.
What would you rather do?
Stay on the sidelines and do nothing but be her friend?
Do you want to see some other guy grab her attention and her heart while you look on?
Wouldn’t that be more upsetting and heart-wrenching?
In the end, you truly have to decide what is most beneficial to you and just how important this girl is to you.
Is she worth being asked out? Do you want her to see just how much you have to offer her as a boyfriend and not just as a friend?
Well, if the answers are in the affirmative, you get over this nervous feeling you are having and ask her out on a date immediately.
If you are worried that you may lose her as a friend if you asked her out on a date, you may be getting worried over nothing.
If she truly values your friendship, you won’t lose her. If anything, you may even strengthen the relationship because you have been upfront and honest with her about your feelings.
Hi Luke,
Thank you for getting back to me. I appreciate all the feedback.
The one thing that seems to be making me nervous is that I might risk losing her as a friend. I understand if she may not feel the same way, and I am not worried about how I would react if she did say no. She doesn’t feel like the type who would react negatively if I told her. I just feel that any time we would be around each other the situation would feel very awkward, and this is what might ruin the friendship.
As for the date I am thinking about asking her if she would like to go to a baseball game. Would she get the feeling that I’m interested in her just from us going to the game alone, or should I just be honest with her beforehand?
Thank you again for the great advice. I will try some of the things that you mentioned, and I am confident that I will be able to get over these nerves.
Thanks
Hi Scott,
As far as being worried about the awkwardness of being around each other after having told her how you feel about her or asking her out, the situation would only feel awkward if you allowed it to.
If every time you were to be around her you were to act all weird and nervous because you had just asked her out and she wasn’t interested, you would make her feel awkward and nervous as well.
She would essentially mimic how you behave.
However, if you were to simply be yourself after the fact and just behave normally like you would have behaved before asking her out, she would not feel awkward and she would follow your lead as well.
Again, the friendship is unlikely to be ruined if it was based in honesty and there is real concern for each other’s well-being.
Just be honest with her beforehand and try going somewhere else other than a baseball game if she accepts your proposal.
It’s best to avoid too many distractions on that first date so that you can begin the process of discovering if there is romantic chemistry between the two of you.
Hi Luke,
So my ex and I cut off contact about a month ago because things got too complicated between us (he basically used me for the business), we have been on and off for 3 years and officially broken up for almost a year now
Anyways, he met this girl at a party who happens to be my best friends other best friend also his best mates sort of ex and they’ve been frequently talking and their friendship is basically seen all over Facebook and stuff
We have a really complicated past where he’d do subtle things to get my attention again but it’d never be obvious enough to read into until he admit it once we got on speaking terms again
I know this new girl is in the picture but I guess I’m wondering if she’s actually got him to commit to her
So I just want an opinion on whether I’m overreacting or there’s more to it than it seems
1. He still consistently “likes” my sisters photos who he has no contact
2. We were both invited to the same small gathering (me last minute though) and he doesn’t click going until after me an hour later although he’s been invited a hell of a lot longer
3. He unfollowed me on Instagram the day before this party which is now months after we ended contact (now I’m not sure if this is because of the new girl or some other reason, we are still friends on Facebook)
I know it’s probably reading into the situation too much but it’s driving me crazy thinking of explanations as to why it’s happening, but I guess what I’m really wondering is has this girl actually got him to change and get rid of me for good
Thank you Luke
Hey Ava,
You may be reading into the situation too much.
He hasn’t gotten rid of you for good. He still has you on his Facebook and you both seem to still be in the same social circles.
Until you hear or see that he is officially with this girl, he is probably just having an ongoing friendship with her that may or may not lead to romance.
Hi Luke,
So I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half. The relationship at the start was really nice, he would be obsessed with me, he used to texts me and mostly call me all day long and he would get angry if i didnt call back once or twice. He would be really sweet and romantic with me and I loved that.
However as the months went by all of that stopped. He stopped calling me and he would only casualy text me about his routine. Nothing sweet, nothing romantic. I would try to be the perfect girlfriend, doing new things so that he wouldnt get bored and stuff but he was so bored with the relationship. He was still there for me but I felt like he wasn’t in love any more and that hurt me alot so after some months I stopped trying to fix the situtation. I would stay there being unhappy pretending that I didn’t care.
We would break up and get back together for the same reason many times and he would always tell me that things are gonna change. The problem is that i’m totally in love with him and i get extremely sad when he shows no affection. I never show it to him because I don’t want to seem clingy because I feel like If I do become clingy he will be distant. This time I told him that I was unhappy and I suggested being friends with benefits so that I wouldn’t expect more things from him. I was so wrong. What happend was that he would get sex from me whenever he wanted without having to do anything. I thought that this way I would stay connected to him without having to expect the things that he can’t give me and in the end I wouldnt feel sad anymore. Right now as we are friends with benefits it’s like we didnt broke up, the relationship is still the same but he doesnt have to show any love and romance to me. It’s like I made his life easier. I want to make him feel excited for me as before but I don’t know how to do it because I seriously have tried everything I could. I always try to spice it up so that I wont be boring. However it’s like he is not interested but he doesn’t want to break up in any way either. What should I do? I feel like I have talked about this subject to him too many times that If I do it again it would be like a joke and he would not take me seriously. I need to feel loved again by him. Could you please tell me what I should do?
Hi Karissa,
The first thing you may need to do is truly consider the possibility that he may not love you.
Yes, I know that is difficult.
However, he isn’t giving you the affection or love you so desperately need. On top of that, he is now your friend with benefits.
In essence, he can get his physical needs met without having to even try to be a good and loving boyfriend.
If he doesn’t love you, you can’t force him to. He feels what he feels. You will have to come to terms with that possibility and perhaps be willing to let this relationship go, as hard as that may be.
You don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t love you back. It doesn’t matter what he tells you. What matters is what he actually does.
The friend with benefits situation is a problem as well.
You can’t keep giving him what he wants and essentially put him off the hook. He doesn’t have to romance you or be your boyfriend. Yet he gets to enjoy one of the biggest perks of having a girlfriend.
You can’t keep doing this.
If you want something more than what you are getting from him, you will have to stop being his friend with benefits.
I know that you are worried about losing him or him becoming distant. However, you will need to take a solid and brave action in order to see if this problem can be fixed.
You have got to allow yourself to believe that you can go for days or even weeks without hearing from him. You have never actually tried to be brave and unrelenting in this way.
If he truly loves you, he will miss you. He will contact you again. This is when you will have the opportunity to see if he is truly serious about being your true boyfriend.
You will have to give this time.
Guys typically come around when they realize that the girl is being strong and standing by her convictions.
If you are just too scared that you will lose him entirely by stopping the friends with benefits arrangement, you will essentially keep giving him what he wants without him feeling the need to step up and love you the way you want to be loved and this cycle will continue.
Hey Luke,
So I followed your advice and told him that I didn’t want to be friends with benefits anymore. He told me to be a couple again and I agreed. The problem is that as you said he doesn’t really love me.
He texts me everyday and stuff but it’s all casual. As I said at my last question he doesn’t put much effort in doing romantic things for me. However the problem is that everytime I try to break up with him, because it hurts me beings with someone who isn’t fully in love as I am after 1 year in a relationship, he does everything to take me back. He cries, calls me all the time, he comes under my house telling me how much he loves me and that he would change everything to make me happy. However once we get back together he does nothing for me again. Is this normal?
It’s extremely hard for me to not get him back because I love him very much and I believe him every time. This endless cycle is killing me. Why does he want to be with me so much since he doesn’t love me and shows no affection? I seriously don’t get it.
What do you thing I should do? Do you think that I should break up with him? How can prevent myself from getting him back?
Thank you so much for your time,
Karissa
Hi Karissa,
It is not unusual that he would do everything to get you back and then after getting you back he still continues to avoid doing romantic things for you or show affection.
It is most likely because he is afraid of losing you to someone else.
Guys can get quite territorial with a girl that they are seeing even when they don’t necessarily love them. It’s almost like you are someone that they have claimed and they don’t want anyone else to take you from them.
He wants to be with you so much even when he may not love nor show you much affection because you are something he is familiar with and secure in.
He knows you love him.
Even if he may not show you the same kind of affection, he still loves to receive it. It may be a way for him to feel like he is important to someone and that alone may be enough for him to keep wanting to stay with you.
What you should do is dependent on whether you are prepared to go through with it.
There is no point in you breaking up with him or threatening to break up with him only to take him back again.
In order to prevent yourself from constantly taking him back, you should take some real time out to assess what you believe you deserve.
Do you deserve to be treated in this way?
When you can truly come to a decision of what you truly believe you deserve, you can draw strength from that and do what must be done.
In your case, he more than likely won’t change. This cycle has been repeating itself for a while.
Perhaps you tell him that you should both take a break and just do your own thing for now.
This break may be an important time for you to begin to rediscover yourself and find where your internal strength lies.
This may also be a period for him to reflect as well and try to come to terms with his own emotions.
He may not want the break but it may be the best thing for the both of you at this time.
Hey Luke,
I’ve known this girl for about 3 months but we’ve only started talking recently. We sat together in a lecture and when we left she followed me to my bus stop even though it’s the opposite direction to her flat. She asked for my number and we’ve been texting. She messaged me during a lecture yesterday asking if I was there and I said yes and we talked for a bit and she said she was going home immediately after to sleep. I said I had to hang around for 3 hours to wait for my next class, and was going to go shopping for a birthday present for my friend. She then asked if I wanted her to come and I said that was cool. We went for lunch and had a kind of “date” where we talked about past relationships and stuff. As we were going back because I had class, she invited me to her birthday party this weekend. I get the vibe she likes me but I’m not sure. She also told me she just ended a not serious “thing” with another guy about 2 weeks ago. Do you think she’s into me or what’s going on?
Hi Roscoe,
It sounds like she is into you.
So far she has initiated quite a lot.
She asked for your number, has taken initiative to message you first, asked to go along with you while you shopped for a birthday present for your friend and has now invited you to her birthday party this weekend.
This is all pointing in the direction of romantic interest.
Girls don’t typically take initiative this many times with a guy unless they are romantically interested in the guy.
However, you do have to be careful.
If she has just gotten out of a relationship with another guy about 2 weeks ago, she may be looking for a rebound guy. If this is the case, she may lose interest in you very quickly the moment she feels like she has gotten what she wants from you.
So, you should play along but try not to make any presumptions at this time.
Socialize with her and get to know her better.
When you go to this birthday party this weekend, get to know her friends and try to learn as much as you can from them without being too obvious or nosy about it.
For example, you could get relevant information from them about her past relationship with this other guy and just how serious it was.
This will help you to gauge just how much of an interest she may have in you and what her intentions may be.
Hi Luke
So update on the prior situation:
1. He rocked up to the house gathering alone with hardly any friends
2. He’s now dating this new girl
I’m curious as to how his mind might be working in this situation, he was initially supposed to help his friend get with this girl then went behind his back and is now dating her (the friend had been pursuing her for months). To be fair, he has never liked this friend but for the groups sake remained good mates anyways and insisted he’d help because he was going to be at the same party as her. (He had never met this girl til the party)
They ended up becoming friends after the party and started to talk which the other guys in the group started to catch on. After being warned not to go for her because of the drama it would cause, he still went for it then when everyone completely stopped talking to him because of it, he decided to randomly announce to everyone they were now dating in the most oblivious way (obviously not the smartest idea)
Out of all the girls he had been talking to prior, he chose the one girl that rattles everyone, including myself as we were aquaintences due to a mutual best friend.
Would he be dating her because he genuinely likes her (after a month of knowing her), or is he doing this to spite everyone? Why would he show up to a party I was at knowing he’d be alone and not enjoy it when he has a new girlfriend?
Thank you Luke, I know this is all pretty stupid but I appreciate your help so much
Hi Ava,
He may be dating her because he genuinely likes her and not to spite everyone. He may see her as the most different of the girls and hence the most exciting.
Guys can also be strongly attracted to and fall for the bad girls as well.
He may have shown up at the party alone when he already has this new girlfriend because he wasn’t quite ready to present her in person to all of you.
Perhaps he wanted to gauge your reactions to his decision to be with her first before beginning to show up at events with her in person.
Hello Luke,
I’ve been single now for months after a long term relationship of mine ended. Although I feel like I’m over it and ready to move on, I always feel like my mind wanders back to us and I feel like it’s stopping me from moving on. I really am okay with being single so it’s not about finding someone else, I just feel like if I were to finally move on, would thoughts of my ex and the past relationship affect whatever’s to come? It’s been a while since the breakup and I haven’t met anyone that I see potential with and that kind of scares me, I loved my ex a lot and he was everything I wanted but things never worked out and I feel like subconsciously my brain compares new guys to him. How can fix this?
Thank you
Hi Brianna,
A way to fix it is to try to let go of your past relationship first and foremost.
If you can’t fully let go of it and allow yourself to move on, you will continue subconsciously comparing new guys to him.
To let go, you should start meeting new people in general and just start making an effort to get out of the normal grind of what you are used to.
The more newness you introduce into your life, the more likely you will begin to become engaged with it.
Once this happens, your mind has a way of allowing you to move forward because you are no longer putting images of your ex at the forefront of it.
Once you let go, you will be able to move on and start giving other guys a chance without subconsciously comparing them to your ex.
Hey Luke,
Update on the previous message, at her birthday party I didn’t talk to her at all that much and when we did they weren’t terribly great conversations (mind you we were both really drunk) I assumed if she liked me she would have tried to flirt with me but that didn’t really happen. I used her party to try and get to know her friends and be “accepted by them” in case we do get together. I am more confused now though as I felt like she would have talked to me more if she was into me.
Hi Roscoe,
Did you notice her flirting with anyone else during the birthday party?
If you didn’t, she may have honestly been too preoccupied with having fun on her birthday and being drunk.
She may want to talk more after she sobers up and she has had a chance to put some distance between the excitement of her birthday party and her regular daily life.
Hey Luke,
So my boyfriend deleted the majority of his facebook friends because he said he didn’t know most of these people, and he was only left with friends and family. However recently I’ve realised his facebook friends chart going up. He keeps adding random hot girls.
The thing is that before he met me ( we’ve been together for a year) he used to talk and flirt with girls on facebook. Thats the way he met me as well. Ever since we are together he hadn’t added any girl or talked to any. However now, it’s been a week that he keeps adding new hot girls. Isn’t this weird? I don’t really feel jealous just betrayed and angry.
Should I talk to him about it? I don’t want to seem clingy or like a stalker. The situation is really weird what should I do?
Thanks,
Miley
Hi Miley,
Yes, you should talk to him about it.
You don’t have to be confrontational. This will only make him become defensive. Thereby, ensure that you do it in a more conversational tone.
However, it’s important to figure out where his head is right now.
If he is getting bored in the relationship, he will add new hot girls because that is one of the ways in which he meets them. That is how he met you.
However, he may be doing it for other reasons besides boredom.
Just have an honest discussion with him.
Do not draw your own conclusions about why he is doing this. Let him be the one to tell you why.
Hi Luke,
I watched your youtube videos and they are really helpful. I need your advice with a situation I am in currently. I am 24 and I like this guy at the gym. I am a member since the past few years and see him almost everyday. He is a very nice person, very energetic and helpful and he is good at his job too. So whenever I see him I would always smile and say Hi but it was very casual.
Something happened few months back. Our eyes met and we held the gaze for a while. After that the guy’s behavior towards me changed. He started smiling at me a lot, stealing glances every now and then. Suddenly I realized I started seeing him more, almost like everywhere during the time I spent at the gym.
But I blew it up. I got too nervous. I thought it was all in my head and he won’t even notice or react. One day when he smiled and greeted me I just said Hi with a straight face. I could tell from his reaction he did not like it. I also tried avoiding eye contact with him because I was scared I would spill the beans. But I could not do it for long. So when I started making eye contact with him again, he totally ignored me, even gave me an angry look this one time. But he is slowly getting back to normal now. I don’t think he is upset anymore. But I don’t see him very often these days .Whenever I I see him I try to make eye contact , but he will quickly dart his eyes away.
I even had a long conversation with him few days back .It was purely professional but we were comfortable talking to each other and I later realized that we even aligned ourselves to face each other directly and ignored all the other people around us. He even helped me with something on this other occasion too.
So I am not sure whats going on with him. Is he interested in me or he is trying to be nice to me because I am his client and he is generally nice to everyone and it was all in my head. He was definitely doing something that I am missing now 🙁 What should I do? Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance !
Hello Luke,
So I am in the most weird situation ever. I am in a relationship with a very nice guy since last year. We do a lot of things together and most of the times people couldnt tell if we were a couple or just really close friends.
During the relationship we fought a lot about him not being excited with the relationship and taking me for granted. Despite that I thought that the relationship was amazing so I wouldnt break up with him. However I feel like now something inside me has change. The things he does annoy me like crazy, I find the conversations with him boring and his humor non existant. It’s been more than a week since I saw him because I keep flaking. I don’t know what is going on with me. I used to want to see him like crazy but now I suddenly don’t wanna go out with him anymore. Maybe because he keeps taking me for granted and I am sick of going out with him and then going home dissapointed.
The problem is that I can’t break up with him because I like talking to him via social media. He is my friend and I love him still. I know that my behaviour is awful but I just cannot dump him because he would beg me to get him back and I will because I can’t see him cry and suffer ( he is really dramatic ). However I know that I am not attracted to him anymore and I don’t want to go out with him because he will make me do things I don’t wanna do and have hopes that he will treat me like I wanna be treated. It’s like I fell in love with a vision and now I can see clear.
I know the situation is really complicated, I hope you understand. What do you think I should do?
There i this guy that i know, he is my bestie’s cousin. We were quite good friends before, he lives in Australia and is a citizen there. one day after school on a summer’s vacation, i decided to go spend it with my bestie, then later we got a call that her cousins are coming, which included him. So when he came, and met my bestie and some other of our friends, there were all getting along you know? but once i saw him and once he saw me, he just stopped talking and just stared… like he just stood still and stared! i mean (i like him so yea, dreamy moment lol) so my bestie (she knows i like him) and her cousin’s brother (which is still her cousin lool) decided to spread it around that i liked him. Ever since then, we were teased endlessly about our relationship. on often times, his bro will teasingly push me on him and stuff and i will be the only one scolding his brother and telling him to stop while he just doesn’t do anything (i have never really looked at his face and all when it happens lool). One day he told my bestie that “he wish to never see me again”. My bestie told me and i was really distraught. But instead of ignoring me and acting like i never existed, he kept on staring at me, LIKE REAL INTENSE STARES and one time when i was alone in the car he even came in to start a conversation with me! (i think he wanted to say something, but i cut the convo by leaving cuz i was too shy and hurt)
Years later, i haven’t heard or seen him and my friends that are with him said that he has never asked of me whatsoever. What should i make of this? does he like me? hate me? or doesn’t remember me after all this time? I need help please!
If a guy liked you, will he forget about you?
Hi Victoria,
He may like you but doesn’t know what to make of you.
The last time he tried to start a conversation with you, you cut the conversation by leaving.
It can be very hard for a guy to understand that a girl actually likes him when she shows this kind of behavior.
He may not hate you.
In fact, he may have gotten past the last incident.
However, it has been years later.
There is a good chance that he has gone on to meet girls who were more responsive to him.
He may actually still remember you after all this time. However, he may be unwillingly to try to talk to you again after how the last incident went.
Hi Victoria,
It really depends on how much he liked you and who he has gone on to date since then.
If he has gone on to date someone that he may have fallen in love with, he may forget about you while that relationship is in progress.
However, if he has never found anyone that had the same kind of impact on him that you had, it is unlikely that he would forget about you.
Hi Courtney,
You should tell him that you are not interested in him romantically and end the romantic relationship that you have with him.
You keep flaking on him.
This is one of the strongest signs that romantic interest is lost.
Clearly, you value his friendship. You enjoy talking to him on social media.
However, the reality is that you are no longer in love with him nor are you attracted to him.
This is how you feel and you are already aware of this.
If you were to stay in a relationship with him, you would be living a lie and leading him on.
Just be honest with him about the fact that you are no longer interested.
Don’t do it over social media!
Tell him face to face.
You tell him this over social media and he will only keep trying.
You did mention that he is really dramatic. He will try to fall back on that because he knows that it works with you. Be prepared for that and don’t give in.
This is the only solution Courtney.
Your heart is no longer in it.
Even if he were to start trying to be more exciting, it would probably feel more like he is trying too hard and it just wouldn’t work.
Hi Anonymous,
Your best bet is to ask him out.
The longer you keep wondering about what may or may not be going on, the more likely he will move on and this important moment where there is possibly mutual attraction will pass.
Perhaps he was very into you but was worried that you kept avoiding eye contact with him earlier on and answered him with a straight face on that one occasion.
Since guys are typically the ones who make the first move, they often look for a clear sign that the girl is interested.
You may have made him doubt that you were interested based on how nonchalant you have acted in the past.
Since you both meet at the gym, you can keep it simple by asking him to the closest health bar for a chat. There may even be a health bar in your gym.
The sooner you make it clear that you are interested in him, the sooner you will know if he feels the same way.
Hi Luke,
I was wondering why an ex boyfriend would use the same ‘inside jokes’ with his new girlfriend. I’ve noticed my ex boyfriend has been doing the same things with his new girlfriend as he did with me. Why would that be? Would it have anything to do with me or would it just be the person he is?
Thank you!
Hi Anon,
It most likely doesn’t have anything to do with you.
Your ex boyfriend is most likely using ‘inside jokes’ because he has gotten really comfortable with this new girlfriend.
This is a way in which he gets to show this new girlfriend that he is really fond of her.
There is a strong likelihood that he has always used ‘inside jokes’ even in past relationships that occurred before he ever met you.
Hey Luke,
So I broke up with my boyfriend of a year 3 days ago because he was being extremely selfish in the relationship. Basicly he stopped doing nice things for me and used me for sex and friendship. He said that he wasn’t as in love anymore as before but he wouldnt break up with him because he loves me and likes my company ( and sex ). He was being super selfish and took advantage of my emotions and even though he knew I wasn’t happy he didn’t care despite the fact that ‘he loves me and cares about me’.
I was so fed up with his behaviour that I dumped him over the phone even though he kept apoligizing and say how wrong and selfish he was. After that I told him that I don’t want to see him again and hanged up. He kept texting me and calling me beging me to stay friends on facebook and talk just like before. I blocked him and ignored all of his calls. How can he expect me to talk to him and be friends with someone who took advantage of me?
The problem is that the today he came unter my house, calling me to go out and talk to him for hours…He wouldn’t go away. I didn’t respond to his calls. Later that day he sent me a letter saying that he used to be so in love with me but missed the feeling of chasing me. He said that he was a douchebag and he can’t decide if he wants me as a friend or as a girlfriend because as he said he wants me as a woman. At the end he begged me to stay in touch and talk because he misses me etc.
Do you think that ignoring his calls compeletely is too harsh? Do you think that I should ever unblock him on facebook? Am I being too mean to him? I don’t know, he hurt me so bad and I dont want to give him the impression that after all he has done its ok now and we can casualy talk like nothing has happened. I feel like I still have feelings for him and I don’t want them to take over thats why I ignore his calls, so that i dont do anything stupid.
What do you think I should do?
Thank you very much for your time,
Amalia
Hi Amalia,
Ignoring his calls completely isn’t harsh.
He was very aware that the relationship was over because you ended it over the phone. Thereby, you didn’t have to respond to his calls.
You shouldn’t unblock him from Facebook at this time.
As you stated, you still have feelings for him and you may fall back into wanting to be with him again if you were to allow yourself to unblock him.
You are not being too mean to him. You have a right to be upset. You don’t owe him anything.
If you truly want this relationship to be over, you should keep doing what you are doing.
In time, when your feelings for him have completely dissipated and you have moved on romantically, a friendship connection may be reignited but not before.
Hello Luke,
I have been friends with this girl for a little over a year now. At first I only considered her a friend because she was dating someone until a few months ago. We’ve gotten closer since then and frequently text each other. There have been certain moments where I’ve thought that she might be interested in dating, but I’ve never made a move. I have no problem flirting with her occasionally, but I don’t consider myself that good at finally knowing how to make a move towards this girl that could potentially be a rewarding relationship. I have always seemed to have this problem once I start getting close to a girl. I just can’t seem to know how to initiate that first move. It’s something that has been bugging me for a while now, and I would like any advice on how to deal with and what exactly I should do when finally making a move towards this girl, and eventually telling her I am interested in her and would like to take her out on a date.
I have recently discovered that she may be starting to like another guy that she has known for a couple months. They aren’t serious or have even started dating yet, so I would like to finally tell her how I feel before anything more happens. I would hate the feeling of not having told her how I feel and miss out on something if she would have been open to us dating.
Her birthday is coming up in a couple of days and I would like to take her out to dinner to celebrate. Would this be considered a date, and would it allow me to tell her I am interested? Even if she does not feel the same way I at least want to get this off my chest because it is driving me crazy, and at least I would know that in the end at least I tried. I know this is a long post, but I appreciate any and all advice you could give to me in this situation.
Thank You
Hi Victor,
Yes, you should let her know that you are interested.
You don’t have to take her out on her birthday. You can simply wish her a happy birthday.
You shouldn’t want her to feel like she is obligated to feel the same way about you because you took her out to dinner.
You are better off just doing things with her that are not so grandiose in the beginning.
If there is a particular passion or hobby that she has, try to partake in it with her.
Ask her if you could come along and do whatever it is.
This is how you can start building some rapport with her.
If she is truly interested in you, she will make herself available to perform these activities and this may ultimately lead to a relationship.
Hey Luke,
Thank you for your reply. He has stopped contacting me and we haven’t talked for a week now and I don’t think that he will ever reach out to me. I’ve heard that going no contact is the best to get over a break up. When do you think would be the right time to unblock him from facebook? I have zero desire to get back with him. My question is: Do you think that after a month or so I should become friends with him? Is it possible? The thing is that he treated me really badly. Would becoming friends show him that I have no respect for my self? I definetely don’t want that. What is your opinion? When should I unblock him? In case he adds me should I accept and start talking again?
Amalia
Hi Amalia,
You may be better off keeping him blocked if you don’t want him to get the wrong impression that you still want him. You may have to maintain this for months if not permanently in order to ensure that he doesn’t get the wrong idea.
Why would you want to become friends with him if he treated you really badly and you truly have zero desire to get back with him?
This may only open up old wounds. You aren’t obligated to be his friend.
If you really want to be done with him, don’t accept his request to add you to his profile if he were to send it.
He hasn’t contacted you in a week, which means that he may be finally getting the picture that you don’t want to be with him.
You don’t ever want to be with him, right?
Well, if that is truly the case, things are going the way they should right now.
No need to upset the process by unblocking him and making him feel like there is still a chance for the relationship when he was already seemingly beginning to accept that there wasn’t.
Hi Luke,
Thanks for your advice.
So I finally gathered up the strength to chat with him and found out he has a girl friend. Heart broken but at least I can move on now.
Hi Anonymous,
Yes, you can move on now.
You did the right thing in chatting with him.
Hi Luke,
I’m very torn over my situation with a boy I’m interested in. The boy I’m interested in is the definition of a gentlemen and though we haven’t spoke to either as yet he makes a point to always greet me in the morning and hold doors for me. We share two classes together and often times he’ll stop by my desk and ask me questions about myself. He’s asked me to join some clubs he’s in (Im guessing so we can get to know each other) and I find this great considering I’ve crushed on him since middle school. Problem is he’s super handsome, athletic, and smart so he has tonssss of female friends that are veryyy close to him. He’s very outgoing and is always flirting with his female friends by touching them, hugging them, getting very close and personal and at times it’s as if they’re the only friends he has
Well I’m a bit on the shyer side and at first I was excited about sharing classes with him but now I am unsure. He knows I have an interest in him and has tried to get me to be part of his friendship group (which my friends have also recommended) but I don’t want to feel like a groupie. I truly want to stand out to him and dont want to feel like I have to flirt with him just to get close
My question is are flirty guys worth it? If anything were to happen between us would he continue flirting with his female friends? Theyre all very attractive and smart like him and I feel as though the only reason he would take interest in me is because he can’t be with them. I’m slightly discouraged and thinking it’s best to just focus on school.
Hi Anonymous,
Flirty guys can be worth it. Some guys are flirty by nature. It doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t be able to get into a relationship with someone and be faithful.
Yes, if anything were to happen between the both of you, there is a good chance that he will continue to be flirty with his female friends.
Understand that even if the both of were to be together, his female friends haven’t suddenly disappeared. They are still there.
If anything, if you are someone that they aren’t familiar with and you are not in their friend circle, some of them may even become somewhat protective of him and may even try to influence him to watch out and not get too involved with you.
This is especially true if there is at least one of those female friends who likes him romantically but hasn’t had the opportunity to be with him.
One bad apple can influence and thereby spoil the whole bunch.
So, you do need to figure out just how much you can take or how much you are willing to take.
He may be a good boyfriend to you but his flirty ways are more than likely not going to change. The attractive female friends in his life are not going to go away either.
You will have to figure out if you can come to terms with all of that.
Hey Luke
So there’s this boy I like and he knows it too but I cant be 100 percent sure how he feels towards me. I was very surprised when he started being kind to me and started inviting me to join some stuff he does. We’re still kind of strangers but he makes it very easy for me to approach him as he’s very open and always initiates conversation. The thing I’ve also noticed is his best friend now randomly messages me at weird times like 9 am to talk about music. I know his friend but we’ve never spoken to each other much until now.I wonder if this entire thing with his friend is a sign that this boy talks to his friends about me or is interested in me at all. Sometimes I’ll catch this boy staring at me with no expression and If I look at him he doesn’t look away but because my social anxiety causes me to act awkward around him there were many times where I wouldnt return eye contact or initiate conversation. I wonder if this messaging going on between me and his friend could just be a friendly gesture or something to do with this boy as well.
Hi Anonymous,
If you are wondering if the reason why he is messaging you is due to this boy that you like talking to him about you and telling him that he is interested in you, it is unlikely.
If this was the case, he would be asking you a lot more probing and personal questions in an attempt to figure you out.
He hasn’t done any of that. All he does is message you about music.
This may actually indicate that he likes you being that he has found something in common with you.
A good way to find out if this boy likes you is to initiate a conversation with him and begin to build rapport. Learn more about him and show interest in what he has to say.
If he looks at you, remember to return the eye contact and smile.
This is so important.
If you continue avoiding eye contact or you keep avoiding initiating conversation, he may end up thinking that you don’t like him and move on.
Being more than likely a relatively shy guy himself, he would want to get a cue from you to show him that you are interested. If you never give him that cue, he may decide to stop trying entirely.
Hi! I was wondering why my crush flirts over text but avoids me in person? When we sit together in class we laugh and joke around a lot. Some of my friends and even the teacher noticed our flirting and started to tease us a little bit. When we don’t sit together in class my friend tells me he looks kind of sad and stares at me a lot. Outside of class we don’t speak much asides from texting each other. He texts me almost everyday and flirts alot. One time I accidentally called his number, I apologized and told him I hit the call button by mistake and he jokingly responded with “Whoa. That’s taking things quick.” When I give him compliments he’ll say things like “Are you hitting on me?” I’m pretty sure he likes me too but whenever I ask him if he wants to hang out or see a movie with me he’ll completely change the subject to something irrelevant and won’t give me a straight answer! I’m a little frustrated with him right now and I don’t understand what he’s trying to do. Is he intimidated by me? Not interested? Or just trying to play it off?
Hi pinstripes,
He may not necessarily be intimidated by you. He may simply not want to take things further right now.
There are some guys who are happy to just flirt and text without taking things to the next level too soon.
That is where they are comfortable.
He may be interested in you. However, he is not willing to make the effort to take it further.
This may be because he is afraid that he would ruin the camaraderie that he has with you at the moment and he may not want to do that.
He may not be trying to play it off. He may be simply trying to delay this so that he can give himself more time to come to terms with whether he wants this relationship to become more than what it is at the moment.
Hi Luke,
I am a 19 year old male studying communications. There is this girl who I met in march in one of my classes. I find her attractive and we are friends. I did not make a move on her back when I met her due to focusing on class. Recently she has suddenly seemed more interested in me. She has been suddenly texting me and engaging me in conversation more. She has been making an effort to help me with class stuff where earlier in the year she wouldnt. She sent me a personal message on my birthday and was the first to do so. She also made a private instagram and added my instagram with it. It only has her close friends on it (mostly girls and 2 other guys who are her friends). I do not consider us close but she even text me to say she had made a private instagram and followed me with it. I also went to the shops with her after class to pass time and she showed off the bikini she had just brought to me (we were looking at different parts of the store). It seems like she may be interested but I am also aware she may suddenly view me as a close friend and I not being aware. It was a very sudden change in our friendship which slowly began to change after ending a secret sexual relationship with another guy in august. The only reason I know she had the thing with the other guy is because she told me in confidence. I know I am beginning to have feelings for her but I know that she might not actually be interested. Some insight from you would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks, RJ
Hi RJ,
She may be interested in you.
However, the sudden change in her behavior may be a knee-jerk reaction to the end of her previous secret relationship with that other guy back in august.
In other words, she may be looking at you as someone who could fill in the gap temporarily as far as male attention is concerned or even be a rebound.
This would mean that she wouldn’t look at this interaction that she is having with you as something long-term or serious.
In order to prevent yourself from developing feelings prematurely, you should ask her about what she thinks of you and how she sees you. Based on what she tells you, you will know where to go from there.
Hey Luke,
So I was in a relationship for a year with this guy. During the relationship he would never take me out on dates and in case he did just because I asked him too, he would look bored and he would do whatever he could in order to go home and do nothing. Anyway, I dumped him a month ago for major reasons, I couldn’t be with such a toxic person anymore.
The thing is that a month after I dumped him, he suddenly became sociable, he goes out every week with all these new people, going to clubs and stuff. The funny thing is that he was loner, he used to never go out, he hated clubs and meeting new people. To be honest he couldn’t even hold a conversation with other people but me. I was the only friend he had and all of the sudden he changed once we broke up? I don’t want to get back together but the whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable.
Was I holding him from making friends or something? I remember telling him to go out more and make friends but he would always say that I’m the only person worth his while and these other people are stupid. But now he goes out with these people!
Was he lying to me? What’s going on?
Thank you for your time Luke.
Amy
Hi Amy,
You weren’t holding him from making friends. He was a loner before you met him.
He wasn’t necessarily lying to you when he told you that you were the only person worth his while. He may have felt that at the time.
Guys who are like him tend to prefer not having too many people in their lives. When they have met one that they really like, they will tend to focus on that person and avoid interacting with others.
They tend to be satisfied with that one relationship because that person can be so many things to them. That person can be a friend, a lover, a confidant etc.
This allows them to avoid finding other people who may have been able to fulfill certain roles because they now have you.
Now that you are broken up with him, he may be going out a lot more because he is hoping to find someone like you again. It is very likely that the moment he finds someone like you that can give him so many different facets of a relationship from friendship to companionship, he will stop going out as much.
He would be satisfied with the new person and will focus on that person exclusively.
He may not want to go out on dates just like he was doing with you, however he would still want her in his life.
A reason why he may have rarely taken you out on dates when you were both dating may have been because he didn’t want to be in a public place. He didn’t feel that being in a public place was necessary.
He felt that the both of you should have been enough for each other.
Hence, the situation you are in is interesting.
He is the kind of guy that is so comfortable focusing on one person at a time while avoiding everyone else that the moment he finds what he is currently looking for, he may retreat once more into simply hanging out with this person and rarely socializing with others.
This means that he is not the kind that will put in too much energy in dwelling on a past relationship.
He may not be thinking about you anywhere near as much as you are thinking about him right now.
He has the kind of personality that can be really attached to someone when he is with that person but can also have no problem moving on to find someone else to replace them when it is over.
In essence, he may not be the type that dwells.
He has a void that needs to be filled and he will go out to find that person that can fill it before retreating back into his normal behavior which is one that isn’t social.
Hey Luke,
Thank you so much for your advice. The weirdest thing happened today. The ex I talked to you about just texted me after extactly one month of no contact. In the text he says that he loves me and wants to get back together and he is asking for another chance. I feel so weird right now. I don’t want to be in a relationship with him again but I don’t hate him anymore either. Should I tell him to stay friends? I don’t know what to reply. I don’t even know If I’ll reply at all. What do you think I should do?
Also I know that tommorow I’ll see him because we take the same classes. Should I talk to him or ignore him? Wouldn’t it be weird if i don’t answer the text but talk to him in public?
Thank you for your time Luke,
Amy
Hi Amy,
Exes do this all the time.
After a period of no contact, they contact you wanting to reconnect or get back together.
However, it doesn’t change the reason why you broke up with him in the first place.
Don’t forget that he wouldn’t take you out on dates, he was consistently bored when he did and you genuinely felt like he was a toxic person in your life.
Do you believe all of that has changed just because he has suddenly contacted you after a month of no contact?
This is unlikely.
If you want to move forward with your life, you shouldn’t reply. You will only put yourself back into the same situation that you were dealing with while you were in a relationship with him.
If he says hello when you see him in class, you can respond by saying hello.
However, try to avoid getting into any kind of extended conversation with him.
As long as you don’t allow yourself to get into a discussion with him, it wouldn’t be weird that you didn’t answer his text but you are talking to him at that moment.
After all, you would be merely greeting him back and moving on to your own spot in the class as you avoid trying to get into an extended conversation with him.
Hi =]
I really like this guy to the point I pretty much think about him daily but I’m pretty certain the feeling is not mutual. I’m just really hoping I’m wrong.
Basically we knew each other a long time ago and got reacquainted end of June. He lives about 2 hrs away and he did come to my neck of the woods for a catch up after I initiated the place (we were joined by two mates of mine for part of it) but since then we’ve only kept in touch through text and he’s never initiated anything since. I just know if I spend more time with him one on one I’ll get a better vibe if the feelings mutual but I don’t know how else to get him to come to the city when he’s so far away. We don’t really have any mutual friends so it’s hard to organise anything it would only be to come see me if I were to ask him to come out this way and I feel if I do that it would make me look “desperate”. He’s told me he finishes his study soon n was trying to apply for jobs in my city but I’m impatient and I just really want to spend more time with him sooner but don’t have the courage to ask him out properly cuz I feel I like him more than he likes me. Should I just move on? I’ve never been so attracted to anyone since my ex which has been years now. I’m quite selective and I’ve always felt back when we knew each other there was chemistry but I was seeing someone at the time so I just thought it was more platonic chemistry but now I see him a lot differently.
Hi Emily,
Have you ever thought about going to where he is at and hanging out with him?
It may be a good idea to suggest doing something together in his part of town so that he doesn’t feel like he is always the one coming to you.
Try doing something like that first and see what he says.
If he starts giving excuses and makes it hard to set up a time to do it, he is most probably not interested and you can move on.
If he responds well and agrees, go to his area and see how things go.
One of the best ways to tell if someone likes you the way you like them is by observing how they treat you when you are in their environment.
If he starts taking you to his favorite spots in town or introduces you to several of his friends, colleagues or family, you know that he truly likes you.
Thanks, I never thought of it that way however it did cross my mind but then thought I would be imposing by just inviting myself to go to where he is, there’s nothing much to do out there to be honest except to see him
Hi Luke,
Here’s an update,
I haven’t been able to ask her how she feels towards me but some things have happened to make the situation confusing. She rang me on the phone to pick our classes for next year together so we’re in all the same classes next year (which we did) and she also randomly text me asking if I wanted a ride to the exam which I am taking her up on. She also text me out of the blue at 11:40 pm on a Saturday night to tell me that she hadn’t studied for our exam all day (which I thought was odd) It is obvious to me that she cares about me and I think she may have feelings for me but again I could just be a friend.
Await reply,
Thanks RH
Whoops I meant RJ
Hi RJ,
She does seem to care about you.
Have you noticed any moments when she has tried to flirt with you or say something a bit risque?
If she tends to stick to the straight and narrow, talking to you primarily about classes and studies, she may only see you as a friend.
To gauge whether there is any romantic interest there, try to flirt with her the next time you interact with her. If she plays along, she may be romantically interested in you.
Hi Luke,
Thanks for all the replies. Since my latest message she posted a picture of me on her private instagram and tagged me in it that she had screenshot of me the day before. She also drove me to our exam and we hung out for a bit beforehand. She asked to be alone for an hour to study then she text me when she was done asking if we could meet up again. I said yes and she asked me to come to her and I said no and for her to come to me which she did. We had the exam and I haven’t seen her since. I messaged her to hang out this week and she replied she would but her week is too busy this week due to study and other things but she said we can hang out after our last exam next week. She also deleted every post on her entire private instagram and unfollowed half of the people on it including me and a couple of her close friends (which was just weird to me). Seems to me either she is interested or she sees me as a good friend
RJ
Hi RJ,
If she follows through and hangs out with you after your last exam next week, she may be interested.
This is when you would have to seize the opportunity and flirt with her or talk to her about other topics other than studies and see how she responds to that.
However, if she gives you more excuses about her being busy, it is very likely that she only sees you as a good friend.
Hey Luke
So I’ve met this guy recently through friends when we went out clubbing together and we ended up kissing the whole night. Since then everytime we’ve been out as a group clubbing we’ve gotten together but I kind of want it to go further to see where it leads. We don’t exactly talk when we’re not out and even out of a club setting in a group we hardly talk. He’s sort of a “fuckboy” but even though we kiss a lot lately it’s not going anywhere. How can I grab his attention and get things to go further without being obvious about it?
Thank you
Hi Brianna,
You can try to get him away from the group when you go clubbing. Suggest going somewhere more quiet where you can talk.
Try to focus on the chatting part and avoid rushing into kissing too quickly.
If you want to get things to go further than just kissing, you should try not to give in to it too soon and instead focus on having a conversation with him and getting to know him better.
Hey Luke,
I’ve decided this girl is doing my head in and probably not worth it. She texted me a few times over the week, messaging me first asking me stuff and telling me about what she was doing on her weekend and we text each other before the exam wishing each other good luck. I messaged her after the exam saying we should hang but she said November is really busy for her. I know she’s going away for a week later this week but she can’t be busy every day in November when she gets back. She always acts hot and cold towards me and I have decided probably to leave her alone for a while and see if she chases me. Thanks for all your help and I’ll keep you updated if things change although that seems unlikely at this point
RJ
Hi RJ,
Telling you that she is really busy for the entire month of November sounds like a girl who isn’t taking you too seriously.
Your decision to leave her alone is prudent.
Hey Luke,
It turns out I talked to my ex after two months of no talking. We went out once as friends just to show that there are no hard feelings. I was not planning on getting back together with him and I have not. However since we started talking he became this amazing person, who wants to take me out on dates and stuff.
He told me that he has changed and that he is madly in love with me ( he even cried on the phone, sent me poems and stuff). I told him that I can’t see myself being with him right now and I offered to stay friends. After a lot of talking he agreed in hopes that we will be together someday. The problem is that I don’t know what I want. Deeply I know that getting back together with him will be the same as it was before, however when I see him and when I talk to him I feel in love again which I hate myself for. Also, since we broke up he became friends with his ex. They talk everyday and they go out once in a while. I feel so jealous and I don’t know what to do. I don’t like going out with him knowing that he talks to other girls especially his ex.
That’s my problem. Why do I feel so jealous? Why do I wanna talk him even though I know that nothing will change dispait what he says? I was sure that this time the break up was for good. However now I get all these feelings. What do I do?
Hi Amy,
You will have to come to terms with how you truly feel.
Perhaps be friends with him for a while to gauge his behavior. If he is consistent with being a changed person there may be room to try again.
Otherwise, you’re better off just moving on.
Hi I found your website and wanted to ask your advice on a girl. I’m an American studying in Europe and I met this European girl who did a study exchange in the same place in the US as where I went to school. When we meet we hit it of instantly. I asked her out and we want out, had a great time, but I didn’t kiss, because she gave the impression she wants to take it slow. I told her I would call her the next week and did, but she went on a family trip, and I got sick, but we talked for over 35 minutes on the phone. The next time I called she said she had to go out of town to see a friend (it’s a girl and I’ve meet this friend so I believed her), again we talked for 15 minutes. The 3rd time she said yes and I would meet her friends, and we would all go out Friday night, again we talked for close to 45 minutes. Well Friday morning she cancelled (but was really polite about it, because of work-related issues, again I know she wasn’t lying about this either) and said that I should meet her friends anyway. The problem is she texted me really early and I got up late and texted her after getting the text and explained that maybe it would be better if we all went out next weekend (I explained why I took so long to reply). Well that’s the last I’ve heard from her. I am at such a loss of what to do. I also sent her a Facebook friend request a while back, and she didn’t respond, she doesn’t use social media much, but still. Should I call her this weekend to invite her out again? Did she lose interested in me? Do I have a chance with her? Also did I screw up by not kissing her on the first date? Thank you so much for his I’m so lost on what to do here.
Hi Luke,
I wasn’t going to message you again but I realized I may have jumped to conclusions when this girl said she was busy for the rest of the month. Turns out she actually was busy. She went on holiday to visit her brother for her birthday straight after exams for a week. I messaged her on her birthday to wish her happy birthday and in the message I said should we should hang to her again to gauge her reaction and she said for sure and thank you ending the message xoxox. She came back from holiday for about 2 days then went to a friend’s birthday and is now on a island vacation with all her girlfriends as a late birthday thing and has been for the past 5 days. I think I was quick to jump to conclusions and interpreted her saying she was busy that she didn’t want to spend time with me when it seems she already made many plans. Would like your opinion on the situation.
Thanks RJ
Update 2: She’s back from her vacation now and we’ve talked a bit but not much. I want to ask her out to hang but seeing as we’re “friends” I’m struggling to find how to message her because I feel like I’m going to annoy her or get dismissed permanently into the friend zone. She rung me to tell me something about our uni but I ignored her and rung her back 3 hours later and afterwards she messaged me on facebook andchanged topic asking how my work life is going. I don’t know exactly how to make conversation over text or even if it’s worth it at this point even though she actually has been busy all month.
Thanks RJ
Hi Marko,
If you haven’t already called her to invite her out again over the weekend, don’t.
She cancelled your last date with her and has made it quite difficult to meet up.
When a girl makes herself unavailable like this, she is normally not interested in the guy.
The onus is really on her to make up for cancelling the last date, not you.
There is a good chance that she may not have had that much interest in you to begin with.
Even though you both hit it off instantly, you have to judge her based on how she has acted since then.
When she would rather you meet her friends on a date this early on, that isn’t always a good sign.
She may have been using her friends as cover.
Ultimately, she never even followed through with that either.
It’s unlikely that you have any chance with her.
You didn’t screw up by not kissing her on the first date.
There is no rule that you have to kiss a girl on a first date in order to get the second.
In fact, most girls are a lot more conservative when it comes to first date kisses and would rather not do it.
Hi RJ,
She still doesn’t appear to be romantically inclined towards you.
Every time she contacts you, it always seems to be about school work.
Case in point, she rung you up to tell you something about the uni and then she messaged you on Facebook asking you about your work life.
Again, nothing in these messages would indicate an interest in wanting to get to know you more as a person as opposed to a uni colleague.
You are better off moving on to someone else and not messaging her for a date.
Hey Luke,
So I dumped my ex 3 months ago because he was treating me really bad. We were no contact for about a month, he was doing everything to get me back but I knew that he wouldn’t change because we were on and off many times. Anyway in October we started talking casually and we went out a couple times. I knew that he wanted me back. Unfortunately one day I let him kiss me and it wasn’t the biggest mistake. I had no feelings for him and once that happened I pushed him away and I was sure that nothing could ever happen between us again. So I told him very politely that we can’t be together and that he should stop talking to me. He went nuts. I’ve never seen him like that. I know that letting him kiss me was awful but I apologized right after.
I gave him respect but he didn’t. He started saying awful things to me, he sweared at me and he made me feel like I was the worst and most worthless person in the world. I told him that he can’t talk to me like that and I went no contact. A week after he sent me some texts asking me to become friends with benefits since he feels nothing about me. Of course I said no. Then he started talking by himself telling me about another amazing girl he was talking to. I told him to never talk to me again.
Then a week after that he sent me this long email telling me what a slut I am and that I am the biggest whore for sleeping with him after the first month and he accused me of talking to other guys while I was him ( which is completely untrue, he even had my facebook password back then ). He told me that he hates me and that I am so worthless. He even talked awful about my family and friends. I haven’t responded. I feel so fed up with his behaviour and I really want to reply to him telling him that everything he says is untrue but I am not sure if its the right thing to do.
Why is he talking to me like that? We were together for a year and I am shocked of the way he talks to me. What do you think I should do? Why is he acting like that?
Thank you Luke I hope you reply,
Natalie
Hi Natalie,
He may be doing this because he is hurt and realizes that he misses you.
He may not have been willing to acknowledge just how badly he was treating you when you were still in a relationship with him because he had gotten used to doing it.
Perhaps this is how he treated his past girlfriends but he was able to get away with it.
However, you eventually took action by leaving him.
Now, he feels abandoned and done wrong.
When he talks to you like this and says awful things, he is just trying to find a way to hurt you.
He may hope that in doing so, you will regret what you did in leaving him.
When he was talking about the other girl who is amazing, he was most likely trying to make you jealous.
It is unlikely there is actually another girl.
He probably made it up because he was hoping to get a reaction out of you and somehow make you regret leaving him.
What you should do is ignore him.
If you were to reply to what he is doing by telling him that everything he is saying is untrue, you would give him what he wants.
He wants you to reply. That is why keeps doing this.
The moment you reply is the moment he will believe that he has had a victory.
From there, he will keep saying these awful things because he hopes that you will keep responding.
Hi Luke,
I thought it would be better to comment on here. So I am at college and I notice this guy that always stares at me when we walk past eachother . He will give me a normal face expression look but he always seems to look right into my face/eyes and he never looks away. I know shy guys usually look away when they get caught staring at someone but this guy doesnt do that and this has happened more than once. What could this mean?
Oh and I forgot to mention that he doesnt know me personally and the staring from him ends when we have fully walked past eachother and because he stares, I end up returning the look back because I find him attractive but I dont know why he does this..
Hi Lucy,
There is a good chance that he is attracted to you.
He may be giving you a normal face expression because he is looking for some kind of reaction from you before he takes it any further.
The next time he stares at you in this way and you return the look, try smiling as you do it. If he smiles back and keeps looking, that is confirmation that he is interested in you.
Thankyou so much for the advice . I really appreciate it and your videos are awesome .
Hi Luke,
I’ve had a crush for a while and I’m hoping to move on pretty soon because nothing has happened between us and quite frankly it’s been over a year. I’m pretty sure the attraction exists from day one, but the interest not so much, like I said nothing has happened. The closest thing that has occurred when it comes to going out was a few weeks ago. I approached two of my friends/coworkers who where standing close to John just to say hi. I said out loud I was going later that night to a bar and he just bursted out loud “we are too” (him and his close friend), I replied “so we are all going?” as I walked away. He was obviously was joking or at least that’s what I thought but when I left he kept asking my friend questions to see who exactly was going. He realized it was girls night out and I guess backed out.
His behavior is quiet odd, to be more specific he can say hi to me and his awful one arm hug that I absolutely hate. Yet 10 minutes later knowing I’m still at the same place when he said hello we will avoid me by going around through another hallway that leads to the center portion of the building. He then stays within eye distance with his pal and stares my way. I noticed that a girl approached him to say hi the other day, we were about 25ft away, he was facing in my direction and the girl was to one side about 5 ft apart. Anyway he would talk, smile and look my way as he was having that conversation with that girl. I caught him looking several times but by the third time I saw him look my way I moved from where he could see me. I’m very talkative and I luckily was around a few other coworkers so as I proceeded to move away I was smiling because I didn’t want to react and seem affected, so I ignored him.
I’ve also noticed in the past that when a guy approaches me he stops what he is doing and stares, but when that has occurred he does everything to ignore me afterwards and does not even say hi. I just don’t get him, why do you think he acts that way?
Thanks
Hi Luke,
I watched one of your videos – “Why would a guy stare into your eyes when he walks past you” . I just felt like it completely related to what I am going through when I told you about the guy who keeps staring at me when we are about to walk past each other.
I just want to ask you a few questions about the video.
You said that if a guy looked into your eyes and then he took it away and carried on walking, you may remind him of someone or he thinks you are pretty so caught his attention but then said however, if he walked past you and stared into your eyes and it was sustained, so he continued staring into your eyes and he went to the point where his head is turning as he’s staring into your eyes when walking past you then absolutely he likes you.
I do agree with what you are saying but I just wanted to know something because this guy does it differently. When he walks past me, he does like you said, give a sustained look looking into my eyes when walking past so he does continue staring but the only thing that he does differently is that his head doesn’t turn when walking past and staring into my eyes. He will walk the opposite direction about to walk past me but would hold that sustained stare looking into my eyes until he fully walked past . So he basically doesnt stop looking at me in this way until he has actually past me . His eyes are on my eyes and he does maintain eye contact but he stops when he has walked past.
I just wanted to know if his head wasn’t turning while staring but maintained eye contact with his eyes looking down on my eyes, is that still a likely sign of interest or is doing this completely different from turning while staring?
Also, when a guy does this more than once, do they actually know that they are staring?
Oh and sorry if my first question did not make sense?. I know what I am trying to ask but I don’t know if I put it right ..
Why is my exBf being rude?
ExBF posted on FB a few days ago that he lost all phone numbers because his phone broke and needs people to text him back their numbers. I did so yesterday, And he read my message immediately but didn’t respond back so I texted him “Hey, Its katie, sorry about your cellphone” . No reply. I was being really nice, I think. Why is he being so rude. I doubt he even saved the number.
Is it because he didn’t want my number and I shouldn’t have sent it.
What should I do?
Hi Kate,
You should let it be.
You sent him your number. It is up to him to do what he chooses with it.
The longer you stay stuck wondering why he is being rude, the longer it will take for you to move on.
He may or may not have wanted your number.
Indeed, he may have moved on mentally while you still remain stuck on him.
Either way, it shouldn’t matter what he is up to. Focus on your own life and moving forward.
Hi Lucy,
Your first question made total sense.
Yes, if he sustains eye contact with you throughout, this is a strong sign that he is interested in you.
Even if he didn’t turn his head, he was still maintaining eye contact until he walked past.
This is enough of an indication of interest.
If he stares more than once, he certainly knows what he is doing.
It typically means that the first time around wasn’t a fluke. It wasn’t something in your head. It was real.
Hi Xime,
He may be acting this way because he wants to see if he is having an effect on you.
When he was talking to that girl that went over to say hi to him and kept looking your way, he may have wanted you to react to that in some way.
There may be a part of him that does like you but feels like you are somewhat closed off to him.
He may want to get more signs from you that you are interested in him.
When he feels like he just may approach you and then he ignores you instead, he may be doing that in order to ensure that he doesn’t allow you to think that he is it too into you.
It could be a way for him to maintain some self-control and keep himself from going all out and pursuing you.
Again, he may just be getting the vibe that you are not that into him or you are hiding something as far as how you truly feel about him.
So, he decides to act like this in order to let you know that he has options but also to give you some idea that there may be more to how he feels about you than he is letting on.
Hello Luke,you’re a truly amazing man.
I have a really special connection with a guy,he’s very smart and studies astrophysics.Our story is very long,we’re not dating though.
The problem is that we’re in distance and we’re both on our studies and we want to let things flow.He is a true gentleman,but somehow he said i changed him,he told all of his friends about me,he told his family too and they’re truly pleased and hope that this will work.He texted and skyped with me for seven months now,everything is perfectly fine we understand each other.He talks to me about future,about travelling the world with me,about spending time with me,about how our child would look like,he often writes he misses me and even that he’s with his friends something is just missing.When he calls we’re always optimistic we talk a lot and make fun,and he stares at me without saying nothing,he sends me photos and videos every day.He always texts to see how im doing and wants to know about my day and he always says elaborate on it.But two weeks earlier,he started an astrophysic plan-project which is going to work on it everyday and he said he’s going to be really busy,so he might not be able to text like he usually does.And then after one week he apologized that he was busy and couldn’t text,i said it’s okay i understand.And then he didn’t text for 10 days and now texted saying how am i doing?anything new with an smiley emoticon!(which he didn’t use much before talking to me).
I know that he’s busy and he has a busy life,he reads a lot,he has a lot of friends,he has a lot of things to do,but im afraid that he might forget me or that he’s losing interest.I mean in your videos you say that if he texts after a week,he’s not interested.And i got worried,i don’t know what to think,i just wish i knew that he still cares and im just overthinking.
btw im so proud of him,i adore what he does,he’s a rare guy.
Hugs for you Luke and i apologize for writing too much on this!
Hi Elhaida,
He did tell you that he was going to be busy with this astrophysics plan project beforehand. That is a sign that he was trying to prepare you for his lack of communication in the coming days.
You should only worry that he will forget you and lose interest if he completes the project and is still not texting you as much.
Thereby, try not to get too caught up in your worries right now.
You have gotten used to his constant communication and may be trying to find a way to deal with his current lack there of.
Try busying yourself with new activities and hobbies to help you avoid thinking about him so much.
If he truly likes you, he will resume consistent communication after his astrophysics project is over.
I understand:)
And Luke,what do you think he truly feels for me according to things he says and does?
Hi Elhaida,
You two have talked a lot about things that are in common.
Hence, he may feel like he has a lot in common with you and may be fond of you because of that.
However, he is also focused on his future. He is working hard on his astrophysics project.
So, he is not going to give you as much attention as you would hope at this time.
Thank you Luke,im actually more calm now.
Hi Elhaida,
I am glad you are more calm now and you are welcome.
Luke he sent me a very large paragraph explaining what he’s really into about the project,it is a theory about self improvement which he’s going to be in for a very long time and i support him.Meanwhile he sent me a song and said listen if interested and asked about me,my things,my day and stuff.I explained and at the end i apologized that i didn’t write him enough to ask him about what he’s into,because i didn’t want to intrude him.And he said that the only person that should apologize is him and said that he’ll text me more often and he is texting me and giving me the same importance like always.
But why Luke? He has tons of things to do,he has the chance to say that i don’t have time to message you or anything similiar.What makes me so important in this case?Does he really care that much for me? Or what does this mean?
Ps:Im just curious and i took your advice,im enjoying my days and somehow that week that we didn’t text,after asking you for an advice,i was calm and i was used to his absence.
He’s a guy that gives me peace of mind,precious.And i understand him and his things,i just why?why would he do so much for me,change himself for me,change his things for me knowing that those things mean the world to him.
Even if in his busiest times,he found time for me and he is finding time for me now,in the most important time of his life.
Maybe i sound really naive asking for this,but im really curious to know.
Thank you Luke
Hi Elhaida,
He probably does so much for you, changes himself and changes things for you knowing that those things mean the world to him because he does care about you.
You are someone he may think of on a regular basis especially in moments when he is not entrenched on his project.
Yes, he may care that much for you. However, he is busy with this self improvement project and will have to find a way to divide his time between that and you.
He may eventually be ready to devote himself fully to you once his project is done. However, if the project takes too long to finish, you would have to decide whether staying on is the best thing for you to do or not.
Hi Luke,
I’ve been watching your videos and they seem to be mostly for women. As you can tell I am a male and I want to seek advice on women.
My ex left me and now she has a new boyfriend. I was wondering if there ever a chance to get her back. I believe that I was a good bf, well most of the time.
Even though we havnet talked or seen each 6 months now, I am still struggling. I been hiding in my cave because of how painful the breakup was. I avoid places that she would be, and i plan to stay inside my man-cave until I am okay. But it feels like its never.
I am genuinely a nice, emotional guy. And I do have deep feelings for her and I believe we could have a bright future together. Maybe I’m just being in denial or just imagining, i dont know.
Also, do women come back often? Do you think ill ever get my second chance? Iv saw your video about men highly likely coming back but I am not sure whether it is a gender thing. She left me because I was a boy, But i want her to see me as a man (once i leave my cave) and a potential person to have a future with.
Thanks
Hi A,
There is a chance that she will come back.
Exes often do.
If she has fond memories of her relationship with you, she may come back to you if the current relationship she is in doesn’t work out.
However, there are obviously no guarantees of this happening and you shouldn’t spend your days hoping for this.
Women do come back quite often. Again, a lot depends on the kind of relationship she had with you and timing.
You may get a second chance, however, it would be all pointless if you haven’t grown as a person.
You mentioned that she left you because you were a boy.
It would be a good idea to start taking steps to improve yourself in this department so that if she were ever to give you a second chance, you would starting off with a good impression.
Hi Luke
What does it mean when a guy says that even that he spent great time with his friends there was still something missing,or you came on my mind on how you’re doing and I can’t go long without texting you.
From a guy perspective what does this mean?
Hi M,
If he told you that there was still something missing even when he was having a great time with his friends and that you came to mind, he was implying that you are constantly in his thoughts.
This means that he may be falling for you.
You are welcome M.
Luke thank God you exist.Thank you
You are welcome M.
Hello Luke,
Firstly I love your blogs and vlogs!
Secondly, I can’t get over this guy who I’ve been attracted to for some time now and I can’t seem to move on (I even went on holidays to get him out of my system) Now that I’m back I still can’t get him out of my head.
Late last year we were pretty close (nothing happened though), I couldn’t really tell if he liked me enough to the point where he was attracted to me, cuz each time we met up, the only times he’d touch me would be when we gave each other a big hug, a really warm embrace.
I thought the fact that he’d driven so far to meet up, was a good sign he might be attracted to me although he never tried to touch me (as you mention in your vlogs). The first time we met up I made the mistake of sitting opposite him and then the next time we met up he had sat opposite me. Anyway we’d kept in touch for months but nothing was really happening, so I decided to make things a little more obvious by trying to get him to come over to mine but it didn’t work out cuz he had work he couldn’t get out of. So then I made it clear that I was attracted to him and was just straight up honest. His response to that really perplexed me because he didn’t say no he wasnt interested but yet he didn’t say that he was either. His response was ‘if you’d wanted to like hook up, should’ve invited me in all those times I took you home, it seemed you were shy’ I was quite flabberghasted cuz he gave no indication that that’s what he wanted i.e touched me to show he was keen. He followed it up with a ‘talk soon’ which I just responded ‘thanks’ to. So I went on holidays and now that I’ve been back for some time, we’ve not really kept in touch anymore so I thought I would call him just to see how he was, but it was pretty late at night by the time I had the courage to and it rang out. Hasn’t called me back since or texted. My question is was he ever interested and is there something I could do to make him interested? If not, how do I forget about him cuz I just think it was rude he didn’t call back (to me it shows he’s not too keen).
Hi Charley,
Thank you for loving my blogs and vlogs.
As far as your situation, this guy may have been interested initially.
Perhaps you weren’t showing him the kind of body language he wanted in order to reassure him that you were interested.
When he said, “if you’d wanted to like hook up, should’ve invited me in all those times I took you home, it seemed you were shy,” in response to when you were straight up honest with him about your interest in him, he may have been indicating that he had run out of patience.
You two did communicate for quite a while and it seems like he was always the one who would drive all the way up to see you and not vice versa.
So, your actions were not giving him much encouragement either.
At this point, there isn’t much you can do to make him interested. You had a window and that window has passed.
A good way to forget about him is to avoid thinking about him as much.
You can start a new hobby or challenge yourself to do something new. You can open yourself to meeting new people and forming new friendships.
You will have to put in the effort to concern yourself with other activities until you get to the point where his image is no longer at the forefront of your thoughts.
Thanks Luke!
I thought my body language was obvious cuz I’d always try to get close to him or I would whisper in his ear when we were at a show and when we’d order drinks I would stand close to him to see whether he’d put his hand on my back, like most guys do but nothing.
I have tried to immerse myself in things like classes but I feel like it’s forever, I even started working at a bar to get distracted but its really not helping. I just don’t get why he couldn’t “touch me” so to speak, I felt like I was doing all the work trying to get close.
Hi Charley,
He may have been waiting for you to touch him instead.
He may have been hoping that you would tell him how you felt about him while at the show or while ordering drinks.
There are some guys that want the girl to be that forward.
If he has had situations in his past where he misread certain body language signals from a girl and was admonished or humiliated for it, he would be more cautious about assuming that you were interested in him just because you got close to him or whispered in his ear.
Luke,i called chubby a guy that likes me a lot,but unintentionally.I teased him,thinking in a way that that’s adorable,eating good meals.He’s not chubby at all by the way,very goodlooking and tall.And he send me a snap back with a tear in his eye with a face expression like what?
And i said sorry i hurt your feelings lool.And then don’t worry you’re perfect.
He’s very understandable and he took it in a very funny way,but i realized that i might have hurted him.
I mean will he hate me for that or how would this make him feel.
I feel so so bad,i can’t take this out of my head.What should i do?
Hi L,
He sent you a snap back that showed that he took it well and was being humorous.
Try not to read too much into this or overthink it.
If you do that, it could affect how you interact with him from here on out in a negative way.
He will not hate you for what you called him.
Just keep interacting with him and continue showing your witty and fun side.
Hi Luke 🙂
Something kinda awkward happened today . I haven’t seen the guy that stares at me for a while and he happened to appear unexpectedly today when I was waiting with my friend after college . To be honest , when I saw him, I was kind of nervous and my heart was beating fast.
Anyway, he was with his friend and waited at the bus top too. When I had turned around to look at him, he was already looking at me . After that, I carried on talking to my friend and he was talking to his friend while at the bustop. I was so nervous to look again but he was talking kind of loud with his friend while talking .
Just as I saw the bus arrive, me and my friend presumed that he was going to get on the bus with his friend like last time . A few buses hard arrived and they still wouldn’t get on any bus . My friend told me how she felt something dodgy was going on as it ended up being me and my friend, him and his friend at the bus stop and she asked if we were the ones being obvious to just standing there or if they were the ones being obvious . I told her how I didnt see us just standing there being obvious because every week, me and my friend always have a daily routine where we stop and chat at the busstop before we go home .
Overall what had really happened was the guy that stares at me was just standing at the bustop for like 10-15 minutes with his friend and would not catch any buses that was arriving which had made my friend think that he was just doing that to be around me as she said he was standing beside me and was looking at me up and down . Then like after 10-15 minutes, they then caught a bus when that particular bus that they had got on, arrived twice before .
By doing this, was he staking me out?
I was like to my friend how they could of been waiting for someone but him and his guy friend weren’t doing anything apart from talking about random things ?
And me and my friend found it kinda funny because we were actually thinking why is he just standing there ?
Hi Lucy,
Without any definitive body language cues to draw from, it would be difficult to say that he was staking you out.
He may have just been standing at the bus stop for 10-15 minutes because he was caught up in a conversation with his friend.
Hi Luke 🙂
I’m in a relationship since a few years. Recently it feels like another guy is attracted to me- it’s been some time since I’ve had the feeling someone else apart of my BF was insterested in me, so I may be misunderstanding his mixed signals. I would like to understand him better before even overthinking the situation and acting against it (and ending up making it all very awkward).
This person is not an old friend, but not an aquaitance either- I meet him fairly often because of shared friends, but we haven’t talked very much. Personality wise, he seems to be moody, not very constant and not direct in expressing himself.
He knows I’m in a relationship which is why I’m inclined to think he may only being friendly, but at the same time, some signs seem to suggest some sort of shyness and interest- I’m not really sure.
Some days we would end up being alone for a few minutes and he’d start talking with me, smiling and chatting about pointless things even, or he’d playfully tease me. Sometimes he locked eyes with me and just smiled without saying a word. A couple of times I had the impression he was staring at me, but when I turned to him, I found him looking down while being turned in my direction. He giggles when I make simple compliments, or when I notice he said or did something about his appearance, and I caught him checking out my body while saluting me a couple of times(not sure if he wanted me to notice it or not). Sometimes he seems rather nervous around me, if I call him out to ask something, when he turns to me it seems like he’s holding his breath, putting a serious face, opening his eyes wide.
Some other days (and most of the times we’re in the group) it feels like he talks to everyone but me, or when we talk, it seems like he’s always in a hurry to leave.
I have seen him interacting with another girl who is his friend, and he calmly looks for her and talks to her openly while being in the group. He seems like a caring person in general, but apparently he doesn’t reserve her the same gallant “opening the door and let the girl through” attitude he’s had with me a couple of times. In general, in her company he doesn’t seem as anxious as he is while I’m talking to him.
What do you think? Does this guy sound interested or am I overthinking the whole situation?
Thank you very much- both for reading and your awesome tips!
Hi Li,
He sounds interested but shy.
He tends to act shy when he is around you more so than he does when he is around other girls.
This would typically indicate that he may not want to say or do the wrong thing when he is around you and this consequently makes him guarded.
The way he giggles at simple compliments or holds his breath when you call him out on something also tends to indicate interest.
However, in addition to his shyness, he may also be holding back because you have a boyfriend.
Hello. First of all great advices and youtube videos.
So there is this guy at my school, i have a big crush on him, my friend knows him a bit so she told him that i liked him he did not really answer anything he just looked surprised. After my friend telling him, he did not talk to me but he would keep looking at me alot in class. About a few weeks later he came to my table and sat with us. The next day according to my friend he was about to talk to me but i was shy so he didn’t.
About a month after that i decided to go talk to him, i just said that i haven’t talked to him since my friend told him that i liked him because i was shy and i wanted to make sure everything is fine between us, and he said yeah. The next day he came to me and said hi i class. And he kept starting conversations with me every class period even though nothing very deep just basic stuff. Later on we suddenly stopped talking to each others. A few days ago i said i was having a bad day so he came to me and told me that he hopes i feel better and today he said hi to me too and i said he looked nice. I am very confused though, sometimes he acts like he likes me and sometimes i feel like i should move on. He looks at me alot, he smiles while talking to me, leans in sometimes… I am thinking of just asking him his feelings to know if i should move on. What should i do?
Hi Loviee12,
Your inclination to ask him about his feelings about you may be the best move right now.
Hi i’m 13 years old and have a major crush on this shy guy. He lives in mass, but comes up on the weekends. We have known each other for a little over a year now, but really have never spoken. I went over there once when he came up, and I just spoke to his mom the whole time cause he wouldn’t say anything to me. Then I had to go back to my house to get a sweatshirt, he walked up with me and on my way out of my house he showed me a funny vid. Thats it though. About a month later I went to his house again with my friend cause he had a friend up, he wasn’t shy at all, he actually crawled up to me and pretended to faint like a goat to make me laugh. Lol! Then almost a whole year passed, so I wanted to invite him to my birthday party. He came and I got anxious and asked him to be my boyfriend when I didn’t even really know him. He said “I don’t care I mean if you want to then sure.” We didn’t speak after that until I texted him that night. I asked if we were actually dating cause I don’t think we are. He replied sorry but I’m gonna have to say no I just don’t know you enough. I said okay that makes sense, but i’m shy don’t know about you can we get to know each other over text. He said yup I’m much better with text. We ended it. He wasn’t texting me for a month after that. So about twice a month for the last 2 months I texted him first. He replies right away but he doesn’t seem to like put any effort in the convo. last month I think I made a mistake by texting him and asking “howcome it seems like you don’t want to get to know me like at all” he said idk i’ve just been kinda busy. I said I understand and that was the end of the convo. I just thought he really liked me at first, he would stare at me then quickly look away, smile when I accidently touched him… act shy around just me but act crazy around his friends, and one of his friends was teasing me and him about me being his “girlfriend”. …I just need to know what to do now to get him out of his shell or how to really get to know him.. I’m afraid I scared him or something please help…? (Chelseaclc@outlook.net)
Hi Chelsea Crawford,
You have been the one initiating texts for the last 2 months.
Then when you asked him about why it seems like he doesn’t want to get to know you, he told you that he had been busy.
Well, he has shown through his behavior the last two months and his response to your question that he is not that interested in you, if at all.
He clearly doesn’t need to get out of his shell because he has already shown that he can act crazy around his friends.
You will have to stop initiating and let him be the one to start initiating conversations with you.
There isn’t much else you can do.
I’m not sure if this guy is interested in me or not.
I met this guy a couple of weeks ago at a car dealership. When I first met him, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He asked me general questions about the car I wanted and what color. I told him color didn’t matter, but blue is my favorite color.
When I went back the next few times, I noticed some changes in him. He was dressed up more than usual and wearing a lot of cologne. He was wearing a blue button-up top and a tie. I am not sure if he remembered that I told him that my favorite color was blue. He also remembered that I said color didn’t matter.
His coworkers joked around with him, saying that his cologne makes him smell like an old man. He then proceeded to ask me if Versace cologne is for old men, and if I could smell it.
I jokingly said that I was not an expert on cologne.
I also noticed that he would lean in to listen when I had to say to him when we were inside the dealership at the table. He seemed to be very attentive. I had asked for new floor mats to be put in, and he went and got them for me. I also caught him looking at me when I wasn’t looking.
He’s been texting me, seeing how I like the car, but has put lots of emojis within the texts.
Help!
Hi Maya T,
If he texts you and asks you more personal questions other than how you like the car, he may like you.
So, you will have to watch for that in the next few texts that you receive from him.
Other than that, the fact that he was dressed up more than usual or he had a lot of cologne on when you came back to the dealership doesn’t necessarily mean that he was showing signs of interest.
I am afraid to ask him the wrong way or like to make him like i am forcing him to like me, because there is a part of me that believes he likes me somewhat but he is not fully ready, i do not understand him. I don’t want to say too much or like turn him off.
And i don’t know if I should like ask him about it while i am telling him that i like him a lot or i should just ask if he has any feelings for me. Could you like tell me what i could say or give me an example because i am afraid of turning him off.
Thank you.
Hi Loviee12,
He seems like a relatively shy guy.
You could start with asking him about something that he really likes or enjoys doing.
From there, once he is more relaxed, you can tell him that you feel like you both share a mutual interest in one another and whether he is open to pursuing that further.
It’s spring break and i did not get a chance to talk to him about it so i was wondering if like i could get his kik from his friend which is also my friend and text him about how i feel and have a conversation about it via chat therefore i was wondering if texting him would be a good idea? or if he might see this as me being not confident enough to talk to him about it face to face?
Also i wanted to thank you for taking the time to read everything and answer me, Thank you so much.
Hi Loviee12,
With stuff like this, it is normally best to do it face to face instead of using kik or texting him.
When you do it face to face, it makes your message more impactful and allows him to also observe your body language.
Hi Luke.
My boyfriend and I have been in an on and off relationship for 5 years. In the beginning of our relationship i wasn’t in love with him at all and I didn’t want a commitment. And now I love him and I don’t want to leave him. But i have a hard time understanding what he wants. He keeps lying to me and acts hot and cold. I believe that he may want to use me because he usually texts me at night where he wants to come over. And when he comes over he will ask for oral sex. I’
Hi Anonymous,
He may primarily want the convenience of having you around to meet his physical needs.
By lying and acting hot and cold towards you, he is demonstrating that he doesn’t place much value in how you feel.
In essence, he is being selfish.
As long as you let him get away with this kind of behavior, he will continue to do it and your relationship may remain in this precarious state for several more years.
Hi Luke,
I have a huge crush on my co-worker. He said I was too aggressive when we first met. I approached him and asked him several questions trying to get to know him. I was just excited to meet someone my age as most of my other co-workers are much older. I admit that I have liked him from the moment I saw him but I wasn’t hitting on him. That was 5 years ago. I spent the first 4 years trying to make sure no one knew I liked him, which I probably failed at. Over the last year he seems to have gotten more comfortable with me. If I don’t speak to him each morning he will find me before the day is over and say hello. He always leans in when I talk to him. He says I talk so soft that he can’t hear me. He seems to find reasons to touch me. Everyone knows I am easily startled and now he makes a point of sneaking up on me whenever he can. He always touches me briefly, says boo and walks away smiling. I have also noticed him standing very close to me whenever we are lined up somewhere. I will turn around and he will be right there. He’s driving me crazy. Does he like me or not?
Hi B,
He has had 5 years to make a move on you and hasn’t.
He may enjoy flirting with you and making lighthearted fun but he hasn’t shown any interest in taking it beyond that.
It’s unlikely that he likes you to the point of wanting something more than what you already have with him.
Hi Luke,
Me and my ex boyfriend broke up last year at the beginning of July because he had pushed me away and felt like he no longer wanted nothing to do with me .
The reason why we broke up was because he was always saying depressing things about himself and when I was always there for him, he would push me away as he would out of the blue say that he needed space. I understand that everyone at some point needs space in their life but I felt like I was the only one he needed space from as he would say that has been clearing his head by hanging with his friend and to be honest at that time, it hurt me because he never even made it clear why he needed space and what he needed to clear his head from and he also kept saying to me how he was a rubbish boyfriend.. I thought we were happy and I was always there for him so I didn’t understand . We were together for a year and 7 months and throughout that relationship, I can honestly say that I felt miserable throughout . He was always doing something wrong that I did not like and would make me upset such as talking to his ex’s and simply not cutting contact with them and talking about them constantly when me and him were together even though he would say how much he hated them and he went and revealed personal intimate things that me and him did by telling people which I thought was very embarrassing so I simply was not happy in that relationship . This has not been the first time he has pushed me away.. We broke up before because at one point , he did not speak to me for a few days. I thought I could help him be happy but after that, I gave up and felt like I deserved better . Its weird but when things were changing in the relationship and was not the same, I felt like I was already single ?.. I then told him how I felt and told him to end the relationship with me because I did not want a relationship like that and my friends said that I wasn’t myself when I was with him .. He didn’t beg for me back or anything so I just presumed that he wasn’t bothered . All he said was ” I do want you around but you always seem to be in a bad mood . Its not you . My mind is a mess . What you feel is what you feel. If this is going to end then I want you to know that I love you and always will but can you at least not block me and keep everything else ” . I told him that me and him don’t seem to be on the same page and I feel like when I try to help him , I cant and when he feels down, he brings me down with him and how I have never wanted that and how I feel like not much time is wanted to be spent with me now as much as before and the reason I said that was because the very last time I saw him, I was at his house and he told me to leave early because his friend was coming over and this would happen on a daily basis.. I would be at his house and he would be like ” do you mind leaving at 6?” And I felt it was rude. I was actually offended!. But yeah I just couldn’t take living in a miserable relationship and I felt like he couldn’t be trusted with having his ex’s on his phone etc so I had to say something in order to end the relationship .
When we broke up , I didn’t expect to hear from him . He out the blue texted me out the blue after a month saying “Hey “. I did not respond because a “Hey ” on its own means nothing to me and he kept on saying “Hey ” for a few days by text and I did not respond at all and then I got a message from him saying ” Hey I just wanna talk ” and I got missed calls from him . He even tried to call me on an unknown number but I still did not respond or even answer his call and then he texted again saying ” Hey Please talk to me :(” but I didn’t give in . I did not respond. When we were together , he wasn’t even interested in Instagram but when we broke up, after trying to text me, he started using Instagram more by sending me follow requests as my Instagram is always private. I did not accept him and kept on declining but for a while he kept on trying to add me over and over again . He then messaged me through Instagram asking me to please talk to him but I just ignored it. He then stopped trying to friend request me for a month so I just presumed that he had given up and moved on as I saw him take a normal picture with a girl which was later then removed like a month after and because he all of a sudden started talking to his ex .
I eventually blocked him on Instagram. Oh and I forgot to mention that I blocked him on what’s app too. I have another Instagram to present my art work but for some reason , he managed to find that account and sneakily followed me on that account as that page was public but this time, he made another account ?.. I realised it was him because the same picture was on that account and his previous account so I blocked him on both accounts and then like a month later, I get a message on my phone saying that he is following me on another social media app called pintrest ?..
I later thought to myself you know what, it is better for him to see that I have moved on with my life rather than blocking him but when I unblocked him, he carried on trying to send me requests again and he texted me in the new year to say happy new year but I still did not respond and in march this year he randomly texted me saying ” I miss you ” but I didn’t text back because I don’t miss him and he made my life miserable so I do not want to talk to him but yesterday out the blue , on Instagram he sent me a direct message of a picture with a caption saying “Missing you hurts but knowing you don’t miss me hurts so much more ” and on his Instagram he would put on his bio things like ” everyone makes mistakes ” “Stopped giving a “s**t” but I was thinking if you say that then why are you still harassing me ?
We broke up in july and he is still trying to find a way to contact me and I just had to get this off my chest by telling you about it because he is annoying me and he has messed up so many times . I gave him a second chance and he blew it and I just wanted to know what you think about the situation . Do you think I am doing the right thing by ignoring him?.
I have not said a word to him since last year july. Why is he acting like this ?
Its funny because I was never clingy in the relationship. I would give him the space that he needed .
I just feel like without him, I am moving forward in my life by having the opportunity to do things that I never got the chance to do such as focusing on my studies and career goals. When I was with him, I felt like he stopped me from doing them things..
Hi Lucy,
Your life has moved forward in a positive way since you broke up.
Your mind is clearer.
You are nowhere near as depressed as you were when you were with him as he would always constantly bring you down.
Your studies are going better and your career goals are in focus.
I am also sure that your friends love getting the old Lucy back.
Yes, you are doing the right thing by ignoring him.
He is acting like this because he may be worried about the prospect of you moving on with your life.
He may be worried about you being happy.
He may be worried about another guy making you happy or of you just becoming successful in your career and personal endeavors.
The fact that you could be happy and successful without him may be so unbearable that he just can’t help but keep trying to contact you.
As the old saying goes, “Misery loves company.”
The moment you let him back into your life is the moment he wins and your life regresses back to the way it was.
Hopefully, that isn’t what you want.
Hi Luke,
I agree with you! And I definitely do not want to go back with him . The relationship had made me realise what I want and what I do not want when being in a relationship.
I cant believe I was so stupid to go out of my way though and buy him expensive gifts on his birthday. He did not do this for me . One time I did not get anything back from him and my parents would say how he was not worth it but that is a lesson learnt and yes the old Lucy is back ?.
Once again, thank you for your advice and opinion . Your advice makes me feel a lot better.
I have a crush on this guy and i feel like he likes me back but i found out he has a girlfriend. What should i do? How can I move on if i see him everyday and sometimes he talks to me and make me feel like he likes me?
Hi M.,
You should understand that he has a girlfriend and move on.
A good way to move on is to stop responding to the way he most likely flirts with you.
In other words, keep your conversations as platonic as possible when you see him and he starts talking to you.
The more you do that, the easier it will be for him to get the point and avoid those kind of conversations with you and it will also allow you to mentally move on by eliminating expectations.
Hi Luke
Thank you so much for the advice you have been sharing with u all along. It has truly made us see things that we normally wouldn”t recognise or rather refuse to recognise.
I just turned 23 and my bf is turning 26.
We started dating when i was in my first year of study in University but we started out as friends with benefits
and i felt feelings for him and when i saw this i asked him what we were because i needed to know to which he replied that we were just friends and i let myself let him go. A few months later he came back and professed that he loved me and wanted to be with mend thats how we started out. He left for Zimbabwe and for an entire year we were apart. It was hard but we pulled through. He came back last August and luckily got a job in my country and we stayed together for four months till he got his own place. Fast forward to March 2016 I noticed he had been on chat with this girl on app and they were getting a little to friendly at first i didnt say anything but eventually confronted him to which he said nothing was going on but he admits that he may have been getting too friendly and said he would fix it.
Then a few weeks after that i noticed that he was changing as in he was not wanting to be around me too much and i asked him and he said he wanted some space especially cause he has been with people around him ( his friends were staying with him at the time ). Mind you we spent weekends together and he would come to my place and vice versa voluntarily. Then he said he needed time to refresh and said he would go on a sabbatical and stopped drinking also for the month of April. I respected this and said id give him space but that i needed him to communicate these things cause i was started to assume he didnt want this relationship anymore. For a few days we were not jelling well and i panicked and started texting again ( i got desperate). Then one day i went on his phone to a convo he had with his firend who happens to be a girl ( he introduced us so i know they are friends) and he told her about what happened with the girl he was teting and told her that he was pissed that i confronted him to which she told him he was wrong at being pissed all cause he waas caught unawares and he admitted to her that he was wrong indeed. he then continue to say that he just felt like he was suffocating and didnt feel like he wanted to be in a relationship anymiore and he wanted to be a free spirit again have his weeks and weekends to himself again. To which she replied that he should take time and think about what he really wants. He told her he wanted it to be a passing phase. Fast forward to this week when i went on their convos again cause i notoced that he was opening up to her more than anyone of his guy friends even. This time he said he felt like he wanted to have a multiplex( as in multiple sexual partners or different pussy) but also wanted to keep the gf. Then again said that he couldnt cheat so ultimately he would have to sacrifice one of the two. The girl told him to try and make things work or drag breaking up with me so to be really sure ( told him to sacrifice the fuck for now). She told him how i was good for him and he said he knew this but felt like he was wasting his youth and that he just doesnt want someone like me in his life right now cause im in it for the long haul and though i was irreplaceable new pussy woul make him forget though he doesnt want to break up with me just yet cause he knows it will hurt. Also he said that everyone seemed to like me so much ( his friends, some family) but i guess all this isnt enough.I find this so hard to go through and though i dont want to make any premptive strikes i feel like im on borrowed time and just want to rush the hurt and the ain that is clearly going to befall me sooner than i know. I love him alot and though i want him to want me as badly i keep feeling like its useless now. Someone told me to let reality play out and try and make him fall in love with me again but i dont see how this is possible. I know i will want him back and i so want him to want me too but what do i do in this situation???? I suspect he is falling out of love or already has. Please help
Also though he said he needed space he has been seeing me alot and requesting to see me alot which is getting me even more confused. I just want to prepare myself for the worst but at the same time want to live in the moment. I wonder what changed so suddenly.
Ive been praying for our relationship and am currently praying for it cause im so sure that he is the one.
Also i tried breaking up with him and told him that i could see that he wasnt in a space in his life where he felt he needed me anymore so he should go on with his life the way he wants to to which he said he was just in a bad space but i feel like he is being extremely selfish i think he got frustrated and scared that i was breaking it and got scared that he wouldnt be able to deal with the hurt but since he is already thinking of ending things why didnt he just let me be an d move on with his life. Im so confused 3 years going down the drain just like that. I know i deserve better but we do break up do you think there is a chance of him coming back cause im in the process of just living my life now and opening myself up to meeting new people cause i cant throw other people under the bus who may want to be serious with me all cause he cant decide what he wants.
Hi Yondi,
Yes, if you do break up, there is a chance of him coming back.
He has come back before.
However, be careful.
By trying to break up with him, you are taking a preemptive strike so as not to feel the pain of him breaking up with you first.
Breaking up with you may not be his intention regardless of what you saw in those messages.
Thank you so much. I will certainly take your advice and take each day as it comes. I pray and hope we move past this phase and that he finds himself and what he wants again. Thank you once more
Hello. I have a question, thank you in advance for taking the time to read and answer, you are much admired.
How do I approach a guy I like?
Hi Anonymous,
A good way to approach a guy you like is by complimenting something about him and asking him an open-ended question about it.
For example, if you have noticed him engaged in a particular activity when you see him, you could tell him that you have noticed him playing x or doing x and you think he is really good.
And then follow up with asking him how he got into playing x or doing x.
This is how you can start a conversation going on a positive note.
Your conversation opener gives him motivation to respond because it is something that he is familiar with and he is also in a good frame of mind because you gave him a compliment.
From here, the conversation can naturally progress to other things and you may be able to gauge if or how much he likes you.
What does it mean if a guy tells you that you touched a deep part of his heart (with a gesture you did) after the fact and what does it mean if he says that you can have all the time in the world from him (I guess for questions advice) and when you text and say sorry for bothering you on a day off if he’s not working and he says no you’re not bothering me at all – how can you assume he’s not just thinking of you as a friend?
Hi Mila,
By telling you that you touched a deep part of his heart, he meant that what you did stayed with him for a long time afterward.
In other words, he couldn’t get that out of his mind.
He may have told you that you can have all the time in the world from him because he likes interacting around you.
When you texted him and said sorry for bothering you on a day off and he said that you weren’t bothering him at all, he was showing his fondness of you.
A good way to figure out whether he is just thinking of you as a friend or something more would be to try flirting with him when you text him and see how he responds to it.
If he flirts back, he may think of you as more than a friend.
Hey Luke,
So I have been seeing this guy for about a month now. He lives 6 hours away from him hometown in which I live because of studies. He visits the city I live in very often so whenever he comes we go out. The thing is that I have no idea where this is going because he doesn’t talk about ‘us’ at all. When we go out it’s nice, quite chill, we go for drinks or meet at each others houses every once in a while. My problem is that he isn’t very talkative and he often times doesn’t really ask stuff about me. Sometimes I feel as though he only wants to get in my pants ( we haven’t had sex yet ). When we were at his house and things turned a bit sexual I told him that I don’t want to move that quickly with him since I don’t know where this is going yet. All he said was that he understands and it will go wherever I want it to go. What does this mean? I find the whole situation so confusing because when he is with me he doesn’t want to let me go and he is sweet but not talkative at all. What does he want from me? Is he just shy? That’s something that my friends say a lot. He also doesn’t text as much anymore. Am I just a booty call or am I stressing this out too much? What should I do? I really like this guy but I need to know where this is going.
Hi Amy,
He may have told you that he understands that it will go wherever you want it to go because he may want you to be the one who defines what the relationship is.
He isn’t necessarily shy.
There are lots of guys who aren’t talkative but are not shy at all.
He may not text as much anymore because again, he may be looking to you to define what the relationship is. He may not want to be the one who does that.
As far as wondering if you are just a booty call, the both of you are yet to have sex.
Also, if that is all you were, he most likely would have let you go and stopped communicating entirely soon after you stopped him as things got sexual and told him that you didn’t want to move that quickly with him since you don’t know where this is going yet.
You may or may not be stressing this out too much. It really depends on what you want out of the relationship.
As you described, when you are both together you both chill or do something laid-back like meet at each other’s houses every once in a while.
It seems like he is that kind of guy.
Just chill.
A guy who is complacent to just be in the moment.
What you could do is actually talk to him and define the relationship as far as where you want it to go or what you want it to be and ask him if he feels the same way.
You may have to be the one to do this because as I described earlier, he seems to be the kind of guy who can just be in the now and be fine with that.
The moment you know exactly what you want out of this relationship and define it, then take action, the sooner you will get rid of the stress and move forward.
Hi Luke
Is it natural to feel like you are falling out of love after the honeymoon stage is over say after 3 years of dating ? How does one know when the are at this stage or could it be that you are falling out of love? Thanks
Hi Deka,
Yes, it is natural to feel like you are falling out of love after the honeymoon stage is over.
It doesn’t mean that you actually are.
It’s just that you are now coming back down to earth, so your emotions have to adjust to that new state of being.
If one is indeed falling out of love, one typically knows that they are at this stage when they automatically start finding things to dislike about the relationship.
Essentially, their focus changes from that of euphoria and optimism to that of disdain and being judgmental.
I started dating a guy a few months ago. He fell deeply in love with me. He is more into me than I am. I really like him but he is in love with me. He told him that after being in different relationships for the past 15 years he knows what love is and what makes him happy.
Problem- He didn’t tell me but he had a girlfriend and got engaged (out of obligation). He had tried and though about breaking up with her but couldn’t because she was there for him at a certain time in his life and he feels obligated. She is also extremely emotional unstable (cutting wrists, threats of suicide).
When I found out I broke up with him first but he convinced me that he will take bold steps. After two months of not seeing any bold steps I said good bye him and blocked his number.
Question- I know he is madly in love with me and is genuine. I feel sadness for him. It’s not easy. He wanted me to give him some more time but after our last fight (when I found out that she is not just his gf but they had gotten engaged) I cut him off completely.
Should I have given him more time?
Does anyone know of someone who is brave enough to break off his/her engagement and follow their heart? I know he is not married and there are no kids involved but I don’t know if I should give him a chance and be there for him while he resolves his predicament.
I must add that I don’t doubt for a second that he is deeply in love with me. He texts all day. He talks on the phone for hours. He can’t wait until I get him so he can call me. We are long distance and he is also long distance from his fiance.
They lived in the same city until he moved for a job. I guess that’s when he started to escape his reality and pursue someone compatible. He says he is not compatible with his fiance. For many years his friends asked him to break up but him being a nice guy he couldn’t. He also added that she needs him to stay stable because she is so emotionally unstable and refuses to seek professional help.
Hi Natasha,
No, you shouldn’t have given him more time.
He was dating you for several months even when he knew that he had a girlfriend that he was engaged to. He had all those months to end the relationship with his girlfriend when he started dating you but he didn’t.
This means that he has no intention of ending that relationship but would still enjoy keeping you around because you make him feel good about himself.
No matter how much you believe he is in love with you, actions speak louder than words.
In other words, as long as he stays with his girlfriend, he is showing that he can never truly give himself to you.
Thank you so much for your response. It makes perfect sense.
More questions:
1) Do you think there is a chance that he “may” call off the engagement. I feel like a lot of guys (especially the nice guys) are not brave enough to do that. Am I wrong and opinionated stating this?
2) If he does, should I give him another chance?
3) Is it true that a guy has to feel the loss to do the right/brave thing for love?
4) He cried when I cut him off and hung up on him and blocked his number. Is that normal for guys? I’ve never seen a guy cry for a girl before.
5) I am moving on and will hopefully start dating other people. It’s difficult at the moment because it’s only been less than a week and I’m also grieving the loss. But is it normal to hope that things can turn around and “we” may work out in the future. What are the chances? Do you see people do the wise thing and break off engagement because they shouldn’t marry someone out of obligation?
6) If he does contact me, which would be via email since I blocked his number, should I ignore it? Or should I write back and let him know I will only speak to him when he is single and he provides proof he is single.
Hi Natasha,
1) I think that it is very unlikely that he will call off the engagement.
2) On the off chance that he does, you shouldn’t give him another chance until he has shown that he is truly over her. In other words, don’t jump right into a relationship with him. Let him show you over time that he was serious and he isn’t going to go running right back to her.
3) Yes, a good number of guys do have to feel the loss to do the right/brave thing for love. Reality hits them hard when they realize how empty their lives are without that person that they truly love in it.
4) Yes, it is very normal for guys to cry. They do it all the time when a girlfriend cuts them off or leaves them.
5) It is normal to hope that things can turn around and you can both work out in the future. You care about him and for that reason, it isn’t that easy to just let go.
The chances for things turning around are unlikely.
Yes, people break off engagements all the time. It just depends on how willing they are to truly take a step back and understand where they truly stand emotionally. Thereby putting their own happiness over obligation.
6) Yes, if he contacts you, you should ignore it.
You don’t need to write him back and tell him that you will only speak to him when he is single and provides proof that he is single. That would be redundant.
He already knows what he is supposed to do.
If you were to write him back telling him all that, he may just see that as an opportunity to keep trying to persuade you that he will be single soon.
Why is it that the person that is pursuing me is not who I want and the person I want to be with doesn’t want me?
Hi Anonymous,
That’s because the person that you want to be with may already have someone that they like or they may not feel any physical or characteristical compatibility with you or they may not even want to be in a relationship right now.
We don’t always get who we want.
Hi Luke!
I am 24 years old and was born in Brazil.
I came to study in Austria october last year.
In january, I joined the university choir and started feeling something about a guy who also sings in the choir and is 32 years old (8 years older than me). I don’t know why, I just started to notice and like him.
I would always stare at him and would see him casually looking quickly at me too, but nothing happened.
We had 2 weeks of vacations and during that period I decided I wanted him to notice me and maybe make my interest clear to him. I liked 2 of his photos on instagram and after a few hours disliked them, because I am soo stupid shy and regretted it…
Anyway, we came back from vacations and the rehearsals started again. I don’t know if he got the intagram notifications. Now he looks a lot more in my direction and stares. Last rehearsal I was reading something on my phone and I was a little far but in front of him (he is a bass and I am soprano) and when I looked up he was staring continuously with a peaceful face. It was not a smile but an agreeable facial expression.
Until today we never talked, but that is also partly because there was never a chance for that to happen. We both arrive and leave the rehearsals on time due to other appointments, so there is never time free for establishing real contact. Only the staring during rehearsal.
I have the impression that he is a very sensible and quiet guy. He does not talk to many people and remains quiet most of the time…
I don’t know what to do! My heart is really aching and I just feel shy of talking to him because he is older than me, although single.
I also fear being rejected….
We will now have more rehearsals and concerts coming and I will start seeing him a lot more the next weeks.
Before I finish, I just want to thank you for the videos you post on youtube, they are surely helping me and so many people around the world understand this curious feeling called love.
Thank you immensely and all the best!
Oh, just explaining better what happened last rehearsal.
I sat in my chair and on purpose stood looking at my phone for like 1 minute because I knew he was there and I wanted to see if he would be looking at me. When I looked at him, he really was! With that friendly face. Then I looked at my phone again and a few seconds later looked up at him again and there he was, still staring! Then I stood up and went to the toilet and I noticed he continued to look at me while I did that! Oh God! Is he only trying to fool/play with me or is he interested too? Sorry for writing more, I just thought it would be better explained so! Thank you very much!!!
Hi Luise,
It’s unlikely that he is fooling or playing you.
The way he kept staring at you at the last rehearsal may indicate that he has interest.
However, it appears that he is shy.
The next time you catch him staring at you, smile back at him and hold the smile.
He may turn away or even smile back.
The more often you do this, the more likely he will understand that you are interested and this may give him the encouragement he needs to approach you.
Hello.
I am dating a guy who I really like and am considering becoming serious with. He’s kind, attentive and we have many interests in common and agree on most things about relationships. I don’t see any red flags so far except for one: he has no friends. He’s middle-aged and long divorced (6-7 years) and moved to my new city several years ago. He has friends in cities where he formerly lived, usually met through work but spent time with each other outside work. He meets up with them infrequently, but they are married with families. Here his only “friends” (in the most casual sense possible) are ex-casual dates and ex-FWBs who went out with/ pursued him when he was an executive and would take them on lavish dinners, etc. Though he rarely talks to them (he’s not the cheating type), they insist on finding him on and keeping him as a contact on Facebook, etc. and attempt to meet him again. One in particular used him several times, even trying to tag along on business trips, and keeps wanting to meet him for dinner (at an expensive restaurant, of course). He seems to have trouble saying no to people, and was basically a doormat in his last relationship. Would this be a dealbreaker for you? I want him to be pleasant but clear with people and from what I understand, not only does he have no current intimate friendships, he has trouble cutting off people who have used him and by my definition are not even friends. Am I being a control freak or too judgmental?
Thanks
Hi Claire,
His not having friends doesn’t seem to have affected how you have been interacting with him so far.
In other words, it doesn’t seem like he is unable to keep a conversation going or interact with you.
Being that he used to be an executive, he may have spent a good amount of his time working and a lot less time trying to build relationships with people.
This is an area where you will just have to weigh the pros with the cons.
As far as wondering if you are being a control freak or being too judgmental in reference to the fact that you want him to be pleasant but clear with people, your sentiment is warranted.
If he is a doormat to these ex-casual dates and ex-FWBs, you may have to address this with him before taking your relationship any further.
If he is willing to change that, you can move forward.
However, if he isn’t willing to, you may have to reconsider getting serious with him.
Hi Datinglogic,
I was frustrated two times with regards to some goals I had set and these positions didn’t work out for me. I felt horrible how I conducted myself infront of him. How do I fix it? Does he hate me now? Or somewhat dislike me? I’ve made some rude remarks too when I didn’t intend it, not even sure how it came out. He definitely cares and always tries to help me out and he stares and always asks me whom I’m with when I go out on the weekends. But when I tell him I’ll miss you when he got promoted he just looks down. He told me I touched a deep part of his heart with a gesture I made, what does he mean by that?
Hi Marla,
It’s unlikely that he hates you now.
He knows that you were disappointed by not reaching your goals.
You can fix it by showing him that you have moved on from that and just being kind to him and yourself.
He meant that you affected him in a positive way and it perhaps made him wonder about what it would have been like to actually date you.
I have watched most of your videos on staring but I still have a major problem. I know a guy who is a friend of mine. He has a girlfriend and has a close friend who likes me and asked me to a dance that I at the time said yes to. Sometimes, when he is around me, he will be doing weird stuff (he is a teenager after all) but will blatantly stare at me; basically he just looks at me without breaking eye contact. This happens a lot. I haven’t been able to justify a reason for why he does this. Sure, he teases me, but he is in general a tease. He is always happy to talk to me will often talk to me and walk next to me but he has a girlfriend so I don’t want to assume anything until I hear from a professional like yourself. The last staring thing happened today when he was talking to a friend near by where I was talking with his close friend who likes me (by near I mean five feet away we were pretty much all hanging out). He suddenly stopped and just stared intensely at me, with a very serious face expression. This lasted for about 10 seconds and felt like ages.
Please, any advice would be appreciated!
Hi Irene,
He may be staring at you because he is a natural tease and just enjoys the way you respond to it.
As long as he has a girlfriend, he is most likely not going to take this any further than just staring.
Hi. So this shy guy I like knows I like him. We have known each other for about two to three years now. We haven’t talked at all. Probably like a few heys and by’s but that’s it. I’ve been over his house only when I had a friend and he had a friend. His friends always teased him and said stuff like ” oh don’t be kissing her” or “Hey ur gf is here” he would smile and seemed like he was embarrassed. I touched him on purpose one time and he smiled. And my friend one day said hey there’s ur crush. And he looked up with a confused look on his face. And this all happened before he new I liked him. But when he did find out I liked him by me asking him out when we barley new each other he just said sure I mean if u want to go out then yes. Then he didn’t seem talkative the rest of the day I asked him out. So I texted him later and said if we were dating. And he said sorry but I have to say know I just don’t know u enough. And now it seems like I’m always the one texting him first. He acctually told me that he was a little shy and would be better if we got to know each other over text. And so sense January I’ve been the one starting the conversation I ask him a question and he replies but that’s it. I’ve texting him first like 8 times sense January and spread out times to not like every week more like every other week. amd one more thing. One night he walked me up to my house cause I was cold so I needed my sweatshirt and it was just me and him. He started a convo by showing me a funny video and we were alone. So he knows I like him but he’s not doing anything what does that mean..? And I’m 13 and he’s 14
Hi Chelsea,
He may not be doing anything because he hasn’t truly felt a spark or a sense of chemistry with you since he learned that you liked him.
He is also shy and that has most likely affected how he interacts with you as well.
Hi! Thank u so much for replying! I just have one more question that I left out. Do u think he’ll ever come around and if not is there anything i could do now like try talking to him more or will that seem like I’m coming off to strong?
Hi,
I met this guy few months ago. He showed interest. I was also interested in him, however, I guess he did not sense it due to my shyness. Eventually, I started texting him first, occasionally (1-3 times a week). He respond all the time. We went out twice before. first time was initiate by him while the second time was by me. He also gave me a nickname.
However, I then found out this other girl is pursuing him. It seems that he does not want others to know about it as he hid all the posts that she tagged him. Once, I realised that the girl tagged him in a post about a concert. I did not ask him about it and he randomly told me when we were texting that he has no time to go to this particular concert. (I feel that he is purposely hiding it from me/”explaining”) This girl is very different from myself, extroverted, was engaged and party often. They seem close.
I then tried asking him out again. Our meeting got postponed twice due to his schedule. I then stop texting him and two weeks later, he invited me to an outing with his few close friends. After that, neither of us contacted with other. another two weeks later, I texted him and he took 1 day to reply. (when usually he reply pretty fast) I sense that perhaps he is having mixed feelings? On a side note, our mutual friend said he was deeply hurt in a past relationship of 5 years, LDR and his ex cheated on him eventually. My friend told me that his ex was someone like me, “sweet” type. Or perhaps he has change his taste now?
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Hi Chelsea,
I think that he may be able to come around if he starts getting the sense that the both of you have some things in common.
You could try hanging out with him instead of talking to him more.
It wouldn’t be coming on too strong as long as you are able to work with his schedule and respect what he tells you.
Okay thank u! So much i really appreciate it
Hi Alice,
He isn’t particularly interested in you.
You have been the one initiating texts. You have now asked him out twice, the last attempt being postponed twice.
When you stopped texting him, it took him two weeks to contact you and invite you to an outing. This outing was not for just the both of you but also included his friends which made it less intimate.
He is now taking longer to reply to your texts.
All these signs show that he was never entirely into you to begin with.
Indeed, he may still have unresolved emotional issues stemming from his previous 5 year relationship as well.
I doubt that he has changed his tastes. He most likely just doesn’t want to date you on a romantic level. It appears that he may be more open to a platonic friendship with you rather than a romantic relationship.
Hi,
Thanks for your reply. Ya, I guess you are right, he is more open to a platonic friendship. Do you think he likes the other girl? Do I still stand a chance and what should I do if I am really interested in him? Logically I understand that I should back off but he is kinda really my type. Sorry for being persistent. Thanks.
Alice,
He may be interested in the other girl but it doesn’t appear to be that serious quite yet.
It’s unlikely that you still stand a chance.
Being really interested in him is irrelevant when he doesn’t feel the same way.
Relationships aren’t a one way street.
Being really your type doesn’t mean that there aren’t other guys out there like him.
You should accept the fact that he isn’t interested in you and let it go.
Thanks Dating Logic for your honest and sincere advice.
You make perfect sense.
You are right, I agree with you.
Have a nice day.
Hi!
6 months ago I entered a theater group and started to like this guy who is older than me. I started researching about him on social media and always had the impression of him being very sweet and decent men. His instagram pictures ar mostly landscapes, travel photos and hardly any selfies.
Anyway, we always kinf of flirted during rehearsals but since there are sooo many people taking part we never got to talk to each other. I noticed some days he would stare a lot more at me, other days almost not even look in my direction.
We had 3 presentations this last week and by the end of the second presentation I decided to add him on facebook during the way home.
In less than 10 minutes I got the notification that he accepted.
My heart was filled with joy, but only for short time.
In 5 minutes I entered his profile to see photos and etc and there it was: he has curiously already unfriended me!
I mean, I think it is very unlikely that he did not recognize me and we also have mutual friends and are at the same facebook closed group of the theater group.
I felt devastated…. Why than did he accept, only to reject a few moments later…
In the next day I acted normally but during the presentation while other people were on stage I happened to look at him from the other side of the room and he was staring at me with a soft face, not smiling but also not angry!
I am confused and do not know what to do… I just wish he would more clear about his intentions…
Should I consider he really does not like me or would there be any other reason for him to act like that?
Thank you very much for your help!!!
Hi Cris,
He doesn’t like you.
He may have flirted with you a few times while you were in rehearsals but that was for fun.
He never took it any further than that.
He never asked you out on a date or even inquired about your number.
Every flirt or staring in your direction so far has been kept within the safe environment of your workplace.
He accepted and deleted your friend request on Facebook within 5 minutes of initially accepting it.
This shows that he most likely realized who he had accepted and consciously decided to unfriend you because he didn’t want to give you the wrong impression.
He would much rather keep his interaction with you on stage and leave it at that.
He doesn’t want it to get personal.
Thank you for your sincere answer!
It is always better to realize the truth and move on as soon as possible!
It hurts a lot to be rejected, specially when you were really interested in that person, but it is always best to think forward and search someone with true feeling towards us!
Thank you!
Hi,
I met this guy online a few weeks ago, he messaged me right away and asked me out twice. I couldn’t go both times, after that I suggested another day and we met up for an hour. He liked me more than I did. He was eager to see me again and I can tell that he’s a complete definition of introverted guy or shy! We dated a few times and ended up sleeping together, I did initiate the tease and I felt bad about it but he was really genuine and it took about 3 seconds. He kept apologizing and how it’s been so long since he had actions, ( he broke up after 4 years early 2016). I didn’t overreact and we moved on and been texting since then.
We haven’t seen each other since that night but he kept sending me pictures of his cats and how he’s trying to make me a cat lover and wants me to see his plants and studio… he’s not much of a talker but he went camping this weekend and everything was going well until he didn’t message me once he got back. I messaged him after 4 days and asking if he’s still camping and he was chatty for the first time and said he’s back and blah blah…
I didn’t keep the conversation going (and he realized I stopped) but he hasn’t messaged me since then. I was skeptical if I did the right thing.
But I was a bit frustrated that he didn’t text me and I realized he’s still using his online dating and it’s bugging me, we haven’t talked about being exclusive but he’s a bit weird. Especially at first before I realized he’s introverted, I asked him directly if he’s interested or I’m just wasting my time and he said I’m very interested, if I wasn’t, you would know.
Should I do anything? Or am I just being impatient? He’s very observant and I don’t want to seem needy especially the intercourse happened unplanned. I really do like this guy and I’m very extroverted and not sure how to handle this kind of situations when the other person is super quiet.
Hi Natalie,
You shouldn’t do anything at this time.
You were the one who had to message him when he got back from camping and you waited on him for 4 days before you messaged him.
This alone was quite a show of patience.
Therefore, you are not being impatient.
However, you need to understand that he is behaving in the typical way that an introvert would.
He doesn’t need too much human interaction to feel alive or needed.
You, on the other hand, being very extroverted, need that kind of interaction.
Hence, you need that constant communication in order to feel like you are truly in something real.
On the other hand, being an introvert, he doesn’t need that kind of consistency nor attention.
You are both so different.
It is going to take a strong level of patience and persistence on your part to handle him.
This may not gel at all with your extroverted personality.
No matter how much you want him to reach out and be more open to you, his introverted nature will not allow him to do so this soon.
Hence, you will have to ask yourself about how patient you are willing to be in the hopes that he will eventually move this relationship forward.
Unfortunately, this is something that has no guarantee.
You have already asked him if he is interested.
He said that he was very interested.
He would have to prove that to you through his actions.
If he doesn’t, he was not being truthful to you.
You have already reached out to him.
If he can’t reach out to you and move this relationship forward, he may not be the right person for you.