Work friendship advice

[Jamila]

There’s a guy at work who in the beginning we had good conversation but then somehow it became this thing where he just wanted to know gossip from me not because he cared but because it was information. Yet everyone at work says he’s so amazing, kind and a good listener. I just feel like when I make effort to talk the conversation is stale and he doesn’t really put effort but when I ignore him he’ll just try to hover near me or talk to people next to me and kind of ignore me. Why is it that I only see this side of him and not this so called great side of him. I don’t know if I should just ignore him but I feel like it makes me look rude or try to acknowledge him as usual. I’m just confused and tired of this “hot and cold” interaction where sometimes he acts like I exist and other times I’m nothing but the gum on his shoe

[Luke]

Hi Jamila,

You may only see the stale side of him and not the so-called great side of him because he doesn’t feel that you deserve to be shown the great side of him.

It may be due to something that turned him off in conversations that he has had with you in the past.

As a result, he may have chosen to simply use you as a source of gossip.

He doesn’t hold you on as high a regard as he does the other coworkers of whom he is more than happy to show his amazing, kind and good listener side to.

If he is affecting you this much, it may be best to ignore him.

You can still be professional and courteous if you happen to bump into each other or are working together.

However, you should probably avoid giving him gossip information or allowing yourself to show that you are being affected in any way if he decides to hover or talk to people around you because he notices that you are ignoring him.

If you are able to consistently maintain your distance from him, in time, he will either start treating you like he does the other coworkers or he will just abandon his interaction with you altogether.

[Author]

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