Why won't this hope go away?

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This topic contains 16 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 3 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #98786 Reply

    Krissy
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    Hi, I haven’t seen him in over a year now and probably never will again but why do I still hope he has feelings for me even though he doesn’t feel that way anymore? It hurts when I check his social media (I unfriended him) when I get that urge to check. Can I help this? He’s moved on but I’ve yet to do the same, it’s embarrassing.

    #98788 Reply

    Luke
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    Hi Krissy,

    You are still hoping he has feelings for you even though you know that he doesn’t feel that way anymore because you are finding it hard to let go of what you thought the relationship could be.

    You have most likely already fantasized about what a life with him would be like and your mind has made it absolutely amazing.

    That way of thinking has made you feel euphoric about this guy in the past.

    That feeling of euphoria is often caused by dopamine that is a chemical that is released in the brain that causes pleasure.

    It is hard to let this type of chemical reaction go.

    It can actually be somewhat addicting.

    Every time that you think about this guy, some part of you may feel that sense of pleasure based on what you think a life with this guy would be like and you just want to keep experiencing it.

    You can actually help it when it comes to your urge to check his social media.

    One of the most effective ways to do this is to start filling your time up with lots of activities.

    There is a strong likelihood that you normally get the urge to check his social media when you are idle.

    Being idle too often is dangerous.

    It is often what will make you feel the urge to check his social media because you don’t have anything else occupying your time or mind at that particular point in time.

    Hence, it is better to remain as preoccupied with activities as you can.

    This will give you something else to focus on, thereby reducing the chances that you will have an urge to check his social media.

    #98792 Reply

    Krissy
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    Thank you!

    #98793 Reply

    Luke
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    You are welcome Krissy.

    #98819 Reply

    Krissy
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    Hi it’s me again, so I’m gonna try my best to listen to your advice. I just want to ask whether I will truly move on from person. There is more to the story, sometimes I’d start thinking about it and I don’t have answers to them. Things didn’t end well and it was rocky. I started seeing someone else but this person was in the back of my mind and sometimes he’d pop up in my head, this is embarrassing but I’d start to feel a strong yearning. Is there hope that I will truly move on from this person and what else will help? Thank you..

    #98820 Reply

    Luke
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    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, you can truly move on from this person.

    Trying to see someone else when you haven’t gotten over this other person is not a good idea.

    It will only end up putting you in the position that you found yourself in.

    You constantly had this person in the back of your mind even while you were dating this new person.

    If things didn’t end well or were rocky, there may be a part of you that is also seeking closure.

    Hence, you may be experiencing two different emotions.

    You may be feeling the desire to get back to how things were when the relationship was going well and if you cannot get that, you may desire proper closure.

    These feelings may be the source of your yearning when it comes to this person.

    Something that can help you truly move on from this person is to let go of those two emotions.

    The emotion that desires the relationship to come back and the emotion that desires closure.

    Let those two emotions go.

    The best way to do that is to focus on yourself currently.

    Avoid getting into any other relationships right now.

    Instead, start figuring out what it is that makes you feel unique and special.

    Focus on building more of a sense of independence and understanding of yourself.

    Truly accept that the relationship is over and will never return.

    If you’re able to do these things, there’s a good chance that you’ll be able to truly move on from this person.

    But, you have to put in the effort and the time.

    #98855 Reply

    Krissy
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    Thanks again, it was a bit of a hard pill to swallow. Do you think I’ll find the right person for me in someone that is flawed? I’d rather stay single for a few reasons one of them being so I won’t be badly hurt or hurt them in some way. Right now and for sometime I’ve wanted to just focus on myself and grow as a person so your advice is on point.

    #98856 Reply

    Luke
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    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, you will find the right person for you.

    We are all flawed.

    Hence, whoever ends up being the right person for you will be flawed.

    This is nothing to be worried about.

    As long as this person comes with more pros than cons, you will be fine.

    It is not a good idea to stay single so that you avoid being badly hurt or avoid hurting the other person.

    That way of thinking can cause you to build up emotional walls that could lead to you losing out on a potential romantic partner who would have been the right person for you.

    Yes, focusing on yourself right now is a good idea.

    Growing as a person will not only make you feel better about who you are, it will also help you ultimately attract the right kind of person for you, when the time is right.

    #98857 Reply

    Krissy
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    Thank you, yes 🙏🏼😁😌

    #98858 Reply

    Luke
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    You are welcome Krissy.

    #104677 Reply

    Krissy
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    Hey Luke, so this situation in particular is a biggie. I’ve made baby steps to move on from this person. Just want to clarify the questions I’ve asked are for 3 different people > the older gentleman, the supposed friend and my crush (who I need to move on from). Okay, I still check my crushes social media mainly because I am idle. I’ve been idle in my free time for the past couple of months, eversince I decided to check his social media again after keeping away since the end of 2018 (or it just started again once I really became idle). A lot of thoughts have gone through my mind and I have to say I haven’t let go of the “relationship” and the closure. I got to a point that it’s him or no one. So one of my spiritual goals is to get baptized and serve Jehovah God. The reason I couldn’t try my luck and be with this person is because we don’t share the same faith (don’t know if he has one) so I was always torn and stressed, work stress didn’t help. I ended up getting sick again or you can say a relapse, i was diagnosed with a mental illness some years ago. The point is I can’t be with this person at all. But my silly heart says otherwise. As good as it sounds, I don’t wanna meet someone else. My therapist said it’s unhealthy, my mum has been concerned she said I was lovesick and need to move on. I know I need to move on, i’ve yet to do my best to.

    #104678 Reply

    Krissy
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    I don’t know how to let go.

    #104691 Reply

    Luke
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    Hi Krissy,

    You may not know how to let go because you just don’t want to.

    To let go effectively, you would have to make a conscious decision to do so and live your life accordingly henceforth.

    If you don’t make this decision and execute, you will remain in your current state.

    #104701 Reply

    Krissy
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    Hey back, well that’s unfavourable. I don’t wanna be stuck on this person then. It’s easier said than done though. I think I need to really think about why I don’t want to let go.

    #104708 Reply

    Luke
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    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, it would be a good idea to really think about why you don’t want to let go.

    It may help you discover the root cause of your emotional attachment to this person.

    Upon learning what that is, you may be able to start working on getting rid of it.

    #104847 Reply

    Krissy
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    Hey Luke, so the root cause of my emotional attachment is lust. When I think back it’s true. It may not seem like a big deal to others and I haven’t slept with anyone before so.

    #104854 Reply

    Luke
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    Hi Krissy,

    Lust can be a root cause of emotional attachment.

    It can cause vivid imaginations that then lead to emotional attachment to the person that you have been lusting after over time.

    If you can catch those lustful thoughts in the early stages, you may be able to avoid emotional attachment.

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