Why do people turn horrible when they don’t share your feelings?

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  • This topic has 11 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Luke.
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  • #104364
    Krissy
    Guest

    Why do people turn horrible when they don’t share your feelings? Is it just me or was I blind to this side of them?

    #104366
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    People turn horrible when they don’t share your feelings because they may feel empowered by the fact that you have feelings for them.

    As a result, they feel as though they can become horrible to you without having to worry about any emotional or verbal repercussions because they know that you have given them a lot of power over your emotions.

    Unfortunately, some people just like to abuse this kind of power.

    You may have been blind to this side of them.

    People often show you who they truly are if you give your interaction with them enough time.

    If you allow yourself to fall for them too quickly, you could put yourself at a disadvantage of never having given yourself enough time to get to know them so as to determine the kind of person that you are truly dealing with.

    #104373
    Krissy
    Guest

    Thanks man, keep up the good work.

    #104374
    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Krissy.

    #104676
    Krissy
    Guest

    I have to be honest. This one came from emotion and isn’t really factual. It came from personalising observations i’ve made from my crushes social media. My bad 🙏🏼

    #104692
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    It can be really easy to think that a crush is behaving a certain way when we are so emotionally attached to them.

    This is when your imagination can easily get the best of you and you begin to make yourself believe that your crush is being horrible to you.

    Social media can often propagate this intense feeling even more as you obsess over what they post and who they may be giving their attention to.

    #104700
    Krissy
    Guest

    Hi back. I haven’t thought that i’m so emotionally attached to this person. It’s sorta new like I don’t understand what that means and why it is so. I now know my imagination has played a role in this whole situation, also thanks to your videos. There were things about him I liked too (and disliked) Yeah i don’t wanna think back to how I was obsessive I was lol🤦🏽‍♀️ With effort I can keep away from his social media including his Spotify 🤦🏽‍♀️ and I won’t have anything more to obsess over. But thoughts about the past do pop up.

    #104710
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, your imagination can go a long way in getting you emotionally attached to someone.

    Yes, with effort you can keep away from his social media, including his Spotify, and start taking positive steps into overcoming your obsession with him.

    When thoughts about the past pop up, try to redirect your thoughts to something else each and every time.

    This will help to reduce the regularity in which those thoughts about the past pop up in your mind.

    #104723
    Krissy
    Guest

    Thanks, I need to hear this from someone else. That sounds a little like mindfulness which my therapist highly recommends I do on a regular so it becomes second nature and this will benefit me in the long run and with my health 😀

    #104733
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, it is very much like mindfulness.

    Making mindfulness meditation a regular part of your daily life can go a long way in helping you learn how to rein in your thoughts and remain focused on the present.

    It truly can do wonders for your mind and your health.

    #104751
    Krissy
    Guest

    Hi Luke, I love that you said mindfulness can do wonders for my mind and health. But I do tend to forget about this tool though. My poor therapist 😌 I hope to be taught on how to become skillful at it in the near future, cause it boggles my mind – especially the noticing things through your senses. For now, i’m going try and apply it in my daily routine – starting tomorrow.

    He hasn’t been that horrible to me but I have given him power over my emotions. Why is that?

    Just thinking back on my past, I do get emotionally attached to someone in an unhealthy way. I have an idea of what might be the root cause.

    What can I do to not let my imagination run wild when it comes to crushing on someone? How can I keep it real?

    #104758
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    You may have given him power over your emotions because you liked how good you felt whenever you thought about what it would be like if the both of you were in an actual romantic relationship.

    Those thoughts may have made you feel so good that you couldn’t help but give him that kind of power over your emotions.

    You got addicted to those good emotions like you would a drug.

    You just want to keep experiencing them over and over again.

    As a result, you ended up giving him more and more power over your emotions.

    To not let your imagination run wild when it comes to crushing on someone, understand that all the amazing stories that your imagination creates are just fantasy.

    They aren’t real.

    The person that you are crushing on is just as human as everybody else and thereby fallible.

    Once you truly understand that your imagination will only create the most amazing and unrealistic scenarios because of how good those thoughts make you feel, it will be a lot easier for you to stop allowing it to run wild.

    It would simply be a waste of your energy and time.

    This is often how you keep it real.

    Again, mindfulness can also play a really big role with this.

    I am glad that you will be making it a part of your daily routine.

    It can truly help you stay present and real.

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