Why did he not give me a chance ??!!!

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 5 days, 20 hours ago.

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  • #98827 Reply

    Radwa

    ok so I am 28 years old and have been single all my life for some reason that I don’t really know ( lacked confidence, fear, never really get close to guys or never really met the right guy )
    Anyways there was this ray of sunlight across my love life that there is a handsome, successful man, young (he’s 33 now) was interested in me as he saw me somewhere and was attracted for one or two years and then we finally met each other. It was hard enough for him to reach me, he had to go through a cycle from talking to his sister then to her friend then to my friend so its quite an achievement hahaha.
    So we went out with 2 friends which he was more acquainted with ( bear in mind that he did not know that I knew he was interested and he did not know he was about to meet me that day… the moment he walked in there was no eye contact at all and he doesn’t really look my way at all. He kept talking to the other girls mainly and then he started to focus on me asking me questions like where do you work, movies, sports etc. He had to leave one hour later so we talked for quite a bit, he seemed very nervous, talkative and laughing at the wrong times. It was okay I wouldn’t say it was a perfect date and we have great chemistry as I felt like his nerves were getting in the way. I talked confidently and expressed myself really well, talked a loooot about my job and did not really ask about him to not make him feel any pressure so I was going with the flow. At a certain point I felt maybe he got bored but I really don’t know what was going through his head. He just left and said nice to meet you and that we should do this again but he said to my friend after two days that he apologized for leaving all of a sudden and he gave very positive feedback about me but he just did not feel the chemistry !! I thought why did he not give this a chance ? He obviously saw me before and was pretty attracted so why the hell did he leave ?? We might have had something if we get comfortable and talk without any pressure. My friend asked him then what kind of girl do you want ? he said someone similar to my sister !! thats weird why would a guy compare me to his sister or maybe he was trying to say he needed a characteristic in her that I didn’t have ? maybe I am not posh enough or intimidating ? I really can’t figure it out and my mind will burst through the top of my head ! I am a really nice person with many qualities but why can’t I meet someone ? why is it so hard for me ?? Why did he not even take my number or instagram ? Should I contact him ? I can’t really get over this since I didn’t really meet anyone new and that date was almost 9 months ago !!! PLEASE HELP ME :(((((((

    #98828 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Radwa,

    He may not have given this a chance because, as he told your friend two days later, he just didn’t feel the chemistry with you.

    He told your friend that he wanted someone like his sister because she may possess certain characteristics that he would want in a potential girlfriend.

    It may have had nothing to do with you not being posh or intimidating enough.

    For all you know, he may prefer women that are more genteel and warm.

    He left because he had spent enough time with you to surmise that the chemistry just wasn’t there.

    Even though you are a really nice person with many good qualities, you may be finding it difficult or hard to meet someone because you aren’t putting yourself in the right environments to meet someone that would be compatible with you.

    It may work to your advantage if you start changing up where you tend to go to socialize with people.

    This change alone could make all the difference.

    He probably didn’t take your number or Instagram because his mind was made up about how he felt about you.

    He may have been worried that if he took your number or Instagram, he would be giving you hope and placing undue pressure on himself to court you.

    You shouldn’t contact him.

    He has already told your friend about what he felt.

    If you were to contact him, you could run the risk of becoming the one who keeps initiating contact in the hopes that you can get him to like you.

    This would only waste your time and make you look desperate.

    A good way to get over this is to accept that the both of you weren’t compatible.

    Regardless of how much you feel that he should have given this a chance, he already made the decision to move on because he simply felt that there was no chemistry.

    He most likely didn’t believe that chemistry could happen even if the both of you were to meet again and talk some more.

    The sooner you accept that there is no chance with this guy, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

    #98838 Reply

    Radwa

    Thanks a lot Luke for your reply, I really admire how you deliver the message in a direct, clear and nice way.

    You are right that I should drop this and move on which I did but I just keep remembering it when I have nothing on my mind and not busy so I start overthinking.

    But don’t you think that nerves could get in the way as he was clearly not being himself as his friends said.

    I don’t know why I keep thinking that its something I did because I am not really good with the guys and don’t know how to flirt or draw his attention, I was just being myself and talking naturally. My life coach said before that maybe I have fear of intimacy and don’t exude that inviting vibe or welcoming guys to get romantically involved with me.

    Do you think he could ever think of me again ? I feel like its very farfetched he already left without any contact. I am really surprised that this is the same guy who wanted to meet me for 2 years and kept insisting to meet me after asking about my profile and what I do and whats my background and got really excited and attracted to me, when we finally meet he gives me no attention or eye contact except after half an hour of talking in a group.

    Is it my looks ? did he change his mind when he saw me up close ? I feel like he might have drawn an image of me or had certain expectations and was turned off after realising that I don’t meet them ?

    Sorry for the long message
    Thanks a lot for your help

    #98841 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Radwa,

    If nerves had gotten in the way, he would most likely have wanted another chance at meeting you so as to show you his true personality.

    Being that you both have mutual friends, he probably would have let your friend know that he thinks that he was too nervous during that meeting and would love to have another opportunity to show you his true personality.

    He didn’t do this.

    Instead, he told your friend that he didn’t feel any chemistry with you.

    It is unlikely that he could ever think of you again.

    His anticipation to meet you had been building for two years.

    When he finally got to meet you, you were not what he was hoping for.

    You were not what he had fantasized or envisioned in his mind over the course of those two years.

    The letdown or disappointment that he experienced during his meeting with you may have been strong enough to keep him from wanting to think about you again.

    If he already knew what you looked like before he met you, it is unlikely that it was your looks that led him to become disinterested in you.

    It is also unlikely that he changed his mind when he saw you up close.

    It seems like he was mostly concerned with your characteristics.

    He told your friend that he wanted someone like his sister.

    When he said this, he was most likely not referring to his sister’s looks.

    He was most likely referring to his sister’s characteristics.

    This is why it is unlikely that it was your looks that was the dealbreaker for him.

    Yes, he had expectations and was most likely turned off when you didn’t meet them.

    However, it seems to be more about chemistry than anything else.

    He just didn’t feel like he connected with you and that was enough to cause him to lose interest.

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