What are the chances he is in it for the long haul?

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    Ms. Erah

    Hi there,

    I met this guy online, he’s 38 y.o located 3 hrs. Away from me outside of London. We talked for a month before he decided to meet me. He came all the way to see me and we had sex. It was casual and he made it clear he didn’t want any relationship. Based from his story, he had 7 ex gfs, they were all long terms. They did not work. Last one was 2 years ago which lasted for 4 years. He’s Muslim I am Catholic. He said he enjoyed his time with me, he spent the night in my apartment and we had a good time, talked, ate home cooked meal and watch Netflix.

    We met online in February, saw each on March. He still talks to me till now. As frequent as 5 to 6x a month. Usually, at night before he sleeps. He doesn’t normally talks about dirty stuff, never asked me to send nudes or have phone sex. One time I asked why he still talks to me with so much caring and affection despite saying he is not looking for relationship. Has a pet name for me, listens to my random stories and gives his advice on things I ask. Conversation lasts for more than an hour usually. He answered, I like you but I will not marry you. I said OK. He followed on to ask if we can be companions with sex. He lives 3 hrs. Away from me. I said once lockdown is over we can do so. I am beginning to be more attracted to him due to his consistency in talking and following up. He also asks if my ex called me and If I will ever take him back, or if I’m talking to other men in person or online. I told him the truth, No.
    He once told me that I should consider being ang Agency Nurse so I can work in London for 6 mos. In summer and go to my home country for 6 mos. When it’s winter to enjoy the sun. I brushed it off. 2 weeks after, he called at night, I thought it’s booty call. We had an 1 hour and 1/2 of mixed topics. But what I found amusing is he asked me about Can you do Agency work instead of being a permanent staff? I said I can once I have my permanent residency status. He followed up when can this be done (he’s a bit authoritative and possessive but a polite, respectful and educated man), I said this year. That’s very good, he replied. He asked if I liked the sex that we had 5 mos. Ago and which part did I like the most. I told myself, oh he’s becoming sexual now, after last time we saw each other in March. He asked me this on June 20. Weird. Then he called again the next night, lots of topics discussed again. He asked if I like beard and what do I prefer? He went on to ask if Do I still want to see him once he goes to visit London. I told him I cannot detach my emotions from sexual intercourse and it is challenging because I already have feelings for him. He just said it’s up to me If I don’t want to see him again. I told him I respect him for telling me that he doesn’t want anything serious with me. Despite all his efforts of keeping communication alive for many mos. The quality of conversations etc. I gave him a firm No to protect myself from falling in love. He knows this. He sounded a bit upset when he ended the conversation, but always polite, letting me put the phone down first all the time with his gentle voice. Is this a manipulation game that men play? I am very average looking woman and I don’t think he’s falling for me. I do, feel that he cares a lot for me. He responds to my text no matter how silly the question is. He genuinely asks about my family and gave me compliments about my career etc. He remembers details about me and our last conversation.

    If he is just orbiting for the sake of being sexual why would he go such lengths? Time, effort and quality of interactions?


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