Rejected by my co-worker

[Alejandro]

Hi Luke,

First i want to say thank you for the inspiring videos you put up every week. they have helped me a lot. I been working with this girl for almost 2 years, i felt in love with her because i thought we liked eachother, she’s beautiful and so nice and sweet, so one day i decided to tell her my feelings and i was rejected, since then, working with her is extremely difficult, somedays we don’t talk, some we talk and play flirty games and she makes feel like she change her mind,so i ask her out again and she rejects me again, this been the cycle for the last months… i know i have to move on, but everytime i see her or she tries to be friendly, and tells me that i can be her friend, it just hurts me. i really think i should not see her, even if inside i want to, it is normal to feel like this? do i have problem? is it ok for me to quit my job or least ask for a change of schedule, so i dont have to see. is it ok to do that? beacuse its hurts and i want to get rid of the hope inside me. thanks a lot for your time. blessings.

[Luke]

Hi Alejandro,

Thank you and I am glad that the videos have helped you a lot.

Yes, it is normal to feel as conflicted as you do about this coworker. On the one hand, you want to see her but on the other, you don’t.

So no, you don’t have a problem when it comes to this kind of experience.

We can all have conflicting feelings that seem very contradictory to each other when we are in love with someone who makes us feel as though they are into us at certain times and then as though they aren’t at other times.

You have asked her out twice and she rejected you both times.

Unfortunately, she is just not interested in you romantically.

Even though she may play flirty games with you at times, it is all in fun. She may do this with other coworkers as well.

However, you continue to hold on to hope because in these moments where she is giving you attention, you make yourself believe that she likes you and has now changed her mind.

This is your overwhelming desire to be with her that is talking and you shouldn’t listen to it.

If you are able to change your mindset in this way, you can try to see if you can still work with her without feeling miserable.

However, if you are unable to change your mindset, then, trying to change your work schedule may be the next best option.

If you are unable to change your work schedule, then, yes, it may be best to quit your job.

Just make sure that you are responsible if you decide to quit your job.

Either have another job lined up or enough savings to pay your bills and take care of your well-being for at least six months as you begin the process of looking for another job.

[Alejandro]

Thanks a lot for the advice Luke, i tried changing my mindset, but maybe i didn’t try hard enough. and yes you are right thats the word, i feel miserable when i’m with her. i was really thinking of asking my boss if it was possible to not put us working together since it’s only once-twice a week that happens, it shouldn’t be too difficult, it’s just i feel so ashame to ask for something like that. i know is not proffesional and i fear the outcome and what may others think about me. that’s what’s stopping me for asking that.
Big thanks again.

[Sarah]

Rejection is hard. But She was honest and said that you’re not her type. You can’t fault her for that. But I know you know that and it’s hard to see past that right now.

And if you need to not work with her, Then that’s what you ask for. Nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t need to tell you manager the details why. Just state that you are uncomfortable working with her, that you don’t want to make a big issue of this but this is something you’d like to make for the long term happiness and workability of the whole team.

You need to worry about Alejandro and being able to pull yourself out of the darkness and find happiness again.

[Patricia]

I think you dont know your own worth and your letting other people dictate your worth. I think instead of worrying about that girl, you need to focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Date yourself if that makes sense. Go to a movie bowling get better at playing uno :p and just live life. Thatll bring up your energy and then the right person will come along.
And for everythjng else,
You got pati 🙂

[Luke]

Hi Alejandro,

There is a good chance that your boss will be discreet about your decision to change your work schedule.

There is no reason to feel ashamed to ask for something like this.

As a boss, she probably gets complaints from employees about other employees all the time.

She is used to it and will know how to handle your particular situation.

As a boss, she would also understand the importance of being discreet.

So, it is likely that she will just do a work schedule change because she is the boss and that is something she can do. In other words, she doesn’t have to explain her decision to anyone.

The others will most likely just see it as a change by the boss and will most likely not think that it had anything to do with you.

That is of course, as long as you don’t tell anyone.

Hence, there is no need to worry about what others will think of you or fearing the outcome.

[Alejandro]

Thanks a lot Luke. you helped me realize a lot i didn’t before, thanks to your support i think i can change my mindset, and start the new year leaving that behind. and if by any reason i’m not able, i will ask for a schedule change with no fear. thanks a lot again for all the time you take everyday to answer everyones questions and for every video you made that helps people in pain all around the world, Merry christmas Luke and happy new year. Blessings my friend.

[Luke]

You are welcome Alejandro and all the best.

[Author]

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