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April 20, 2019 at 9:35 pm #87439
My boyfriend and I have been fighting since December on and off. I did some things that were wrong and recognize it. I didn’t have that many friends and I become friends with this older girl that was single and a bad influence. She had a huge attitude problem and anger problem and was getting into some things that were not right. i also started smoking weed with my boyfriend. After talking to her about him he felt betrayed. i was talking about him behind his back. I kept trying to talk to him about issues I felt we have like him not listening to me when i speak but It didn’t work so I started talking to her. She encourage me to start dressing nicer and more girly and to wear make up. I started wearing lip gloss and bought some more feminine clothing that were a tighter fit on my body. After a while he started realizing I was changing and I was hanging out with her too much. I ended up telling him that I was talking about him because I felt he wasn’t communicated with me. he felt betrayed and told me he wasn’t going to spend Christmas with me and my family. I apologize but I was very angry. I was mean to him when he was trying to help me. he ended up coming but left after a few days. He got mad during New years and didn’t want to speak to me because I asked if he was gonna hang out with his guy friend and his girl. I was sad cause I wanted to be with him. His friends girl even texted me to ask me if I was coming. He lied to me about his plans. I was being to nosy anyway. After that I kept smoking weed and I wasn’t being as kind as use to be. I had to finish my semester student teaching and I have been commuting two hours in the morning and night. I didn’t have time to cook. He was mad at first but then he stopped caring. He wanted to be healthy. I tried to stop smoking and thought he would stop too. It didn’t work so I gave up and kept smoking. We would go out and eat fast food. Throughout this time he kept getting mad at me. he said I was taking all my anger out on him which is true because the school environmet was stressful and the teacher i was working with was being racist towards me and making my life very difficult. I know that is true because I was jealous of him hanging out with his guy friends sometimes too. I just wanted to be included. And before I would often check his social media accounts. We both finally stopped smoking weed. We moved to a new house and he still angry. He says I have a jealousy problem which I know is true but I don’t know how to help myself.I just feel sometimes he escalates things when it doesn’t have to be so bad between us. I have been trying and I know he was hurt but I don’t know how make it better now. Is he just fed up with me? he says that he has a lot of built up anger. He destroyed his play-station two weeks ago because I wanted to go with him and his friend somewhere when they left at 12:00. i called him too many times over and over cause he wouldn’t answer. and when he came home he said he wanted to break up with me and he was crying and broke the playstation. the next day I had to go to work and he got mad and blocked me from calling him and unfriended me on social media the day after. He unfriended me. I called his mom to say I was worried about him because he said some things that were messed up about himself. Is he just tired of me? Does he still love me or do you think he thinks I’m obsessive. I don’t want to be this way. I hate myself for it but I’ve been trying to be more independent. Like I don’t bother him or call him when I’m at work. And about a month ago I deleted any of his social media accounts that were linked on my phone, so I don’t have access do what he’s up to. I try not to have an attitude but if he is rude I defend myself. Sometimes I try to stay quiet but sometimes i get mad when he invites his friend over when its late. I got mad yesterday but shouldn’t have cause it was friday. He was mad all day. at the end of the night I peeked at his phone and it was his friend, he threw the phone at me and said do you want it. He said I was being jealous and that everything keeps building up.i don’t want him to break up with me and my guess is that he is just not use to being off the weed. He left the house and Im afraid he went out go smoke with his friend. but i trust him because he told me he was gonna go do uber and work. I’m really sad. There is nothing I can do to make him feel better any more. maybe he is just done with me. I feel so sad.