I seem to keep hurting him unintentionally. ( read full)

[Sam]

I like a guy (let’s call him Dan) who is very mature. He is passionate, caring, and really sweet. He’s working on his past issues and have learned to let go a lot of things. He knows how to communicate but has a lot of anger issues due to his childhood traumas. He has this thing where if a person affects him negatively, even remotely affecting his emotions, he goes crazy but not in the usual kind. They way he’ll talk would feel like he’s expecting you to fail in that convo so he’d have the upper hand. After all this he would just say I’m breaking up the friendship and calls me toxic.

Me – call me Sam. I have my own emotional issues that I have been working on but my PCOS and ADHD hinders a lot with the progress. However, I do keep on going the route that I’m supposed to, to get better. My ADHD does create barriers in understanding others emotional needs but I try my best to be there for him. Which I always do by being good to him. Not interrupting if he’s sharing his past stories. I try to empathize with him but as I’ve not been there I cant know what he’s been through so I understand and try to help him in ways I can.

Past few times it has happened that i couldn’t get a cue on his emotions because of something I said. I realised I made a mistake by bringing out a silly topic that had nothing to do with anything but just coz my ADHD can’t stop and he wants to know everything thats going on in my mind i share. And he got offended which i realised too late. He got defensive and started asking questions without giving me time to properly analyse them or even answer them and if i do answer hes ready with another question as if he’s trying to hurt me on purpose. I did answer and I told him I cant take it anymore so I’m going to hang up. And I hung up. He got furious that I hung up on him that I treated him like garbage and that he has the upper hand not me so I don’t get to hang up on him. And got so furious he started calling me names.

Now I understand all his emotional and mental struggle that he goes through because of his childhood traumas but it becomes difficult to bare things that people you care about says to you.

He then said he never wants to talk to me and never wants to see my face and told me to never call him back.

Now here’s a mistake I made. I felt so guilty and afraid of his anger, i kept calling until he picked up which infuriated him even further. After a yelling and demeaning session of his for 50 minutes he hung up. I apologized to him a million times. Told him to remember I don’t understand some cues cz od ADHD and I blurt out things that I’m not supposed to. I can never even think of hurting him cz he’s that important to me. And he called me names and the worst possible things while we were talking on purpose saying that it doesnt matter if i did it unintentionally and now I’ll get what I deserve from him intentionally.

When he hung up I didnt know he did cz it got quiet. So i called back. When it rang 3 times I disconnected knowing that he did cut the call on purpose.

It’s been two days and we haven’t talked. I didnt try to contact him.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

[Author]

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