I don't want to entertain my old crush anymore.

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  • This topic has 22 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 2 years ago by Krissy.
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  • #104441
    Krissy
    Guest

    Hi, I think my crush whom I want to move on from is checking my social media. I’m in a love triangle from my old workplace, but I’m the second-string. In the past I have done things on my social media to get his attention but no more, I’ve now put most of my social media on private except my Spotify. Do you think I should put it on private as well? I’m having a hard time with this one because I want my family whom I follow to check out my tunes if they want. I hate the thought that I’m somehow entertaining my old crush when he is bored.

    #104445
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    If you believe that the crush that you are trying to move on from is checking your social media and you don’t want to entertain him anymore, it is best to put your Spotify on private for now.

    Perhaps there is another way that you can get your family to listen to your tunes.

    It could be a private link that you send them so that only they will have access to your tunes.

    Making your Spotify private won’t be a permanent condition.

    After a period of time, your crush will hopefully move on and you will be able to make your Spotify publicly accessible again.

    #104447
    Krissy
    Guest

    Thank you.

    #104448
    Luke
    Keymaster

    You are welcome Krissy.

    #104675
    Krissy
    Guest

    Hi, so I followed your advice and have kept my Spotify private since. I don’t think you can send a private link? I have a feeling that those who follow me can see what i’m listening to whether I made it public or not on my Spotify profile. It didn’t cross my mind that putting everything on private isn’t permamnent *smh/lol* Eversince I’ve put it on private, I have been tempted to make it public because I was feeling good and open. When you said “when your crush will hopefully move on” I couldn’t help but hope that meant he liked me? Even though half of me thinks you mean just stop checking my social media.

    #104694
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, I meant that your crush would just stop checking your social media.

    Be sure that you are considering making your Spotify public again because you truly want to and not because you are hoping that your crush will come back to check it out.

    #104699
    Krissy
    Guest

    Okay 👌🏼 I’ll continue as I am. It makes me hopeful that one day he won’t be the reason but I know it’s gonna take a while. Another thing, I love listening to music but sometime’s I listen to songs that remind me of him or makes me daydream about him. Um, even made a playlist (it’s deleted). I use some songs to accept what’s happened here and there. Is this actually helping me to move on? I have tried to avoid songs that make me daydream 😥

    #104711
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    It’s okay to use some songs to help you accept what’s happened here and there.

    However, make sure that you don’t just keep adding more and more of these songs to your playlist.

    This could actually end up doing the opposite of what you want.

    The increasing number of songs that you choose to help you accept what’s happened end up continuously reminding you that you are still trying to get over this person.

    So, it is best to keep those songs at a minimum.

    Yes, using these songs can play a part in helping you move on.

    However, make sure that you are also engaging in other activities that can help you move on.

    This includes getting involved in new hobbies and challenging yourself to accomplish a new task or goal of some sort.

    Mix it up.

    Don’t only rely on songs to help you accept what happened.

    Doing all of this increases the chances that you will move on.

    #104722
    Krissy
    Guest

    So songs that cause daydreaming are out the door. I don’t wanna feel hopeful anyway. I need to think about what kind of hobby or hobbies I’d like to do or try something I’ve enjoyed in the past? I know that hobbies take up time and maybe money, so I gotta consider this aswell. I think if I also focus on my spiritual goals, it will help me to move on. It’s been hard to do so since I’ve used my time unwisely. To be continued..

    #104726
    Krissy
    Guest

    Oh and by the way, I have put things on public before but am very aware that my crush can check these and then sometimes it affects what I put on my playlists and other things on my social media.

    #104728
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    Yeah, it would be prudent to avoid songs that cause daydreaming.

    You could try both hobbies that you have done in the past and hobbies that you would like to do.

    Mix it up so that you never run the risk of getting bored.

    Yes, hobbies can take time and money.

    However, it is all about time balance and making sure that you are being financially responsible with your hobbies.

    Yes, focusing on your spiritual goals as well could also help you move on.

    Perhaps you should keep the more sensitive things private until you are ready to go public with them.

    This way, you don’t allow your crush to affect what you put on your playlists and on your social media.

    #104741
    Krissy
    Guest

    Cheers 😁

    #104742
    Krissy
    Guest

    Back to my first post, is it ok if I can ask one question about whether he liked me or not? 😬 Or should I just put it to the grave…just one??

    #104743
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, you can ask a question.

    #104748
    Krissy
    Guest

    Ok thanks. So, on my last day at work, my crush and I were the last ones to finish up in our team. Before we shook hands and said things like “all the best” I told him I liked him. He didn’t say anything to that, I was dying inside. I went on to ask him if I can add him on Facebook, so we can keep in touch. He was okay with that. He left the room and I started to pack up my things including the leftover food from the little farewell thing we had. I was surprised to seem him come back in the room, he was looking a little happy and smiley (hot just saying this to be hopeful, it did happen o.O) But I was in shock from the ‘rejection’, something must’ve shown on my face cause he didn’t wait for me anymore. That night I sent him a friend request, he accepted soon after. I messaged him, can’t remember what but he replied really politely and sorta formal but he ended his message with a goodnight. I think a week later, I messaged him again and he did the same thing but this time he was on holiday in Fiji (totally forgot). When he ended the conversation again, it really upset me and I felt he was rejecting me. I also felt humiliated because I thought he was taking the mickey out of it. I thought what is the point of being FB friends when he doesn’t want to talk to me you know. So I decided to unfriend him and block him so I can also move on. Couple weeks later I noticed another colleague of mine blocked me and we’re not friends or anything on there so I thought it wasn’t a coincidence. I just want to know if he like me or not. There are other things from the 2 years we worked together but in this one I really made my move even though it’s not gonna happen. I think I wanted to hold on, I couldn’t accept the idea that this was it.

    #104752
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    He doesn’t like you.

    You told him that you like him on your last day of work and he didn’t say anything to that.

    This would have been his opportunity to let you know that he felt the same way but he didn’t.

    He agreed when you asked him if you could add him on Facebook because he didn’t want to be rude.

    After all, it was your last day at work.

    However, he really had no intention of having meaningful conversations with you on Facebook.

    This is why the conversations that you have had with him on Facebook have been so formal and he always ends them soon after they start.

    Yes, you wanted to hold on.

    He just doesn’t feel the same way for you as you do for him.

    #104767
    Krissy
    Guest

    Thank you, this sucks but I need to hear it. At least I won’t continue wondering.

    #104768
    Krissy
    Guest

    Letting that sink in. It makes me feel kind of down-to-earth which I’m lowkey digging. Hope I can be like this for the long run. I have to say, there was a part of me that knew he didn’t like me, he’s treated me in a way that a guy who likes you wouldn’t do or he was just frustrated at me for giving him attention above the others in our team. I didn’t accept things for what they were *sighiiiing* I’m terribly bad at ignoring my instincts, my imagination didn’t help. You know, after reading what you said my mind started to doubt what I thought I knew or fancied and also my other colleague who I think he likes came to mind.

    When I think back, one thing I didn’t like was sometimes I couldn’t be myself around my crush. I don’t know why. What can a girl like myself do to be herself around someone she likes?

    #104769
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    It really comes back to how much you have built the person up in your mind.

    Oftentimes, you will build them to such a high level that you don’t believe that you can measure up.

    That will make you more self-conscious and as a result, you will find it hard to be yourself around the person.

    If you can catch yourself whenever you start creating fantastical stories in your mind about what this person must be like as a person and about what a relationship with them would be like, you will be able to keep a firm hold of reality.

    This is what will allow you to be yourself around the person because you have kept yourself from building them up to impossible heights.

    #104773
    Krissy
    Guest

    As long as I catch myself, k. Thank you 👍🏼

    #104774
    Krissy
    Guest

    One more thing, how do I not fall into the ‘his loss’ mindset? I don’t wanna be one of those girls, it might have a hold on me like it has before. I just wanna be able to accept things as they are and move on with my life. If I ever do fall into that mindset, do you have any tips I can use to get out? Or am i not getting the picture?

    #104778
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    You can avoid falling into the “his loss” mindset by understanding that you really can’t make that call.

    Even if the both of you had dated, you cannot truly guarantee that the relationship would have been amazing.

    For all you know, he may have dodged a bullet in not dating you.

    The idea here is to stop being so presumptuous.

    You truly may not have been his best match.

    That doesn’t mean that you wouldn’t be able to match with someone else.

    You may have just not been the best match for him.

    If you ever fall into the “his loss” mindset, just remember that you are not really in a place to make that call because you simply don’t know how things would have gone if you had dated the person.

    #104792
    Krissy
    Guest

    Ok, understood.

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