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I am 25 and never had a relationship, even though I am told I am attractive. Doesn’t that mean that men don’t find me good looking? I have only been approached by men I don’t find attractive in person/ get messages online. Most women I’ve spoken to have men are drooling over them. I’m not fat anymore and try to maintain a decent physical appearance so what gives? Who ever says dating isn’t shallow is lying, personality and appearance both play a role. Not to mention, I don’t think I’m likeable because I tend to attract people that seem to dislike me/drama follows me. I am very quiet and stay to myself, what’s wrong with people?
Hi Danielle,
The fact that you have never had a relationship doesn’t mean that men don’t find you good looking.
If you are always alone and not making any attempt to socialize with people, it can become a problem.
Most women that you have spoken to who have men drooling over them probably spend a good amount of their time socializing.
This is most likely why they are able to attract all these men.
If you believe that you have a decent physical appearance, the main reason why you don’t get approached by men that you find attractive could be because of your body language.
If you are always quiet and stay to yourself, you will give most men the impression that you don’t want to be approached.
Men are always looking for signs from a woman that she is either interested in them or at least, open to being approached.
If you give them the impression that you just want to be left alone through your body language, men are much less likely to approach you.
In order to improve your chances of attracting the right kind of men to you, try doing two things:
Work on being more social.
This could be as simple as taking friends, family members or coworkers up on their offers to go out on the town or just going to more social events that may involve activities that you enjoy.
Work on your body language.
This could be as simple as making more eye contact with people when you are in public and smiling.
This is the kind of inviting body language that men will respond to.
Yes, when it comes to dating, personality and appearance both play a role.
Though you may believe this to be shallow, this is just how human beings work.
Most of use are like this in some capacity.
You even mentioned that the only men who approach you or message you online are the ones that you don’t find attractive.
This shows that, just like the majority of us, you do care about appearance as well.
If you believe that you tend to attract people that seem to dislike you or that drama follows you, it may be best to start putting yourself around different people.
If you do this and still notice that you are attracting drama, perhaps it would be best to avoid talking about the usual topics that tend to cause this drama in the first place and just focus on talking about topics that are more harmless.
Thank you. And I shall say, the people that dislike me, are acquaintances/ people I work with. The acquaintance (friends of friends) part is simple to avoid because I don’t have to be around them. The people I work with, I’ve encountered coworkers that got along well with most people but me. I stay to myself at work because I don’t have that comfort level. What bugs me is that this type of tension has followed me at most work places and I’m only 25. Am I just unlucky/ unintentionally unlikeable or around shitty people all the time?
Hi Danielle,
If this kind of tension with coworkers has followed you into most of your workplaces, it has become a pattern.
This means that there may be something that you are doing that is causing this.
It may have to do with the fact that you tend to stay to yourself at work.
Even though you may believe that you are just minding your own business, coworkers can often read this kind of behavior as an indication that you think that you are too good to interact with them.
This could easily build resentment among your coworkers.
All it takes is for one coworker to become resentful of you and thereby begin the process of spreading untruths about you to the rest of the workplace.
Next thing you know, there are a bunch of coworkers who don’t like you and treat you accordingly.
When you never give people a chance to get a better idea of who you are, they are naturally going to make assumptions.
If you are the kind that always stays to yourself, those assumptions will often be negative.
Sure, there are coworkers that are just not good people.
Most people will encounter that in any workplace.
However, the fact that you tend to stay to yourself may make it that much harder for coworkers who may actually be decent people to get to know you and become acquainted with you by so doing.
This is where you could unintentionally make yourself unlikable because these decent coworkers could hear untrue rumors about your character from unkind coworkers, thereby putting them in a position where they become less friendly towards you.
I really don’t want to put the blame on myself, I don’t intend to hurt others. However, is it common to encounter people often that dislike you for no reason? I do not have any friends and I’m upset that things turned out this way. Everyone else I know has close friends and romantic relationships come easily to them.
Hi Danielle,
You may not intend to hurt others.
However, it is more so about perception than anything else.
When you stay to yourself at work, coworkers may perceive this kind of behavior in a negative way.
It is not common to encounter people that dislike you for no reason.
There is almost always a reason.
They aren’t always valid.
Sometimes, the reason is just the way you look physically or how you dress.
That alone could make people dislike you.
Sometimes, it could be your status or lack there of.
Sometimes, it could be the way you talk or certain mannerisms that you have.
Unfortunately, people tend to judge others.
Being that you stay to yourself, whatever negative judgments that they may have about you will most likely persist, partly because you haven’t made any effort to interact with them and in so doing, show them a side to you that they were unaware of.
Sometimes, all it takes to make a friend is to acknowledge that person and ask them how their day is going.
If you get into the habit of doing this, you may start making friends sooner and easier than you could have imagined.
It may seem as though everyone else has close friendships and romantic relationships come easily to them.
However, before they made these friendships and romantic relationships, they put out the effort to talk and get to know these people.
Friendships and romantic relationships don’t just magically happen.
People put out the effort to establish these kind of relationships and have to keep on putting out the effort to maintain them.
So is it normal to be disliked by people at most work places? With a lot of people or a few? See I’ve tried making friends in the past and I’ve been betrayed/ things just dwindled. I’ve become bitter and just stay to myself to avoid drama and clearly I cannot catch a break. Do you suggest dating apps or find they’re not worth it long term too? I find I encounter different types of men and interactions depending on the app. I get more messages on Tinder vs OKC, just depends.
Hi Danielle,
It is not normal to be disliked by people at most workplaces.
Something like that suggests that there is a pattern.
Thereby, you may have to look to what you are doing to help you figure out whether the problem is primarily coming from your end.
If you have gotten bitter because you have tried making friends in the past who ended up betraying you, there may be a part of you that is carrying that resentment in your body language and in how you go about interacting with your coworkers.
That resentment alone could be the reason why people have disliked you in most of the workplaces that you have been a part of.
Dating apps can help with allowing you to expose yourself to more potential dating prospects.
If you tend to get more messages on Tinder than on OKC, you may be better off focusing the majority of your time on Tinder.
However, you would still have to make a really good dating profile.
If you show resentment in your dating profile, you will only attract the wrong kind of guys and find yourself experiencing the same issues that you have had in your real life relationships.
Beyond dating apps, working on yourself is the most important thing.
Try to develop a more positive opinion of yourself and a better outlook on others.
Due to your previous bad experiences with people, you have unfortunately put everyone in a box.
You have decided that they will either hurt you or that the relationship will just dwindle like they have in the past.
As a result, you have prejudged everyone that you encounter at the workplace without giving them a chance to prove themselves otherwise.
In developing a better outlook on people, it will open you up to giving more people a chance.
This dramatically improves how you go about interacting with others and could easily win you true friends.
If you don’t put in the work on yourself and your outlook, it wouldn’t matter if you met Mr Right on a dating app, at the workplace or somewhere else tomorrow, the relationship wouldn’t work out.
It would be plagued with the same issues that you bear today when it comes to your personal insecurities and your outlook on people.
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