He's older, does he want to be more than friends?

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Luke 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #104637 Reply

    Krissy

    Hi Luke, help. How can I tell the difference between an older gentleman wanting to be just friends and one that wants more from me? I don’t wanna be straight up and end up assuming wrong. So he’s from a course I’m taking right now, he’s offered a ride twice since I rely on public transport. The second time he dropped me off, he opened up about life and his wife who passed away for a good 30 minutes. That was 2 days ago. Now he texted me hoping I have a good day and weekend and making sure I have his number. When he had opened up, he mentioned preferring calls to text. In his text message he asked if he can call me over the weekend. I replied saying what reason would there be to do so (I know sad) and then he asked a seemingly random question about whether I’ve been to this certain location and that’s it. But why do I tend to assume a guy likes me? What do you think? Am I getting ahead of myself lol.

    #104648 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    A good way to tell the difference between an older gentleman wanting to be just friends and one that wants more from you is in how he goes about communicating with you.

    An older gentleman who wants more from you will often want to get to know you on a much deeper basis through asking you lengthy substantive questions about yourself.

    An older gentleman who just wants to be friends will stick to more lighthearted random topics.

    That being said, in your particular situation with this older gentleman, he may be lonely and just wants someone to talk to.

    The second time that he dropped you off, he opened up about his life in telling you about his wife who passed away for a good 30 minutes without any prompting.

    This may indicate that he is not over her death.

    Hence why in your particular situation, he may simply be lonely and looking for someone to talk to.

    This doesn’t indicate he could never come around to liking you romantically.

    However, unless he starts taking more of an interest in trying to get to know you on a deeper and more personal level, he may simply want someone to talk to in order to help him deal with her loss.

    This may be why he told you that he preferred calls to texts.

    Hearing another voice on the other end is a lot more comforting than receiving digital texts.

    #104654 Reply

    Krissy

    Okay, thank you.

    #104655 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Krissy,

    In order for me to continue answering your questions, I need you to follow up on the responses I give you.

    What are your thoughts on the response I just gave you to your question?

    Let’s have a conversation about this.

    #104656 Reply

    Krissy

    Sorry for not responding properly. I think your response was really helpful, it was easy to understand the difference between the two approaches but realized it doesn’t apply to my situation (for now). I did get ahead of myself so felt embarrassed. Actually I don’t want to risk feelings on his end to develop if I were to be a listening ear – I don’t wanna be this person to be honest :/

    I can’t afford to have a proper conversation with you since I’m not working for an undefined time. Plus, I’m not a talker which racks up my anxiety. I’m not sure if that’s what you mean by “let’s have a conversation”

    #104669 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    I meant, let’s have a conversation on this thread in reference to this particular question and your follow-up thoughts on the response I gave you.

    As far as this guy is concerned, if you don’t want to risk feelings developing on his end if you were to be a listening ear, you would have to avoid getting into deep conversations with him that involve his wife and the repercussions of her death on his life in general.

    If you keep allowing him to give you rides, he may take that as his license to open up conversations about this theme.

    So, it may be wise to start considering the possibility that you may have to stop accepting his offers to give you a ride.

    #104671 Reply

    Krissy

    I agree with you I’m not going to accept anymore offers. Too risky. I’ll only talk to him if I need to at course. Might even block his number to be sure. There’s only a few weeks left of this course, so I just need to keep my distance until then. He doesn’t live locally so I probably won’t bump into him outside of course.

    #104697 Reply

    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Krissy,

    Yes, you may be better off no longer accepting his offers for rides.

    This way, you shut out an opportunity for him to keep trying to talk to you about his loss and other life issues.

    The course will be over in a few weeks and you will be able to avoid him altogether.



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