Good gone bad, watching out for red flags and selfish people

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    I dated a women for almost 7 months. We met online and really hit it off from the start. I have never been married and don’t have any children. She had and has a daughter and son. We would talk each day and Skype each other. We would communicate alot. I hadn’t communicated with anyone I dated this much but just went with it. We would see each other typically twice a week, sometimes more. We lived approx 45 min apart.

    We had a great chemistry, patience with each other, and compassion for each other. We’d go out or I’d make her dinner. As time went on have of the time she’d bring her children over and we’d spent time at the pool or go have fun somewhere, have dinner, watch a movie, and set them for bed then we’d head to bed.

    Later I briefly met her mother and sister, which went really well. My girlfriend met a lot of my friends and my parents. In real time I didn’t think much of not meeting any of her friends (potiental red flag) as she was pretty busy between work, the kids, and making time for each other. We became really close and it felt great have the dynamic we had.

    I have to mention I couldn’t spend much time at her place due to it being pretty messy. I have allergies and it would get the best of me. I always offered to help her or just do it for her but she would always have a reason to put it off, so we spent most the time at my place. I’d always be cleaning out her car also. I did it to help her and myself. We went to birthdays, weddings,and bbqs had so much fun.

    I was later invited to a weeklong trip with her and her children, her best friend and bf’s husband. I got to know them and we all had a great time. Shortly after that was when things slowly started to change. She had been talking about starting a second job for a while. She told me that she’d be starting and we’d see less of each other but it had nothing due to lack of interest.

    It started with seeing other less, then not skyping, then not having time for me to stop over and make dinner grab groceries or do things around the house to make it easier on her. She threw a surprise birthday party for me with my friends, I appreciate the effort but this is something I’ve never had and am not comfortable with. I still appreciated but if just felt odd. I thought I going out with my girlfriend who didn’t see that often and now I have share the small amount of time with everyone. No birthday card and when I want to head home she insisted on staying out even though she have to head out early the next morning. She even talked to a friends wife and set up us going over there instead of going home and rode with her to ensure that. I felt like the whole night was for her entertainment. I was disappointed but tried to make best of it. We later went home. Now a month before this I had seen she changed some pictures on her tinder, where we had met. We made it clear to each other we were looking for a serious relationship and that honesty was very important. It was really disappointing to see, I didn’t want to discuss it on the phone (a mistake) and didn’t want to discuss the night out for my birthday. I went over to her place later that month to hangout, babysit for awhile, make dinner, and clean and have her kids help clean their room. I later spent 4hrs with her children cleaning their 12×12 room for 3 or 4 hrs. It was rough. I offered to do it because it needed done and wasn’t going to happen if I didn’t. The kids did and could sleep in their beds because of how bad it was. So we cleaned it up and she was acting grumpy, I don’t think I got a hug or kiss the whole night. I chickened out of asking her about it. She gave me the silent treatment for a few days after that and didn’t tell me or invite me to her daughter’s birthday. Bummed me out we all had gotten pretty close, I taught them how to swim. Later said we needed to talk. But said I needed to wait because she lost her voice. So she called during her lunch break spoke about how busy she was and she wasn’t sure about how much time she’d have to spend. I asked how much longer it would be that way she said a month or two. I said I’d be willing to stick it out because I cared about her and her children. (Still didn’t ask about tinder, again a mistake)

    She apologized for her attitude the night I stayed over and cleaned. And sent me a picture of the kids sleeping in their beds, I’m pretty sure it had been a year since that happened. Things seemed better but still no skyping and texting and phone conversations became shorter less fun. I later broke my arm helping my father and she went to a pre OP physical with me and it was great to see her and she made sure the plan checked out as she worked in the medical field. We spent a little time together afterwards.

    A week later I had my surgery and she texting my father asking how things were going. She was supposed to come visit, but ended up not. (Probably a red flag) She welcomed me home and I was supposed to stop over and sleep over after a sports event but she canceled on me but scheduled us meeting up later in the week to have a nice night together. The next day she sent me a text stating that when we meet up after the first few sessions she’d a break and a nap. Not a weird text as we would send each other things like that what was weird was she apologized for sending and saying she didn’t know where it came from and I was not seeing her for 2 days. She was going out of town for work then I was going to see her when she got back. Definitely was odd. Never heard back from her that day after 2pm. Which was strange. Never text me that she got where she was going hrs away. Then sent me a message fb that she took a ride with a coworker who had a family emergency drop her off late that night but accidentally left her phones, laptop, and wallet in a bag with her coworker. Seemed pretty sketchy, she was on fb messenger most of the day but never heard from her. We were supposed to meet hi p at 6 so I asked what was up and she was ok? Gabmve me some more sketch explanations and that she happened to be at a fedex on the internet. Almost all hotels have computers with internet or PHONES. Said she’d call me when got her phones back. Got a break text later that night. I suppose I should have seen some of the red flags but I thought was a combo of her busy schedule and a not so smooth time in our relationship.

    It really hurt me see would go to such lengths to be dishonest and disrespectful. I recieved a few texts from her after that. She later slandered me fb made it sound like bullies her and her children. I lost friends over it. I know I’m better off without friends like that but its shitty.It took weeks to get my things back from her. She texted my father about getting my things. He had to drive an hr each way to get them. He had to show his id to a manager at her moms work.

    It makes me sad because things had been so nice and just went to shit. Thankfully, I don’t have much experience in relationships like this but it really though me for a loop. We had planned out a trip to Jamaica,the holidays, and nice getting for both of our families. It also hurt me that she wouldn’t even talk with me about it rather than a late night text a week after surgery to repair my broken arm. We talked every day and her kids would talk to me before they went to bed. Live and learn I guess. Having so many questions how things went wrong is really unsettling for me. I could never do that to someone. I recognize that I’m better off knowing what I know now rather than down the road but it still hurts.

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