Does the "no contact" method work?

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  • #53256
    Shay
    Guest

    Dear Luke,

    Long story short, yesterday I dumped a guy I was dating for refusing to commit to a relationship. His actions made me believe that we were going to become official at some point given that he took me out on dates, wanted to spend time with me without necessarily expecting sex, used public displays of affection excessively (especially around his friends), did everything to make me happy whenever I felt sad…I honestly don’t know what his reason for refusing commitment is, but I just felt that I had waited long enough. After I dumped him through text, he asked if we could just be regular friends and I said no. He appeared to be shocked and upset with my response. However, he sent me a picture of a funny meme an hour after I dumped him, which left me confused. I haven’t spoken to him since.

    My question is, is it possible for someone like this to change his mind if I remain in “no contact” and thereby give him time and space to think things over? I would really appreciate your input on this. Thank you.

    -Shay

    #53262
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Shay,

    Time and space to think things over wouldn’t really change someone like this.

    He never seemed to want to be with you as a committed boyfriend.

    He liked the idea of showing you off and acting as though you were, but he never took it to the next level.

    A guy like this is either still emotionally damaged from a previous relationship or he just doesn’t want to risk losing his sense of freedom if he were to agree to commit.

    The fact that he responded with asking you if the both of you could be regular friends after you dumped him over text is the indicator that his mind is unlikely to change.

    At that point, if he truly wanted a committed relationship with you, he would have panicked and tried to convince you that he would change.

    Instead, he didn’t fight it but sent a funny meme an hour later. He did that in the hopes of making you laugh and thereby get you to reconsider his request to remain friends.

    It’s unlikely that someone like him is going to change his mind even with “no contact.”

    It is actually more likely that you will be the one who will start missing him at some point and ultimately break “no contact” by contacting him.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Luke.
    #53264
    Shay
    Guest

    Is it possible that maybe he just doesn’t feel ready for a relationship right now, however doesn’t want to lose me so that he can have me when he is ready?

    I honestly do miss him, however I do not intend on contacting him. If he does eventually contact me, how would I know if he has indeed changed his mind?

    -Shay

    #53265
    Shay
    Guest

    I forgot to mention that he did try to change my mind before I left by saying “that could change” after he said that he wasn’t looking for anything specific.

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