Does he like me or does he just want to hookup?

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  • #98762
    hailey
    Guest

    I recently started a new job and one of the guys kind of caught my eye since day 1. i’m not entirely sure how i feel about him, it feels like i have feelings, but i know deep down he doesn’t seem like the guy i’m looking for in a committed, lifelong relationship. At first, he didn’t really acknowledge me when we walked by each other and would just seem very cold/neutral i guess, but since last week when we ran into each other on the street, he’s been making eye contact with me and smiling at me every time we see each other. I think he caught me looking at him one time and that’s probably when he noticed i am attracted to him or something. we have honestly only seen each other at most 5 times, never talked. i don’t know anything about him, neither does he. heck i don’t even know if he is married or has a girlfriend whatsoever but i hate to say it, he gives off player vibes. but just yesterday he started flirting with me, i think. sweet talking, saying things that sound like what a player would say. He even tried to bring up and ask about “my man”. Was he trying to see if i am available and is interested in me or does he just want to treat me like a side chick/hookup since he thinks i like him or what?

    #98763
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hailey,

    His behavior so far does not necessarily indicate that he likes you or that he wants to hook up.

    He seems to be more so curious about you than anything else.

    This curiosity may have led him to ask about “your man.” He most likely wanted to find out whether you are in a relationship.

    Being that he has been making more eye contact with you and smiling, he may be trying to gauge how you respond to this kind of behavior.

    He may not have gotten that much from you as far as a clear indication that you are attracted to him and thereby, he decided to raise his game by flirting with you recently.

    Again, none of this behavior indicates that he necessarily likes you.

    He just seems to be curious about you at the moment.

    Even though he caught you looking at him that one time, he may not be entirely sure that you are attracted to him.

    Again, this may be why he has been raising his game of late in order to gauge your response.

    If you are getting player vibes from this guy, it may be because you already have some kind of direct or indirect experience with guys like him.

    However, it is important that you don’t judge him until you have gotten to know him a little better.

    At this stage, he is not necessarily interested in you nor is he trying to make you his side chick who would only be good for hookups.

    He just wants to figure you out more.

    He may start flirting with you more, now that he has decided to raise his game.

    It’s important that you don’t get sucked in to that.

    Make sure that you find out whether he is married or has a girlfriend as soon as you can.

    If you discover that he isn’t married nor have a girlfriend, it is best to foster more substantive conversations with him and avoid flirting at this time.

    If you allow him to keep flirting with you without reverting the conversation to more substantive topics that gives him an opportunity to get to know you and vice versa, you may fall for him too soon.

    Being that you already feel as though he says words that only a player would say when flirting, you must avoid getting sucked into it.

    The more substantive and informational your conversations are, the higher the likelihood that you will quickly determine whether he is truly a player or whether he is more of the committed, lifelong relationship type of guy.

    #104466
    hailey
    Guest

    i don’t know what to feel. it’s been a couple of weeks now. he’s been flirting with me, touchy, and asked me out a few times but i refused. today he straight up came up to me and told me that i’m gonna wait for him to get off work and that i’m coming over to his place. i instantly said no and cut him off and he seemed surprised i think, then he came back a few minutes later and said that i was still waiting for him, i gave him a chance to explain himself and said continue what you were saying, only for him to respond with it’s for you to fill in the blanks. which pretty much confirms his bad intentions right? then he came back again later and said oh i’m still waiting for him and i told him i was disappointed but not surprised, he deadass said you wanna be disappointed? and you WILL be surprised. not even sure what that first part meant but he was basically being dirty right? conclusion: he just wants to hookup. and that is quite disappointing as i keep defending him mentally hoping he’s not what i think he is, but a girls instinct will forever be a girls instincts.
    ps. he never asked me for my name or even tried to get to know me.
    how should i deal with him in the future?

    #104467
    hailey
    Guest

    left out a detail: he tried to grab my arm as i was leaving and said something along the lines of “look, listen..” but i kept walking and looked offended/mad because honestly his words were disgusting and disrespectful to a girl. i mean i previously clearly rejected his invitations in going out each time and told him i don’t know what intentions he has, then he does this.

    #104473
    Luke
    Keymaster

    Hi Hailey,

    When a guy who has never asked for your name or tried to get to know you tells you to wait for him to get off work and then come over to his place, that typically indicates that there are some bad intentions.

    In other words, he’s not exactly asking you to come over because he is so incredibly intrigued by you and wants to get to know you.

    He is most likely telling you to come over because he wants to be physically intimate.

    Yes, he was being dirty when he said that you WILL be surprised.

    Yes, your instincts are correct. He wants to hook up.

    The best way to deal with him in the future is to ignore his advances.

    Avoid talking to him for extended periods of time, even if he grabs your arm and tries to entice you with his words.

    Just get away from it.

    When he realizes that you are not that kind of girl, he will either stop trying to hook up with you or start regarding you with a lot more substance.

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