Difficulty reading his body language

[NS]

I work with this man and I witness interesting behavior from him almost everyday. He would be talking and laughing with other people but then look at me as if to see if I am noticing. He also is constantly staring from a distance when he sees me, smiles and shakes his head at me, shares his food during lunch with me, and also when we talk, he will just sit there, look up at me and his whole face is smiling that his face wrinkles up. Yes, I do admire him and am sure he likes me too, but he never approaches me. One friday, he even asked what my plans were for the weekend. Just once. He does all these things with me but also said he is ‘not ready’ to date during a conversation about relationships. I never asked him anything but he just randomly mentioned it to me. What can I unravel about this behavior? I just don’t get it.

[Luke]

Hi NS,

You may be having difficulty reading his body language because you may be dealing with a man who is at a crossroads.

In constantly staring at you from a distance when he sees you and consequently smiling, he is showing signs of romantic interest.

The same can be said whenever he shares his food with you as his entire face smiles to the point where it wrinkles up.

Sharing food is often a telltale sign that a person is trying to bond with you and create a more relaxed atmosphere.

This is often a precursor that leads to more physical proximity and touching.

Again, these are all strong signs of romantic interest.

However, you may be having a difficult time trying to unravel his behavior because he is actually not sure about whether he wants to pursue anything romantic with you or anyone else at this time.

When he told you that he is not ready to date during a conversation that you had with him about relationships, he was trying to save himself from any expectations that his confusing body language may have embedded in you.

In essence, he volunteered that information without any prompting from you because he may be trying to keep himself under control and avoid the possibility of emotional complications that may arise between the both of you.

It is almost as though he is trying to tell himself to slow down.

He may still feel that he has yet to completely get over an ex.

However, he is at a crossroads with this sentiment.

There are times when he feels that he may have actually gotten over that ex.

Those are the times when you have noticed his body language become a lot more receptive to you.

This is also when he has felt more confident in asking you about what your plans were for the weekend.

However, those moments may soon be followed up by doubt and anxiety based on the emotions that he may still be experiencing from a previous relationship.

As a result, he chooses not to approach you or ask you out.

As long as his emotions remain at a crossroads, you may keep experiencing this kind of confusing body language from him.

[NS]

I feel bad for him that he can’t seem to know what to do about the situation. I can understand why he could be feeling doubtful since his last failed relationship. He volunteered to mention once that he would never return to his ex- even if she were single and is completely over her. I can also see why he is hesitant. He is a single father with a 12 year old son and maybe careful on who to allow into his son’s life?

[Luke]

Hi NS,

The fact that he volunteered the information about never wanting to return to his ex, even if she were single, would indicate that whatever happened between them has had a lasting effect on him.

Even if he told you that he is completely over her, the fact that he brought her up without any prompting from you may be a sign that he wasn’t being entirely truthful to you.

If he was completely over his ex, she really shouldn’t even be part of his daily thought process any longer.

However, he brought her up in conversation which would indicate that she is still a part of his daily thought process.

As you stated, he may also be hesitant to get any further with you because of his 12 year old son.

Yes, he may worry about who he allows into his son’s life.

However, he may also prefer giving all of his love and attention to his son right now.

This is safe territory for him.

He knows his son and is able to shape how his son experiences the world and the lessons that he learns.

This is control.

If he were to allow a new romantic partner into his life, he would really have no real control in terms of how that relationship will go.

So much will depend on the cooperation and authenticity of that new partner.

Again, this is an area that he will have no control over.

Hence, it may be a lot easier for him to avoid taking things further with you by convincing himself that he can avoid a lot of hurt and maintain a lot more control if he just focuses on giving all of his love and attention to his son.

[Author]

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