Confused in California

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  • #79549
    Chloe
    Guest

    Hello, I need some advice please! Hope you can answer this for me. To start from the beginning, I met Jack on Valentine’s Day event with his sister who I am friends with. It was unplanned because she was trying to get the gang together and so far it was just me from the friend group, her and her brother. On that night, we talked a lot to where his sister teased him about following me like a puppy and he kept teasing me with short jokes the entire night. Then after the event was over, he took me back to my place. After that, we didn’t talk again until I found him on social media a month later. Then we started talking every day. We would talk about everything under the sun like our family pasts, relationships we have been in, how I am moving to Florida after graduation and how he supports everything that I want to do and could do long distance, etc. After that, he told his friends and family we were talking to each other and his friends were happy, but his family and sister were wary of us. Then one day after that week, he asked me what were we question and I freaked out and told him it wasn’t a good time. He respected that and we didn’t talk again until I graduated a month later. After graduation, we again started up again. He then found out my plans for Florida weren’t going to work and that I was in California with my grandma because my dad sent me over to get away from my mother. He told me he was happy I was out of my situation. Like I said we started again in May and we kind of made it official for a week. Let me explain: when I came to California, we talked for a week until he called us off. During that week, we again talked about everything. How I was now restarting life and that he wants to visit me, us dating, our pasts, health issues, the dreams we both were in (there was one I should have seen as a red flag because he had a dream where he was standing on a cliff and there was a tall woman in a wedding dress and red hair and overtime he stepped closer, she moved away. I’m a short girl with brown hair…), the time I was assaulted by one of my guy friends, exes, jobs, when he almost got married, what happens if we were to meet each others family (I only knew his sister but never met the family), how my ex-was literally sending me pics when we were talking and making fun of him together and what we want in the future. He was the exact person as me: same personality, same humor, same life experiences, same family life and crap that has happened, etc. Okay, the future talk might be one of the reasons he called us off. He wants a housewife who homeschools the 14 kids, while he goes to work or vice verse even though he kinda wants the wife to stay. He has very strict Christian rules: no premarital sex, can’t live with each other before marriage and has to be a certain type of church. For me, I can’t have kids due to my health issues (which he said we could adopt), how I want to live with someone for a year or so before marriage. But after those types of talks is when I started to fully fall for him and I told him I had feelings for him in subtle ways. I fell for his heart. Then after a week, he calls me up saying to not hang up but he wants us to be friends and how we fell for each other too fast, he has this rule where he is friends with a girl for a year to get to know them then sees if he wants to date them, he might be moving to Texas because his grandma is sick, and he didn’t want to tell me he also had feelings because he had several things he needs to work on for himself. He then also told me he is very strong-willed and basically told me I am too weak for him. He said I also was distracting him at work and his co-workers think it’s funny that he’s talking to a 12-year-old. He also told me he still cares for me and wants me to be in his life so we should give this thought for a week and talk about it. After that call, I cried for 2 days straight. So after that, I didn’t talk to him for a week. After a week I messaged him asking if we could talk and he said he thought about it when he was on a business trip and talked to his family and still stands on us being friends. I lied saying that is what I wanted to talk about even though I wanted to tell him I didn’t want to be friends because I still have feelings for him. I have tried being friends with an ex before and it didn’t work. He knew that. After that, he stopped answering any of my messages and I deleted him off of social media. I mean he would answer some messages like when I would get a job interview or something to do with work. Then 2 weeks later I try to add him back on Facebook, blocks me but I guess he added me on snap chat. With snapchat, he doesn’t answer any of my messages but looks at my stories that I post (it notifies you when someone looks at your story or at least on my phone it does). Now, presently, this week was the week of Independence Day and he started actually answering my messages and we are having more of conversations. He informed me he might be moving to Portland for his job and other things that had happened. Still not the 24/7 messaging we used to do. Well when he asked me about my 4th, I accidentally told him I got drunk and called a cute guy I met earlier that day and he became very short with his answer but also said that he hopes it works out for us. I replied saying you know my history, it won’t work out. And now we kinda have been snap chatting recently and gave me advice on what to do with my should I work for Disney or go to Australia with my sister. He told it would be better to move with my sister and go to another country or at least what he would do. But then he kinda stopped and I’m like that’s short lived… I’m at the point of I don’t know what to do? I still like the boy and there’s a part of me that wants to tell him I miss talking to him and that I like him, but then there’s a part of me saying it’ll ruin our “friendship” and that he doesn’t like me and that the friendship rule thing is a cope out. I’m at the point, like I said I don’t know what to do?

    #79550
    Joules
    Guest

    I read your question a couple of times so I got a good understanding of the story.

    It is up to you to chose whether to tell him your honest feelings. I would encourage you to tell him how you feel. I know it is a risk but at least you would know for sure how he feels too and also it will be off your chest and something you won’t regret that you haven’t done.

    Whatever you decide to do. Remember people come and go out of your life for a reason. It might not make sense at that moment but in the future it will make sense.
    If the friendship doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. Take care of yourself and good luck 😊

    #79553
    Chloe
    Guest

    Thank you for the advice. I know that I should tell Jack that I still like him, but I’m Still under this “friendship probation” which is kind of my fear. He did say he wanted to be friends for a year because he has this weird rule but I feel like after I tell him, he’s either going to bring up the year rule or just flat out say he doesn’t want to be with me. This has happened in the past and I don’t want to keep repeating the cycle. I think that’s why I’m hesitant. I mean now we are kind of talking but it wasn’t like it was when we first were. I think I just need to find a good time to tell him even though all my friends and family now hate him for making me cry.

    #79555
    Joules
    Guest

    No problem and I’m happy to hear you have thought logically about this. It’s understandable you fear what may happen or may not happen. Do it when you feel it is right. Good luck I hope it all goes well 👍

    #79563
    Chloe
    Guest

    I’m also at the part where I don’t know if he ever did like me then and/or now? I want to be with him but not if I’m wasting my time. Maybe I’m holding onto something that shouldn’t be with me

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