Confused between his signs and ignorance at times

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    We belong to a business network and he initiated adding me on all social mediums…we never spoke in person. However, he made the effort to respond to my story/status updates with jokes and initiating long conversations.

    I have caught him staring at me quite a few times, he keeps teasing me/mocking me (he doesn’t chat or tease other girls in our group as far as i know), he is very helpful, he listens and remembers every word that i say (he repeated it to his friend in front of me), he has tried touching my knee during a conversation and pat me on my back and shoulders, he has tasted my drink and asked me to too.

    I tried gauging on all the above signs…and made an effort to text him once in a while or send a joke. Although he did respond i felt it was a bit cold.

    He ignores me yet stares at me. At times he’ll walk through the hallway to say hi and chat with me. Or he would adjust his chair to be able to see me, walk at my pace, try to fix his hair. (i noticed these few things) but at times when we are talking he would just ghost me, or want to leave impatiently.

    Thirdly, i have made an effort to make so many group plans so that i could have an opportunity to know him outside the network. He hardly responds to those plans on the group and has made it to only 2 of those events. And never has he made an effort to ask me out or plan a meetup even with the group.

    All this has totally confused me. And I’m losing my mental peace around it feeling hanged up with no conclusion.

    P.s. it’s slow because i feel the setting of our business network makes it even more awkward given that your reputation is at stake. Plus he is 4 years younger to me, I’m at peace with that now. And belongs to a conservative family yet spiritually inclined with a modern outset.


    I’m not sure what you’re asking here…


    Asking if i should still pursue this…in short, does he like me?


    I mean I don’t know. It hard to figure out when were not there and have to guess.

    It could be that he wants what he can’t has and when he has he losses interest.He could have interest but interpreted you not as interested and is hot and cold based on that (I’ve done that where I’ve lost self-esteem and ignored a girl but tried again when I thought I saw signs). It could be a lot of things. We won’t know.

    I’m assuming you’re young by your story.

    Group plans is way too casual. And I get you want to make it light and casual as possible but that can be interpreted very easily as “friends” type stuff (if not done right with flirting etc). You’re not going to like this answer but you’re going to have to be vulnerable and actually flirt and be possibly rejected (if he likes you just as a friend or is playing hard to get). You don’t have to be weird about it or directly ask him out. You can say something like this [someone in the conversation] touch his arm/shoulder whatever and say “Gee, when are you ever going to ask me out?! You’re as hot and cold as I am with clothes!” [say in a flirtatious, casual/lighthearted, joking way that teases him but also confronts him in a non-emasculating demeaning way]. It shows confidence on your part which is great. And plus you’re not asking him out (you are) but you’re saying indirectly “hey bucko if you don’t don’t ask me out, I’m going to walk [if it doesn’t work be prepared to walk. do not hang around this guy hoping he comes to you].”

    Make whatever you say so it can’t be misinterpreted (like your group friend hangout thing). And make it so he has to make a choice (yes or no). But you have to make it casual and lighthearted. Do not make it a big deal and pull him to the side or anything like that. You got to be open and welcoming as much as possible. And if he doesn’t he’s a) not interested or b) not ready (to which you don’t want to date him anyway). If he’s hot and cold that stops it because it forces him to make a choice in actually dating you and getting behind the games (which is what you want). If it doesn’t work out there’s other guys.


    Thanks a lot! This helps definitely. Yes, we both are young and single.


    Hm to me it seems there is interest there (initiating contact, making effort to go near you and looks at you) and he’s probably doing the hot and cold method as Ben suggested.
    Since he doesn’t know for certain if you have feelings for him, he’s trying to play it the hot and cold way so he can show you he likes you, but at the same time playing it safe.
    If you want to get it to the stage of the possibility of pursuing his relationship. You could send some signs yourself! Like smile at the times he stares at you, if he’s walking at your pace walk faster and laugh or flirt alittle and say “oh it’s you again” in a lighthearted way and laugh. This will make him think ah she maybe does like me.
    If you want to go somewhere just the two of you, if you build a more closer relationship it will be easier to go just the two of you somewhere as it won’t be awkward. Maybe that’s why he’s holding back to have a plan with just the two of you?

    However remember if you are doing these for some time and he still isn’t pursing, maybe re-evaluate and have a think if it’s worth to keep waiting. If not move along and keep doing what you are doing.

    Good luck!

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