Broken and confused

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    Get ready… this is a long one

    I am 18 years old. I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle at the beginning of my final year of high school. I loved him beyond words. He was my first everything and I honestly can say I thought I would marry him, but as our 15 month anniversary came around I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. I kept looking for flaws in our relationship and picking fights to justify feeling how I was but something just wasn’t there anymore.

    During the 11 month mark of Kyle and my relationship, my best friend Isaac confessed his love for me during a drunken camping trip with a group of my friends. Isaac and myself had history, but I never once thought it was more than a platonic relationship until that camping trip. I didn’t act upon what he said – nor would I have ever cheated on Kyle, but for the rest of my relationship, Isaac remained in my thoughts and it lead me to question where my true feelings were. Every morning I would wake up thinking of Isaac, wondering if I had made the correct choice to stay with Kyle – even though there was no choice.

    2 months ago, we all went on another camping trip – this time my boyfriend was not with us. Spending time with Isaac rehashed so many feelings and I felt guilty about spending time with my friend whilst Kyle wasn’t there. I knew that I had fallen in love with Isaac but I just hadn’t come to terms with it. Confused – I ended it with Kyle as soon as I returned home.

    Rumours began – as they would, that I cheated on Kyle. The girl, Gemma whom initiated them was actually Isaac’s best girl friend hence everyone believed it to be true. Kyle retaliated and had sex with Gemma – causing more drama.

    Me and Isaac had sex 2 weeks after I ended it with Kyle – a huge mistake on my part, but we started to see each other. He told me he loved me. I took his virginity.

    A month went past, the rumours still continuing, Kyle and me were not on good terms but were still talking every day. Me and Isaac were amazing. I was so happy and content.

    One Saturday night – I stayed home as I didn’t want to go out and deal with the drama, Isaac went to our local bar. Kyle was there as well as Gemma and her best friend Hazel (a girl that Isaac had been seeing prior to the breakup, whom believed I “stole” him from her). Kyle threatened Isaac and proceeded to tell him that we had still been hooking up since we broke-up. Gemma and Hazel fueled the lies and took his phone from him so he could not contact me. I was distraught – oblivious to everything that had been going on, the only form of contact I had was from Isaac previously saying that he doesn’t know who to trust anymore.

    The next morning I woke up with many text messages saying how much of a mess we were in. I insisted on seeing Isaac to talk about it but he was extremely hesitant, saying he needed space to thing about everything. I pushed for it and we caught up. He had stayed at Hazel’s that night with Gemma – so God knows what happened. The catch up was bad, he was horrible and I was upset. He left, kissing me on the cheek, telling me he loved me but just needed space – and I didn’t listen.

    That night I dropped off a teddy at his house saying sorry for the mess that had occurred. He ended it. Saying he no longer loved me and we would never work well together. I have never been more confused in my life.

    The next week we were still talking and caught up twice – both times ended in us kissing and saying we both still had feelings.

    The weekend came around and we were both at a concert together. I saw him walking with Hazel, holding her hand. My best friend ran up to him to say hello and I just looked at him puzzled and confused. Right then and there he ended it saying we would never work. He got with Hazel that night and 4 weeks later they are now having sex with each other and are a “thing”. Hazel may be a bitch, but she isn’t a slut and I like her as a person. She was a virgin before Isaac – he took her virginity, which for some reason makes it worse.

    I am so gutted, upset and confused as to how someone who I trusted could hurt me so much. How did he move on so fast?

    Last weekend I saw him on Monday after 3 weeks of no contact. We layed in bed together, play fought, cuddled, he was picking me up and spinning me around. And the weirdest bit of all was that he could not look at me. Not once for more than 30 seconds could he look me in the eyes. I asked him about Hazel and he said that it wasn’t serious. Turns out he lied and they were having sex at that stage.

    I left his even more confused than before but determined to remove myself from the toxic situation.

    I saw him a few days ago at the Casino. He ran up to me and spun me around, kissing me on the cheek (we are 18… that’s not normal).

    He was so flirty with me, touching me, calling me beautiful and gorgeous, kissing me on the hand, cheek and arm. He actually nearly kissed me – only we were interrupted by my friend Phil.

    He is still with Hazel today. And I am so confused. I don’t want Isaac anymore, but I just want to know how he could get over me so quickly, when I am still here struggling with it all 8 weeks down the track.

    Thank you so much for your time xxx

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