Asked her name, she didn't ask mine.

[Sam]

I approached this girl because we exchanged a lot of looks. She seemed positive about it, but she never asked my name. Does that mean she’s not interested?

[Adelle]

Not necessarily
She may have been shy and unsure of how to continue the interaction

Did you ask her further questions ? Or is that where the convo ended?
If you proceeded to ask her for her number or out on a date and she rejected that then you could have been sure that she isn’t interested

[Sam]

the convo was kinda awkward but she seemed receptive.

i never approached a girl before so i was nervous and for some reason i asked her if we could talk, she said what i wanted to talk about. i wasnt sure what to say so i said never mind and left. i do still see her sometimes. she’ll just look and glance, and that’s about it. im not sure if she wants to talk again

[Adelle]

It’s understandable that since it was your first time approaching a girl you felt nervous, awkward, and unsure of what to say.

She probably could sense that from you and if she is a shy girl already, your shyness would have made her more shy.

She seemed to be feeling the same way you were feeling-unsure and awkward of how the conversation was supposed to go.

I suggest you try to approach her again. Smile and be friendly and honest. It’s ok if you acknowledge the nervousness and tell her that you feel awkward but find her attractive and would like to get to know her. Ask her if she would want to hang out sometime and do something-maybe go out to eat or watch a movie or go to a park together. Her response to this sort of approach-where you clearly ask her to hang out or ask her for her phone number will tell you if she is interested in you.

Right now to me it does seem like she is receptive to you. You should try again. It will be nerve wracking and hard but this is the only way.

Another thing that may help is instead of asking her be a little more assertive-say “hey you seem cool, we should hang out sometime!” Proceed to ask for her number.

If you don’t want to clearly ask her out or ask for her number yet, you need to find a way to carry a conversation with her.
This may be easier and a better approach because you are both shy.

Where are you seeing this girl? School, work? Based on the setting you are in, ask her a question about it.
Approach her and ask her what her name is, what she is studying, how does she like the job-ask her something about the setting that you are both in.
This will get the ball rolling-when you ask a question, she will answer and then you can share something about yourself, then ask her another question, etc.

You need to get the conversation going.
Especially since you are approaching her, you have to have something to talk about with her. You can’t approach her first and then expect her to carry the conversation.

Also shy girls tend to feed off the guy’s energy. We open up and become comfortable when we feel a relaxed, comfortable energy from the guy. Awkwardness and stiffness will make us even more awkward.

Good luck!

[Sam]

Thank you for the detailed answer.

I will strike up a conversation the next time i see her. Do i just go up to her, or see first if she’s even looking at me, and then approach her?

[Sam]

forgot to mention, i see her at my college and at the gym.

[Adelle]

It doesn’t really matter in my opinion.
You can try to establish eye contact first if you want to.

Here’s what I think is best.
Make something up. As in figure out some type of question you can ask her for help.

Maybe you can ask her if she knows where a certain building is on campus. Or in the gym you can ask her a question you have relating to the facilities.
She might see right through this and know that you are looking for an excuse to talk to her especially because you have already approached her randomly once before.

But I think asking her some type of question that has a set answer could help the interaction be more chill and relaxed. It will seem like you wanted to talk to her but also genuinely wanted an answer to your question.

Us girls do this all the time. We’ll need help with something and ask the most attractive guy in the room when we could have asked anyone. It’s a really nice low-key way of getting someone to notice us without seeming overly forward.

After she answers your question you can then proceed with “So I’ve been seeing you around-what’s your name? Are you a first yr?” Something along those lines.

Focus on taking yourself out of the stiff awkwardness and into a more relaxed and calm energy. Remind yourself that this will help her relax as well.

[Sam]

alright, thanks for the help. appreciate the time you took to write this.

there’s just one more thing i wanted to ask. how do i know that she was just being nice or not? we did make lots of eye contact prior to this, but i dont want to jump the fence like that.

[Adelle]

You will never know until you ask her out

But you don’t have to ask her out right away.
Create rapport with her. Get to know her.
When you feel more comfortable with each other then asking her out or telling her you’re interested will be easier for you

If she is not receptive at all to even having a friendship with you then you will have to leave her alone and accept that she has no interest.

Again you are the one interested in her. You have to make the move if you care enough.
If you don’t care that much and would rather not take the risk of rejection than you don’t have to approach her. The choice is yours.

I understand how hard and scary this is. Rejection is something everyone is scared of. But when we don’t try we are always left wondering “what if?”

There is the chance that she is thinking the same thing about you. Perhaps she is also curious about you and hoping you will approach her. Or she could have zero interest. How will you ever know unless you try?

[Author]

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