Your last relationship was toxic.
Stuck in the crosshairs of a narcissistic boyfriend, you felt trapped.
Somehow, you mustered the strength to get out of that relationship and after a period of healing, you took a shot at online dating.
For a short while, you have been talking to a guy who seems nice enough.
The conversations have been refreshing, bereft of sexual innuendos.
You love this.
Until him, many of the men you chatted with on dating apps were very quick to segue into talking about sex and were too fast to ask to meet up on a date.
This guy is different.
He has shown none of that behavior and it is truly refreshing.
However, as you settle in to the relief of meeting a guy on a dating app who isn’t rushing to meet in person or talk about sex, you are fearful that you are about to be lulled into the same trap you fell into when you were in the early stages of talking to the guy who ultimately became your narcissistic ex-boyfriend.
He was just as charming and nonthreatening as this guy, speaking softly and asking the right questions.
He was empathetic to your stories and had an uncanny ability to make you feel worthy and appreciated.
That was how you were lulled into falling for him.
As your boyfriend, his demeanor changed.
His warm empathy and emotional support metamorphosed into the complete opposite.
He brought you down with insults and mind tricks.
He made you feel like you were the one hurting the relationship in not appreciating him, causing you to work that much harder to make him feel loved.
It was all about him, him, him.
Eventually you were so emotionally exhausted, you had lost a significant idea of who you were.
It took a lot out of you to get out of such a toxic and mentally abusive relationship and you never want to go back to dallying with anything like that.
This new guy reminds you so much about how it was with your ex-boyfriend in the very beginning.
You were so unsuspecting then and you fell right into his trap once he had you emotionally besotted by him.
With such a similar opening to what you had with your ex-boyfriend, you are worried that history is about to repeat itself.
The fear that this new guy lulls you into a false sense of security, capturing your heart in the process, and following that up by mentally and emotionally abusing you, is palpable and overwhelmingly intense.
How do you screen a man who is a narcissist, when narcissists are so adept at hiding their true nature until they have you emotionally attached to them?
You are right.
Seasoned narcissists are immensely good at hiding their true nature until they have you hooked on them emotionally.
Thus far, you have only had online chats with this guy, which makes the task of screening him that much harder.
It isn’t impossible though, as there is an element to the nature of a narcissist that makes them vulnerable to being discovered before they are ready to reveal their true nature.
Narcissists, seasoned or otherwise, detest it when they are ignored.
Instead of promptly responding to this guy or always being available whenever he is attempting to chat with you online, back off a little.
Give it a day or two before responding.
What narcissists absolutely hate is being forced to wait.
No matter how seasoned of a narcissist he is, making him wait brings out an ire that is hard for him to control.
Do this a handful of times.
Take a day or two to respond to him online and observe his behavior.
Normal guys, especially in the early stages of conversation with a girl they met on a dating app, don’t take offence to this, assuming you have your hands full talking to other men that are messaging you.
A narcissist sees it differently.
Even at this early stage, you are his property and he has ownership over you.
He can’t help himself but make comments addressing your belated response.
But he is very sly about it and he presents it in a manipulative way, so as not to alarm you.
He says something like, “It’s good to hear back from you. I was beginning to wonder what happened. Please don’t do that to me, you don’t realize how precious you are and how much you brighten up my day when I hear from you.”
Narcissists are masters at mind games.
They use flattery to hide their narcissism.
There is a latent intent to have control over your thoughts and deeds, so as to make you isolate them as your center of attention.
But they don’t come right out and say that.
Through flattery, they get you to subconsciously do their bidding.
When you take attention away from him by not responding to a message for a day or two, look out for this behavior.
This is where he reveals whether he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing or not.
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