Chemistry is something that many people misunderstand when it comes to dating.
Many think that it has a lot to do with conversation and body chemistry and this is very true.
There is something they leave out when they solely focus on these two elements.
They leave out emotional availability.
Before you truly build chemistry with someone, there has to be emotional availability in its truest form.
So many people erroneously believe that simply having great conversation with witty and flirtatious dialogue, along with receptive body language is all that is required to build chemistry with someone.
The problem with this mentality is that it ignores emotional availability.
No matter how great the conversation and body language is between both parties, if emotional availability in its truest form isn’t there, it is only a matter of time before the initial chemistry fizzles out and you are both back on the hunt for someone else.
Like construction, before building anything, there must be a solid foundation. If there isn’t a foundation, that structure topples in no time.
Building chemistry requires a solid foundation.
You create that foundation when you have both had a true look inward to discover just how true your emotional availability is.
It is not enough to tell each other that you are both single and open to whatever happens, it’s much more important to look inward first.
People make the mistake of thinking that the mere fact they are single and haven’t been in a relationship for a while, and have no emotional hiccups from their previous relationship, means they are emotionally available.
On the surface, it feels that way.
But unless you take a true look into your emotions and where they stand, you won’t know for sure.
Painful feelings are often repressed in relationships.
When you get out of those relationships, you think you are fine but beneath the surface, hidden, there are repressed feelings.
Before you go out on dates with the intension of meeting a romantic partner, you need to do proper introspection to determine whether there are repressed feelings.
To do this, ask yourself about how you have lived your life since your prior serious relationship.
Have you taken the time to think through that relationship and how it left you emotionally?
Or, did you just drown your sorrows in avoiding the tough questions because thinking about them only made you feel hurt?
Ignoring issues from a previous relationship, pretending they never existed so as to avoid the pain or self-reflection is often a sign that your emotional availability isn’t as open as you believe it to be.
To build chemistry with a new person in your life, you must resolve this first.
You know it is resolved when you have forgiven yourself and truly feel nothing but love towards your previous partner.
Not romantic love.
A love that leaves you genuinely with the hope that they will find happiness, just not with you.
This is how you truly free yourself, which in turn allows you to be fully emotionally available to someone new that comes into your life.
You know that this new person isn’t truly fully emotionally available to you when they either keep talking about an ex in a negative light or just avoid talking about said ex as much as possible.
Even in a scenario where they have nothing but positive things to say about an ex, you know they are repressing feelings when they say nothing but the positive.
This is how they deal with hurt from their past.
They believe that as long as they say nice things, they keep themselves from thinking about where their ex fell short.
A true letting go is when a person accepts both the good and the bad of a previous partner, and only wishes the best for them.
You cannot build true chemistry without emotional availability in its trues form from both parties.