For some, doing a background check on someone they are interested in dating puts their mind at ease.
To put out the effort over the coming weeks and months in getting to know this person and allowing them to get to know you as you go out on dates together is no small feat.
For some people, such a level of commitment is better served when they have done their homework on the other person’s background.
There is nothing wrong with doing a background check on people you are interested in dating.
Meeting someone for dates is akin to meeting someone on interviews to an extent.
You want to know whether this is the best person for your organization.
Employers do background checks on potential employees all the time and for good reason.
This is a potential employee they are going to be committing years of salary and resources to.
Dating someone isn’t any different in this aspect.
This is someone you are hopeful becomes a long-term relationship partner of whom you are going to commit time and resources to.
Does doing a background check have to be the rule with everyone you date?
That’s up to you.
There is something to be said about the unknown and just having the opportunity to get to know someone from scratch.
But for some people, peace of mind is a lot more important.
If doing background checks is what you choose, you must be smart about how you go about doing them.
Most people you go out on dates with in the early stages aren’t going to be willing to divulge sensitive information about themselves for the sole benefit of their date’s ability to do a background check on them.
You must be careful that you don’t start asking very personal questions so early on in your attempt to extract as much information out of them to conduct your background check.
This could turn your date off and poof, no second date. Instead, take cues from some of the information they divulge while having casual conversation.
Sometimes, they divulge last names without any prompting, social media information, etc.
It’s always better when you learn about this information when they divulge it willingly, without any prompting from you.
Remember, you don’t want to make them uneasy at such an early stage by requesting very personal information about them.
Now, once you have the information you need, you should be extremely conscious of how you go about doing a background check on them.
Not every source is reliable. Even when you find a reliable source, avoid going down an endless rabbit hole.
Know when to stop and call it a day.
Preconceived notions of who you are dating based on information gleaned from online sources affects how you approach your dates.
Knowing something about them that has made you curious and wanting to learn more, causes you to divulge that bit of information prematurely when in conversation in an attempt to satisfy your curiosity.
Sure, you tried to be sleek about it, but your date knows that there is no way you would know that about them at this point in time without having done some snooping around on them behind the scenes.
Believing this to be a violation of their trust, they don’t take too kindly to your statement and just like that, there are no more dates with them.
You didn’t want this.
You were just curious about something you learned about them.
Now, all the chemistry and good vibes enjoyed by the both of you over the last few dates has gone to waste.
This is why you need to be careful you don’t go down a rabbit hole when you conduct your background check.
If there are no major red flags and you want to keep going out on dates with this person, never share what you have learned about them.
In time, as you both build more rapport, more personal topics become commonplace in conversation and at some point, they are more likely to bring up the topic themselves.
A major mistake people make after conducting background checks is when they inadvertently bring up information they gleaned as they are in conversation with their date.
Don’t do this.
If you still choose to go out on dates with the person after having learned about their background, let the dates progress as they would have naturally, until the point where the other person decides to bring up more sensitive information about themselves in conversation.
Let the person be the one to divulge the information and only ask them questions based on the information they are giving you.
There is still a good chance that your curiosity is satiated, without the need for you to bring up information that you couldn’t possibly know about.