So many heartbreaks have led to having your guard up.
Trusting someone with your emotions and your heart is something you are more and more hesitant to do.
Yet, deep down, you know you still want to love and be loved.
What a predicament to be in.
Opening yourself to love opens the door to getting hurt.
Going through so much hurt when it comes to love makes you wonder whether it is even worth it to open yourself to it at all.
A life without a partner.
Is that even possible?
Surely, you have thought about what that would be like.
Without a partner, you never have to worry about getting hurt. Not like you have been hurt in the past when it comes to love.
More time for yourself means more time for you to enjoy more of what life has to offer without always worrying about whether your partner is happy or having a good time.
Remote control wars are forever gone. Any channel of your choosing is right at your fingertips.
Toilet seats stay down.
Dishes aren’t left unwashed, overwhelming the sink.
Laundry doesn’t sit piling up.
A night with your girlfriends isn’t cut short with him sending you a message asking about how much longer you are going to be out.
Advantages abound at the prospect of never having to love again and merely focusing on what makes you happy in life.
Notwithstanding, you do miss not having your love interest laying next to you at night.
Although he leaves his stuff all over your place, it strangely makes you feel good in knowing he leaves it with every intention of coming back to retrieve it.
He wouldn’t leave his laptop at your place if he didn’t intend to come back for it.
Having some food left in the fridge is nice for a change.
But, it gets old having to cook for no one but yourself.
As much as you want to embrace the idea of not having to ever open yourself up to love again, you just can’t.
The true reality of that unnerves you.
Like a merry-go-round, you are back to the beginning.
How to open yourself to love when you have been hurt so many times?
Since this is a constant occurrence in your love life, the core of the issue and its resolution both lie with you.
What men are you drawn to?
Do you find yourself constantly drawn to men who are emotionally unavailable.
Be honest with yourself and think about this carefully.
It isn’t enough that the men told you they were looking for a relationship.
Were they actually emotionally available?
Telltale signs that a man isn’t emotionally available is when he isn’t forthcoming with what he is feeling and thinking.
You find yourself having to fill in the blanks a lot when it comes to understanding why he acted a certain way.
Emotionally unavailable men have a history of undefined relationships where previous girlfriends often weren’t sure whether they were in a relationship or a situationship.
A situationship is where the relationship is stuck somewhere between serious and casual.
The woman experiences highs and lows in his behavior.
One month he is giving her all of his attention, calling her incessantly, taking her out often and telling her how much he loves her.
The next month, she can barely reach him on the phone and trying to see him in person is akin to trying to get an appointment with the President.
When you find yourself constantly dating men who are emotionally unavailable, it doesn’t matter how good it seems from the start.
Whatever high you are experiencing in the beginning undoubtedly fizzles out.
A duplicitous quality many emotionally unavailable men have is in how they make out to be ready for a serious relationship when in fact they aren’t.
Never take them at their word.
Doing so gets you sucked into their mind games until you realize a few months down the road, they aren’t reciprocating your love in kind.
To avoid getting sucked into their vacuum of lies, do your homework when it comes to learning about their previous relationships.
Don’t just take their word for it.
Do your research on their past relationships.
Gather intel wherever you can, whether it be from mutual friends, coworkers, past girlfriends, etc.
If you discover a bunch of situationships, run and don’t look back.
The earlier you do this, the easier it is for you to leave.
When he isn’t open with you about his emotions but detracts from questions you ask him in this regard, you need to take heed.
A guy who detracts from important issues is normally emotionally unavailable.
A guy who is truly emotionally available to you is open with his thoughts, emotions and feelings, even when they don’t work in his favor at the time.
He is quick to point out his flaws when it comes to some of his personality traits.
So, he is very self-aware and admits to these flaws early.
He is open to suggestions for improvement and takes those steps through real action.
There is a clear attempt on his part to be constantly transparent and constantly improving as an individual.
An emotionally available guy has a track record of solid relationships that weren’t in any doubt.
They don’t all have to have lasted for years.
The most important thing is that those relationships were clearly defined.
You don’t need to have your guard up when it comes to love, you just need to keep your desires in check early.
Never let your desire to love and be loved usurp the importance of vetting your potential partner first.
Make these changes in your love life and the hurt goes away for good.
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