She may have felt like she was really into you at the start but has now become more anxious.
Now that she has had the opportunity to get to know you better, she may be learning things about you that are giving her pause.
These may not necessarily be bad traits.
However, they may be personality or background traits that she is trying to find ways to reconcile with or relate to.
If she is having a hard time doing this, she may get to the point where she tells you that you are both moving too fast.
Even though she initiated everything, she didn’t necessarily know that she would encounter this issue.
When she initiated, she was acting out of an immediate emotional impulse.
It may have been driven by physical desire.
She may have felt that initial powerful physical connection with you and didn’t think about anything else but being with you because she was so smitten.
However, now that she has had an opportunity to really interact with you, there may be these issues that have arisen that she is worried about.
She may not know whether she can go through with being with you if these differences aren’t compatible.
This may be why she wants to now move a lot slower than she was moving at first.
If she is to dedicate her heart to you, she may want to ensure that it is in good hands.
She may not want to put herself in a situation where she develops feelings for you only to have them ruined by some kind of behavioral or background difference.
Another reason why she may have told you that you are both moving too fast even though she initiated everything may be because she may not know what kind of relationship she wants at this time.
She may have never actually thought this through.
She may have initially made a move on you because she wanted to be with you intimately but may not have thought beyond that.
She may not have truly considered whether she wanted anything more substantial.
At this stage, she may be thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with anyone and may be worried that she isn’t quite ready for this kind of responsibility.
She may even be more worried that now she has had some interaction with you, she recognizes that you may be the type who falls quickly and falls hard.
A part of her may find that endearing but another part of her may worry that she may end up breaking your heart.
She doesn’t want to be responsible for that.
She wouldn’t feel right.
Perhaps she hoped that she could have kept all of this casual until she figured out whether she truly wanted a serious relationship or not.
However, she notices that you are so into this and may be worried that your emotions are going to get the best of you, thereby leading you to want something more substantive with her when she hasn’t even come to terms with what she truly wants.
She doesn’t want to be in this position and so she tells you that you are both moving too fast.
Man I’m in this exact situation and I even told her I wanted to meet her parents to ask for her hand. But, now she is like we’re moving to fast and she says she may have feelings for her ex still who cheated on her and now has a baby with the the woman he cheated with. Her ex was engaged with her and told her he cheated and have a baby on the way and basically he broke her heart. She was done and like a month or two later she meets me and things are going great but now she says we’re moving to fast. Now she likes tells me things she doesn’t like about me and than she like ooh I care about you so much. So I’m giving her space but now she texts me little things like good morning and what she is doing and than, she gets upset when i don’t text her back and replays with, ” why are you ignoring me?”. I love this woman to death and i told her that on many occasions and I’m not sure if I messed up or what. She even has taken me to church with her and told her people about me and how I want to ask them to marry her. She is confusing me and I’m not sure if it’s Marlene because she is afraid or what. She told me she was afraid in the beginning and I was like on no problem and than she said she doesn’t believe in girlfriend /boyfriend stuff. She than told me that she want to do courting with me and says she loves me. I need help bad !!!!
Hi Mar,
She has told you that she may still have feelings for her ex who cheated on her in the past. It doesn’t seem like she ever completely got over him.
She is also a mess of emotions.
One minute she is telling you that she doesn’t believe in boyfriend/girlfriend stuff and the other she is telling you that she loves you.
She has to deal with her emotions and overcome any confusion that she may have about her ex and her desires before she can be entirely emotionally available to you.
Until then, you would only be constantly bouncing back and forth between good moments with her where she is loving and other moments where she tells you that you are both moving too fast and may be closed off to you.
It’s best not to allow yourself to continue getting emotionally invested in her until she has worked through her own internal issues.
So, you should continue to give her space, but you should also tell her that you want her to work through her issues first before you will move on with her.
This means that you shouldn’t give in when she gets all upset that you didn’t text her back. She has to work on herself for a period without interruption from you in order for her to have any chance of overcoming her issues.
If she can’t do this, you will never truly win her heart even if you tried to court her because she will never be completely emotionally available to you.
Similar situation, knew her as friend for 2 yrs and recently dated for 1.5 months before she broke it off. She initiated the initial interest, plans, most daily text messages. We were intimate. 2 weeks ago she became distant overnight. A few days later said she was sorry for being distant (personal things going on) but still had interest in upcoming weekends plans. Couple days after that weekend she messaged saying sorry and that she shouldn’t have jumped in so fast, not looking for relationship right now, etc, needed to work on herself and her son. I sent a simple and light reply thanking her for being honest but not what I was hoping for and hoping we can still have a friendship. She agreed. Didn’t talk to her for a week and then sent her message to call me which she did. Just had a quick and cheery conversation with her. Did bring up having a friendly drink but no set plans were made. Not sure where to go from here. No hard feelings on either side, nothing happened or was said. Thoughts?? Would like to rekindle this one.
Hi George,
She most likely didn’t think things through when she got romantically involved with you.
Seems like she wants to work herself out and some aspects of her life.
Hence, you will be better off being patient with her.
Stick around as a friend and contact her from time to time but allow yourself to continue dating others.
Things may be rekindled if she gets to the point where she feels ready.
If not, by allowing yourself to continue dating others during this time, you will still have relationship prospects and thereby you wouldn’t have spent the whole time only waiting on her.
Thanks Luke for the input! Am very open to dating others but 40yr old single dad in a small town doens’t really allow much for options or ways to meet people, but will hope for the best.
I did message her “Happy Valentines day” and got “thanks” as a reply then asked to meet up for a friendly drink and catch up but never got reply.
Hi George,
If there is a nearby city or bigger town, you should try to venture out there as consistently as you can to meet new people.
As long as there is a will and a way to effect change in your life, never allow your circumstances to keep you from getting what you want or need.
Try to avoid asking her about meeting up for now. That will only make her worry that you are trying to get close to her romantically and that will make her uncomfortable.
Just focus on keeping your messages platonic.
If she ultimately becomes comfortable and feels ready, she will be the one who initiates a meet up request.
This way gives you a better shot that she may want something more and may be ready to actually pursue something romantic with you.
This girl I used to school with hit me up out of nowhere. We talked while she was on vacation almost everyday, apparently she used to have a big crush on me. First day we hung out she came on to me out of nowhere and some sexual stuff happened, no sex. Within the next two weeks we did about 3 times I think. Then one night we both got pulled over and arrest for weed on us. Afterwards in the next days she told me she thought were moving too fast. I get that it probably freaked her out getting arrested. She still likes me and we still hang out, i just can’t get it out of my head and don’t know what to do help
Hi, great knowledge and advice. Sharing my comment for answers. Thank you
I met this younger woman, 25 with two kids, me 31 with no kids. Weve known eachother since this recent December. After hanging out once, we both realized a bond, sharing some goals, dreams and aspirations. Intimacy came shortly after. A few weeks went by and the constant contact, seeing eachother everyday led to me moving in a couple weeks ago, based off her inquiry towards me. We’ve expressed our love for one another constantly, intimacy is great, her baby starting calling me papa and she encouraged it. Feeling the desire from her and me jumping at the opportunity, I moved in, got a key and helped pay rent. After a few arguments, she asked me to move out, based off needing space and time. Immediately I reluctantly moved out and have given the key back. She’s expressed we are still together, wants me to come around as often as I please, but ways heavy on living separately for now. After a few days I’ve realized this seems to be the best solution but still struggling with the separation, missing her and the kids, etc.