You may be frustrated that your dates have been failing.
Now you wonder whether you should ask your prior dates for feedback.
Your intentions are honest and true.
You just want to understand where you are going wrong so that you can make improvements or adjustments for future dates with new prospects.
You are looking at this problem from your own personal experience and what seems perfectly logical to you. However, take a moment to look at this from the other person’s perspective.
Most people in general don’t like being put on the spot.
If you were to ask your prior dates to give you feedback as to why they ultimately didn’t go out on any more dates with you, they may feel like you are putting them on the spot.
Think about what you would do if you were to be in that position.
Most likely, you will find ways to either avoid the topic altogether or you will start giving excuses for yourself.
You may try to alleviate the pressure by simply saying that it really had nothing to do with the other person.
You may tell that person that it was simply a case of having too much to do or dealing with some emergency that occurred unexpectedly.
In other words, you would be dishonest so as to diffuse the situation.
It is highly unlikely that you would tell that date who is asking you for feedback that they were a bore.
This is the problem you will most likely face if you were to use this approach to try to understand why those dates failed.
Most people are simply not going to be honest with you.
Listen, if there has been a pattern of these failed dates, you already have something to work with.
In other words, if you have been approaching all of these dates in the exact same way, it may be time for you to change it up.
Get yourself a sheet of paper and make a note of some of the things you did in all those dates that were similar.
Take note of how you dressed, how soon or late you arrived at the date, the places you chose to meet these dates, the kind of topics of conversation that were discussed on these dates, how long the dates lasted, how often you listened intently at the dates, how you ended the dates, etc.
Write these down.
Observe whether there are similarities in all of them.
If you keep doing everything exactly the same or close to the same, you may keep getting the same result.
So, you will need to change things up.
Wear something different.
Arrive at your dates on time or slightly late.
Meet your date at a totally different location than where you have typically met them.
Start your conversations on something completely unrelated to the safe topics you typically start with.
Keep track of time and ensure that you are considerate of your date’s time. No need to stretch the date for longer than is necessary.
Stop being so nervous and actually listen to what your date has to say and follow up on what they do say.
End your dates without a whole bunch of expectations or nerves.
If you are feeling it, don’t be afraid to ask for a second date before the first one has completely come to a close.
This will tell your date that you were truly interested and may plant the seed of enthusiasm for future dates.
The point here is that you are going to have to use the process of elimination by trying to do things totally different in order to get to the heart of the problem.
This is what will eventually lead to successful dates.
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