You are frustrated that your dates have been failing.
Now you wonder whether you should ask your prior dates for feedback.
Your intentions are sincere.
You want to understand where you are going wrong so that you can make improvements or adjustments for future dates with new prospects.
You are looking at this problem from your own personal experience and what seems perfectly logical to you.
Take a moment to look at this from the other person’s perspective.
Most people in general don’t like being put on the spot.
By asking your prior dates to give you feedback as to why they didn’t go out on any more dates with you, you put them on the spot.
Think about what you would do in this position.
Most likely, you find ways to either avoid the topic altogether or you give excuses for yourself.
You try to alleviate the pressure by saying that it had nothing to do with the person.
You tell that person that it was a case of having too much to do or dealing with an emergency that occurred unexpectedly.
This is where you are being dishonest to diffuse the situation.
It is highly unlikely that you would tell that date who is asking you for feedback that they were a bore.
This is the problem you face when you use this approach to ascertain why those dates failed.
Most people are aren’t going to be candid with you.
A pattern of these failed dates gives you something to work with.
If you have been approaching these dates in the exact same way, it’s time for you to change it up.
Get yourself a sheet of paper and make a note of some of the things you did in all those dates that were similar.
Take note of how you dressed, how soon or late you arrived at the date, the places you chose to meet these dates, the topics of conversation that were discussed on these dates, how long the dates lasted, how often you listened intently at the dates, how you ended the dates, etc.
Write these down.
Observe whether there are similarities in all of them.
Doing everything exactly the same or close to the same gets you the same result.
Change things up.
Wear a different outfit.
Arrive at your dates on time or slightly late.
Meet your date at a totally different location than where you have typically met them.
Start your conversations on something completely unrelated to the safe topics you typically start with.
Keep track of time and be considerate of your date’s time.
No need to stretch the date for longer than is necessary.
Stop being so nervous.
Listen to what your date has to say and follow up on what they do say.
End your dates without a whole bunch of expectations or nerves.
When you are feeling it, don’t be afraid to ask for a second date before the first one has completely come to a close.
This informs your date that you were interested and plants the seed of enthusiasm for future dates.
The point here is that you are going to have to use the process of elimination by trying to do things totally different in order to get to the heart of the problem.
This is what leads to successful dates.
Get the very best dating advice straight to your inbox!