To get to an understanding of why you and your girlfriend keep fighting, you have to make a conscientious effort to figure out what the underlying problem is.
This requires going back to the beginning of your relationship.
Think back to when these fights began.
It’s easy to forget about when the fights began when you are emotional from the last fight you had.
You fought over an issue that had no bearing to the real reason why you fight.
In other words, a recent fight was over something that isn’t the main cause of your problem.
When you focus so much on what caused your last fight, you forget that there is more to this.
These fights have been going on for a while.
There is something else that is the root cause of the problem.
It started before your last fight and it has persisted until now.
Think back to your first fight.
What caused it?
Now, think about the fight that occurred right after that.
What caused that?
Whatever caused those first few fights should be your focus.
Use an objective eye.
Don’t fall into the trappings of believing that all of this is the fault of your girlfriend.
It is difficult for you to comprehend this right now, being emotional over your last fight with her and relatively upset.
Should this be the case, calm yourself down for a few moments.
Take your focus away from the last fight and be present.
Go out for a walk or take a jog.
Do an activity to keep you from letting your emotions get the best of you.
I need you to be as objective as possible.
If you aren’t, you persist in looking at this from a lens of accusation and victimization.
Now that you are more clearheaded, examine where you were wrong in your first few fights.
You weren’t the catalyst of the fight but you didn’t help in resolving the situation.
You have always gotten defensive during these fights.
You believe that you are in the right and you are adverse to accepting her reasoning for doing what she did.
When you pinpoint moments in the past where you have been impatient with her or uncaring, these are clues that give further insight into why those first few fights occurred in the first place.
There is normally an emotional underbelly to all of this.
There was something that she asked you about that you can now clearly remember you didn’t give her or help her with.
She said nothing at the time but it everything led to that first fight.
Once you accept responsibility for a number of these fights, and you tell her that you acknowledge this, she would be open to looking at her own actions with an inclination to correct them.
Lead by example, and get these fights to stop.
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