To get to an understanding of why you and your girlfriend keep fighting, you will have to figure out what the underlying problem is.
You will have to make a conscientious effort to understand this.
This will often require you to start in the beginning of your relationship.
You should think back to when these fights really began.
It can be easy to forget about when the fights truly began because you are still emotional from the very last fight you had.
You may have fought over something that truly had no real baring to the real reason why you fight.
In other words, your most recent fight may have been over something that is not the actual main cause of your problem.
When you focus so much on what caused your last fight, you forget that there is more to this.
These fights have been going on for a while.
Thereby, there is something else that is the root cause of the problem.
It started before your last fight and it has persisted until now.
Think back to your first fight.
What caused it?
Now, think about the fight that occurred right after that.
What caused that?
Whatever caused those first few fights should be your focus.
You will also have to use an objective eye.
Try not to fall into the trappings of believing that all of this is the fault of your girlfriend.
It may be difficult for you to understand this right now because you may still be emotional over your last fight with her and relatively upset.
If this is the case, try to calm yourself down for a few moments.
Take your focus away from the last fight and just be present.
Perhaps you need to go out for a walk or take a jog.
Try to do something to keep you from allowing your emotions to get the best of you.
I need you to be as objective as possible.
If you aren’t, you will continue looking at this from a lens of accusation and victimization.
Now that you are more clearheaded, examine where you may have been wrong in your first few fights.
Perhaps you weren’t the catalyst of the actual fight but you didn’t necessarily help in resolving the situation.
Perhaps you have always gotten defensive during these fights.
You believe that you are in the right and hence you aren’t willing to understand what her reasoning may have been for what she did.
This is where you will have to acknowledge this and decide that you have some responsibility in being understanding.
If you can actually pinpoint moments in the past where you have been impatient with her or uncaring, these may also be clues that can help you understand why those first few fights occurred in the first place.
There is normally an emotional underbelly to all of this.
Perhaps there was something that she asked you about that you can now clearly remember you didn’t give her or help her with.
She may have said nothing at the time but it all eventually led to that first fight.
Once you are willing to accept some responsibility for some of these fights and you are willing to start by telling her that you acknowledge them, she would be more open to looking at her own actions and also being willing to correct them.
You have to lead by example.
This is how you can get these fights to stop.
Join The Discussion
- Last Post