You may not be the affectionate kind and it may have to do with the fact that you didn’t see or experience much of that growing up.
You just weren’t around it much. This doesn’t mean that you weren’t loved growing up.
You just may not have experienced or seen that much affection shown in your family.
This may be because a parent didn’t experience the same growing up so they did the same with their own family.
This is one area that you can examine.
How affectionate were your parents while you were growing up?
How affectionate were your siblings?
How affectionate was your extended family?
How affectionate were your neighbors or your community at large?
These are all important questions that can help you figure this out.
As human beings, we tend to adapt to our environment and what we experience on a regular basis.
We often become it.
This is especially true when we are younger and a lot more impressionable.
Another reason why you may not be affectionate is due to hurt in the past.
Perhaps you were hurt by a past romantic partner, a family member or a close friend.
You may have even been betrayed in some way by them.
You may be unaware that this incident had a really profound impact on you.
You may be unaware that it actually affected your sense of trust and intimacy in relationships.
You may have simply told yourself that this was a one event and you were going to move on with your life. However, hidden within your subconscious, the betrayal or hurt did have an effect.
It stays latent for a while but it is there.
As time goes on and you start having new relationships, you become less and less affectionate.
You are no longer touching like you used to or even allowing yourself to get too close to your partner.
You don’t realize this at first.
After a while, you may notice this kind of behavior and tell yourself that it is simply because you aren’t establishing strong connections with your partners.
However, with every consequent relationship, your acts of affection become less and less.
This is no longer about who you are dating. This is about you.
This is when you will need to look back on your life and who has hurt you.
It doesn’t have to be a past romantic partner.
It could have been anyone that was relatively close to you.
This is where your lack of affection may be coming from.
There is a part of you that has become afraid to trust and completely let go again.
You have your guard up.
This makes you less affectionate and a whole lot more cautious.
Your lack of affection could also be due to the fact that you don’t see a real future with this person.
Perhaps you are just with them because they are someone convenient for the moment.
You may want to have someone in your life right now in some capacity.
This person is available and you choose to be with them.
However, your heart really isn’t in it.
You wouldn’t feel inclined to put in the effort to show too much affection because this person just isn’t that important to you.
Subscribe to our newsletter for the very best in dating and relationship advice delivered daily right in your inbox. To confirm your subscription, be sure to check your spam or junk mail and mark our email address as nonspam.