The time to have the DTR(Define The Relationship) talk is when a sufficient amount of time has been spent actively dating and the relationship has graduated to a substantial level of maturity.
Don’t put a stringent timeline on it, as every relationship develops differently.
There are some relationships that take time to develop and others that develop rapidly.
Be cognizant of why you want to have the “DTR” talk.
It mustn’t be as a consequence of desperation or the fear of losing your relationship.
The healthy reason must be that you have reached a moment where there is such a level of maturity and cohesion, having the “DTR” talk feels like the next logical step.
There are people who believe that having the “DTR” talk is too forward or desperate.
A handful of dates in doesn’t warrant a “DTR” talk, but months of active dating does.
Remember that this is about your life too.
Months of financial, emotional and sexual investment in a relationship has earned you a spot to inquire about the nature of your relationship.
Unfortunately, there are users in the world who take advantage of relationships without any intention of defining it, regardless of how long it lasts.
When the moment is right, have the “DTR” talk.
Don’t get sucked into complacency, where you tell yourself that the person you are seeing must be experiencing the same emotions you are.
It isn’t a given that the person you are seeing feels like you do.
Yet, some people assume they do, which tricks them into further delaying any conversation about defining the relationship, and worse, not having it, period.
Misguidedly, they conclude that they must be in a committed relationship with this person.
After all, it’s been months and they do everything together.
Don’t lull yourself into inaction by telling yourself this.
Imagine investing so much into a relationship, having deceived yourself into believing it was committed, only to get unceremoniously dumped by a person whose feelings never matched yours?
It is a waste of your time.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t stop here.
In spending this amount of time with this person, you have developed deep emotional feelings for them, making it that much harder for you to let them go.
You have been dumped, but you don’t want to let go.
You text, call, beg, cry, etc., as you desperately attempt to get the person back.
A person who doesn’t return the same feelings you do, but you don’t care, because you are so emotionally invested in the person, you just want to be with them.
This is never a good spot to be in.
Define the relationship when the relationship has naturally matured enough to do so.
The longer you wait, the longer you risk the possibility that the person you are seeing isn’t emotionally invested in you.
Again, let the relationship mature before having the “DTR” talk.
Those who dive too quickly into having the “DTR” talk often regret it when they realize that they never gave it enough time to build a greater rapport with each other.
In a scenario like this, a committed relationship agreed upon too prematurely ends soon after, or the current relationship ends too prematurely under the weight of expectations.
Either way, you lose.
Getting to know a person takes time.
It is true that some relationships introduce the “DTR” talk exceptionally early and work out.
Yes, but these are in the minority.
Timing is everything with relationships.
As a rule of thumb, give it at least 2 to 3 months before bringing up the “DTR” talk, as long as you have been actively dating throughout.
Get the very best of DatingLogic straight to your inbox!