Give your boyfriend of 4 years space for now.
He is upset with you for a reason and until he has the mental clarity to tell you why, repeatedly pushing to know why exacerbates the situation.
Provide him room to cool off.
Every fiber in your being wants to fix the problem, but this is not the time.
Persisting in texting him in the hopes he talks to you is not smart.
Repeated attempts to contact him when he is upset makes him extra upset.
Guys grapple with anger differently than women.
Women immediately talk to their girlfriends or mothers about the issue, guys don’t.
Guys crave escape from the negative emotion.
To do this, they redirect their attention and energy to something else.
They exercise, play video games, go to the bar to get drunk, fix something about the house, work on their car, go on a drive, etc.
This is how a guy blows off steam and cools off from an argument or a disagreement that they had with a partner.
Give him the space to do what he has to at this time.
He knows how to cool off.
Pestering him with calls, texts or apologies, doesn’t give him the time he needs to recuperate.
What you are doing is reminding him that he is upset.
This in turn makes him extra upset.
I know that the temptation to figure out what is going on is exceptionally strong.
You are desperate to get to the bottom of this.
You hate that he is upset and not communicating.
You despise the feeling of being excommunicated.
These are normal emotions and are comprehensible, but this is a time for you to exercise restraint.
Staying silent achieves better results.
Just go out there and do your own thing for a while.
Don’t dwell on your boyfriend being upset.
Shove it to the back of your mind.
Hang out with your friends and partake in activities.
Avoid talking about your boyfriend and the current state of your relationship with them.
This makes you think about him excessively and that triggers a stronger desire to contact him.
Get busy working on a new hobby.
Anything that you have a passion for or you are curious about, works.
Go on a quick weekend trip to a lodge and have fun with friends, family, colleagues or acquaintances.
Stop putting off reading that book you purchased months ago online and read it today.
This facilitates a pivot to other priorities besides your boyfriend.
While you do this, your boyfriend is working out his own issues in his mind.
He is calming himself down.
When he is ready, he contacts you.
Don’t bring up the incident that led to him being upset.
Say very little.
Let him do the talking.
It is tempting to take over a conversation when you have been missing someone or you want to understand what has been happening.
Don’t do that.
This is his moment to express himself freely.
Give him the floor to express his thoughts and emotions over what happened.
Once done, mutually come up with solutions and work on fixing the issue.
Verbally acknowledge any progress that was achieved during the week to fix the issue.
This motivates you two to keep working at it, knowing that little successes are occurring.