Come to terms with your mixed feelings.
Are you feeling attached, confused, agitated, or in love, etc., with this friends with benefits?
This is how you isolate your feelings and detect which ones are strongest.
You have to be completely clear about them.
Feeling a stronger sense of attachment than you think it warrants in a friends with benefits relationship reveals that you are on the path of falling in love with them.
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This is the point where you stop and think.
Take a minute and reflect on the knowledge that you are emotional attached.
What does this lead to?
You have questions about what the both of you are doing, contemplating whether your friend with benefits has other people that they are doing the same thing with.
You question your value as a person when someone that you are becoming attached to only sees you as someone to have sex with.
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The entire dynamics of the friends with benefits relationship twists into forms and patterns that you don’t understand.
It is less fun and more mental gymnastics.
Your feelings take center stage in the relationship and you get hurt over stuff that you never used to care about.
This is why you must stop and think.
At this point, you must let your friends with benefits partner know how you are feeling.
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You have to express yourself to them and be completely forthcoming.
Unfortunately, this is where a lot of people fail.
Instead of letting their friends with benefits partner know how they feel, they hide it.
They keep going on as though nothing has changed, frozen with anxiety and fear.
They are scared of this feeling of attachment that they are developing, ruminating on whether the friends with benefits partner is on the same wavelength.
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They are petrified of the prospect that the friends with benefits partner doesn’t and they don’t want to put themselves in a vulnerable position by informing their friends with benefits partner.
This is a blunder.
The moment you truly realize that you are attached is the moment you must understand that the entire dynamic of your friends with benefits relationship has completely changed.
It is so hard to come to this reality, but you must.
It is the truth.
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Your feelings are telling you that this relationship has reached a different stage.
Advise your friends with benefits about it.
You don’t know whether the sentiment is mutual until you are forthcoming.
There is reason for them to feel what you feel.
In a somewhat opposing scenario, feeling agitated about a relationship is routinely a warning that the relationship has run its course.
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A friends with benefits relationship gets complicated, and sometimes, we reach a point where it no longer feels as fulfilling as it once was.
Somewhere along the line, your partner changed or you changed and it isn’t agreeing with you.
With nothing else keeping this relationship together but the fun and casual aspects of it, there is nowhere else to go but to end it.
It just isn’t fun anymore and your temperament is increasingly erratic.
There is no shame in this.
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By their nature, friends with benefits relationships are not designed to last for long periods of time.
There is no shame in realizing that you are now agitated and the relationship isn’t that much fun anymore.
Calling it quits at this point and ending the relationship is appropriate.
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I feal attached with a guy I have been seeing for almost 2 years. When we are together it’s amazing for both of us. I just feel I’m not priority because he doesn’t put effort towards seeing me often. I’m afraid to let him know I want more from the situation because I don’t feel we are on the same path. How do approach this guy without feeling vulnerable. I really need to know, so I can protect my feeling for him. I believe a guy should approach a female if they wanted more and that’s the hard part for me.
Why does the female seem to be the one expressing how they feel for a guy. Would you agree if a guy wanted more he would express to a female how he feels or am I to old school. I need help on the right approach…thanks!
Hi Lonnetta,
I would agree that if the guy wanted more he would express to the female how he feels. However, this is typically when the guy is absolutely sure of what he wants and how the girl feels about him.
Many guys try to keep their options open when it comes to the girls they date just so that they never allow themselves to invest too heavily in a girl that doesn’t turn out to like them as much as they wanted her to.
Hence, these kind of guys would need the female to show him that she is truly emotionally invested in them before they allow themselves to become too expressive of their feelings.
Hi Anonymous,
You shouldn’t feel like you would be vulnerable if you were to let him know that you want more.
You would be speaking your mind and being honest.
It is better for you to let him know that you want more than to keep hoping that he will come around.
You will actually put yourself in a stronger position when you tell him how you feel.
Don’t be afraid to tell him.
Regardless of what he tells you in response, you would be able to move forward.