People like to feel like they are part of the norm.
As human beings, we are programmed by society to believe that as long as we are doing what others are doing, we are normal.
There is a need for acceptance.
When people in relationships want to do the same as others in relationships, they are aspiring to what they believe normal society expects of them.
People are afraid to be different.
It is human nature to want to go with the herd.
This is why there are so few leaders and a lot more followers in life.
It is safe to go with the herd, doing what others are doing.
Many people imitate what is going on in other relationships just so that they feel like their own relationship is acceptable.
Furthermore, people crave what they don’t have and find safety in that.
When a person in a relationship observes something different in another person’s relationship that appears to work, they think they need to do the same to achieve the same outcome.
Let me elaborate.
When you are in a relationship and learn that something specific your friend and his girlfriend do in their relationship, such as frequently going to the beach, makes them happy, you look at your own relationship and crave the same.
You crave the same, believing that you and your partner are primed to experience the same happiness by copying what they do.
Having been exposed to their happiness, your own relationship is missing something, regardless of how happy you have been with your partner.
As time goes on, in your mind, the emotional layers of connectivity in your relationship are less poignant as you fret over your desire to be like your friend.
Consequently, you work to make this happen by pushing your girlfriend to go to the beach with you.
The truth is, the beach isn’t what takes your relationship to that next level of happiness and comfort.
The beach isn’t your activity.
Your activity is something else.
It is horse riding, rock climbing, camping, bungee jumping, etc.
But owing to how your friend and his girlfriend appear so happy going to the beach on a regular basis, you want the same.
This is where the seeds are planted.
We see something else in another relationship and acknowledge that it is working in that relationship.
We see others doing the same activity and believe that because all these people in relationships that you know are going to the beach on the weekends, this must be the best thing to do for your relationship.
The both of you abjectly come to dislike going to the beach.
The best activity for you both has nothing to do with going to the beach on a regular basis.
Most people want cohesion in their relationships.
When we are reluctant to uncover what takes our relationships to the next level, we crave to do what others are doing, as it is safe.
It is a lot safer to look at what other people you know in relationships are doing and copy that, than take the time and risk to figure out what works best for your own relationship.
What works for one couple, doesn’t always work for another.
Having the courage and patience to uncover what works in your relationship through independent trial and error is a scary task for a lot of people.
This is daring and most people in relationships have an aversion to get outside of their comfort zone.
Following the herd is much safer.