If he is scared of attachment, you are not the problem.
He is dealing with internal issues that normally have a lot to do with his past.
He may have had romantic relationships in the past that were unhealthy.
Those relationships may have been emotionally and verbally abusive.
He may have been left with a lack of self-worth due to those relationships.
His childhood may have also been one of abuse in some fashion.
Perhaps he was treated cruelly by family members or was physically abused by them.
He may have even had an important family member that wasn’t there when he was growing up.
This person would have been instrumental in showing him what love and attachment meant.
Often, there are a number of reasons that a guy gets scared of attachment. It has so much to do with his history and how that has affected his mental ability to form attachments with people.
He may even find it hard to establish and maintain lasting friendships with his peers.
You may notice that he tends to be very picky in who he chooses to befriend and when in those relationships, he avoids getting too close.
Hence, you have to understand that the fact that he is scared of attachment often has nothing to do with you.
The only way that you can overcome this issue is if he is willing to do the work on himself.
Romantic partners often make the mistake of believing that they are enough to get this person out of this mode of being scared of attachment.
They throw all kinds of love and attention on the guy in the hopes that this will get him to become less afraid of attachment.
Unfortunately, oftentimes, this only results in the guy becoming even more scared of attachment and less comfortable with you.
You will have to encourage him to work on himself.
This is not something you can do for him. He has to be willing to do it for himself.
One of the best ways to encourage him to work on himself is to support him to do a pastime.
He has to start finding ways to engage himself in ways that make him feel accomplished.
Help him find a passion or observe if he has a passion for anything.
This is what you are going to use to help him work on himself.
Encourage him to get better at it or work on it.
Don’t let him get into the habit of letting go of a passion simply because he is in a relationship with you.
This is what so many guys do.
Don’t let him.
The more he works on something that he is passionate about, the happier he becomes.
This where you can begin to infuse yourself by partaking in that passion with him from time to time.
The more you do this, the closer he will get with you because you are engaged in something he has a true passion for.
This is how he starts getting to trust you even more.
While in these environments, get close to him from time to time.
Touch him and hold him briefly now and then.
Then get back to the hobby.
As time goes on, his body language will start reciprocating.
He will do more touching and he will begin to get closer to you.
This is how you have now gotten him to lower his guard and get comfortable.
This behavior will eventually manifest when the both of you are together just hanging out or doing something else together.
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