Why Does A Guy Still Want To Be Friends After A Break Up/Rejection?

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Why Does A Guy Still Want To Be Friends After A Break Up/Rejection?He may actually like you and want to still have you in his life.

He is not willing to just completely let you go.

There are guys who may find a girl to be humorous or fun to be around.

These guys may want to still be friends with that girl even though they no longer feel a romantic spark with them.

Oftentimes you will run into these kind of scenarios when the guy initially thought that there was romantic chemistry, only to end up realizing that there really wasn’t.

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This does happen quite often.

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A guy may feel an initial attraction and interest in a girl who he chooses then to start dating. However, as he begins to learn more and more about her and they interact, he realizes that he doesn’t feel this chemistry as much anymore.

It so happened that whatever he thought he had with this girl as far as a romantic connection is concerned is no longer there.

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He didn’t expect this to happen. He truly was initially attracted and interested in the girl. However, he has gotten to interact with her a little more and realizes that he is not as initially excited about her as he once was.



He still likes the girl as a person.

He has gotten to know her a lot better during this time and may feel that she does have a great personality.

However, the romantic connection is no longer there. He can’t really bring himself to look at this girl as someone he would want to be with on a romantic level over a sustained period of time.

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He has developed some rapport with this girl and doesn’t want to lead her on. He wouldn’t feel that this would be fair.

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Again, he still likes her as a person.

He has gotten to know her and believes that there are elements of her personality that may even coincide with his own.

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However, looking at her as anything more than just a person he finds to have a great personality isn’t feasible.

He has lost that romantic spark.

He may still want to be friends with you after a break up or rejection simply because he does find you to be a uniquely compelling and interesting person.



He would like to maintain a friendship with you as a result. He would rather do that than lead you on.

He would rather do that because he just can’t see a romantic future with you.

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However, he knows that if he were to have a conversation with you, he would never be bored. He knows that if he were to hang out with you, he would have a good time.

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He just can’t see it going any further than that because somewhere along the line that spark was lost.

It may have been something you said or did.

It may have been a way you responded to something he said or asked.

It may be a certain way you view a particular issue.

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It may be a set of beliefs that you have that don’t agree with his own.



It may simply be the fact that you don’t excite him the way his ex did and he is looking for that exact kind of spark from someone.

It really could be a number of things that you really can’t fix even if you tried. These are his own preferences and for that reason, if you were to desperately start trying to meet them, you would only keep guessing and repeating the same failed acts or responses.

What are your thoughts on this topic? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.


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Luke

Luke

Luke is a relationship consultant and founder of DatingLogic.net. He is the author of several insightful and eye-opening eBooks about dating and relationships.
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8 thoughts on “Why Does A Guy Still Want To Be Friends After A Break Up/Rejection?”

  1. I have a guy who rejected me because he said that he blocked dating and would be best if we were friends. Thing is he flirts with me a lot. ..we interact….he.shows interest in my daily activities and texts me often to see me how I am. When we bump into each other he hugs Me…and he stands very close to me…We have kissed before. He finds me physically attractive and he thinks my personality is awesome. I’m really confused..are my feelings getting played by this guy?

  2. Hi felicia,

    Yes, your feelings may be getting played by this guy.

    He may want to keep you guessing about him while not being willing to commit to dating or a relationship.

    Being that he has kept you guessing and confused, he knows that if he were ever to change his mind about wanting to date you, you will be emotionally and mentally available to him.

  3. Glad to have read this article! I was recently blindsided by a guy I was dating whom I really liked. We have already been intimate and a few weeks later he says that we should just be friends. He said I was great to talk to and fun to hang around and he’d like to continue that but not romantically. I assume he just lost interest at some point but still likes me as a person. We did have a ton in common, working in the same industry, and could talk for hours. But it feels like a punch in the gut honestly and I’m mostly trying to keep it together. I played it off like it was cool but it really hurt my feelings. The thing is, I don’t know if we should be friends or not. I am starting to think that it’s better to not be his friend at all. He texted me a few times and I answered but I want to start ignoring him. It’s not that I had strong feelings for him or anything, it’s just that the rejection hurts and makes me want to crawl under a rock and push him completely away.

  4. Hi Staci,

    Rejection does hurt.

    However, you may just need some time to accept it.

    You should also understand that he didn’t reject you initially. You were both together until he ended it. Hence, there was clearly an initial attraction.

    As time goes on in a relationship, things can change. New facets of a person’s life may be discovered that wasn’t known earlier that could lead to the end of the relationship. It doesn’t mean that the person did anything wrong.

    It’s best to understand this and avoid blaming yourself or believing that you should crawl under a rock for what happened.

    Sometimes, people are just more compatible as friends even though the relationship may have started with romance.

    Instead of acting out of emotion and ignoring him, give it some time. See how you feel in a week or two. During that time, do other things and try not to occupy your mind with the break up.

    If after this period, you still feel the same way, do what you feel you have to.

    However, if you feel like his friendship would be beneficial to you, you may want to maintain it.

  5. I came across this article & found it interesting too. I worked with a guy who pursued me for 2 years. I was not attracted to him in the beginning, then when I got to know him I thought he was nice. Anyway we became intimate and this went on for 2 years it was quite intense. Then he had extra work put onto him, (he is the manager of his department), and had to travel overseas a lot & he said that he could not give me what I wanted & the moment, and can we stay friends. Because I trusted him I agreed, then he started to avoid me more & more and would not respond to any texts I sent him for days & sometimes not at all. I must stress (I was not & am not a needy person). I never put pressure on him etc. Anyway this push & pull thing has been going on for 10 months, I would not contact him (only because I thought he was arrogant in not getting back to me), then he would start contacting me again & this was confusing me. I went for 2 months with NC, and then he started popping up in places which he knew I was, calling me for stupid things which he could have asked other people for & trying to make me laugh. I gave in & told him that I would be his friend, but if he ignores me again that’s it. Anyway everything was find until the last 8 weeks, he was avoiding me etc. So when he did send me a message to say he was not avoiding me he was just busy (after 3 weeks of nothing from him), my reply was I am fine thank you for asking, don’t worry about it I am not, I am over this whole thing between you & I. His response was No worries & I am glad you are ok!!! Since then he when I have seen him its been Hi how are you as he is walking, I reply ok thanks. Then last week he starts showing up again in my department and walking past me etc. It is so bizarre & weird I think he may need some professional help. What do you think of all this? I feel such anger & resentment to him I can’t get past the fact he treated me like this, I would have stayed his friend if he treated me with some respect, Men just don’t get the fact that it is a big deal to be intimate with somebody & show your vulnerability, we are not children we are both in our late thirties, not school children. OMG even my boyfriend at 15 was not this confusing or weird. I actually believe he maybe a sociopath.

  6. Hi Christine,

    He has a problem becoming committed to any kind of relationship.

    Whether it be a romantic one or a platonic one.

    This is a trait that he has had for a while and really has nothing to do with you.

    There are some guys that are terrified of getting close to anyone either on a romantic or platonic level.

    They find it hard to commit but they also find it hard to let go.

    That is why he keeps coming back.

  7. This article helped me understand so many things. Thank you, Dating Logic!

    Let me just share to you my experience.

    I met a guy who I never thought I would fall in love with. He always has this way of making you smile and laugh even if you don’t want to.

    He’s really sweet.

    But then it only dawned on me that he no longer does it when he already got me.

    He no longer was the guy he was before. But I always tried to understand his situation, thinking that he’s just busy.

    But it’s just not the same…

    Until on June 21 he told me that he wants to let me go.

    I was shocked and confused. I was left hanging. I didn’t know what I did wrong. I tried to ask him, but he said it’s not my fault.

    I kept asking him what the real reason is so that we can fix things, but he just told me stop.

    It really hurts. Do you understand that feeling that you’re still very much in love with him but then he just lets go of you that easily?

    What’s worse is our families are very close. And it’s hard not to see him occasionally.

    When he called, after so many follow-up questions I asked so that he would open up to me the real reason behind why he just wants to give up, he finally said it. It’s only then I found out that he and his ex have been communicating the time when he left me wondering why he no longer communicated with me that much.

    I was really really hurt. :'( I’ve been crying for almost a week now. He made me look like a fool. I stayed true and loyal all this time, but to him that didn’t mattered.

    I thought he was already serious because it took him a lot of courage to face and ask permission from my parents.

    I guess I was just a back-up plan.

    I’m still in pain, though not much anymore since I already know the real reason.

    My problem now is… He wants us to stay friends.
    I told him how insensitive it was for him to just ask that from me when the wound is still fresh.

    I don’t know if I can forgive him for what he had done.
    He wasted my time, efforts, and love.
    And now he’s turning the table trying to pass to me the guilt.
    What I mean is, he knows that I’m still very in love with him.

    Is he trying to manipulate my emotions?

    Please enlighten me, Dating Logic.

    Why are guys like this?
    What do you think would he think or feel if I don’t accept what he asks: friendship?
    Would he feel guilty? Would he care?

    Please help me…

  8. Hi Sam,

    Yes, he may be trying to manipulate your emotions so that he doesn’t feel so guilty about ending his relationship with you.

    Some guys are like this because they get into relationships that they were never truly emotionally committed to in the first place.

    They do it out of convenience because it works for them at the time but the moment someone they truly want comes along, they are ready to leave the relationship and move on to that new person.

    He would think that you were being mean and rude if you were not to accept his offer of friendship.

    He would try to make you think that he feels hurt by your behavior, thereby trying to make himself out to be the victim.

    He wouldn’t necessarily feel guilty.

    However, he would care that you didn’t accept it. It may hurt his ego and his sense of self-worth.

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