People like to feel like they are part of the norm.
Feeling like you are part of the norm can be very comforting.
As human beings, we are programmed by society to believe that as long as we are doing what others are doing, we are normal.
Hence, there is a need for acceptance.
When people in relationships want to do the same as others in relationships, they are trying to aspire to what they believe normal society expects of them.
People are very afraid to be different. It is human nature to want to go with the herd. This is why there are so few leaders and way more followers in life.
It is safe to go with the herd. It is safe to do what others are doing. Hence, many people will try to imitate what is going on in other relationships just so that they feel like their own relationship is acceptable.
Also, people tend to crave what they don’t have and find safety in that.
If a person in a relationship notices that there is something different with another person’s relationship, they may think that they need to do the same in order to get what that other relationship has.
Let me elaborate.
If you were in a relationship and you noticed that your friend Jack tends to go to the beach each weekend with his girlfriend and they always seemed to be happy when they got back, you may begin to crave that.
You may begin to crave that happiness and the joy that Jack and his girlfriend seem to be having in their relationship.
As a result, you begin to believe that your own relationship would be better if you and your girlfriend started doing the same. Hence, you begin to look at your relationship as though there is something missing.
As time goes on, in your mind, the emotional layers of connectivity in your relationship seem to be less poignant unless you were to introduce the solution. Going to the beach.
Even though, everything about your relationship has been seemingly fine until now, this is not enough.
You see that Jack and his girlfriend are happy because of these beach excursions and you want the same.
So, you try to make this happen. You advise your girlfriend to go to the beach with you.
The truth is, the beach may not be what takes your relationship to that next level of happiness and comfort. The beach may not actually be your activity. Your activity may be something else.
It may be horse riding. It may be rock climbing. It may be camping. It may even be bungee jumping.
But because Jack and his girlfriend appear happy going to the beach, you want the same.
This is how it all begins.
We see something else in another relationship. We notice that it seems to be working in that relationship.
We may see others doing the same activity as well and believe that because all these people in relationships that you know are going to the beach on the weekends, this must be the best thing to do for your relationship.
The both of you may abjectly come to dislike going to the beach.
As I mentioned earlier, the best activity for you may be something totally different.
We crave to put our relationships into better levels of cohesion and interest. When we are unwilling to put out the effort to find out what can take our relationships to the next level, we crave to do what others are doing because it is safe.
It is a lot easier to look at what other people you know in relationships are doing and begin to copy that than take the time and risk to figure out what works best for your own relationship.
Again, it may be something totally different than what is seemingly working for others.
However, taking the time and having the courage to discover it can be a scary task for a lot of people.
That would take a certain amount of daring and a willingness to get outside of one’s comfort zone.
Hence, following the herd is more appealing because it is easier and may appear safer.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.