It is often very easy to fall into a certain rhythm when you are in a relationship. That rhythm tends to be a strong appreciation of the highs and a strong disingenuity with the lows.
In other words, you get so caught up in wanting everything to be so fine and cool, you convince yourself that there will be no lows.
You convince yourself that there will be no disagreements.
Hence, when those disagreements occur, which ultimately leads to arguing, there is no fix.
There is no fix because you both want so badly to get back to the high of everything being so fine and cool that you don’t address the disagreements head on and try to solve them.
This is the reason why you have the fine and cool days, then the next day is time for argument.
You are both still locked into the honeymoon mindset of the relationship. Again, you want to experience the highs so much that you literally refuse to analyze the lows and find out where those issues are emanating from.
The key to preventing these lopsided highs and lows in your relationship is to truly talk about your arguments. Preferably, when the both of you are no longer heated and upset, someone has to address what just happened.
You can’t just act like the argument never happened and now let’s go to dinner and be happy again.
All you are doing when you act this way is ignoring an issue that will only come up again and again.
If you truly take the time to address the argument that you had and talk about it in a level-headed way, you will be able to deduce where the problem arose. You will be able to figure out why the argument occurred in the first place.
You shouldn’t leave any argument unresolved.
Again, this is the danger that a lot of people in relationships have when they are still in that honeymoon mindset. They just want to keep experiencing the good and totally ignore the fact that in a real relationship, there are going to be disagreements.
Hence, you really do need to make an effort to make this happen. Whether you have to always be the one to come back and tell your partner that you want to talk about the argument you had last night, so be it. Someone has to take charge of this problem so that it can get fixed.
If you are the one who takes an active role in coming back to address the argument in a level-headed and poised manner with your partner, your partner may actually return the favor in the future.
This is the key to preventing yourselves from going from one day where everything is so fine and cool to arguments the next.
When you address those arguments with cooler heads, it is easier to see where the problem arose. It is not about pointing the finger at someone. It is about realizing that this particular argument occurred because this or that happened.
Well, let’s work on preventing whatever caused it from happening again. Let’s do that as partners and not as foes. Let’s do that with the mindset that we care for each other and truly want this relationship to work out.
When you both start taking this approach, you will discover that the arguments become a lot less.
You will also have a more realistic and tempered approach to your relationship in that you will understand that problems need to be worked through, not brushed under the rug.
This gives your relationship the best chance of lasting and moving in a positive direction.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.